Through a chimney for cookies. [ laughter ] all the signs are there. Marijuana is legal here in california. By state law. But its still technically illegal, according to federal law. So the lapd, the police, cant arrest you for having pot but an fbi agent can arrest you. Its confusing, right . Now imagine trying to understand that while youre high. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] even our local News Reporters were celebrating today. This is from our local fox affiliate here in l. A. They put a reporter out on the street in front of a Marijuana Dispensary to wax somewhat poetically about this special day. Happy 4 20. Theres a lot to celebrate. Weve come a really long way. Do you remember back in the day, kids today, they know pot smoking through Legal Cannabis shops all over town. But back in the day when we were kids, there wasnt anything like that. That was a dark time. You had to rely on your neighborhood deal, who if he did show up wouldnt leave. Jimmy what the hell is going on
This particular asteroid has been to our planet in 400 years. Thats the one that almost got us. That son of a bitch. Look at it, its enormous. 2,000 feet. Just to give you an idea, thats about seven football fields. Its the only way i know how to measure anything is how many football fields. Show of hands, who would be okay with an asteroid hitting us right now . At this point it would be no . At the white house today President Trump hosted the super bowl champion new england patriots. You know they were lucky to catch the president. Its wednesday. Usually hes on his way to the maralago for the weekend. [ laughter ] they did show up. Not only did the players meet with the president , one of them made a surprise appearance at sean spicers daily press briefing. He said that on nafta he wants very big changes. Are we going to get rid of it once and for all . Are we at that point . Like very big changes i think well see what pans out in the negotiation. Think theres an option can i i think
[ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Very nice. Hi, everyone. Im jimmy, im the host. Thanks for watching. Thank you for coming. Well, thats very kind. And today, in case you either dont know or are too high to remember is 4 20. I dont know if this is a thing in the whole country but its a big deal around these parts. The whole state smells like it ran over a skunk the size of godzilla. People really get into the spirit here. Heres the thing. The truth is if youre celebrating 4 20 today chances are you were celebrating it yesterday. And the day before that too. [ laughter ] between easter and 4 20, this has been a huge week for eating candy and rolling stuff. [ laughter ] i was thinking about that. Thinking about it, you know who i think might be a stoner . Santa claus. Hes always laughing. Hes got that beard. Flies around on a sleigh pulled by reindeer, something only a very high person would think of. He sneaks into peoples houses through a chimney for cookies. [ laughter ] all th
Been to our planet in 400 years. Thats the one that almost got us. That son of a bitch. Look at it, its enormous. 2,000 feet. Just to give you an idea, thats about seven football fields. Its the only way i know how to measure anything is how many football fields. Show of hands, who would be okay with an asteroid hitting us right now . President trump hosted the super bowl champion new england patriots. You know they were lucky to catch the president. Its wednesday. Usually hes on his way to the maralago for the weekend. [ laughter ] they did show up. Not only did the players meet with the president , one of them made a surprise appearance at sean spicers daily press briefing. He said that on nafta he wants very big changes. Are we going to get rid of it once and for all . Are we at that point . Like very big changes i think well see what pans out in the negotiation. Think theres an option can i just need some help . I think i got this, but thank you. All right, thanks, man. Ill see you
There is a base. No announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, ll cool j, phillipa soo,ic musal guest gorillaz, and jon batiste with stay human. Now from ed sullivan theater in new york city city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody audience chanting Stephen Stephen thanks, please have a seat youre too piano riff welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause for those of you checking your calendars, we are nearing the end of trumps first 100 days in office. cheering well find out what that means later. Could go either way. laughter only 1,400 more to go. cheers and applause still cant figure out the mood here. However anybody feels about it, i cant wait for these first hundred to be over with, though. Its just exhausting, watching this man trying to accomplish something. laughter he said he was going to do everything, right . He said he was going to change everything. When he was running, his message was, ill get