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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160713

Every millimeter counts oh, sorry, sorry. laughter sending a probe more than half a billion miles away and putting it in orbit around jupiter is so amazing. What is even more amazing about america, is that wasnt even the most amazing thing that happened this weekend. And joey jaws chestnut hasp set matt stonie to regain the title at the july 4th hot dog eating contest in coney island. 70 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes 70 hot dogs and buns trevor 70 hot dogs you guys, do you know how many hot dogs the winner ate in 1980 . Nine nine was enough to win you the title. Today thats the average customer order, my friends. What has changed . Not the human body but mans will and determination. Thats what makes america so great, an appetite for innovation in every realm. Im jealous, we dont have eating contests in africa. If you have food, youve already swofnlt simple as that. laughter you you have hot dogs . Then you are the winner applause of course, the giant news today is all about Hillary C

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160526

Inspector, cory pegues, will be here to join us. First, lets talk about brazil, a land where thousands of years ago, jesus christ was cursed by medusa and now waits for true loves kiss to awaken him. Read your bibles, guys. Its a crazy, crazy book. In the last couple of weeks, brazils government has gone through some dramatic changes. Brazil has seen their share of scandal, but this is just too much. A huge government shakeup. Tonight, it is official, embattled president Dilma Rousseff will face an impeachment trial. Brazillians woke up to a new president on friday. Michael temer is now in charge. He is now the acting president. Trevor im sorry, woke up to a new president. How does that happen . Things are not going well for your country when every morning you have to be like, whos president today . The only people who should wake up to a new president are people in a coma. Thats it. No one else should. Like captain america can wake up to a new president. Not the the rest of us. So its

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160615

Also joining us with some perspective on the events in orlando, erred at large of huffpo queer voices, Michaelangelo Signorile is also joining us cheers and applause first up, breaking news. Today is Donald Trumps 70th birthday. Trevor yea. 70 years of donald trump. Yes, the man was born in 1946, or as it will be known after he is elected, the year zero. And look at him, like a cheap cheese, hes barely aged. He could easily pass for 63. So congratulations, donald. More importantly, congrats to milania who is one year closer to freedom. laughter applause now, one of the strangest celebrations for trumps big day didnt even take place in america. In india, and this is real, an antimuslim nationalist group threw a party in Donald Trumps honor. They made him a cake, prayed over it and then they fed it to a donald trump poster people, youre literally feeding the troll laughter now, this group called hindu sena could not be more excited for trumps birthday and more importantly the possibility

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160722

People. Coming to you live. Anything i say can and will be used against me in the course of twitter. With us tonight alex wagner will be joining us, everybody. Its officially official, people. Donald trump accepted the president ial nomination for presidency. I urge you to live every day like its your last. He finished a speak doing what he called writing law and order to a country in crisis and there was another half too. I learned in american politics you go say anything you want. You can mislead about crime, you can say anything but some lies are bigger than others. I humbly and grea gratefully accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States. Trevor yes. Nothing so humble like turning the stage gold and having your name in a nine thousand point sun. Even the good year blimp is like, jesus, we get it trump. We get it trumps speech tonight was a thin shell of candy covering a Chocolate Center of hate it in the middle just a mount of fear. Its not bad once you have a few

Transcripts For KNTV Dateline NBC 20160718

Looks like someone had been shot. Someone broke in. A deadly attack in the dark of night. Her mother murdered. I realized that last night i had with her, that was it. His father, bruised and bewildered. I dont remember anything until waking up in the morning. Was it a robbery . Was it revenge . You always look at the closest people to the victims. Or was it something much darker . You were 11 years old and your mother disappeared. A missing woman, a murdered woman, and a lie. I couldnt get through more than a page and a half. I could barely stomach it. I am lester holt. This is dateline. Here is Keith Morrison with tangled. You cant put words to that. It was very surreal. 911. Where is your emergency . It is true, the old saying when you marry someone, you marry their family, too. We need an ambulance. Looks like he has been shot. He said someone broke in last night. Not a bad thing to turn to mom or dad for advice and counsel. It is unreal, hard. Sometimes you think maybe it didnt hap

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