Airpods and hope he doesnt shove us into an oncoming train. [ laughter ] even with all this tension, trump has not lost his sense of humor. For instance, this morning he tweeted, we will win. [ laughter ] which is funny. We have a reality show host who will not accept reality. How pleased with himself is Vladimir Putin right now . That 2 million rubles or whatever he put into interfering in the election in 2016 . What a payoff. Might be the greatest investment of all time. Its like he hit the destroy america lotto. Republicans are handling the president with kid gloves, because those are the only gloves that fit him. [ laughter ] i have to say, im less disgusted with our toddlerinchief throwing his oatmeal than i am at the Republican Congress going along with this. The baby is right that oatmeal should go on the wall, hes within his rights to throw it on the wall. We need to let the process of oatmealflinging play out. [ laughter ] only a handful of prominent republicans have acknowled
Day. Exactly one week until election day. Exactly a week until election day. Exactly one week until election day. One week until election day. One week to election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. Election day is one week from today. You believe it . Election day, one week away, can you believe it . One week until election day, can you believe it . Election day, can you believe a week from today . One week until election day. Can you believe election day is one week from today . Unbelievable. Jimmy it is, its really unbelievable. [ applause ] no, its not unbelievable. Guillermo, do you know when the election is, election day . Guillermo next tuesday. Jimmy wits a week away. Did you vote yet . Guillermo yeah, tonight tomorrow, i think. [ laughter ] vote by mail. Jimmy did you fill out t
Make Hand Sanitizers taste worse. Today the fda asked companies to make it taste bitter. Jimmy who would even think to drink it . You would have to be very thirsty to wash a couple of tide pods down with that. But calls to poison control about ingesting Hand Sanitizer have spiked dramatically. Maybe people just need something to do. A lot of people are out of work. In every state. The governor of kentucky, andy beshear, has been giving regular updates to his constituents. On television. On monday, he addressed unemployment claims in his state, and some of the issues theyve been facing related to those claims. I understand unfortunately, its going to take a little bit of time because a couple of bad apples can make this challenge that much more difficult. For instance, we had somebody apply for unemployment for tupac shakur here in kentucky. Jimmy of course, tupac is filing for unemployment, he hasnt put out an album in years. Two things we learned this week, ufos are real and tupac is
Wanted to do anything for the show heres something he came up with, him and dr. Kate stone, invented this thing, push it, hear. Jingle jangle, looks like you got a ring on the bell bootsy will be in the show. And got a call last night that bill murray wants to come on and talk with guy fieri tonight. Thats happening its a bizarre, fun show with mark russelllo, bill murray, guy fieri, Bootsy Collins and maria lambert, starts right now. Announcer tonight join jimmy and his guests, mark rolflo, bill murray and guy fieri, musical guests Miranda Lambert its the tonight show at home edition. And heres jimmy. Jimmy welcome to the tonight show. Lets get to the jokes mothers day happy mothers day to all the moms out there this sunday is mothers day but experts telling people not to visit their moms or hug them treat mothers day like its fathers day you kids remembered . You didnt of course a lot of kids had to serve their mom breakfast in bed. Thats nice. Would be special if you hadnt eaten eve
Something you could do on a green screen. Im pretty sure somebody could figure it out. I cant believe people are concentrating on that and not how crazy my hair looks. My wife had to help me tame it today. You cant get a haircut. You cant go out to eat. You cant run up to a stranger and lick their face. It very much feels like were living in the opening scene of a zombie movie. And yet, humanity is still happening. We have seen videos from italy and all over the world of families isolated in their apartments belting out songs from their balconies, playing instruments to lift their spirits and the spirits of those around them. And nowhere have these fire escape artists been greeted with more enthusiasm than new york city. [ bleep ] shut the [ bleep ] up and that was mayor diblasio new york is the best jimmy sadly, the death toll in new york city is over 900 now. The governor is asking doctors and nurses from other states to come and help. Last night this is how they lit up the Empire St