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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140301

cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you. Stephen thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause thanks so much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us. And, folks, i especially want to thank all the black people joining us tonight. The i will get to my coverage of black History Month in just a moment. But im sorry, apparently all straight people are now legally required to make wedding cakes for gay people. Because last night, Arizona Governor and diner waitress working a 60hour shift, jan brewer, vetoed sb1062, a bill protecting my religious right to deny sodomites pastry. And just listen why. Senate bill 1062 does not address a specific or present concern related to religious liberty in arizona. I have not heard one example in arizona where a Business Owners religious liberty has been violated. Stephen excuse me, governor. Just because you dont see religious

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140306

cheers and applause cheers and applause folks, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining us. If you watch this show, i got some news for you. President barack obama is a failed leader. Dont worry this isnt a rerun or a future episode. Its tonight. Last week obama announced the planned withdrawal of American Forces from afghanistan by 2015. With a stroke of his pen, there goes americas Strategic Reserve of rubble. Now i feel like ive wasted 12 years memorizing all those tricky muslim names karzai. Haqqani. Beyonce. I mean, i was almost ready for that jelly. There is a new Foreign Policy crise for obama to shrank. Ukraine unraveling. Ukraine Officials Say theyre on the brink of war with russia. Thousand of Russian Troops have ousted Ukrainian Forces and taken complete control of key strategic crimean peninsula. Crimean crisis has deepened overnight. Stephen yes, a crisis in crimea. Now, like americans, until recently i thought crimea was a delightful tyler perry character. Turns out its

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140304

Happy. But i learned something today that shook me to my core. And once my core is shaken, dont come a knocking. laughter heres the deal. Remember that one time i mentioned in passing that obama is plotting to radically alter the founders vision for america . He is ben frj lynn would be horrified by obamacare. He it doesnt even cover leechkraft or bone purging for female hysteria. But folks what is most insidious about obamas a againa is how is our brainwashing our children. Take Michelle Obamas lets move campaign to combat childhood obesity. Oh o im sorry, im sorry. No, thats north korean dictator kim jong you know. Its so easy to mistakes this two, they both look great in pant suits. laughter oh, and dear leader has his own very effective antiobesity program. He is the only one in north korea who gets to eat. laughter well, nation, i am sad to say that i am terrified to report that generalisima michelle is winning the battle of the baby bulge. A big step forward in the battle against

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20140304

Roll. You have a law to allow police to ask hispanics for papers, allug doctors to talk to the women about unborn children and now. This you are lucky you are warm and you appear to have the perfect climate for golf and people with asthma because if you had your attitude and seattles weather you would be the Worlds Largest condom and Nuclear Waste dump. [cheers and applause] unfortunately, that radioactiveity would give rise to spermaxoman. The worlds most powerful and reap lentless swimmer. He is not that dangerous a monster because theres only a very, very small chancel find a victim and even if he finds a victim the fact that he could and you can easily destroy him with his arch enemy a sock you no longer wear. So dont have i shared too much . [laughter] so please explain how to how this discriminatory law is not discriminatory. It no way would alou anyone to deny someone service. It wont force anyone to create or promote a message, to force home it be in a parade or endorse that wi

Transcripts For CNNW Inside Politics 20190718

Slide in the polls and the debates could be the last chance for those struggling at the bottom of the field. Scripture tells us love thy neighbor. The trump reelection script tells you something very different. Rally chapnts of send her back make it very clear race is his weapon of choice. The house chaplain taking issue. This has been a difficult and contentious week wrin which darr spirits seem to have been at play in the peoples house. In your most holy name, i now cast out all spirits of darkness from this chamber, spirits not from you. I cast out the spirit of petty, divisiveness. Back to the debate about race and resentment a bit later. But we begin with breaking news. New documents released last hour prompting a very big and very uncomfortable question for the white house. Did the president commit a crime . Today a judge unsealed search warrant materials in connection to the Michael Cohen case and the effort to buy the silence of women who say they had affairs with the president

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