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Apr 28, 2021
Listen closely before rushing to apologize.
Sometimes quick apologies make sense. Say you’re in the market and bump into someone; it doesn’t take much to say “sorry” and help them pick up their groceries. But in more complicated matters, rushing toward an apology can be insincere. So what should you do instead? “First, calmly ask what’s going on to understand how the other person feels,” Dr. Molly Howes, a clinical psychologist, tells SELF. “Then shut up and listen, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
Prepare your apology in advance when possible.
Not everyone communicates the same way. If you want forgiveness from someone you offended, whenever possible, connect via their comfort zone, not yours, whether it’s (safely) in person, on the phone, in an epistolary missive, or via Skype, Zoom, FaceTime, or or other multimedia. “If it’s in writing, show the draft to someone you trust before sending,” Vatsal Thakkar, M.D., a Connecticut-based psychiatri