Carls in a mood lets get to the news. President trump claimed on friday that the Defense Department had developed a, quote, super duper missile that is 17 times faster than other missiles which is great news unless our enemies develop a super duper infinity notakebacks missile. Oh, i didnt plan for a notakebacks missile. Thats right, trump claimed that the Defense Department has developed a super duper missile. He also said they got to third base with their girlfriend in canada and that their dad can dunk President Trump was presented with the official Space Force Flag on friday man, just look at him. Hes happier than hes been in years. He looks like he just found out he is not the father he looks like a 12yearold standing next to the rock. Though i do feel bad for the flag because we all know where this is headed new york mayor bill de blasio said yesterday that he has ordered the police to stop people from partying outside bars amid the coronavirus pandemic though if de blasio really
Im taking it, hydroxychloroquine. Reporter when . Right now, yeah. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight doctor, doctor, give me fake news. Plus, stephen welcomes steve carell and musical guest, wilco with a special appearance by nick kroll. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen youve goot to stay hydrated. Ready to do it . All right. Lets go. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story all week has been donald trump booting hydroxychloroquine. And he was asked about that yesterday at the Cabinet Meeting and, like the badger he wears on his scalp, he got angry when cornered. Great studies came out of italy on hydroxy you know what im talking about right . Right . Stephen as trump no im tal about, right . Right . Because i sure dont. Everythings been a blur since i started taking the hydromychamomille you know what im talking about, right . Hydroxyclamatohaminahamina. Now, trump does
Is a good way to prove you havent disappeared. So, well, first of all, we documented the pregnancy, and thats right, joe biden appeared making a special i loved on snapchats daily political Jerry Seinfelds comedian show yesterday seth yes, great film they were only able to tell it creating his special. Was joe biden from the thumbprint and so its kind of like that if he had been pregnant and we dont know that he the fbi has seized the cell wasnt, actually phone of republican senator seth thats true alexander hammer richard burr as part of an investigation into whether he yes, he directed it and is used information from a editing it coronavirus intelligence briefing to sell stocks. He edited beyonces its also incriminating that homecoming. Right after the meeting, he he is really, like, creating it signed up for netflix and hulu and shaping it and were really proud of it and we hope people like it so, he knew something was seth i cant wait to see that coming i cant look at that, just ac
Yelling it out the window of a passing car. Happy mothers day okay, drive, drive former president obama held a call on friday for thousands of alumni of his administration and said, quote, its after 5 00, people, you should be drinking. Um, does he think we still wait until 5 00 these days . I had a gin and tonic for breakfast and thats only because my kid couldnt finish it President Trump attended a ceremony at the world war ii memorial in washington on friday with veterans, but did not wear a face mask. And i am surprised that hes comfortable showing his face to people who actually served yeah, almost did. Bone spurs the last second you guys are lucky to never to never have the spurs. In a new interview, a white house Senior Adviser said it was, quote, scary to go to work after two fellow staffers tested positive last week for the coronavirus. Said the adviser, before this, it was just embarrassing. The white house announced yesterday that despite one of Vice President mike pences se
You ask me, israeli unnecessary. Matt goldich wrote a joke whose punch line is israeli unnecessary. Mothers day is this sunday. So now all i have to do is figure out when sunday is. Is today sunday . Hmm. Ceo of grocery chain kroger said yesterday that americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic so long as they are quote, flexible. Although isnt being flexible on meat what got us into this in the first place . So tomorrow is no socks day good, because im starting to feel creepy Walking Around the house wearing just socks and finally, Budget Airline Allegiant Air has begun offering customers free health and safety kits on all flights to stop the spread of coronavirus. That story again, some airline you never heard of is offering you more help than your president. That was the monologue, everybody. And shout out to my son, ashe, who promised he would be quiet the whole monologue and he did it good job, buddy. Thank you seth we got a great show for you tonight. She a coach on