We're building a better future for the city we all love. Ad paid for by reelect mayor london breed 2024. Financial disclosures are available at sfethics. Org. Quip. Free your mouth. A cnn special event. The vice presidential debate tuesday at nine. And now the hbo original series real time with bill maher you doing thank you thank you down there in the middle. Hey. How you doing thank you very much. Wow okay thank you so much. We've got a great show for you i know it's all right. I don't know what i did this week, but thank you very much. I know i know, it's going to be an exciting time. It's a little more than a month before the election debate is tuesday. Are you excited about that really okay. You do you. I'm not this i thought was kind of juicy. J. D. Vance, he's in the debate. He's the vice presidential candidate. They got his text messages. Now, you know before he was on the trump team, he compared trump to hitler, said trump was like hitler hitler turns out in his private text messages as late as 2020, he was saying trump is a failure as president, but he says he has a simple explanation for why the private messages are different than the public pronouncements. He's a huge liar this is his conversion theory. Here's what he says is that he was won over by trump's performance in office. Really he's you say he's hitler, but then tariffs okay but trump's you know trump i say this every week but it's true every week. He's just losing it more i mean whether it's the dogs eating the or the you know last week it was i could have been bigger than elvis if i had a guitar. I mean, this week he says china ruined the furniture industry, the furniture industry china. He said, i'm not making that. He said. Chairs used to last, but now they only last a couple of months. Yes that's why when donald trump sits on a chair, it breaks china man the chinese they also make pants that split make up that runs and ramps that make you fall down. Those goddamn chinese but you know he knows he's losing and he's losing to a woman so he's now going after the woman he said this week, women, if he gets reelected women will be this a quote will be happy, healthy, confident and free you're promising women will be confident are you a dictator or a deodorant will be the greatest protector of women. In fact, he he cares about women so much that when he had his beauty pageants, he used to walk into the dressing room to check up on them i also obsessed with the idea that kamala harris worked at mcdonald's or rather that she didn't. She says that she did when she was young like a zillions of people do. And he says, no there's no evidence of it. You cannot prove you worked at mcdonald's pads their resume by saying they worked at mcdonald's? what no i i think kamala harris is playing this one just right now. One of her big issues that she's vulnerable on is the border. So she went to the border this week. She went to the border. That was honest used to be the border czar. She visited there. So interesting along with working at mcdonald's. Now that's two places she worked that have a convenient drive through also working to shore up her vulnerabilities. There have been a lot of pressure on her. She doesn't do interviews, she doesn't answer questions. So she sat for an interview. She said, okay i will answer your hardball questions so she went on msnbc okay. All right. I wasn't, you know there were not hardball questions but i still expected not them to be rubbing her feet. I is the week we see it every year. The big event goes on in new york the un meets in this week every year in september and, you know, i mean, you could say a lot of bad things about the un. And i probably will tonight, but there is something stirring about 133 different nations, all coming together, different governments different economies, different goals and they all have one thing in common. They've all bribed eric adams uh eric, he's been on the show. The mayor of new york. I don't understand politicians. I really don't. I mean, he let turkey, the country of turkey bribe him. For what? for, like $10,000 with a bullshit upgrades and flights and hotel rooms. Oh, and what did they get for it oh, the fire department inspection. He called that off on their consulate. I mean, this is so petty and also it was going to get caught. There were other signs turkey was in the fix here. I mean, he renamed the lincoln come on. No okay and friends in florida hurricane helene oh, i know we are thinking about you our friends down there, because. Oh, wow, that that was a bad hurricane. And if you're currently in the bushes outside maralago place. The secret service will eventually find you but every time we have a hurricane, i see the same thing on the news. Every news has the one guy who they interview who won't go, won't evacuate because god has a plan. Yes. His plan. He's going to drown you have you read the bible? it's a lot of people drowning. All right, we got a great show. Ian bremmer and yuval noah harari are here look at the news of the week and ask questions like, what does a comedy show doing on cnn? that's too much fun? landslide i want donald now. Can you slice that? have i got news for you tonight at nine on cnn 30. Zyrtec allergy relief works fast and lasts a full 24 hours. So dave can be the deliverer of dance. Okay dave, let's be more than our allergies seize the day with zyrtec. Did you know that if you shave, one third of what you remove is skin new dove helps repair it. So if you shave it dove it. New dove replenish your skin after every shave. What are you talk about the news sports a little family gossip, maybe? nah, you don't do that. Right. Well here's another topic for you as they get older, their risk of getting really sick from a respiratory virus like flu covid 19, or rsv goes up a lot so talk to them about getting the season's vaccines because you've still got so much to talk about life is not always a straight line. There are knots. You learn to untangle you can play with but you shine back and when life gets messy, you take control. Because every time you look in the mirror, you know you have what it takes to style life the way you want tresemme style your way day to put down some scotts turf builder winter guard. It's perfect for giving the lawn a boost. This fall. Thank you! perfect for repairing all the fun i have this summer. No, it's perfect for strengthening roots to help protect it all winter. More like perfect for giving the grass a deeper green. Come spring. Sounds like it's perfect for your neighbor yeah. Who's going to take this back? wait what? and borrow your spreader thanks, guys. You're welcome. Enjoy it i'm going back in the shed. Download the mylon app today for lawn care tips and customized plan feed your lawn. Feed it. Hi, i'm tony hawk and like many of you, i take a statin to reduce cholesterol. But statins can also deplete coq10 levels. That's what my doctor recommended quinol coq10 quinol has the number one cardiologist recommended form of coq10. Quinol the brand i trust once upon a time there was an infiniti. Meticulously crafted to stir your imagination and dare you to dream luxurious. Three road dreams. Introducing the all new three row infiniti qx80 oh, wait. He's coming! wayfair's big sale is back for three days only. October 5th through seventh. Get excited to get up to 80% off. Ooh! yes! plus free shipping on everything and surprise flash deals all day long. Way day starts october 5th. So, mark your calendar and start filling your cart every home carver. Winning is everything stupid. Next saturday at seven on cnn on. She is one of the greatest wits america has ever produced. Currently touring an evening with fran lebowitz. You can catch her next on november 13th in nashville, tennessee and november 14th in richardson, texas fran lebowitz you? how are you? nice to see you as always fran. Yes great to see you. Thank you for coming by for your annual check in here at real time. We need you so badly. The people love you. They want you they need your wisdom. You have wisdom, and you're hoarding your wisdom. So give us your wisdom tonight. What is on your mind? mostly the election, i would guess katharine hayhoe kamala harris yeah. The election is on my mind the state of the world is on my mind eric adams is on my mind. I was well, as in. Yeah as a new yorker, what do you think about that? i mean, i'm so amazed. Not that politicians can be bribed, but that they can be bribed so cheaply he's not, you know, he's not a genius. Eric adams. I mean when i saw, i mean, i didn't even vote for him. Okay? so like, it didn't take much to see that he was, at best, a crook. Okay so i didn't vote for him even in the general. I voted for the socialist candidate. Even though i'm not a socialist, i don't remember her wouldn't recognize her in a crowd of one, but i did not want to be one millionth responsible for eric adams so this should not come as a revelation. I mean the specifics. I agree with you. I mean, when i saw all the specific stuff, like especially the plane tickets where he asked for like three more business class tickets and two more business class tickets, and i thought, eric, you're stealing first class. Like, why business class okay it's like but for the pettiness of the crimes. Don't you think they're coming down on him a little hard? no. He's the mayor of new york no. Yeah, i know, no, i'm not saying i'm not excusing it, but, i mean, i've seen politicians do slightly worse things, right? like, like, try to overthrow the government of the united states. I mean it's just it's i don't know if it rises to this level of umbrage by everybody. So shocked and horrified. And this is the worst thing that ever happened. It's a little over the top. Well, i don't think anyone thinks it's the worst thing has ever happened. It's just that i don't understand why they didn't find this stuff out before, which it was very clear. It's not like, you know before this, he was like abraham lincoln. And then he turned out to be this. I mean, this was a very apparent thing. He didn't even apparently live in new york. There's as far as i can tell, there's one rule for being the mayor. You have to live in new york city okay? he he said he lived in an apartment in brooklyn, but he also had a condominium in fort lee, new jersey, which he said first. He said he had nothing to do with his girlfriend lived in it. Then he said, well yes, but his primary residence was in brooklyn. And i'm thinking, you're a public servant. Yeah. What do you mean? your primary residence? you know. Who are you? barry diller how can you have two residences? you know, i mean so he didn't even live in new york okay. He also ran partially on the fact that he was a vegan, which i cannot think of anything less important than what they eat okay then finally finally, a bunch of reporters went into his apartment in brooklyn and one of them opened the refrigerator. Which is why you don't want a bunch of reporters in your apartment and there was bacon in the refrigerator. Now, i'm no expert on veganism but i'm thinking bacon. Probably not. Yeah. Then he said it was his son's bacon and i think it's because it was his son's apartment i see. All right. So no think they're coming down to earth. You are much more tolerant than i am, bill. Yes. Okay so we know that. And you also don't live in new york, so you don't care who the mayor is. But i do, right? yeah no, i don't all right, well, let's move on now. I don't know if you've seen this program often. Probably not, because it involves electricity. Right you have electric but i've been obsessed all year with this idea that they had four years to get trump five different trials. And somehow they let it go away. Like he's not really going to get the trials. Are not going to be apparently involved in this election at all and the democrats had time to do this time four years. And they had the power. No, they were in office. And the attorney general was merrick garland. And yet it all went away. And now the supreme court has ruled that he's not liable for any of this. Right. Because what he had was supreme court okay. So, you know the democrats had like elected people, the supreme court is completely his, you know, i mean it's so disgraceful this court that it shouldn't even be allowed to be called the supreme court. You know, i mean it is a it's an insult to motown to call it the supreme court. So it's not even it's only a court in the sense that the court of louis xvi was a court. You know, i mean, basically it's a harem. Okay it's a harem. It's trump's harem. So i always feel sorry for the three real judges on the court. You know, i know a lot of people have jobs. Not me, not you. And you have to go to work every day. And there are people you don't like at work but can you imagine having to go to work every day alito, you have to go to work with alito. With kavanaugh, you know, i mean, it must be horrible. So what biden should do? not that you asked, but when they passed that law, the supreme court passed that ruling said, you're not the president, you're the king, which is what that ruling is whatever you want. You can never be, you know held responsible. I thought, you know biden is still the president. No one seems to notice. But should dissolve the supreme court, dissolve the supreme court. Come on i'm the king now, like you said, and go home. Okay, good centrist. Um so you but you had jury duty recently, did you not i'm sorry. Jury duty not recently. I have been called for jury duty numbers of times, but i have not been called recently, and i always managed to get off like the one there were two times i was about to go on like you know, i don't know. I don't know how they do here, but they call 3 million people, you know, you sit there like for days, then they call like 100 people. Then you go into the court and then they pick at literally out of a hat, like you're in like third grade and you're picking like, who's going to be the head of the school picnic, okay? and they pick 20 people. Yeah. Yes and so i was one of those 20 people and it was a buy and bust. It was before marijuana was legal. And they the defendant was in the courtroom. They're ready to go the second they pick the jury and they asked me a question, you know can you be fair or whatever? and i said no and they got off. Why not? i said, because i think drugs should be legal. So this enraged the judge i said, look, i am this kind of thing, this buying bus thing. This is entrapment. I said, this cop who's sitting in the courtroom in his cop suit i said, he goes into the park dressed as a drug dealer or drug buyer, buys the drugs and then arrests the guy. Then he comes in here dressed as a cop. You know if you were going to make this illegal, then he should dress as a cop and run after him eventually got off. Yes after being yelled at by the prosecutor. Speaking of getting off, what did you think of the puff daddy situation mean, i only i'm only asking because sex parties, i mean, it's sort of like a trend now. And i'm wondering. I know you were in new york in the 70s when it was a very bohemian kind of place, and you were a part of the the beautiful people crowd downtown and so forth. Remember plato's retreat that was a straight place, bill. Plato's retreat. Yeah, but it was a sex party. Yes. For straight people. Okay but who apparently needed a special club, even though they had the whole rest of the world, they needed this club but what do you think of the fact that this is sort of a new trend in america? because we've heard about the covid czar in new york the covid czar. You didn't see that the. I don't know what you mean sorry. The covid czar in new york went to sex parties when he was telling everybody else to shelter inside and and matt gaetz went to sex parties i mean, i've seen sex parties in the headlines i know, like you know i don't think that's the only thing that puffy is being i don't know, i haven't followed exactly. You know, the thing about puffy, but the what really stuck in my mind was the 1000 bottles of baby oil yeah. Okay. I mean, like, i know they have other evidence. I mean, they do have a video of him kicking a woman in the head right okay, so even if you're in favor of the 1000 bottles of baby oil, maybe the kicking of the woman in the head. Not so good and. But i feel like the been asking this question for seven years, since 2017, when the metoo thing happened. Why why not? the music industry mean, they went after npr pretty bad. That's true. They got like 4 or 5 guys from npr like old guys who like, they posted like an outrageous limerick on the doorway of the book shop. The music industry is this open cesspool of misogyny and frankly, rape and sexual harassment and somehow they have just the angel of death has flown over them why do you think that is because this is a capitalist country and the music industry is much more lucrative than npr. That would be my guess. But it's not more you know, i mean i mean a lot of the stories about everybody, starting with #metoo, i'd heard a lot of these stories, you know, for many years, you know so puffy this was not exactly a state secret, you know, but it was a state secret, apparently, to them, you know, he's now in jail, i believe with i can't remember his name, the cryptocurrency guy yes. Frank bankmanfried. Right him. Puffy. And now adams. All right. It's better to stay out of jail. Look who the roommates are. You got like understand that franken is going on again. You don't attend this. This is the festival that people have where they dress like you. I never i assure you, they're making you into a cult figure. I say it's long overdue. I never knew about this until last year i, i is it this time of year yes, it is to to coincide with the un meeting. Like you know which is. Have you ever been to new york during the un? whatever. The thing is called. So basically it's almost like the super bowl because high end hookers from all over the country pull in. Yes. And there's and that is basically seems to be the business of the un because the other stuff, as we know they're not getting done right well so the franken thing, i never heard of it until last year. You know until last year. I think it's in a little bar. It's not you know, the general assembly. No, no. Okay. So i think it's a little barn. People dress up like me whatever that means. Anything that can get people to read more because i don't think they read that. They don't they don't read and one reason i think they don't read as much as they used to is you won't write another book and whenever whenever i talk to people and they say, when you see fran lebowitz just ask her, why won't you write another book um, i wouldn't say. Maybe it's not that i won't. It's that i have this, like, writer's blockade and 45 years. Yes. That's why i blockade as opposed to block okay, well, what can we do to unblock it? i don't know, as soon as you know, give me a call. Okay fran lebowitz. Everybody we'll take that as a challenge over. Tim walz and j. D. Vance, in their first and only face to face debate and cnn has it covered with the best political team in the business. A cnn special event, the vice presidential debate tuesday at nine on cnn. I still love to surf, snowboard and of course, skate. So i take support my muscle and bone health. Kunal's high absorption magnesium glycinate helps me get the full benefits of magnesium kunal, the brand i trust it's time to grow your business. Create a website. How godaddy coding? nah, but all that writing? nope. I done built. Let's get to work. Create a beautiful website in minutes with godaddy did you know that if you shave one third of what you remove is skin new dove helps repair it. So if you shave it dove it new dove replenish your skin after every shave. Horn is 22 years old. He's not just a pet, he really is a part of our family. Knowing