Quick off the top, an apology. Last night, i went on a bit of a tear against phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and his home city of philadelphia. And i may have overstepped. Sometimes you hurt those you dont intend to. In this case, the philly phanatic. Obviously theres no need to rehash who called who a bleep up jim henson reject looking piece of bleep . Or words exactly to that effect. The point is, it was said. Most likely by the one of us who doesnt have a blow tickler in place of a functioning larynx. However, after our taping, it was brought to my attention that the mascot of my preferred baseball club, one mr. Met, is himself neither fully animal nor human but is in fact an at least equally hideous halfman halfball mutant with a baseball instead of a head. Why someone would take a job where he is surrounded all day by bats, seems like a recipe for trouble. The point is, im sorry i offended mr. Phanatic. I know how difficult your life has been since that sex tape came out. Seriously
Jon childish words, popping up on buildings and signs all over. Police say theres nothing funny about this. You can see behind me the discolored bricks, that graffiti has already been cle cheers and applause stephen tonight, health care for our armed forces. Does obama remember to do scheduled maintenance on our drones . laughter then are some questions better left unanswered . And my guest, the honorable ray mabus is the United States secretary of navy. I will ask him cheers and applause laughter the Restaurant Industry says fast food workers could soon be replaced by robots. Unfortunately, even robots cant live on minimum wage. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the respect, everybody. Thank you so much. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. Welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. cheers and applause . Folks folks, i gotta tell you, ive
Tonights shocking news on Climate Change. Turns out it was earn climate the whole time. Then amazons latest break through, your book will now be delivered biannual amazon. And my guest keri russell stars on fxs the american, as a russian spy in the 1980s. Or as they called it back then, now. The cdc says half of americans take prescription drugs. The other half are too drunk to open the childproof cap. This is the colbert report captioning sponsored by Comedy Central welcome to the report, everybody. Good to have you with us. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen, stephen, steph en stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Nation, most of the viewers of the show will know that i dont like to harp on the same things night after night but some things are just too important. For instance, i have said it many times, i am no fan of pope francis. I said it many times im no fan of pope francis. See, now ive said, i
May 15, 2014. From comedy centrals headquarters in new york, the daily show with jon stewart cheers and applause jon welcome to the daily show im jon stewart. Actor jim parsons will be in the studio. But first, india, a land of technological wizards is india, colored powders, bread that appears to need sauce and cheese, a mysterious and exotic place unless youre one of the is. 3 billion people who live there then you probably dont reduce it to the three cultural stereotypes that we are aware of oh, crazy sex positions, three steer to types. First, india had an election. Indian campaign seans just started heating up, if i remember correctly. After five weeks of balloting, voting in indias marathon election is now over and the country waits to see who will become the next Prime Minister. Aw, over already . Now what am i supposed to watch on indian tv . Its months until the new season of real housewives of arunachal pradesh. I really hope i said that somewhere near correctly. laughter the
No, we just no, no, wait we just got good at this may 15, 2014. From comedy centrals headquarters in new york, the daily show with jon stewart cheers and applause jon welcome to the daily show im jon stewart. Actor jim parsons will be in the studio. But first, india, a land of technological wizards is india, colored powders, bread that appears to need sauce and cheese, a mysterious and exotic place unless youre one of the is. 3 billion people who live there then you probably dont reduce it to the three cultural stereotypes that we are aware of oh, crazy sex positions, three steer to types. First, india had an election. Indian campaign seans just started heating up, if i remember correctly. After five weeks of balloting, voting in indias marathon election is now over and the country waits to see who will become the next Prime Minister. Aw, over already . Now what am i supposed to watch on indian tv . Its months until the new season of real housewives of arunachal pradesh. I really hope