stated, he has this condition, there s no cure. we ll have to be careful throughout his life. how nervous were you that he could die? i was afraid everyday that i would go downstairs or go to his bedroom and he may have passed away in the middle of the night. one time we were driving in the car, and ben, with a different tone in his voice, said, mom, how do we know if we get to go to heaven? and how old was he? he was 4. i told him you just let jesus know you want to be there. he asked jesus if he would be his friend for the rest of his life. was he emotional when he had this conversation? he was. he actually had tears in his eyes. i remember the paramedics gathering around ben and
wish that he didn t have to deal with that at such a young age. on the first day of summer, ben thought he would be on the lake wake boarding. i went into the room and it was similar to the time he was 4, but i knew he wasn t having a seizure because he was conscious and he was talking. his fingers were blue. by the time he got to the e.r., we learned there was an abscess on the tonsil. so we went into everything expecting it to be extremely routine. but it was during the surgery that ben experienced cardiac arrest. he finally got up to icu and he was unconscious, and they had him on the a breathing machine. they warned us that when he woke up, the hope was he would be able to breath on his own. we didn t know what to expect, and when he woke up, he looked at ali or me or one of us and
yes, i do. because it was very scary. the doctor just very clearly stated, he has this condition, there s no cure. we ll have to be careful throughout his life. how nervous were you that he could die? i was afraid everyday that i would go downstairs or go to his bedroom and he may have passed away in the middle of the night. one time we were driving in the car, and ben, with a different tone in his voice, said, mom, how do we know if we get to go to heaven? and how old was he? he was 4. i told him you just let jesus know you want to be there. he asked jesus if he would be his friend for the rest of his life. was he emotional when he had this conversation? he was. he actually had tears in his eyes.
and he told me it made him feel really good, and he thought it was an angel. nine years later or so, when he was 13, you took him to the cardiologist. he explained what was happening with ben s heart that it wasn t pumping properly at this point, and fluid was backing up. the doctor reiterated that we need to start thinking about heart transplant. so how did ben take this? when ben and i left the appointment, he just asked me very seriously, mom, am i going to die? so i said, yes, you will, and we all do at some point. none of us really know when that is. how hard was that conversation for you? it was really heartbreaking. he was just so young. and he s having to deal with difficult questions, and i just
very adamant about playing our fanl family game of monopoly. and it was right after that that he went outside with jake and watched him jump on the trampoline with his friends. i was in the kitchen starting to fix christmas dinner and i looked outside my kitchen window and i took a mental snapshot of ben standing there smiling. that was the last time i saw him smile. almost immediately after that, jake came running in the back door and he said, mom, it s ben. i yelled at sean to come outside and we started doing cpr right away. sunny and i felt really alone in this moment. and i, again, just thought, all right, if this is the time, god, you can take care of him.