Than some of the other shows. I think we can agree that the worst part of the pandemic is that every late night talk show looks like a single dads first youtube video. But im excited to be back hosting tonight. Apparently i was number one in the ratings last night. So from now on you can call me ncis los angeles. Lets take a look at the news. Hollywood is under a lot of pressure to get back to work. But as governor gavin newsom said today, even with covid rates spiking all over california, its all worth it if we can achieve herd immunity among the cast of barry. Now as you may have heard, Donald Trumps niece mary trump is releasing a tellall book about the president which is already selling well. And she Just Announced shes working on a series of childrens books about the president , including horton withdraws from w. H. O. The taking tree. Cloudy with a chance of white supremacy. And goodnight mooch. Joe biden has opened up a double digit lead over trump in many polls. Although trump
At the time, but so did having the word juicy spelled out on all of our butts. Right . Remember the early 2000s . And as twitter got bigger it became a place for serious conversations about our culture. Unfortunately, many of us put as much thought into our tweets about social justice issues as we did those quiznos toilet tweets. And those thoughts are now coming back to cancel us. What most of us didnt realize was that by posting every one of our thoughts on a whim, we were permanently linking our names to ideas that should have been taken as seriously as bathroom graffiti. And with everyone being so connected and compounded by the fact that were all stuck at home and angry, when something happens theres peer pressure to comment on it right away. Were expected to have these fully formed, omniscient, bulletproof, unassailable hot takes on every topic in real time at all times that will stand the test of time. Or just do a weird dance on tiktok. And as a result no one takes a minute to
I shut the door, i go inside i change into my pajamas and when i come out of my room, i see that he has left his wallet so i call him. He comes back to get it. I step out onto the porc and instead of walking to the end of the porch and down the stairs, i just reach over the side of the porch to give him his wallet back. So, he rides up on his bicycle and just lets his bicycle fall and then reaches up to get his wallet now, at that moment, im reaching down and hes reaching up, a cop car pulls up, flashes its lights the cop gets out, and shes like, hold it right there we gotcha. Im like, okay now, everything she says to us she says with her hand on her gun. Now, im terrified, because while im a black lady, anthony is a black man, and this cop is a tiny, little white lady. Now, im scared. Anthonys scared ive had a lot of runins with the cops at this point and isnt it hilarious that when people say runins with the cops, they mean they got caught doing something . But when i say it, i just
I wonder what prompted the pope to pick up this particular subject, i wonder if he was on twitter and read that just learned that pope francis was a virgin . Send him a direct message if you must. I hope the pope didnt watch the debate last night. Because the democrats engaged in a good deal of tittletattle. Last night in charleston, south carolina. It was a mess of a debate. If you didnt see it, this is what you missed. [ talking simultaneously ] fighting for my [ bleep ] life. Yall killin me with this. Watching the democratic debate right here on cbs. Jimmy i think senator kelly has a shot. Last shot. They were waving their hands in the air like they just dont care. And in a way, it helped moderators keep it moving. A few key debate questions before we start, to save time please answer by raising your hand. Does everyone understand . Great. Did everyone use the bathroom . Does anyone still need to use the bathroom . Senator sanders, youre going to have to hold it. Okay. Would anyone
Lent . Guillermo weed, jimmy. Jimmy wheat . Did you say wheat . Guillermo no, i said smoking weed. Jimmy i didnt even know you did that. If youre looking for something to give up for the next 40 days. Pope francis has an idea. Hes encouraged us to stop insulting people online. Its a time to give up useless words, gossip, rumors, tittletattle. Im with him on all but the titt titt tittletattle. Please, stop mean tweeting the pope. Send him a direct message if you must. I hope the pope didnt watch the debate last night. Because the democrats engaged in a good deal of tittletattle. This is what you missed. [ talking simultaneously ] fighting for my [ bleep ] life. So tell me [ bleep ]. Watching the democratic debate right here on cbs. Jimmy i think senator kelly has a shot. For a lot of these candidates, it was desperation time. This was their last shot. They were waving their hands in the air like they just dont care. And in a way, it helped moderators keep it moving. A few key debate que