I wonder what prompted the pope to pick up this particular subject, i wonder if he was on twitter and read that just learned that pope francis was a virgin . Send him a direct message if you must. I hope the pope didnt watch the debate last night. Because the democrats engaged in a good deal of tittletattle. Last night in charleston, south carolina. It was a mess of a debate. If you didnt see it, this is what you missed. [ talking simultaneously ] fighting for my [ bleep ] life. Yall killin me with this. Watching the democratic debate right here on cbs. Jimmy i think senator kelly has a shot. Last shot. They were waving their hands in the air like they just dont care. And in a way, it helped moderators keep it moving. A few key debate questions before we start, to save time please answer by raising your hand. Does everyone understand . Great. Did everyone use the bathroom . Does anyone still need to use the bathroom . Senator sanders, youre going to have to hold it. Okay. Would anyone like to tell mayor bloomberg to screw himself . Very good. And who ordered the pastrami . Kwhik chicken breast . The caviar . A jar of mayonnaise . This salad with a comb in it . Senator klobuchar. Lastly, is there anyone who knows they shouldnt be here . Thank you. Goodbye. Okay, then. Lets begin. Jimmy Mike Bloomberg had a better showing than he did at the last debate and somehow managed to buy two commercials during the debate. Mike bloomberg has now put more than 500 million into his campaign. Even if he doesnt win the nomination he says hes prepared to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to beat trump. Team sanders says taking money from bloomberg is a hard no. Has any no from sanders ever been a soft no . He gives a hard no to trickortreaters. We have no sugar daddies what if bernie took 300,000 from bloomberg hooked up with a stripper and moved to the cayman islands. Wouldnt that be a hell of a plot twist to all of this . Trump would be so jealous for sure. This debate was all over the news nationally, but especially in south carolina. And i want to congratulate danielle seat of the wmbf news team in myrtle beach whose coverage of the debate made her this weeks winner of the award for excellence in reporting. Great tvs danielle seat joins us from charleston with what we need to know ahead of tonight. Good morning, danielle. [ bleep ]. Well, all eyes will certainly be on charleston. Jimmy you know, her hair looked good. And thats what really matters. The big winner last night at the debate, according to donald trump, was donald trump. The president watched the debates on his way home from india. Hes flying jetblue, and they have the tv. This morning he tapped out a twopart review. Part two said pocahontas was mean and undisciplined, mostly aiming at crazy bernie and mini mike. They dont know how to handle her, but i know she is a chocker. He misspelled choker. I think he was quoting his own misspelling from 2018 when he called marco rubio a chocker. Or maybe he was jocking. I dont know. And then the vice poodle piled on the democrats. Mike pence was in michigan last night at a keep America Great rally, speaking to a group of farmers for whom he compared whats going on with the democrats right now to a demolition derby. I mean, i grew up in a small town. County fair comes to town, right . Everybody with the crummiest cars in town would drive them into the infield and crash them into each other until only one was driving. So now you have all these democrats with the crummiest ideas in politics smashing into each other and eventually, therell still be one running. But i think we all know how this is going to end. Theres going to be a monster truck with a t on the hood thats going to drive into the infield and roll over the top of them jimmy thats just what the country needs right now, a monster truck rolling over top of us. Long live president truckasaurus. And, if the monster truck doesnt get us, this coronavirus will. This coronavirus is starting to make people nervous. This could be the fastest spreading virus from asia since gangnam style, which is scary. Its already having an impact locally, even the masked singer is wearing an extra mask now. We do our show in the heart of hollywood. And this is a place teeming with the dirtiest super heroes. From all over the world. Any neighborhood is going to get coronavirus. Were in prime corona zona right here. Health officials are warning to avoid physical contact with other people. People in japan are less at risk because their traditional greeting is a bow. We, for whatever reason, are sticking with the hand shake. Im giving up the handshake for lent. It doesnt mean im going to be not friendly. I came up with the patella hello. And guillermo and i are going to demonstrate it. Lets say guillermo and i have run into each other on the street, and i say hello, guillermo, right . Its good. And then if we really, its like a fist bump with your knee, and if you really like somebody, say hello, guillermo. There you go. Go back to your spot. And all you have to do, and all you have to do at the end of the day is make sure to wash your pants, thats all. The president is doing everything he can to calm this nations nerves. This morning he tweeted my fellow americans, while i know this is an uneasy time, trust that your representatives in washington are working around the clock with the worlds best scientists to protect you and your family from this terrible disease. When we band together we are strong. He didnt write that . Oh, no, he wrote this. Oh, low ratings fake news msdnc, comcast, and cnn are doing Everything Possible to make the coronavirus look as bad as possible. Include be panicking markets. Why is the media only focussing on the negative side of the coronavirus . Its so biassed. This is part of his, if you cant spell it you cant catch it campaign. Hes especially worried about this, not just because of the stock market which is key to his reelection but also because he realized how hard it will be to eat a Bacon Cheeseburger through a face mask. Today he held a press conference to again reassure us that he has this virus completely under control. [ indiscernible ] jimmy he gave a rambling presentation today. Of course he congratulated himself for his actions so far. And he downplayed the virus. He said the flu kills a lot more people than the coronavirus. So i guess we shouldnt worry. I dont know, alligators have killed more people, too. But it doesnt mean we should jump in the swamp. He showed the list showing the United States is ranked number one on a list of countries most prepared for this sort of thing, and then the president announced who hes putting in charge of fighting this virus. Hes really very expert at the field. And what ive done is im going to be announcing exactly right now that im going to be putting our Vice President mike pence in charge. Didnt it seem pence didnt know that was going to happen . I hope the virus isnt spread by kissing ass, because if it is, theyve got the wrong guy. Seriously. [cheers and applause] mike pence is in trouble. Why is mike pence, why is mike pence in charge . What is his plan to stop the virus . Abstinence . I think trump might be trying to kill him. I really do. Ted cruz posted something interesting. Ted cruz tweeted a segment, video, that he likely didnt realize was from our show. About two years ago we went out and asked people, we asked random people passing by if they could name a country on a map we set up. And many of them could not name a country. It had nothing to do with their political affiliation, but ted cruz posted and wrote, this is bernies base, the same base that tell pollsters socialism is great because free stuff is cool. And they have no ideas how many countries have tried it and failed. The guys talking about facts, truth and substance made that up. They were not bernie supporters. Bernie wasnt even running when we shot this. But in fairness to sweaty teddy, we decided to revisit the subject. We went out on the street and asked people who do not support Bernie Sanders, in fact, quite the opposite. We asked them to name a country, any country, and this is how they did. Are you a registered democrat . Republican. Republican. Can you name a country on this map . I believe thats africa. Nope. Russia . No. Thats china. Anything over here . Basically, europe. Wheres europe . Dont know. Are you a democrat by chance . I am not. Can you name a country on this map . Asia, or africa. Thats a continent. Oh. Hey. Can you name a country in africa . No. Do you support the president . Yeah. Can you name a country on this map . Um. How about this . No. How about this country . Anything here . No. Anything here . No. How about this country . I dont know. Can you name a country on this map . What . Just any country. I dont know. How about this . I dont know what that is. How about this . Texas. No, india. I dont know. Can you point to a country on this map . Ussr. Russia now. Yes. Can you point to it . No, thats china. All righty, my fault. Are you a democrat or republican . Republican. Most definitely. Can you name a country on this map . Mexico. Right down here. No, thats india. Whats this . That would be asia. No, thats africa. How about this . Here . Any over here . What about this continent . I have no ideal. How about anything over here . This is confusing. What about this. Pacific. Oh, yes, yes, yes. What is this . I dont know. How about this . I dont know. Nope. This . No. This . Nope. This . Nope. Nothing. Do you support ted cruz . Yes. Yes. Jimmy all right. Thats very sad, but you can go ahead and poke that through. We have a good show tonight. Music from soccer mommy, Iliza Shlesinger is here, and well be right back with bob odenkirk. [cheers and applause] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by sprint. During these Uncertain Times we want you to get the Great Service you expect without leaving the safety of your home. Sprint. Com makes shopping easier by offering free next day shipping and no activation fees on our best new phone deals, like the amazing iphone 11 for just 15 a month when you switch. For now sprint. Com is the best way to learn about our plans, buy new phones and get the services you need. Stay healthy and go to sprint. Com today. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com during kohls super saturday. Friends family take an extra 20 off. Save on mens and womens tops. Womens shoes are just 27. 99. And get pillows and towels for just 2. 99. Plus get kohls cash. Shop kohls and kohls dot com. This is gonna be americas favorite breakfast. They just dont know it yet. ding these are a few of my favorite things. You order a breakfast sandwich and thats when wendys makes it. Not weeks. Or months ago. Try your new favorite. Order by 10 and well even deliver it. vo command picture hanging strips hold strong and remove cleanly. Command. Do. No harm. Uhoh. No wifi at your inlaws house . Its switching time. And now its netflix time. Watch netflix offline. Switch to chromebook. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. Research shows people who take hiv treatment every day and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv, keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. If youre living with hiv, keep loving who you are. With this one little nexgard chew comes power, confidence, reassurance youre doing whats right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. This one little nexgard chew is the 1 vet recommended protection. And its the only chew, fda approved to prevent infections that cause lyme disease. Plus, its safe for puppies. Theres a lot of power in this one little nexgard chew. Nexgard. What one little chew can do. brad in new homesotcom than any other website. How . By sniffing out more listings than anybody else. Release [indistinct chatter] woman 1 [in headphones] my lease is up on the first. I think he wants me to move in with him. woman 2 what . employee ive got a potential lead on a vacancy. woman 1 whats up with this dog . woman 2 is that your dog . brad good boy. woman 2 whats up with the cone . brad i told you this would work. Apartmentsdotcom. The most popular place to find a place. Jimmy tonight, from the new netflix movie spenser confidential with Mark Wahlberg, Iliza Schlesinger is here. Then, her album is called color theory, soccer mommy from the mercedesbenz stage. Soccer mommy played a Bernie Sanders rally in houston the other night, which led to this wonderful moment, where bernie thanked the band. Let me thank soccer mommy for the music. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, thats good stuff. Tomorrow night, Mark Wahlberg and storm reid will join us with music from goody grace with blink182. So please join us, too. Our first guest is an emmy winning writer, comedian and actor too. For the past eleven years, hes played a lawyer who would like you to call him. Watch season five of Better Call Saul mondays on amc, please welcome bob odenkirk. [cheers and applause] jimmy you made the right move there. I did, you know . Jimmy well go back to our traditional kiss after the pandemic is behind us. How are you . Im great, man. Jimmy congratulations, i heard your alma mater, southern illino Illinois University siu. Jimmy is giving you an honorary doctorate. They ran out of people. I dont know if its a doctorate. It might be like a drivers certification page. Youre allowed to drive in carbondale. Jimmy if its not a doctor, dont go. I already have a degree from siu. A real one, that i earned by going to class. But i think its better to get the one that you didnt go to any classes for. Jimmy its cheaper. Its cheaper, and somehow its like just magical, its like a, its like just a magical thing from heaven that fell on you, you know . Jimmy and you can write doctor on forms, now, legally. Thats right. Jimmy just like bill cosby did, you know . No, okay. Now i dont want it. Now you ruined that for me. Jimmy so. No, im going to go. Jimmy didnt you go to college when you were a young boy or something . I was 16 when i went to college. Does that make you think im smart . Jimmy yeah, youre like doogie odenkirk. I was just tired of high school. Id had enough. Jimmy were you able to transfer to college. I was a normal student. I read a lot. I like to read. And i think that kind of kicked me ahead of everyone else, and then i just asked one day when i was a junior in high school. I said how many credits do i have . I went to the office. They said youll have 16, thats all you need, and i was like oh, can i leave . And theyre like, yeah. Jimmy and you did. I didnt go to graduation. And they never included me in any, it was like i disappeared. I disappeared from high school. I didnt graduate. I was so young that i felt like id be very awkward at any college. So i went to a local college, at dupage. Jimmy oh. But its great. I spent a year there, had a blast, then i went to marquette. Because i thought my father had gone there. Jimmy what . Yes, i didnt know, because that will tell you a little about my life there. I heard a rumor that he went there. I didnt, and so i thought i should go there. And then that was all right for a year, and then i somehow went to southern. I loved southern Illinois University. Its just great. Beautiful part of the country. If youve ever been there, its very far south from chicago. And its just great, and i had a blast there, and i did comedy there. Jimmy what, you did like radio . I did a radio show. Jimmy college radio. College radios where i started. You, too . Jimmy yeah, i started in college radio. Its a great, safe place to perform and nobody can see you. Jimmy or in my case, no one was listening at all. Oh, me too, me too. Jimmy do you remember . And that was great. Jimmy did you do sketches . I had a partner named tim thomas, an early version. Of david cross. And we improvised and had the prime time special on thursday nights at midnight. So not prime time. Jimmy right. Also not special. And we were kind of inspired by our heroes, which why the credibility gap, a great comedy group from pasadena that featured as one of its members Michael Mckeon who then played chuck on Better Call Saul. He played my brother many years later. [ applause ] jimmy thats crazy. And thats a complete coincidence. All a big circle. But he inspired me, and then years later we got to work together. Jimmy your son is in college now. How old is your son now . My son nate who worked here. Thank you for that. Got him out of the house. Jimmy hes a smart kid. Hes 21 years old now. He can do whatever he wants. Jimmy did you have a party for him after his 21st birthday . Its weird, man, he didnt care, because he had a fake i. D. For so many years, so it was nothing. Jimmy thats what happened to me. I grew up in las vegas. You have to have a fake id. Its actually the law. It wont help you anymore in vegas, because we actually met him in vegas a few weeks after he turned 21. Jimmy oh, you did. He was there for a debate tournament, because hes a coach. And we were there to enjoy vegas, and he had a couple friends with him. And we were sitting there at the roulette table. You want to teach your kids how to manage money, you know . And what better way than roulette . Invest your money in roulette, kids [ laughter ] and the dealer, or the dealers, what are they . Jimmy theyre spinners, i guess. The spinner asked for the kids ids, because theyre smart. And they run except every one of the friends, the id doesnt work. Lets take it to the security desk. Its not workin, its not workin. So they have us go through the rigmarole. And after the third person had tested it five times the kid leans over to me and goes, its fake. Well, tell us that at the start. Jimmy youre an accessory to a crime. Were going to take a break. When we come back, season five of Better Call Saul, is on. The second to last season. Bob odenkirk is with us. Get ready, yall get ready ready set jump to the rhythm as hard as you can go keep it steady steady, to the letter, right . Turn it up, we giving a show hey hey hey, whatd i miss . Ready, set steady, bet hey allergy muddlers. Achoo . Do your sneezes turn heads . Try zyrtec. It starts working hard at hour one. And works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Zyrtec muddle no more. [ celebrate together now by lonis featuring illis prat ] free, free, free. Thats right, turbotax free is free. Free, free free free. More than ever, your home is your sanctuary. Thats why lincoln offers complimentary pickup and delivery servicing. Well pick up your vehicle and leave you with a lincoln loaner and the peace of mind that helps you focus on what matters most. Thats the power of sanctuary. And for a little extra help, you can now purchase a new lincoln remotely, and defer payment for up to 120 days. You can now purchase a new lincoln remotely, when it comes to your business internet, which is more important . Okay, i wish i didnt have to choose. Like the more i think about it, the more i want to jump to each room. What if i said you can have it all . Comcast business gives you connectivity that goes beyond. Thats what we want thats speed, reliability, and security, all from one provider. Touchdown comcast business goes beyond with the extraordinary speed, reliability and security your business needs. Call today. Comcast business. Beyond fast. Everything good . Yeah. Started celebrating, actually. Celebrating what . I just realized i have all pro bono clients tomorrow, all day. Well, all right. To justice. Yeah. Jimmy that is bob odenkirk in Better Call Saul, using his fake id again. So Vince Gilligan announced this is the second to last season. Next season will be the last season. Whereas most shows you wonder what will happen, theoretically, we know what will happen. We know, but not really. Jimmy not really. Because they always want to throw a curve at you. And i know that weve already shot one scene that took place during the time period of breaking bad. It was in season four of Better Call Saul, episode five, if youre watching on netflix. Youll see a scene that takes place during the breaking bad time period. So well get there, were very close, and this season on Better Call Saul, which just started, well see dean norris and Steven Michael casada, so old chums from breaking bad are coming back, more people coming back into the world, and i think theyre going to tell the story of what happens after the breaking bad. Jimmy interesting. Is there any chance that at the end of Better Call Saul, you will go back further into time like jimmy in sixth grade or Something Like that . They were talking about a prenatal version of the show. Jimmy how many times have you been nominated for a emmy for this show . Like four. Jimmy is this annoying to you . Well, i got into this gig for the same reason olivier did, for the awards. Jimmy the awards. And not just to get nominated. Im kind of mad. I want to sue somebody, but i dont know who to sue. But you know what i thought, jimmy, i need to make a feature film about somebody from history whos really important. Jimmy yes. Really important. Jimmy yes. Youve got to give that guy the award, right . Jimmy right. So i found this character whose work you will all be familiar with. Jimmy uhhuh. And i went to the studios, and i said let me play this guy. Im going to bring him to life. Im going to give him heart, im going to give him courage. Youre going to love hip. And they said are you kidding, heres money, just go make it, its fun. And its so easy to get movies made. And we made it jimmy you have the World Premiere of the trailer here. And lets take a look right now. [cheers and applause] and the answer is four [cheers and applause] nothing. We have some encrypted messages indicating that a Russian Nuclear attack is imminent. We need you to crack these codes. Ill do my best, sir. You need to do better than that. In 24 hours, life as we know it will end. Ah damn it ah please tell me youve cracked the code. Even better, sir. Look, 5318008. What does it mean . Look again. Boobies . Boobies, honk, honk. My calculator. We need to share this with the world. If you turn the calculator upside down, boobies back in your brassieres, ladies and gents. The world has caught boobies fever, it has turned your world and calculator upside down. Gist just ask russian premier khrushchev. I now believe russia and america can peacefully coexist, just like a pair of boobies. Excuse me, will you sign my calculator . Of course. Times up have you cracked the code . Even better, sir. Turn the calculator upside down. You worthless [ bleep ] idiot Jimmy Bob OdenkirkBetter Call Saul airs mondays at nine on amc. Well be right back. Weve all been here before. The conference room. The speaker phone. The missing files. Not in the room . Then youre not in the know. Well, this has been nice, but can we not . Microsoft teams invites everyone you work with to work together. Be seen, be heard, be there when youre not. Share your files, and your opinion. And maybe even a happy little fruit guy. When youre ready to unleash the power of your team, open teams. Its not getting in my way. . I had enough joint pain, swelling, tenderness. Much better. My psoriasis, clearer. Cosentyx works on all of this. Four years and counting. So watch out. I got this watch me. Real people with active Psoriatic Arthritis are feeling real relief with cosentyx. Cosentyx is a different kind of targeted biologic. It treats the multiple symptoms of Psoriatic Arthritis to help you look and feel better. It even helps stop further joint damage. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability. To fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen. Or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. I just look and feel better. I got real relief with cosentyx. Watch me feel real relief. Ask your rheumatologist about cosentyx. During kohls super saturday. Friends family take an extra 20 off. Save on mens and womens tops. Womens shoes are just 27. 99. And get pillows and towels for just 2. 99. Plus get kohls cash. Shop kohls and kohls dot com. This is gonna be americas favorite breakfast. They just dont know it yet. ding these are a few of my favorite things. You order a breakfast sandwich and thats when wendys makes it. Not weeks. Or months ago. Try your new favorite. Order by 10 and well even deliver it. Businesses are closing. Living rooms are now offices and schools. Our world is suddenly different. But one thing stays the same. Sate farm is there. To any of our customers currently facing financial burdens, call your state farm agent because were here to help make this new normal, feel just a little more. Normal. Like a good neighbor, state farm is there. ® keeping our customers, employees, and communities safe. During these Uncertain Times we want you to get the Great Service you expect without leaving the safety of your home. Sprint. Com makes shopping easier by offering free next day shipping and no activation fees on our best new phone deals, like the amazing iphone 11 for just 15 a month when you switch. For now sprint. Com is the best way to learn about our plans, buy new phones and get the services you need. Stay healthy and go to sprint. Com today. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com dicky if youre going to be in the l. A. Area and want to see the show, go liv live. Com oh, oh, announcer ® onceweekly ozempic® is helping many people with type 2 diabetes like james lower their blood sugar. A majority of adults who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. Heres your a1c. Oh my a1c is under 7 announcer and you may lose weight. Adults who took ozempic® lost on average up to 12 pounds. I lost almost 12 pounds oh announcer for those also with known heart disease, ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as heart attack, stroke, or death. It lowers the risk. Oh and i only have to take it once a week. Oh oh, oh, oh, ozempic® announcer ozempic® is not for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. Do not share needles or pens. Dont reuse needles. Do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or Family History of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. Stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. Serious side effects may include pancreatitis. Tell your doctor if you have Diabetic Retinopathy or vision changes. Taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. Common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. Some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. Onceweekly ozempic® is helping me reach my blood sugar goal. Oh, oh, oh, ozempic® announcer you may pay as little as 25 per prescription. Ask your Health Care Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. [ celebrate together now by lonis featuring illis prat ] you cant claim that because its inanimate people ask me what sort of person should become a celebrity accountant. And, i tell them, nobody should. Hey, buddy. Whats the damage . I bought it the waterfall . Nope a new volkswagen. A volkswagen . i think were having a breakthrough here welcome to caesars palace. Thank you. Uhoh, dead battery at your rustic rental. What if a little birdie told you its switching time . Thanks friend. Switched up to twelve hours of battery life. Switch to chromebook. During kohls super saturday. Friends family take an extra 20 off. Save on mens and womens tops. Womens shoes are just 27. 99. And get pillows and towels for just 2. 99. Plus get kohls cash. Shop kohls and kohls dot com. The family has to share one. Ooo. Got it step up with boost mobile and get 4 phones for free switch to boost mobile and get 4 lines for 25 per line with unlimited data, and 4 free Samsung Galaxy a20 phones, all on our super fast network. Jimmy welcome back. Our next guest has specials and you can see her alongside Mark Wahlberg. Please welcome eliza schlesinger. I want to thank you, first of all, for sending burritos to our show. You are welcome, kimmel staff. Jimmy i know your husband is the chef who made them. It was very strategic on my part. Your wife is a big fan of that burrito, and my husband is the one who invented that burrito, and we thought wed send some along. Jimmy it is like a Christmas Eve tradition at our house, for lunch we will have those burritos. So thank you four that. And youre very talented, too, i dont want to make this all about him. Im surprised we havent met before. Have you been here to this show before . Ive not been on the show, but i have been here to the show. In 2007, when i was like really young. I was in the green many roo. You have like your big greenroom parties. At that time, now youre married. I totally get it. I was here with a friend and had to leave early. It was so glamorous with all these free snacks everywhere. It was like, just one more, i promise i wont and i had to go to san diego. And they didnt pay in cash, but they let you pick an item off the menu. I remember my sad chevy blazer, one day ill be on jimmy kimmel, and i wont be paid in chicken fingers and today is that day, but there were chicken fingers. Jimmy its easy for people to see, and youve got billboards on netflix, all these specials and success. Its a reminder you were driving to san diego on a week night. On a week night. And i had a desk job, just like every young girl dreams and youre doing several sets a night with your own merch and a duffle bag. Jimmy when did you first do standup . I did standup on a ship. A semester at sea. Shout out. It was like an open mic on the ship with 600 other students from all over the country, like an open mic night and i got up and started talking about the interactions between all the frat guys and the Sorority Girls on the ship and that created the lens through which i looked at society. It was like me looking at all the girls getting the idea of apes. Girls are like, did i leave my study book in here . And guys are like, uh. I cut off pie my hand here earlier and left it in here. Jimmy thats video games, i hope. It was a group. Uh. Jimmy so people were actually doing schoolwork on the ship . The children that were there on academic scholarships were. The rest of us were getting scanned. Can i say the s word . At places like the taj mahal. It give you a global perspective of how the rest of your lifes going to be. Jimmy look at this, here you are now, in a movie with Mark Wahlberg. I am in a movie eal. A very big deal. Jimmy how did that come to pass . Id love to be like, they just called and said can you add your magic . No, i went to an audition and i remember getting the sides, and it said do not do a boston accent. Jimmy the sides are a small piece of the script. A small bit. Im so hollywood. And it said no boston accent. Im like, Mark Wahlberg, i know its going to be shot in boston, i wont do it. But the line is, every day i pray to st. Jude for a reason to leave you. And i was like, i cant not do a boston accent and invoke the name st. Jude. I tried it in every accent. I was like, you got to go boston, go boston, go big. And i went in and did the accent. And tanked it, obviously. And then a couple weeks later we were supposed to hear on friday. If youve ever auditioned for anything its just like forget about it, live your life, and im like, i cant and i had flown to boston to do a gig. Its friday afternoon, im in my hotel room, and i decide, its against every molecule go my body, i turn the phone off, forget that movie. Who cares. Three minutes later, i turn it back on, and i had a missed call from my agent. Okay, theyre going to tell me i didnt get it and its before i go on stage. Cool. So i call her back. My agent goes, Mark Wahlberg wants to call you, and im like, im not wearing any makeup. And she was like he just wants to talk to you. And i was like, thats so sweet, he is taking time out of his day to let me know i didnt get the part. What a gentleman. They connect me, and i went to school in boston. I remember my apartment was like underground. We had a tv that sat on a wheelchair. Now im overlooking the boston common, wouldnt it be wonderful . Hes like hey, he has a pretty good boston accent. And i was like, ah and then it got quiet, okay, youre hot. And he goes, he just goes, so, are you ready to get crazy with us . And in hollywood, its such a like, we love you so much were not hiring you. So i dont know what the legalese is for are you ready to get crazy, im like, do i have the gig . I need to hear it. Hes like, yeah. Well see you in a couple weeks. And im like, yes and i screamed so loud that security sent someone up to make sure im okay. Im like, im okay jimmy its a miraculous story, from san diego to the sea. From chicken fingers to boston commons. Jimmy its great to have you here. Spenser confidential is available on netflix a week from friday. And well return with music from soccer mommy. [cheers and applause] dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by the amg gt fourdoor coupe. Mercedes amg, driving performance. brad in new homesotcom than any other website. How . By sniffing out more listings than anybody else. Release [indistinct chatter] woman 1 [in headphones] my lease is up on the first. I think he wants me to move in with him. woman 2 what . employee ive got a potential lead on a vacancy. woman 1 whats up with this dog . woman 2 is that your dog . brad good boy. woman 2 whats up with the cone . brad i told you this would work. Apartmentsdotcom. The most popular place to find a place. Like getting the best evewifi experiencein. With walltowall coveragetheres a win. Plus, added protection for your connected devices. Thats a winwin. Put it together with Xfinity Mobile the most reliable wireless network. Talk about a winning combo. Get xfinity internet and Xfinity Mobile for just 30 each a month. Youll save up to 400 a year on your wireless bill. Plus get 300 off when you buy a new galaxy s20 ultra. Now thats. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Click, call or visit a store today. vo electric, it doesnt i knhave enough range. Nking. It cant handle the elements. And, there is nowhere to charge up. Well, think again. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jimmy id like to thank bob odenkirk and Iliza Shlesinger. Apologies to matt damon, nightline is next, but first, this is her album, color theory, here with the song circle the drain, soccer mommy [cheers and applause] wanna be calm like the soft summer rain on your back like the fold of your shoulders but everything just brings me back down to the cold hard ground and it keeps getting colder its a feeling that boils in my brain i would dial back the flame but im not sure im able im wobbling out on the wire and the lights could go out with the break of a cable things feel that low sometimes even when everything is fine hey ive been falling apart these days split open watching my heart go round and around round and around circle the drain im going down round and around and around and around round and around and ryg sm ro around e r fily d friends but im so tired of faking cause im chained to my bed when theyre gone watching tv alone til my body starts aching and i think theres a mold in my brain spreading down all the way through my heart and my body cause i cling to the dark of my room and the days thin me out or just burn me straight through things feel that low sometimes even when everything is fine hey ive been falling aspli h ou round and around circle the drain im going down round and around and around and around round and around and around and around things feel that low sometimes even when everything is fine hey ive been falling apart these days split open watching my heart go round and around round and around circle the drain im going down round and around round and around circle the drain im going down [cheers and applause] shiny Santa Clara County already hard hit, now a monumental task, how to handle more covid19 cases. Governor newsom had a statewide moratorium on evictions. How neighbors are blowing off steam and thanking medical workers with a very big howl. Wet weather for your weekend. Ill have the hour by hour time line coming up. Abc 7 news at 11 starts right now. Now, your health, your safety, this is abc 7 news. The United States now has more than 100,000 cases of the coronavirus, the most of any country, more than 1,700 have died. Tonight, an ominous warning from dctors about whats to come. This may get worse before it gets better. President trump moves to save the American Economy by signing the largest relief bill in modern history, more than 2 trillion. This will deliver urgently needed relief to our nations families, workers and businesses. California renters get a temporary retrieve from the state, the governor signing an order to stop evictions through may. We are not waiting for the crisis to