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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170620

Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes seth rogen, Kumail Nanjiani, paul shaffer and the worlds most dangerous band, jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs stephen whoo yeah thank you very much whoo thanks, everybody hey cheers and applause very nice. Hey, everybody audience chanting stephen thank you so much welcome to the late show, everybody cheers and applause whoo thank you, ladies and gentlemen please, have a seat cheers and applause very nice. Very nice. Thank you so much, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Now, i hope you guys had a Great Fathers day weekend. Did you, jon . Jon great one. Stephen i had an amazing one. I slept till 1 30. Jon you slept . Oh, you were alone. Thats right. You were by yourself. audience reacts stephen alone with my dreams. laughter president

Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170620

Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes seth rogen, Kumail Nanjiani, paul shaffer and the worlds most dangerous band, jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs stephen whoo yeah thank you very much whoo thanks, everybody hey cheers and applause very nice. Hey, everybody audience chanting stephen thank you so much welcome to the late show, everybody cheers and applause whoo thank you, ladies and gentlemen please, have a seat cheers and applause very nice. Very nice. Thank you so much, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Now, i hope you guys had a Great Fathers day weekend. Did you, jon . Jon great one. Stephen i had an amazing one. I slept till 1 30. Jon you slept . Oh, you were alone. Thats right. You were by yourself. audience reacts stephen alone with my dreams. laughter president

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170621

Guy, especially compared to james comey, who is a liar and a leaker and a nut job. I hope you have a happy marriage. Keep in mind i said hope. Hope doesnt mean youre forced to have a happy marriage. You could have a rotten marriage. The point is i hope its happy. And all the legal scholars agree, that hope wont hold up at an impeachment hearing. laughter this seems like a nice crowd. But my inauguration crowd was much, much bigger. The pictures were deceptive. Now, d. J. , play that song i told you to its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes ice cube. Marc maron. And musical guest jason isbell and the 400 unit. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey how are you . Thats very nice. Please, have a seat, everybody youre too kind. Thanks so much, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause its a Beautiful

Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170621

Guy, especially compared to james comey, who is a liar and a leaker and a nut job. I hope you have a happy marriage. Keep in mind i said hope. Hope doesnt mean youre forced to have a happy marriage. You could have a rotten marriage. The point is i hope its happy. And all the legal scholars agree, that hope wont hold up at an impeachment hearing. laughter this seems like a nice crowd. But my inauguration crowd was much, much bigger. The pictures were deceptive. Now, d. J. , play that song i told you to its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes ice cube. Marc maron. And musical guest jason isbell and the 400 unit. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey how are you . Thats very nice. Please, have a seat, everybody youre too kind. Thanks so much, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause its a Beautiful

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170622

With money taken from addicts. Canada is back to being an ethical, respected, shitty tundra. [ cheers and applause ] im gonna move here and here, and then im gonna roll to kill this zombie. Okay, good idea. What are you gaywods doing . Were playing board games so that grandpa avoids the casino and i avoid freemium apps. Well, all right. Good for you guys. Tell you what, ill join you. Board games go good with a glass of wine. Thats not a glass. Thats a trophy. That you won. For drinking. Its not drinking. Its called a wine zinfandel sipping sprint, and its competitive. Get off your high [bleep] horse. Your turn, grandpa. If you roll a five or six, you can kill these zombies. You guys want to put some money on it . [ thud ] Comedy Central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show. Thank you so much for tuning in. Im trevor noah. Our guest tonight, here to talk about his new album

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