The public response to recent apologies from Manitoba political and religious figures has varied. Judging the value of an apology often depends as much on what comes after as the words themselves, experts say.
Apr 28, 2021
Listen closely before rushing to apologize.
Sometimes quick apologies make sense. Say you’re in the market and bump into someone; it doesn’t take much to say “sorry” and help them pick up their groceries. But in more complicated matters, rushing toward an apology can be insincere. So what should you do instead? “First, calmly ask what’s going on to understand how the other person feels,” Dr. Molly Howes, a clinical psychologist, tells SELF. “Then shut up and listen, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
Prepare your apology in advance when possible.
Not everyone communicates the same way. If you want forgiveness from someone you offended, whenever possible, connect via their comfort zone, not yours, whether it’s (safely) in person, on the phone, in an epistolary missive, or via Skype, Zoom, FaceTime, or or other multimedia. “If it’s in writing, show the draft to someone you trust before sending,” Vatsal Thakkar, M.D., a Connecticut-based psychiatri
After a stressful year when COVID-19 disrupted our lives, nerves are understandably frayed. Whether dealing with pandemic-related difficulties or other concerns, there have probably been instances where you werenât your best self. You might have some relationshipsâwith relatives, friends, partners, and colleaguesâthat need healing and reconciliation. This is where figuring out how to apologize comes in handy. No matter who is in the wrong, sometimes nothing soothes animosity faster than saying âIâm sorry,â but screwing up your apology can make things worse.
In
A Good Apology: Four Steps to Make Things Right, Molly Howes, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Boston, delineates the elements of a solid apology. She explains that you should seek to understand the other personâs injury, offer sincere regret, make restitution, and show itâll never happen again. As you can imagine, itâs easy to falter (especially when hurt feelings or defensivene