i remember the paramedics gathering around ben and measuring all types of vitals and that sort of thing. the ambulance arrived and they put him into the back of the ambulance with my mom. there was a moment there where you just let go. there was a point in there where i realized that the answer to my prayer maybe was going to be, i m going to take him home, to heaven. finally, they were wheeling him from the e.r. to a regular room. and i was walking alongside the gurney holding ben s hand. and this warm little hand, which i was loving at the moment, ben
you know, i believe that all of us have only come here to realize who we are and to be true to who we are. most people, myself included, fear death. what do you say to them? when you lose your fear of death, you actually lose your fear of life, as well. and to this day, you re cancer-free? yes. to this day, i m cancer-free. finally, they were wheeling him from the e.r. to a regular room. ben was looking straight up and he said, mom, do you see that light?
student was passed out on the floor in the commons and he was purple. and i remember saying, oh my god, it is ben. i mean, i knew he was not breathing. and then i just started doing cpr. and just thinking, please god, let him wake up. it sounds like the white light is back. what happened in that room? what did he tell you? it was like a pitch white light. he said, and then all of a sudden i realized kid cuddy was with me. the rapper?
i knew that he had passed away but i didn t believe it until i heard it from my parents at the hospital. we had to deal with the reality that he wasn t with us anymore. and i believed immediately that he was in heaven. what made you believe that? my faith was strengthened in those moments. i didn t doubt it at all. the video went viral. it did. it had been going around for hours even though ben had just passed away a few hours before. why do you think he made that video? it was ben s way of saying good-bye and i think it was a gift to the world. i think he wanted others to have
peace of mind, so he shared philippians 4:6-7 and we went around the living room taking turns praying for ben and his health and after we were finished, ben prayed for us. he prayed that he wouldn t be sad or scared for him anymore because he wasn t sad or scared. and he added, i m okay with whatever god decides. did that bring you peace? a lot, yes. he wasn t afraid of dying anymore at that point. the day he chose to make this video we had that home church that morning and we didn t know what he was doing afterwards but that s when he went in to his room and made this video. so a week later, christmas day. we actually had a wonderful christmas morning together. we opened presents as a family. we re all laughing and ben was