Alan cumming comedian, Jessica Kirson and feuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1161 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody. [ cheers and applause hi hello. He. [ cheers and applause thank you so much for watching thank you for being here well last night was the fifth democratic president ial debate because after a full week of impeachment hearings, what better way to relax than watching 10 democrats yell at each other [ laughter ] its been nonstop politics all week seriously, i think im watching way too much news. Last night, i listened to Rachel Maddow talk for an hour, then i realized my tv wasnt even on. [ laughter ] on last nights debate, Pete Buttigieg did very well yeah yeah, he tried to separate himself from the field by claiming that he was the least wealthy person on stage. [ light laughter ] then he added, but that could change after my parents give me my allowance. [ laughter ] thatd be nice [ applause ] an extra quarter . Thanks, dad. [ light laughter ] meanwhile, joe biden had some pretty big blunders on issues of race and domestic violence. I dont know if you saw this or as bidens campaign is calling it, a pretty average night. [ laughter ] this is true while talking about domestic violence, biden said, we need to keep punching at it and punching at it. [ laughter ] at that point trump was even like, why did i even call ukraine . Hes doing it to himself hes doing it to himself. [ laughter ] yeah, biden also caught heat for saying that he quote came out of the black community. When she heard that, Rachel Dolezal was like, well he has my vote. [ laughter ] well this is big i saw that before the debate, Bernie Sanders picked up a huge endorsement from Ariana Grande yeah, when asked how he got her support bernie said, i see it, i like it, i want it, i got it [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause not only did bernie get arianas endorsement, he also went backstage after one of her concerts take a look. Its real. Yeah [ light laughter ] the photo took a while because they used bernies camera and they had to keep loading the flash powder [ laughter ] its like, all right, all right, nobody move here we go, all right. Gonna have to wait for it to develop for three hours and then actually i think bernies time with ariana really had an impact on him. Steve yeah jimmy did you see him at last nights debate . Look at this i mean [ laughter ] slay all day well, at last nights debate, it was great seeing 10 candidates have a civil back and forth about the countrys most pressing issues now all we have left is another debate in december and then theres the Iowa Caucuses february 3rd and then the New Hampshire february 11th. Super tuesday march, in like 15 states. [ light laughter ] and then, maybe well have it down to five or six candidates tariq jimmy, jimmy jimmy whats up, dude . Tariq are you okay, man . Jimmy yeah, yeah, im good did you see the debate last night . [ laughter ] tariq yeah, of course. I mean im super excited for the democratic primaries because well probably know who the nominee is by may, and then just five more months of debates and, attack ads and conventions. [ laughter ] guys, guys. Are you okay jimmy yeah, sure tariq yes, absolutely. Good, because whats cool is that once the election is over, then we get to start thinking about who should be president in 2024. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] jimmy hey james, james, can you stop playing that . Ytng weird [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause come on, man [ laughter ] well, today was day five of the impeachment hearings and we heard testimony from Foreign Policy experts david holmes and fiona hill. Fiona said that her boss, john bolton thought Rudy Giulianis actions would come back to haunt us. Im sorry. But does Rudy Giuliani really look like someone that would haunt you . I mean [ laughter ] meanwhile, david holmes talked about Rudy Giuliani and how ambassador sondland was not a fan. Check this out my recollection is that ambassador sondland stated, quote, damn it, rudy. Every time rudy gets involved, he goes and effs everything up. [ laughter ] jimmy rudy tried tweeting a response, but then he dropped his phone, tripped over it and fell down a manhole. [ light laughter ] and finally here in new york, the mta purposely flooded a new york city subway station to test its antiflood system. Take a look at this picture. Yeah when they saw that, new yorkers were like, well, at least its water this time. [ laughter and applause we have a great show, give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh we got a fun, fun show, everybody. Will ferrell is here tonight [ cheers and applause will ferrell steve come on. Jimmy come on. Steve hes the best. Jimmy come on. Steve come on, man jimmy will ferrell steve come on. Will ferrel will ferrell will Ferrell Jimmy will actually couldnt [ laughter ] he actually couldnt make it tonight. Steve oh, well jimmy thats all right well have fun anyways no, hes here. Hes here. He is her he is here jimmy i was joking again hes not here and [ laughter ] its terrible, but hes rehearsing for saturday night live. Steve he couldnt make it. He couldnt make it no, will ferrell is here tonight. We love will ferrell [ cheers and applause steve yeah jimmy i cant wait to talk to will. I want to hear what hes doing hes hosting saturday night live this saturday. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy yeah its going to be a great show. I love him also i love alan cumming is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy audible original legal immigrant. And we have great standup from Jessica Kirson, everybody. [ cheers and applause guys, do you ever see a photo in the news and think, that headline could be much better . Well, ill show you what i mean its time for news and improved. [ cheers and applause news and improved foexamplek out this first photo here the original headline was, trump responds to sondland. That headline definitely can be improved, because if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been, christmas caroler wont leave porch. [ laughter and applause silent nights all is wall jimmy check out this next photo. The original headline was, republicans face impeachment hearing setback. But if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been, coworker clearly not happy everyone chose the vegan place for lunch. [ laughter and applause next headline was, sanders and ocasiocortez promote green new deal. The headline could have been, man asks macys employee to direct him to trousers section. [ laughter and applause where am i now on the map steve where are the jimmy next headline was, buttigieg soars in iowa. Headline could have been, guy at thanksgiving dinner debating whether or thought to cut off grandmas racist story. [ laughter and applause [ audience oohs up next, this next headline says impeachment inquiry continues. Headline could have been, dad notices someone set the thermostat to 74 [ laughter and applause its warm enough. Everyone, huddle together. Doesnt have to be warm in the whole house. [ laughter ] run your hands under hot water [ light laughter ] the next headline was williams and vindman testify before house. The headline could have been, couple still not talking after arguing last night about how to load dishwasher. [ laughter and applause steve forks go down. Jimmy i think you should clean them first. This next headline was, Boris Johnson works towards brexit conclusion. Headline could have been, you wont believe what draco malfoy looks like today. [ laughter and applause and finally, this headline was, Queen Elizabeth rides horse at windsor castle. Headline could have been, first photos from game of thrones spinoff leaves fans disappointed. [ laughter and applause thats all the time we have for news and improved. [ cheers and applause well and right back with will ferrell come on back [ cheers and applause shishito. Burrito. Raw kitfo. Fried shiso. French fry. Iced chai. Tasty. Pad thai. Baked pie. Half stack. Taco pack. Lobster mac. Baby back. Pork chop. Soda pop. Kebab. Soursop. Hot pot. Im hungry now. Noodle soup. Cantaloupe. Ice cream scoop. Whipped cream bloop. Dumpling. Chicken wing. Peking. And those crispy onion rings. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. We are americas kitchen. Super emma just about sleeps in her cape. But when we realized she was battling sensitive skin, to tide pods free gentle. Its gentle on her skin, and dermatologist recommended. Tide free gentle. Safe for skin with psoriasis and eczema. When i think of what my imagination looks like. [laughs] i mean, wow. The surface is a tool that helps me realize beautiful ideas. Friends family sale take an extra 25 off save on family jammies. Womens sweaters 22. 50 and under. And kitchen electrics. Plus snap a free picture with santa this sunday . Youll find new gifts at every turn this holiday at kohls. Not much, how about you . Are you answering my text in person . I am. Yeah. Lol. Come on in. This is tech that helps you be there. The nissan altima. Now offering the most techadvanced engine in its class. Now offering the most techadvanced kerrygold has a taste so rich it can take you to irelands lush, green pastures. Where grassfed cows produce rich, creamy milk for a truly delicious taste. Kerrygold. The taste that takes you there. [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest is one of the funniest, most talented humans on the planet. He is hosting saturday night live this weekend [ cheers and applause with musical guest king princess. Please welcome the one, the only will ferrell. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back oh, look at that we love you. Its just a real, real Tiny Movement thats all you have to do. Jimmy tiny shoulder move just tiny Shoulder Movement jimmy thats all you need, man. Thats all you need jimmy you got those moves. Thats all you need in the club [ laughter ] jimmy happy thanksgiving is it well, not yet. Jimmy no, no coming up jimmy no, today is thanksgiving it is jimmy yeah, today. [ laughter ] happy thanksgiving [ applause ] happy thanksgiving, man. Thanks for coming over thanks for coming over, man. Did you make any food jimmy i have liquids, just yeah. Jimmy i just pureed some turkey and stuffing. Happy thanksgiving. [ laughter ] jimmy happy thanksgiving what are you doing for thanksgiving anything cool . Yeah, super cool stuff. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, man. Hold on listen to this im going to the house where my wife grew up in boston jimmy there you go, man. [ howls [ cheers and applause [ beat boxing [ laughter ] to hang out with my er and theyre gonna be yeah jimmy the ki must love it the kids love it. The kids do. They love going to boston. Jimmy yeah because theres no basements in california. Houses dont have basements. Jimmy thats right so a basement is like a a magical place [ laughter ] for them. Jimmy yeah for a little clubhouse go down there and, you know, have nerf gun battles. Jimmy yeah and then the other big thing we do is we go to Dunkin Donuts [ laughter ] jimmy when youre in boston their uncle, my brotherinlaw jimmy yeah my wifes brother jimmy yeah [ light laughter ] takes them to Dunkin Donuts and they get to just pick whatever they want [ light laughter ] jimmy thats what you do when you go to boston . And thats what happens jimmy wow. [ laughter ] when we go tst i know. [ cheers ] jimmy im so excited [ cheers and applause thank you jimmy for the fifth time going back up its always a fun, surreal experience to go back. Youve done it jimmy yeah right jimmy doesnt it smell the same, like when you it smells the aroma is still rich jimmy yeah yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy it feels like going back to your high school or something. Yeah. Jimmy either the paint on the floor or something yeah, theres something jimmy yeah, but its good. Its good. And they got a good cast there its fun. Great cast a lot to talk about in the news jimmy yeah, thats true. Uhhuh. Right . Jimmy but what do you when people talk about your best of snl or things that youve done on the show, i know what everyone brings up to me right jimmy which is your involvement. [ light laughter ] anyway, lets talk about Something Else cowbell cowbell sketch jimmy yes, the cowbell sketch right jimmy thats what i was gonna say. I was gonna say that yeah. [ cheers and applause jimmy i was gonna tell you about the cowbell. You were a major part of that was all you it was all you this is a picture of yeah. Jimmy thats me there. [ cheers and appmy lause ratioz and jimmy thats you, and that is Christopher Walken. Which is its the strangest thing. [ laughter ] jimmy and thats Christopher Walken thats Christopher Walken across from that [ laughter ] jimmy take a look at that shirt. Its insane. You maintain that between dress rehearsal and air that i went and put a tighter shirt on jimmy i think you did. Didnt you [ light laughter ] i thought it i thought i just put a little more mustard into it. And then it hiked up [ laughter ] jimmy is that right . I thought but you thought i put a a tighter shirt on, you think . Jimmy i thought you did, because this doesnt even feel like a shirt that should [ laughter ] just saying. Everyone else is wearing other shirts i think i would have but you were coming up a little bit in dress. Yeah. Jimmy but that was high up yeah. Jimmy and that was that was low down but you might be right. Maybe i [ light laughter ] jimmy i mean, you barely had a shirt on maybe i switched to a tighter shirt. Jimmy cause i remember it was so loud on air because right jimmy on air, cause oh, with yeah. I banged it much louder than the dress. Jimmy no, but i mean the audience response. Oh, the response. Yeah jimmy yeah, but i mean, like the sketch was on at the end of the show i believe. Right jimmy which is where usually the weirdest sketches are. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy and it was working so well that the floor started ing. Oh, i dont remember that jimmy yeah yes. I was just in a haze. Jimmy you were in a dude, you were in a comedy haze i was staring you down. But you cause you were laughing [ laughter ] but i was laughing too, but the beard was just protecting you couldnt see it. [ light laughter ] you couldnt see it. Jimmy cause dude, i wait, put the picture back up look see the beard is hiding. See, im smiling [ laughter ] im smiling right there. Jimmy i mean that was that started it for me that was my whole thing but heres the crazy thing. So i go to see Christopher Walken, years later jimmy yeah in a play. I say hello to him backstage and hes like, you know youve ruined my life. [ laughter ] what ctain call bring cowbells and ring them [ laughter ] the other day i went for an [ light laughter ] and the waiter asked if i wanted more cowbell with my pasta bolognese. [ laughter and applause and i think hes really mad at me jimmy no way he had a little smile, but jimmy well, because he had such a great career. But, you know jimmy he is a great actor. From the deer hunter jimmy yeah to pulp fiction. Jimmy pulp fiction. Hes amazing to more cowbell thats all he gets jimmy thats all he gets now. [ laughter ] so it made a lot of people happy, but christopher ruined one persons life ruined one person but what are you going to do jimmy thats good odds right yeah jimmy decent odds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy you know what im saying yeah. Jimmy i remember the other sketch that a lot of people bring up is when you and Rachel Dratch do the loveahs. Oh, the loveahs. Jimmy the lovers in the hot tub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers ] professor clarvin. Yes. Jimmy it was a bizarre sketch i think it started with just me as i always go to a different hotel. Uhhuh. Jimmy and i always end up in a hot tub, like, kind of enjoying, like theres no one in the hot tub this is fun. Yeah. Jimmy and then two of the creepiest humans yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy came and got in the hot tub with me. Hot tub with you and Drew Barrymore and i think i thought i was sitting next to you, but im not. Im siting across from you but i just remember trying to get my foot in your crotch during the sketch. [ laughter ] jimmy i couldnt i kept trying to reach under the water to grab you. Jimmy i think in one of the ones we did, you were next to me yeah, i was right next to you. Jimmy cause you would i would always try to pinch you or jimmy yeah, or touch me. Yeah, touch you jimmy right before i said my line yeah, exactly jimmy youd give me a a little, like, squeeze on the kneecap. Yeah, yeah. Which was, im just in character. [ laughter ] but jimmy but i mean, i remember just crying but it added to the high jinks. Jimmy crying, laughing, dude because we didnt do it at dress. There was so many things that, like i would just gosh, i inch tubleno but i love jimmy the writers didnt like it. I love trying to get you there. Jimmy i always but dude, we had so much do you remember jacob silj . Remember the first time i did jacob silj, and my glasses fogged up so much . [ light laughter ] jimmy i was so happy you know why i was happy yeah. Jimmy cause i wasnt on camera yes yeah jimmy and i was laughing so hard but i sensed you laughing and then i started laughing, and the glass were just opaque [ laughter ] and jimmy it was steamed up. Steamed up. Jimmy your eyeglasses, oh, it was so and it was tina who was the only one who was like, jacob, are you okay whats going on . [ laughter ] jimmy do you remember do you by the way, jacob silj is a a character who suffers from voice immodulation he cant he can only talk at this level [ laughter ] and its a recognized disease. Jimmy jimmy. Jimmy, this is a whisper. And this is me yelling at you. [ laughter ] jimmy he couldnt do anything yeah, he couldnt figure yeah, it all sounded the same to him jimmy do you remember two canes, and what that was at all . Just no, i just remember my cause we used to do like, we should go out. Was a bars was downstairs. Right and we used to do bits jimmy wed just do bits. Yeah. Jimmy and we went to one bar. And its called, like, either tom and jerrys or milk and honey or Something Like that. Something like that jimmy we went, and we were walking home everyones leaving or going to another bar. We found we found two sticks jimmy two sticks in a a garbage dump right, right. Jimmy and you took them, and you became a rapper. This is before 2 chainz was around right jimmy you became 2 canes 2 canes [ light laughter ] and i would bang the stick jimmy you banged the [ light laughter ] and i would walk down the street and i was saying [ laughter ] this was my rap. One cane, two can everybody say it one cane, two cane [ laughter ] everybody say it jimmy yeah, so we didnt know what to say we didnt know what to say, but jimmy but it might have been the night we were out with vince vaughn mmhmm. Jimmy do you i r rememember. It was so funny. Vince vaughn we were hanging out with vince vaughn all night. Everything was great we were laughing right [ light laughter ] jimmy this makes me laugh so hard. [ laughter ] so, you go to the bathroom or something, right [ laughter ] and vince vaughn i dont know if you remember so i tell you. So vince vaughn goes, hey we were at in the urinal standing next to each other. And vince vaughn goes, yo, man. Wills in the stall. Hes in the stall now. And now he goes, watch this this is gonna be funny. So he goes over and goes over to the stall and he kicks open the stall. And its not you [ laughter and applause he started to do the dude, they started throwing down [ sad trombone ] i dont remember that jimmy they started throwing down it was crazy no. Jimmy you were outside, like, on the phone or something. [ laughter ] but i dont remember that jimmy it was unbelievable, dude it was unbelievable. It was one of the funniest things i ever seen [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. And then i remember do you remember this . There was a couple sitting at a bar. I forget what bar this was, but down in the east village and i would walk up to this couple and i was like and they had their money, the tip on the bar that they left. And i was like, you guys enjoy magic . And i pretended to do a bad magic trick. And then i tried to take his 20 [ laughter ] and the guy is like, hey, man, not cool [ laughter ] jimmy you guy enjoy magic . Do you enjoy magic . And then im like, im sorry, i was just trying my magic. And it was not even a trick at all. [ laughter ] jimmy do you guys enjoy magic, cause its real and then someone else came over to apologize on my behalf hey, im sorry about that thats not cool, okay . My buddy just trying to be funny. As hes saying it, he just tried to take the 20 off [ laughter ] jimmy hes like, horatio or somebody yeah, yeah, yeah. Also takes the 20. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god so dead, man anyway. Jimmy anyway, more with will ferrell when we come back hes hosting saturday night live this weekend with musical guest king princess. [ cheers and applause running out of gift ideas, seeking something more. Well if inspirations what youre searching for. Follow me to a place i know with Endless Possibilities so you can check your list off rowbyrow. Im making this song up as i go come on look around so much in store, youll spend much less but gift much more at the stores that youve been searching for spend less, gift better. At t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. Ah, that worked well at t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. people talking for every dollar you spend at a small business, an average of 67 cents stays local. Shop small and watch it add up. Small business saturday by American Express is november 30th. While america celebrated the fall of prohibition, jim beam didnt raise a single glass. He wanted his first drink to be of his own bourbon. He didnt have much money. But he did have a few friends. People who were raised the right way. Over 120 days, they rebuilt the distillery. And while their names might not be on our bottle. Its because of them, we can raise this bourbon today. Jim beam. Raised right. Introducing new Vicks Vapopatch easy to wear with soothing vicks vapors for her, for you, for the whole family. New Vicks Vapopatch. Breathe easy. The roomba i7 with cleanng base automatic dirt disposal and allergenlock™ bags that trap 99 of allergens, so they dont escape back into the air. If its not from irobot, its not a roomba™ man elderly woman you toh, thank you so much. elderly man 1 ill be alright. man ok. elderly man 1 ok. man ok george, see you again soon. elderly man 2 bye bye. elderly man 3 ah dell, and you brought the family this time vo it feels good to help those in need. You can choose meals on wheels to get two hundred and fifty dollars from subaru when you get a new subaru, like the all new outback. vo 2 get 0. 9 during the people talking for every dollar you spend at a small business, an average of 67 cents stays local. Shop small and watch it add up. Small business saturday by American Express is november 30th. paul switch to sprint everyone is talking about. S the. sprintern the new iphone 11 or iphone 11 pro with amazing allnew camera systems. And you can get both an unlimited plan and the new iphone 11 included for just 35 a month. paul and with sprints 100 total satisfaction guarantee you can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. sprintern ahh its the best season of the year. paul is that your excited dance . sprintern what dance . For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. [ cheersnd jimmy welcome back, everybody. Were hanging out with will ferrell right here. He is hosting saturday night live this weekend thats right but right now, will and i are about to play a fun game this is called the whisper challenge. [ cheers and applause announcer whisper challenge. Jimmy now this is h game works [ laughter ] one person puts on these headphones right jimmy with very loud music playing. You can play this at home. The other person picks up a card, and reads the random phrase on that card. And the person wearing headphones has to try and guess what the other person said will, you put the headphones on first. Okay. Jimmy and ill read a phrase to you, and then youll guess what im saying okay. Jimmy make sure mu is playing can you hear me . No. Jimmy can you hear me . Huh good [ light laughter ] the music is playing jimmy yeah yeah. Jimmy good [ light laughter ] a Beautiful Day in the neighborhood a boot full of [ light laughter ] jimmy a Beautiful Day a Beautiful Day [ laughter ] what . Jimmy a Beautiful Day in the neighborhood jimmy what how did you know that . Did you peek at my card . No, you have very readable lips [ laughter ] jimmy it is my turn here lets see how i do you do it now jimmy yeah oh, okay. Jimmy sorry. Oh, yeah [ laughter ] i like this. I want to download this. You should. Jimmy okay yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep [ laughter ] [ laughter ] jimmy i have i have a serious shoplifting problem. [ laughter ] stealing makes me feel big [ laughter ] jimmy Cheddar Cheese i steal everything. [ laughter ] groceries, books, Cold Medicine i know im sick, but i cant help myself. [ laughter ] jimmy help its a i love the danger of almost getting caught [ laughter ] jimmy slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Can you imagine the headlines . [ laughter ] will ferrell arrested for shoplifting at kohls. God, thatd be so humiliating. Jimmy beer coozy but what can i say . It turns me on jimmy attorney at law . I have no clue, im sorry. No, it was baby yoda. [ laughter ] [ sad trombone ] [ applause ] jimmy i should have gotten baby yoda. Thats pretty famous [ laughter ] you were just saying baby yoda over and over . Do i go jimmy yeah, you go okay. Jimmy you put on the headphones [ clears throat impossible impossible whopper. [ bell dings ] [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy how . Its a gift [ laughter ] its a gift. Your turn. Jimmy okay, all right. Well do one more round. Okay. Jimmy im feeling good im feeling good about this. [ clears throat okay lets do it. Come on. Okay. Jimmy i can do it. I can do it. Will do you like cults [ laughter ] im starting one and guess what youre my first member [ laughter ] ive already seized your Bank Accounts and stolen your identity you shouldnt leave your email open do you know how easy it is to find a Social Security number . [ laughter ] im going to erase you [ laughter ] jimmy shush . California raisinsy to build a temple dedicated to and your new legal name will be jonathan lopnocki, because its as close as we can get to naming you after our new god without angering him [ laughter ] jimmy anger management im gonna dye your hair blonde and make you wear little round glasses. [ laughter ] and instead of hello, youll greet me by saying, did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds . [ laughter ] and then, ill say, really . Lets find out for ourselves. [ laughter ] and thats when im gonna pop your pretty little head off like a [ bleep ] dandelion [ laughter ] all it takes is a dull knife and ten minutes. And thats when i take your glasses. And i put them on my own face. And then i see what god sees then i see what our god Jonathan Lipnicki seesen iee wh yeah. [ bell dings ] nailed it. Jimmy we got it. Right [ cheers and applause jimmy were good yeah. Jimmy were good at this will ferrell, everybody. [ cheers and applause the second time thats the second time jimmy alan cumming joins us after the break. Stick around [ cheers and applause holiday stress . Repeat after me. I am grateful. Audience i am grateful. Nice. I am joyful. And i am getting all the gifts i need this holiday. audience screams you get a sweater you get a coat you get all the gifts shop fifty percent off all jeans, sweaters and outerwear or fifty percent off your purchase when you use your Old Navy Credit card neil only, at old navy. Hey your science project. Thanks, dad. Toyota. Lets go places. Even though i find you so captivating and im done with hesitating lets see where this goes . Save on a gift that says it all. Jared could you email me the part great about geicon, tim. Making it easy to switch and save hundreds . Oh yeah, sure. Um. You dont know my name, do you . laughs nervously of course i know your name. I just get you mixed up with the other guy. Whats his name . Whats your name . Switch to geico®. You could save 15 or more on car insurance. Could you just tell me . I want this to be over. Fthe prilosec otc twoweekymore. Challenge is helping people love what they love again. Just one pill a day. 24 hours. Zero heartburn. Because life starts when heartburn stops. Take the challenge at prilosecotc dot com. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is a tonywinning actor who recorded a new cabaret called legal immigrant, which is available on audible starting today. Please welcome alan cumming. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh alan cumming, welcome back, buddy. Nk thanks, you know. Jimmy last time we were here, we had fun yeah. Jimmy and we were talking. And i said i said, oh, we should start an Entertainment Company where we just go and throw parties at peoples house. Because we get along well together [ talking over each other and every time we get together, we have a good time. But you went and did it. See, i talk the talk you walk the walk. Thats right, baby. Jimmy thats right [ light laughter ] i opened my own bar is that youre saying . Jimmy yes. Club cumming downtown, yeah jimmy club cumming and this is over sixth avenue . Where is it . Sixth street. Jimmy sixth street in a and b. Jimmy in a and b. And its like a cabaret bar its such fun. Jimmy but you have a mantra there where its like it says, anything can happen. Anything can happen, yes. Jimmy because you dont know what and it does jimmy it does. Yeah, like this is a good story. Jimmy yeah so i hope. [ light laughter ] so one night, i was wasnt filming tso iluhought, ill g. Because, you know, its my bar and im allowed. [ light laughter ] and so, i was going over and emma stone called me up. Because she was with Billie Jean King because you know that emma stone played Billie Jean King in that film. Jimmy yeah and i was in it too and so, they were doing press footage. And theyve gone as she said, im with billie jean. Were seeing theyve gone to see Paul Mccartney at the Barclays Center in brooklyn. And they said, so were going to come over. Because billie jean had never been and she was longing to go so i said, all right, ill see you in a wee bit. So i go to the bar and i say, oh, hey, everybody, Billie Jean King and emma stone are coming in a minute. And theyre all like, all right. And then, about ten minutes after that, emma goes, oh, my god, oh, my god. Paul mccartney is coming with us too. And so, everyone started to freak out. And it was like a joke like these black suvs pulled up on our little street in the east village and it was like a joke because, like, Paul Mccartney, emma stone and Billie Jean King walk into a bar. [ laughter and applause that how random is that very. And we all were having such a laugh and having drinks. And whats hilarious is that my husband, grant you know grant jimmy yeah he did the murals, these lovely murals. And theres sort of this thing we have where theres kind of, like, sort of naked people and its kind of a thingheickleh [ light laughter ] because its like penises, and you [ light laughter ] and theres a few penises that are sort of secret and you dont know where they are. So paul and grant, hes showing them the murals. And grant said it was silly to see Paul Mccartney going, is that a penis . [ laughter and applause yeah, yeah jimmy you just dont ever think youre going to hear that out of Paul Mccartneys mouth. So anyway then we theres someone playing the piano and singing songs. People were getting up and i said to paul, hey, would you like to get up and sing something, paul . And hes like, no, i just spent three hours performing at the Barclays Center. Jimmy yeah of course i was like, alright, it was a yes or no question. [ laughter ] then then but he said then he went, but ill accompany you if you like. And so, emma stone and i got up and sang part of your world from the little mermaid. [ audience aws ] and Paul Mccartney accompanied us on the harmonica. Jimmy did he really . [ applause ] yes, he did jimmy thats a great song to do. [ cheers and applause dream come true jimmy wow. Isnt that nice jimmy hes the coolest i mean, hes exactly what you want him to be, right . Hes such a darling absolute darling jimmy i love him so much and i also love part of your world from the little mermaid. I sing it often, jimmy jimmy what other jams, what other songs do you sing . I sang, well, i also i sometimes sing the sun will come out tomorrow, because its good for everyone its good to sing songs, i think, karaoke and things like that, so that everyone will join in if you dont feel particularly you want to jimmy the sun will come out tomorrow usually works . Oh, big time. Jimmy oh, really and actually, i love i really get some pleasure by a, helping people to let go of their inhibitions in all ways. And also, like, trying to get people to sort of not feel that its wrong to sing tacky songs and its a mission of mine and jimmy lets talk about your audible original here. This is legal immigrant. Its both me. Jimmy yeah, i love that. [ light laughter ] i saw, i saw, i saw. I love this. And i love audible what is this this is based on the show you did . Yes, so its a cabaret show that i was touring on and off for about a year and we recorded it audible will do this thing now where they get, like, plays and cabarets and things. And they put them on in short runs in new york and then, they record them and so, i did it earlys and its all about me. It was ten years ive been a a citizen of this country. And i wanted to talk about how attitudes towards immigration have changed slightly in those ten years. And i wanted it to be, like, a a celebration of immigration and the real reason i did it i call it legal immigrant, cause i dont actually think it really matters what the prefix is before the word immigration anymore. I think immigration itself has been so divided by our current president. And i also find out that the immigration and Naturalization Services website removed the phrase about a year and a half ago, removed the phrase nation of immigrants from their opening page on the website. And i thought that was awful so terrible. Like historical revisionism. So i decided to sing some songs and change the world jimmy yeah, you did. [ cheers ] well, you have a big audience here tonight is there any what would be the message you would like to get out to well, i suppose, you know, i became a citizen of this country, because i wanted to feel a part of the American Family but i guess recently, ive felt a bit of an orphan but you know what . The sun wil come out tomorro bet your Bottom Dollar tha tomorrow therell be sun five, six, seven, eight the sun wil come out tomorro so you got to hang o till tomorrow come what may jimmy everybody tomorrow, tomorro i love you, tomorrow youre always a day away take it away. Jimmy alan cumming, everybody. Legal immigrant is available now on audible [ cheers and applaus youre right it feels good. Well be right back with more tonight show. 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[ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest has her comedy special, bill burr talking to myself premiering december 6th on Comedy Central please welcome the very funny Jessica Kirson [ cheers and applause aww, its so good to be here im very anxious and i was walking down the street the other day and this girl was walking in front of me and she was on the phone and i listened to her conversation and it was literally like, oh, my god i was on instagram and i posted this post. And i look so good like i look so good and like so pretty and like nobody commented. Nobody, nobody commented ommeedjulie, amy, melissa. I was like freaking out. [ indiscernible on instagram. So, i tapped her on the shoulder and i said, ive been following you. [ laughter ] and she ran away she ran away cause i get depressed too you know im normally in dark colors. My friend said to me the other day, why do you always wear black . And im like, oh, cause i feel great about my body and im filled with hope. [ laughter ] i mean, i have a masters in social work and now im a traveling clown. I literally [ laughter ] travel around and tell jokes its crazy im trying to take care of myself so i downloaded this app where you count your calories. The problem is i lie on it how sick is that [ laughter ] i lie on my own app. That is sick like the other day, i had three bagels, a roast and a pie and i wrote down one baby carrot like [ laughter ] its okay, jessica. You really are talented. You are and you need to top putting yourself down. You deserve success. Its all going to be okay. You need to stop eating salads in public. Youre not fooling anyone. [ laughter ] you know, oatmeal is healthy, unless you add six cups of brown sugar. Then it becomes pie. [ laughter ] you had a miniature pie for breakfast. And told three people you had oatmeal. Youre a liar. Okay, so my mothers a a therapist. [ laughter ] my mother is a therapist and she saw clients in the basement my whole life. This is totally true so i had to be quiet every day shed say things like, susans coming and shes having a really hard time so im gonna need you to be quiet. Take off your shoes, no running around no flushing the toilet no opening chips susans in turmoil. Im like, well, i just ate six pizzas and beheaded my barbies, but good luck to susan. [ laughter ] the roots are laughing [ laughter ] so i thats all i care about is that the roots are laughing so i do a lot of shows in florida for very old people. Most of them are 80, 90, some have passed. [ laughter ] and i have to make them laugh. [ laughter ] and they have all the same face, even when theyre saying something positive its gorgeous outside [ laughter ] look at this weather the sun is out the test came back negative. Im gonna to live. [ laughter ] they talk during the whole show because they cant stop and they talk loud cause theyre deaf this is totally true so ill be in the middle of my act, and ill hear them having a whole conversation like, did she just say shes from new jersey . [ laughter ] i think she did say shes from new jersey. [ laughter ] what part of new jersey [ laughter ] do you think she knows the eisensteins . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause thank you. They sound like cats being assaulted. Just aaagh. Aaagh, bingo. [ laughter ] you knew that tag line wasnt gonna work and you did it anyway. Dont sabotage yourself. You deserve success. Its all gonna be okay you just ate a bag of chips and told yourself it was a serving of corn. [ laughter ] you know, i went to visit my grandmother and all these old women sit around and play cards and they all sound like little bees when they talk. They hunch over. [ indiscernible salmon. So i go to find her and shes not there and i go up to her friend rona and i said, rona, do you know where my grandmother is . And she goes, i dont know, darling, but ill let her know you were looking for her [ indiscernible trust fund. Lahter ] so i walked away and i hear her yell out unbelievable, thats bea farbmans granddaughter. Shes a lesbian magician. [ laughter and applause you guys are great thank you so much. [ cheers and applause thank you. Jimmy Jessica Kirson talking to myself premieres december 6th on Comedy Central well be right back. Jessica kirson [ cheers and applause ok, network inspection. Ok. Connected to wifi, protected from threats. Thermostat connected, protected. Speaker, space vacuum. [ whispering ] connected, protected. Shh. Eh, this is not connected or protected. But, thats a family heirloom. And, its a family security breach. Its gotta go. With xfinity xfi, if its connected, its protected. Pull the truck around. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Get more out of your inhome wifi experience with xfinity internet and ask about enhanced Network Security for all your connected devices. Click, call or visit a store today. [ cheers and applause jimmy my thanks to will ferrell, alan cumming, Jessica Kirson, right there. [ cheers and applause and the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching have a great night and i hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Star of the crown, actor Tobias Menzies representative ro khanna featuring the 8g band with jon theodore [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause that is fantastic to hear. In that case lets get to the news today was the third and final day of this weeks public impeachment hearings finally, said devin nunes, only to find his car wouldnt start, his phone died, he had to walk home, and he couldnt stop stepping in buckets
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