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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Alan cumming comedian, Jessica Kirson and feuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1161 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody. [ cheers and applause hi hello. He. [ cheers and applause thank you so much for watching thank you for being here well last night was the fifth democratic president ial debate because after a full week of impeachment hearings, what better way to relax than watching 10 democrats yell at each other [ laughter ] its been nonstop politics all week seriously, i think im watching way too much news. Last night, i listened to Rachel Maddow talk for an hour, then i realized my tv wasnt even on. [ laughter ] on last nights debate, Pete Buttigieg did very well yeah yeah, he tried to separate himself from the field by claiming that he was the least wealthy person on stage. [ light laughter ] then he added, but that could change after my parents give me my allowance. [ laughter ] thatd be n

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Start, his phone died, he had to walk home, and he couldnt stop stepping in buckets. [ light laughter ] u. S. Embassy staffer david holmes testified this morning that u. S. Diplomats did not want to work with Rudy Giuliani, with Eu Ambassador Gordon Sondland once saying, quote, every time rudy gets involved, he goes and gets effs everything up. [ laughter ] its true. I mean, for example, heres what new york city looked like before rudy was mayor [ laughter ] during last nights debate senator Amy Klobuchar touted her fundraising ability and claimed she set an alltime Senate Record by bringing in 17,000 from exboyfriends [ light laughter ] so either she has one or two wealthy exes or she freaky [ laughter ] former Vice President joe bidens campaign sent out a fundraising email yesterday asking supporters to evaluate his debate performance six hours before the debate actually took place. Said biden, damn, and with the election next week [ laughter ] senator cory booker last night attacked

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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Tonight, join jimmy and his guests seth meyers, Cobie Smulders musical guest, tones and i and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1158 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy my goodness. Thank you very much, everybody welcome. [ cheers and applause welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Youre here. [ cheers and applause you made it. Im so happy well, guys, it seems like there is so much going on right now. The impeachment hearings are in full swing there is a democratic debate on wednesday. The new Star Wars Show the mandalorian has a baby yoda [ light laughter ] and taco bell wants people to make their chicken tacos take their chicken tacos, stick them in a blender and serve them as a bisque for thanksgiving [ laughter ] but there is so much to go over lets just jump in and cover it all at once. Its time for news smash. Here we go [ cheers and applause jimmy first up, the impeachment hearings are heating up

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Former trump adviser roger stone was found guilty on seven counts this weekend including making false statements, witness tampering, and making off with the lindberg baby. [ light laughter ] according to sources, President Trump has abandoned plans to increase restrictions on vaping out of fear that it could hurt his reelection chances because right now hes polling at 83 among high school dirt bags. [ laughter ] President Trump reportedly screened the joker at the white house this weekend for family and friends. Wow, thats a lot of makeup, said the joker [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause according to a new poll, mayor Pete Buttigieg now has a roughly tenpoint lead over the democratic field in iowa this is going to look amazing on his College Applications [ applause ] trump made an unplanned visit to Walter Reed Medical Center on saturday he tweeted he was there to visit the family of a young man having surgery. And while he was there he said, quote, also began phase one of my yearly p

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

During his testimony today Gordon Sondland said that he was involved in efforts to pressure ukraine, because he and other diplomats, quote, followed the president s orders. And then trump said, look, i dont know the president ive never met the president. [ laughter ] President Trump this morning addressed sondlands testimony saying, quote, i dont know him very well. I have not spoken to him much. This is not a man i know well. He seems like a nice guy, though. [ laughter ] even worse, he stole that statement line for line from the speech he gave at erics wedding. [ laughter ] singer mariah carey has released her own Christmas Wish list on amazon oh, oh okay so i see so you were just blowing smoke up my ass when you said all you wanted for christmas is me [ laughter and applause great. Good to know [ laughter ] according to experts, thanksgiving turkeys are best paired with red wine that way theyre more relaxed when you kill them [ laughter ] their first trial of a male rt and if you pu

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