Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight all hill breaks loose. And stephen makes a new lord of the rings trilogy. Tonight, stephen welcomes Kamala Harris. And Lady Antebellum. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape at the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hello happy thursday. Please have a seat, everybody. Thank you so much. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. And it is cheers and applause and you can feel the excitement. Everybody is so excited about day five of the live impeachment hearings. cheers and applause yeah. The witnesses have been compelling, theyve corroborated what the whistleblower said, but the people on the say whole thing has one problem the issue keeps on being kind of complicated for people to follow. Has this gotten too confusing for the American People . There are too many names, and too many of you tell me youre too confused. I know that so
President trump what conspiracy are we discussing today, sir . Perhaps the biggest scandal in the history of our country. Did the grey alien introduce gogurt technology to prepare our children for eventual tube feeding on the clone farm . They have the server. They . Who are they . And what is their relationship to them . Crowdstrike, or whatever its called, which is a Company Owned by a very wealthy ukrainian, and i still want to see that server. Ah, yes, the server. Wait, hasnt that one been debunked . I mean, fiona hills testimony was fairly compelling. Why did they give it to a Ukrainian Company . Its an american company, and they didnt give it to them. I think this goes to the highest level. Oh, it goes to the highest level wait, isnt that you . I want to see adam schiff testify about the whistleblower. Okay. Ive got a chupacabra on line two. Got to go. Lets move on to something more believable. Why did the Trilateral Commission release chemtrails to make me gain weight in my 50s
President trump was impeached today. Though i think its a little like having a raccoon in your garage and poking it with a broom. Its still there, its just mad now. President trump was on twitter during todays Impeachment Vote and accused democrats of carrying out quote an assault on america and an assault on the Republican Party filled with atrocious lies by the radical left. [ laughter ] i feel like we elected a 2 00 a. M. Mattress commercial as president. Why do you always have to use all caps honestly i cant wait until trump is finally out of office and the only time we see all caps is when joe biden smiles. [ laughter ] according to a new report, women worldwide will not receive equal pay to men until the year 2277 in that case, let it all burn, [ cheers and applause a new study has found that iceland is the most genderequal country in the world, because it turns out its pretty hard to discriminate based on gender when everyones wearing 12 layers. [ laughter ] the Motion Picture a
President s infamous phone call were live with the latest. Breaking overnight, a saudi court finds eight people guilty in the killing of Washington Post journalist jamal khashoggi. Five of them sentenced to death. So did the u. S. Play any role in helping bring them to justice. All that plus murder mystery, more questions in the killing of that texas mother and the kidnapping of her baby as the victims friend remains in jail. Cruise ship collision, new details on what caused those Carnival Cruise liners to slam into each other injuring passengers both ships returning to u. S. Ports overnight. And triumphant return, eddie murphy delivers huge ratings in his snl return after 35 long years. The classic characters he brought back and the one person who wasnt thrilled about being the target of eddies jokes. Today, monday, december 23rd, 2019 from nbc news, this is today with Savannah Guthrie and hoda kotb live from studio 1a in rockefeller plaza. And welcome to today on this monday morning,
Should not pick the next president of the united states. Mr. Mayor, your response. You know, according to forbes magazine, im literally the only person on this stage who is not a millionaire or a billionaire. And joe biden fighting back after being mocked for stuttering. Breaking news in the case of that missing texas mom and her baby. Authorities surround a home in houston right now. Abc news exclusive. Pat sajak speaking out in his first interview since his medical emergency. You go in and they dont know if im coming out. What it was like seeing vanna white take control of the wheel and what hes saying about leaving the show only on gma. And feeling the force. The starliner rocket blasting off moments ago. Weve cleared the tower. This as star wars blasts into theaters. Troops getting an early screening. Fans lining up all night and now the breakout star is joining us live. And good morning, america. Happy friday. Happy holiday friday. Happy star wars friday. The day is finally here.