Thats right. Ivanka trumps new book went on sale today. I cant wait to learn to read it, said eric. [ light laughter ] Hillary Clinton today said she is very aware of the shortfalls of her campaign that caused her to lose the election. Specifically short falls, michigan and short falls, wisconsin. [ light laughter ] White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer today left his Daily Press Briefing without taking questions from reporters. Spicer was apparently too busy taking questions from himself. Why do i keep doing this . What . [ light laughter ] whats wrong with me . Why dont i just quit . [ light laughter ] President Trump tweeted yesterday, quote, president Andrew Jackson, who died 16 years before the civil war started, saw it coming and was angry. Would never have let it happen. Oh, man. Now that trump learned when Andrew Jackson died, how often do you think hes gonna squeeze it into conversation . [ light laughter ] i was so sorry to hear about your mother. Its just like when Andrew
Thats right. Ivanka trumps new book went on sale today. I cant wait to learn to read it, said eric. [ light laughter ] Hillary Clinton today said she is very aware of the shortfalls of her campaign that caused her to lose the election. Specifically short falls, michigan and short falls, wisconsin. [ light laughter ] White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer today left his Daily Press Briefing without taking questions from reporters. Spicer was apparently too busy taking questions from himself. Why do i keep doing this . What . [ light laughter ] whats wrong with me . Why dont i just quit . [ light laughter ] President Trump tweeted yesterday, quote, president Andrew Jackson, who died 16 years before the civil war started, saw it coming and was angry. Would never have let it happen. Oh, man. Now that trump learned when Andrew Jackson died, how often do you think hes gonna squeeze it into conversation . [ light laughter ] i was so sorry to hear about your mother. Its just like when Andrew
This is what it did to a smart person. [ laughter ] by the time youre out of office, youre going to look like the toxic avenger. [ laughter ] President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. Yes, but somehow we manage, said melania from her penthouse in new york. [ light laughter ] in an interview today, President Trump questioned why america fought the civil war, even worse, then he questioned whom america fought in the civil war. [ light laughter ] wait, i know this one. Was it china . [ laughter ] thats right. President trump questioned why america fought the civil war. You know, at this rate the only way trump is going to get a second term is if hes held back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all fs . I flunked everything . [ cheers and applause ] i got a bplus in phys ed. [ light laughter ] President Trump published an oped in the Washington Post on saturday to promote the accomplishments of his first 100 days in office. But in retrospec
My friends know me so well. They can tell what im thinking, just by looking in my eyes. But what they didnt know was that i had dry, itchy eyes. I used artificial tears from the moment i woke up. To the moment i went to bed. So i finally decided to show my eyes some love,. Some eyelove. Eyelove means having a chat with your eye doctor about your dry eyes because if youre using artificial tears often and still have symptoms, it could be chronic dry eye. Its all about eyelove, my friends. With simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, withdrawal, transfer, or payment each month to waive the monthly fee. And theres no minimum balance. Youre alright with simply right checking from santander bank. Are you feeling alright, baby . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to john oliver, patton oswalt, all the robots in the tonight showbotics. And james arthur right there once again [ cheers and applause ] and the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applau
Cost. [ laughter ] congress narrowly passed the republican plan to replace obamacare today. Also narrowly passing grandma. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] i didnt take away her health care. [ light laughter ] a member of the conservative House Freedom caucus said, yesterday, that it can be difficult to negotiate with President Trump, because its hard to tell what hes thinking. Also if. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there were several protests here in new york for President Trumps first planned visit since his inauguration. Including one protest at trump tower. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] today was respect for chickens day. Thats right. Respect, said President Trump trying to spell chickens. [ light laughter ] that was my favorite one, so there you go. [ light laughter ] sometimes sometimes we diverge. [ light laughter ] thats right. Today was respect for chickens day. Which is information that would have been useful to me before lunch. [ light laughter ] accor