[cheers and applause] you know if you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card. You need id. You go out and you want to buy anything you need id and you need your picture. [laughter] something tells me this guy has never been grocery shopping. Like ever. He probably tried it once, but the first thing you see when you walk in is the produce aisle so he just walked right back out. He was like, ew, vegetables. Gross. Oh, grosseries, i get it now. One day ill be president [sprightly music] if you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75 in value. And they say the noise causes cancer. You told me that one, okay . [imitates wonky cranking] [laughter] okay, ive never heard a windmill before, but im pretty sure it doesnt sound like a cat in a dryer. Weow, weow. And dont get me started on solar panels [imitates cartoonish wolf howl] and what about hydropower . You know the sound water makes. [imitates horse neighing, gallo
Theres an organic spore in my head that made me switch cliques so easily. No, you just kind of did it on your own. Oh, my god. This is so embarrassing. Uh, hang on. What i meant to say was, we just infiltrated the emo lair and we torched the plant leader. Oh. Oh [choking] iits me imim me again oh, my god, im all better. Thanks, you guys. Henrietta, i have dinner ready. Shut up, mom leave me alone, you conformist bag of demon jizz fatty. Leave memale announcer formist bafrom comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york. The daily show with trevor noah presents donsplaining. Do i hit the ball good . Do i hit it long . Is trump strong . People dont know it. Nobody knows what that means. Right . He knows what im talkin about. [light music] last night President Trump was at another campaign rally. This time in tampa, and, once again, he said something that left us going, huh . The time has come for voter id like everything else. Voter id. [cheers and applause] you know if you go out
Comfortable, but this next story is taking it to the highest levels of comfort yet. Here to tell you about the sharp rise in the number of pregnant women smoking pot lancht new study finding pregnant women turning to marijuana to ease everything from morning sickness to migraines despite no evidence its safe. Cannabis use in pregnancy is associated with having a baby who weighs less and theres growing evidence there may be an association with developmental problems. Trevor its truly amazing how far the weed debate has come. A few years ago, people were, like, should we be giving this to Cancer Patients . Now its how high can a baby get . laughter anything that a mom gets, the fetus gerkts too. And you dont want a might fetus. Instead of i can feel him kicking, its i can feel him eating doritos . laughter i dont know how babies will feel. Think about how stressful being born already is, all right. Just freaks you out. Imagine being high while being born. Hes going to be hiding in the co
Trash. [ all booing ] wait for the drop [ all booing ] the drop made them angrier. Olivia man, turn this bullshit off. Damn, just chill, okay . Now, look, play another song. Go past the skids. Chase okay, yeah. [ slow melody plays ] try to sing rattata man that ones worse [ all booing ] man, this aint working. Grab them. Simon travis, listen. I dont want to let this angela bassettarmhavinglady manhandle you, but i will. Back up. I just want you to know that youre trying to give away some shoes that sneaker freaker once described as five out of five birthday cake emojis. [ engine starts ] olivia yo, its curtis. He came back. Hey, curtis yo, drive around the corner so we can hop out good idea. Hey, my music game him the strength to come save us man, glory to my bars. Curtis [ all shouting ] hey, who the [bleep] is curtis . Probably the dude i [bleep]ed up. Whoo. What is this stuff . Oh, here we go. [ whistles ] [ chuckles ] this is old. Ah, i guess it will work. Hey help [ yelling ] turn