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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121207

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org thats our show, join us your home of zen. Getting ready for a zombie apocalypse. Oh boy. S that is not a hollywood movie. It is a taxpayer funded drill by the department of foamhand security, your government and there is a lot more where this came captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause oh merry cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, thank you for joining us stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much, folks. There is tons of excitement in the air tonight. It is the final night of hobbit week. cheers and applause im so excited, folks. Im so excited about tonights show, i have been camping outside my studio since 5 a. M. Dressed as my favorite character. Tonights guest director peter jackson. cheers and applause who has requested that toni

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121208

Creators of the hobbit for the past four days has changed me in ways i never expected. I mean its hard to put my finger on it. laughter i got to tell you, it is such high maintenance. I can never find the parts. And frankly my manipedi girl is on a suicide watch. But of course tonight a big story comes from my home state of South Carolina. Big breaking news in this town, senator jim demint, a Tea Party Favorite and conservative icon is surprisingly resigning his seat he had tend of the end of the year. Stephen thats right, South Carolina jim demint is dequitting. Now the decision on who will replace demint falls to South Carolina governor and friend of the show nikki haley. But who will she pick. Lets see, you want somebody young. Somebody conserve fiv, somebody from South Carolina. Maybe somebody who had a super pac. Wait a second. cheers and applause watch where you point that thing, its powerful. Okay. Now folks im to the going to sit here and say i should be South Carolinas next se

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121219

Cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, thank you for joining us stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much, folks. There is tons of excitement in the air tonight. It is the final night of hobbit week. cheers and applause im so excited, folks. Im so excited about tonights show, i have been camping outside my studio since 5 a. M. Dressed as my favorite character. Tonights guest director peter jackson. cheers and applause who has requested that tonights interview be broken into three parts and aired every december until 2014. You know, folks, its just been a great week. And spending time with the creators of the hobbit for the past four days has changed me in ways i never expected. I mean its hard to put my finger on it. laughter i got to tell you, it is such high maintenance. I can never find the parts. And frankly my manipedi girl is on a suicide watch. But of course ton

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121220

Welcome back, is everyone sticking to their sacrifices . I gave up middle eastearn men and candy. I assure you the money went to a good cause. Follow me on twitter. Keep up with our blog, i cant wait to see you all on tour. I asked you to get off your ass once a day and enjoy 30 seconds of hard core par core. Little did i know it would take america by storm. Stop. What are you doing. I am getting on tosh. O. Not hard core enough. Weird how none of those took place at a fortune 500 companies. See you next one. Am i the only one that doesnt have their body in early spring . Enjoy. [applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause oh merry cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, thank you for joining us stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much, folks. There is tons of excitement in the air tonight. It is the final night of hobbit wee

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