You see, when i was younger, i had an affair with doikk nats. Hes a member of the cantina band. Oh, yeah, thats right. You know that guy. Stephen know him, paul . I loved him. There he is, holding his dorenian beshniquel. And lets just say, that wasnt the only thing doikk knew how to blow. When i first heard doikk play at the mos eisley cantina, he made love to that instrument, and then he made love to me. It was an experience ill never forget, because i had no idea what sex he was or how he did it. Under those clothes its kind of a kind of a train wreck, i have to say. I just poked around and hoped for the best. That sounds like a beautiful evening. Stephen it was. So yeah, paul, im preaw song to have sex to. Have you ever seen him again . Stephen only in my dreams, paul, only in my dreams. And on weekends. Hes got the kids. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Cate Blanchett. Paul rust. And comedian mo amer. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now,
Together is like herding cats. laughter also, some of the contractors were cats. laughter and brace yourselves, folks, the lead contractor is from americas ancient nemesis canada. audience reacts now, by canadian law we must also they in french. Canda laughter now, the Company Behind web site gate is montrealbased conseillers en gestion et anformastic. laughter excuse me, i believe i just ordered an 80 cheese. And im not the only one who diagnosed obamacare with a terminal case of blow chunkage. laughter so did president obama care. Theres no shular coating it. The web site has been too slow, people have been getting stuck during the application process, weve had some of the best i. T. Talent in the entire country join the team and were well into a tech surge to fix the problem. Stephen yes, a tech surge just like our afghan surge. laughter which means well almost have it fixed in 12 years. laughter and applause and, and, it will be a great place to buy heroine. But if you still cant s
laughter so did president obama care. Theres no shular coating it. The web site has been too slow, people have been getting stuck during the application process, weve had some of the best i. T. Talent in the entire country join the team and were well into a tech surge to fix the problem. Stephen yes, a tech surge just like our afghan surge. laughter which means well almost have it fixed in 12 years. laughter and applause and, and, it will be a great place to buy heroine. But if you still cant sign up online, dont worry, the napoleon of Community Organizers has a plan to win this welfare waterloo. While the web site will ultimately be the easiest way to buy insurance through the marketplace, it isnt the only way. You can also apply in person with the help of local navigators. These are people specially trained to help you sign up for health care. Stephen yeah, Health Care Navigators. Not to be confused with netscape navigator, which is evidently what healthcare. Gov is run on. laughter
Good to have you with us. audience chanting stephen cheers and applause chaos. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us. audience chanting stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I need your energy. I need it to fight injustice, to fight the bastards out there. Folks, you know, folks, ill tell you i need that kind of energy tonight particularly because, folks, this job is hard. laughter i dont want to bring you depressing stories night after night. Thats why tonight i am so happy to finally have some good news to report. Millions of americans cant get Health Insurance. laughter the obamacare web site is a disaster and i am loving it laughter more technoturd taco will be Barack Obamas true legacy. Its his gettysburg address if lincoln had said fourscore and error 404 emancipation not found. cheers and applause well, i guess its not his entire legacy. Hell industrial the beer summit and his all you can kill robot buffet. laughter folks, im not surprised it aint working. This web s
Jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Theres new and definitive evidence tonight that americans have wa cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report good to have you with us. Settle down here this is it right here thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Good to have you with us. audience chanting stephen cheers and applause chaos. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us. audience chanting stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I need your energy. I need it to fight injustice, to fight the bastards out there. Folks, you know, folks, ill tell you i need that kind of energy tonight particularly because, folks, this job is hard. laughter i dont want to bring you depressing stories night after night. Thats why tonight i am so happy to finally have some good news to report. Millions of americans cant get Health Insurance. laughter the obamacare web site is a disaster and i am loving it laughter more technoturd taco will be Barack Obamas true leg