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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170915

Featuring nicki minaj, and the legendary roots crew. Questlove 737, austin, yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. This is a hot crowd. [ cheers and applause ] a beautiful, goodlooking hot crowd here tonight here in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show. Heres what people are talking about. I saw this morning, President Trump tweeted that his border wall is going to be built out of old fences. [ laughter ] which explains why today millions of americans walked out of their homes and said, where the hells my fence . [ laughter and applause ] im building a chain link fence. Trump also went on twitter to criticize hillarys new book. So she responded by saying shed send him a copy of her Childrens Book instead. [ laughter ] trump was like, got anything shorter . [ laughter and applause ] ill take the book. Ill take the kids book. Meanwhile, ivanka trump said that she doesnt speak out against her dad publicly b

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Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170916

According to bloomberg, President Trumps allies are worried about the resignation of his personal bodyguard and aide, keith schiller. Because they say schiller is trumps emotional anchor. Oh, when was he resigning . 30 years ago . [ laughter ] seriously, this has been the emotionally anchored trump . [ light laughter ] whats the unhinged trump going to do . Build a lair . [ laughter ] former president obama today criticized President Trumps decision to end the daca program. Of course, the only reason trump wants to end it is because he thinks daca is obamas middle name. [ laughter ] we must end the failed policies of barack daca hussein obama. [ laughter and applause ] incidentally, daca is also what Hillary Clinton shouts at the bar when she wants another daiquiri. [ laughter ] can i get a daca . [ laughter ] what . Yeah, i know i should have got [ light laughter ] new york mayor bill de blasio recently praised his running of the city saying, youd assume theyd be having parades in the

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170916

According to bloomberg, President Trumps allies are worried about the resignation of his personal bodyguard and aide, keith schiller. Because they say schiller is trumps emotional anchor. Oh, when was he resigning . 30 years ago . [ laughter ] seriously, this has been the emotionally anchored trump . [ light laughter ] whats the unhinged trump going to do . Build a lair . [ laughter ] former president obama today criticized President Trumps decision to end the daca program. Of course, the only reason trump wants to end it is because he thinks daca is obamas middle name. [ laughter ] we must end the failed policies of barack daca hussein obama. [ laughter and applause ] incidentally, daca is also what Hillary Clinton shouts at the bar when she wants another daiquiri. [ laughter ] can i get a daca . [ laughter ] what . Yeah, i know i should have got [ light laughter ] new york mayor bill de blasio recently praised his running of the city saying, youd assume theyd be having parades in the

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Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170923

[ light laughter ] hey, testing missiles is one thing, but making fun of our president is my job. [ laughter ] thats right, kim jongun called trump a mentally deranged u. S. Dotard, which is a good burn, because if theres one thing trump hates its having to use a dictionary. [ light laughter ] dotard, im going to look this up, its probably very handsome man. or rich handsome man. thats probably what this word means. I dont know the order of the alphabet, so i dont know what im doing here. [ light laughter ] thats right, kim jongun said president trumps remarks to the u. N. Threatening north korea reflect mentally deranged behavior. Do you know how messedup you have to be for kim jongun to call you deranged . [ laughter ] thats like rachael ray saying youre too excited about olive oil. [ laughter ] senator john mccain announced today that he will not vote for the grahamcassidy bill to repeal and replace obamacare, again. If he kills one more Republican Health care bill, he gets a free s

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170923

Late night with kim. [ light laughter ] hey, testing missiles is one thing, but making fun of our president is my job. [ laughter ] thats right, kim jongun called trump a mentally deranged u. S. Dotard, which is a good burn, because if theres one thing trump hates its having to use a dictionary. [ light laughter ] dotard, im going to look this up, its probably very handsome man. or rich handsome man. thats probably what this word means. I dont know the order of the alphabet, so i dont know what im doing here. [ light laughter ] thats right, kim jongun said president trumps remarks to the u. N. Threatening north korea reflect mentally deranged behavior. Do you know how messedup you have to be for kim jongun to call you deranged . [ laughter ] thats like rachael ray saying youre too excited about olive oil. [ laughter ] senator john mccain announced today that he will not vote for the grahamcassidy bill to repeal and replace obamacare, again. If he kills one more Republican Health care b

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