where d you get those? a machine, you want one? no. you come home, turn on that television. take one. i don t want one. no, they re good. i don t want it. what do you want? you want comedy. take one. no, kramer, stop it! and boom, there you go. a situation comedy. there s 23 minutes of magic. it s so tasty, too! you fell in love with these characters. what you talking about, willis? we need to laugh at ourselves. you hide my clothes, i m wearing everything you own. laughter opens you up. okay, ready? no! no! things that we might be afraid to talk about. some people that were supposed to protect us didn t do the right thing. like racism. so the cops are the bad guys? yes. no. class wars. and gender diversity. hi, girls. you can reach in and really touch people s hearts. i hate you. are you as turned on as i am? more! whether it s a family living under the same roof dynomight! now that s the kind of talk i
i don t want one. no, they re good. i don t want it. what do you want? you want comedy. take one. no, kramer, stop it! and boom, there you go. a situation comedy. there s 23 minutes of magic. it s so tasty, too! you fell in love with these characters. what you talking about, willis? we need to laugh at ourselves. you hide my clothes, i m wearing everything you own. laughter opens you up. okay, ready? no! no! things that we might be afraid to talk about. some people that were supposed to protect us didn t do the right thing. like racism. so cops are the bad guys? yes. no. class wars. and gender diversity. hi, girls. you can reach in and really touch people s hearts. i hate you. are you as turned on as i am? more! whether it s a family living under the same roof dynomight! now that s the kind of talk i like to hear. or gathered together in a workplace. that s a glue stick. all the great sitcoms are about fami
where s my sandwich! we all need a reason to get up in the morning. he made us do it! it was frank! the american office is iconic. how many people can i fire? none. you re picking a health care plan. okay. we ll table that for the time being. terrible bosses. you ve got spunk. well i hate spunk. terrible workmates. are you kidding? do these not bend the [ bleep ] back? no. everybody trying to get along. one problem with hiring women is that they re frail and breakable. is it possible you re thinking about light bulbs or your hip? hilarious. what do you say to that? whoa. ow! let s talk about earning a living. yeah. have you ever done it? no, but i could. ha! lucille ball with the chocolates, always funny. if one piece of candy gets past you and into the packing room unwrapped, you re fired. all the writers needed to say was lucy and a conveyor belt, you re good. some of the most memorable episodes of i love lucy
you know what it is time for? lessons in diversity hi, and welcome to lessons in diversity. i am your host mary lou breton. this is what she looks like. and in a perfect world, diversity would be awesome. who does not want to work with the different people? as opposed to this. [laughter] there is nothing more boring and on the same, and i should know. [laughter] i love different phases in different races all comingling in a melting pot i call greg s hot tub of the quality. but today s diversity seems to be only about looks and ideas, which is not how you make something funny unless you look like this. [laughter] it s a cheap shot, but see. there is a downside to diversity once you put it over other variables like talent or skill and poor hygiene. what if you find someone that is funnier than someone else, but that person is not black or female or lgbtq asap byob lol. the problem with diversity hiring as you may end up with something or someone like this. [laughter] yeah,
i cuss gratuitously. subject matter is another story. this is gonna be a good show. are there any subjects that are never appropriate for humor? people say a good comedian doesn t have to cuss. and i thought, now that s [bleep] rubbish. how dirty is too dirty? why is all that so funny? i don t know. what you re about to hear is going to shock and disgust you. if you choose to go blue, you ve got to do it right. dirty for the sake of dirty, there s nothing worse than that. you must promise me something. you won t get me in any trouble on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] listen, i will be cussing tonight. now, just so s you know. no, i will. i will. don t [bleep] oh me. not allowing an artist to use the word [bleep] is like not allowing a guitarist to use the chord e. it s possible to play the instrument, but why the [bleep] would you bother? now don t wave your finger at me! you knew when you got here there d be cussing. the last thing co