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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170419

Thanks for watching. Thank you. Today its tax day in the united states. Which is unusual. Tax day normally falls on april 15th, but the movements this year because the 15th is a saturday. Its illegal to make people do math on saturdays. We got three more days to do them. I was thinking about this. Its weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. They only audit less than one out of 100 people. The odds are pretty good. I decided to claim guillermo as a dependent this year. Yeah by the way, if anyone asks, you call me papa, okay . Okay, papa. Thank you very much. I used to do my own taxes. I would save receipts and log all my miles on my car. Every time i bought something, i would figure out an angle. This hamster cage is clearly a business expense. I might try to write a movie about hamsters or something. It would take me forever to itemize everything. When i add it up, i never had enough. I take the standard deductions, all wasted time. I hi

Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170419

Host, thanks for watching, thanks for coming. Were glad you made it. Today, as you just heard, is tax day in the united states. Which is unusual. Tax day normally falls on april 15th traditionally. But they moved it this year because the 15th was a saturday. I think its illegal to make people do math on saturdays. So we got three more days to do them. I will say i was thinking about this day. Its weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. A restaurant wouldnt do that. They audit less than 1 in 100 people get audited. I figured, the odds are pretty good, i decided to claim guillermo as a dependant this year. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo yeah, yeah jimmy really. Really. By the way, if anyone asks you call me papa, okay . Guillermo okay, papa jimmy thank you very much. I used to do my own taxes. For years i would save all the receipts, log all my miles on my car. Every time i bought something id figure out some angle. Oh this hamster stag

Transcripts For SFGTV Recreation And Park Commission 42017 20170423

[gavel] please call us because buell here, low here, anderson here, bonilla here, harrison here, mcdonnell here. So ever since we we would ask if you have any Electronic Devices you please, turn those off so they do not go off during the meeting. That you take any secondary conversations you may have outside. If you would like to speak on an item today we request that you complete a blue card unless otherwise announced by the president each person will have three minutes for Public Comment on each item. If there is an item of interest thats not on the agenda and is under the subject matter jurisdiction of the commission you may speak under general Public Comment and that is item before and then continued on item 7. When you address comments to the commission, please in order to allow equal time for all the commission or staff to respond to any questions during Public Comment. The commission may request staff to respond when the Public Comment is done. Last, if the fire alarm is activat

Transcripts For SFGTV Recreation And Park Commission 42017 20170423

[gavel] please call us because buell here, low here, anderson here, bonilla here, harrison here, mcdonnell here. So ever since we we would ask if you have any Electronic Devices you please, turn those off so they do not go off during the meeting. That you take any secondary conversations you may have outside. If you would like to speak on an item today we request that you complete a blue card unless otherwise announced by the president each person will have three minutes for Public Comment on each item. If there is an item of interest thats not on the agenda and is under the subject matter jurisdiction of the commission you may speak under general Public Comment and that is item before and then continued on item 7. When you address comments to the commission, please in order to allow equal time for all the commission or staff to respond to any questions during Public Comment. The commission may request staff to respond when the Public Comment is done. Last, if the fire alarm is activat

Transcripts For KTNV Morning Blend 20161024

Priceless, shawn. Yes, they are. Its because they can not be sold. No one would buy it. Im shawn tempesta. Happy birthday, j. J. Thank you. Im j. J. Snyder. Where injure horn . Youve got this stuff. Oh, thank you. There is a balloon. Our producer, julie, totally pinked out my desk this morning. And the crown. I do love a crown. I mean, i may be turning ten today, im not because this is perfect for me. I love it. You look like a princess. Thank you. Here is the thing, a couple days ago i knew the birthday was coming and im like, oh, man. Should i start feeling bad . Im getting older. Then im like, hold on a second. Seriously, hold on a second. Lets check myself here. Before you wreck. Myself. I am happier now in life than ive ever been before. Ive got myself together. I know who i am. Youre the host of the Morning Blend. I am the host of the Morning Blend here with shawn. Really, i have so much to be grateful for. I just decided im just gonna celebrate and just be thrilled. Did you cele

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