communicate with them and the first thing i asked is, pat, you know, patrick. and they said he didn t make it. what kind of person was patrick? he was just like a ball of light. amazing musician. absolute pacifist. you know, just a very kind of spiritual person, you know? the world lost a very special person that day. that s my first experience with death, and it was rough. when i came out of the hospital, i was angry. it kept me up at night. you know, i would play it over and over in my head. the fact that i was robbed but not only robbed but robbed by friends, hurt. it was an awful feeling, a powerless feeling, being a victim. i mean, you re going to be sitting across from the guy who tried to take your life, who killed your friend. help me understand why you decided that you want to sit down with christian.
you know. eventually, i robbed a bank to support that habit and ended up in federal prison. and i don t blame you entirely, but that was a pivotal moment for sure. i mean, i was a pot dealer before that, and that was part of my crime. you know, i had two marijuana priors, but, god, it sent me in a horrible direction. not only did it impact me and, of course, pat, who s no longer here, our families, your family, josh s family. did you carry some guilt over patrick s oh, yeah. yeah. so i don t know if you realize, but pat the only reason he was on my couch was because we drank that night and i told him he could crash on the couch. and he ended up getting killed. because i was, you know, selling pot and you guys decided to target me, man. this guy would be alive today if i didn t offer the couch or maybe if i wasn t selling pot or, you know you know. there s nothing that justifies me coming into your space and doing that. and nothing you could have done would have prevented th
do and psychosis. the anger. you know that beast. what it did, it unlocked all of my damage, bro. i was in a psychotic state and i did something that i can t take back because it was my choice to use and, therefore, it was my choice sure. all of those choices are ours all the time, you know, so you had never met pat beyond that night, right? no. do you remember his image at all? do you remember what he looked like? i do. being a visual person, i do remember yeah, he was a hippie at heart. he was an amazing musician, a guy who shined with life. he really was. he s one of these guys you look at him like, man, that guy s got something spiritual about him, you know? i wish you would have had the chance to really get to know him because maybe you would have second guessed your, you know, your decision of robbing and killing us, you know. and i don t remember any kind of bad blood when you and josh were at the house. it wasn t like that on our end. like, it was as