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90% of Londoners conversations now about alternative milks

90% of Londoners conversations now about alternative milks 16th April 2021 THE majority of conversations in London focus solely on comparing the merits of various milk substitutes, it has emerged. A study which gathered a random group of people who all live in the city found that they were having a tedious discussion about whether a hemp milk flat white was better than an oat milk flat white within minutes of meeting. Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The results further confirm what we’ve known for a long time, which is that people who live in London are pretentious twats who will get obsessed with any old shite if someone else tells them it’s cool.”

Key in front door substantially increases the need to have a piss

Key in front door substantially increases the need to have a piss
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Farmers and fishermen urged to pay attention to how farming and fishing works

Farmers and fishermen urged to pay attention to how farming and fishing works 2nd February 2021 FARMERS and fishermen outraged about Brexit disruption should have learned the basics about who they sell products to, experts have advised.  With meat and fish rotting at ports, the Institute for Studies has suggested food producers should have Googled questions like ‘What is an export?’, ‘Where do pigs go after I put them in the lorry?’ and ‘Do fish go off?’ Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to learn about the job you’ve been doing for decades in a magical journey of discovery.

More virulent strain of right-wing, Covid-denying commentator emerges

More virulent strain of right-wing, Covid-denying commentator emerges 8th January 2021 EXPERTS have warned of an even worse type of anti-science, right-wing newspaper columnist emerging during the Covid crisis.  A new strain of amoral, ambitious journalists could spread quasi-libertarian nonsense more effectively than even Allison Pearson, Julia Hartley-Brewer and that twat Toby Young. Newly recruited Daily Telegraph contrarian Charlotte Phelps said: “We should have mass burnings of masks in town centres. And people who wear them.  “Everything is an assault on our freedom. It’s fascism, although I have no idea what that means except it’s bad like Darth Vader.”

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