you know. eventually, i robbed a bank to support that habit and ended up in federal prison. and i don't blame you entirely, but that was a pivotal moment for sure. i mean, i was a pot dealer before that, and that was part of my crime. you know, i had two marijuana priors, but, god, it sent me in a horrible direction. not only did it impact me and, of course, pat, who's no longer here, our families, your family, josh's family. >> did you carry some guilt over patrick's -- >> oh, yeah. yeah. so i don't know if you realize, but pat -- the only reason he was on my couch was because we drank that night and i told him he could crash on the couch. and he ended up getting killed. because i was, you know, selling pot and you guys decided to target me, man. this guy would be alive today if i didn't offer the couch or maybe if i wasn't selling pot or, you know -- you know. >> there's nothing that justifies me coming into your space and doing that. and nothing you could have done would have prevented that. that was -- that's mine to own.