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Within his zone of erotic autonomy, my husband has sent thousands of dollars to a FinDom | Savage Love | Orlando

Is this cheating? Dear Dan You ve said that everyone is entitled to a zone of erotic autonomy. I was wondering if you think that zone extends to sending thousands of dollars to a FinDom. I m a 33-year-old straight woman and I love my husband and we have a great (or so I thought) sex life. He s very dominant and controlling in bed and I m very submissive, and I thought we were well-matched sexually. So it was a shock for more than one reason when I stumbled over evidence that he s been sending money to a female sex worker who calls herself a FinDom. This has been going on for nearly three years! It seems clear from their messages (I have read them all) that they ve never met in person (she clearly states that she never meets in person with her subs) but she sends him degrading personalized videos after he sends her money roughly once every other month. The amounts are small, but they add up. We are more than comfortable so the issue isn t the money. And while my husband has

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Should my lesbian wife and I attend her cousin s wedding to a country-club homophobe? | Savage Love | Orlando

Dear Dan: I have a quick question about bisexuality. What if one has a preference for dating straight individuals? As a straight woman, I am only interested in dating straight men. Is that some kind of phobia? Or is it OK for that to be a preference? Nervously Asking Dan Something I think you re fine, NADS, so long as you ve taken a moment to think about why you re burdened with this preference. Our sexual attractions, orientations and preferences are easily distorted and limited by prejudice. If you reflect on what might be at the root of your preference for men who are straight (or for men who ll tell you they are), NADS, you might be able to open yourself up to more partners. But a person can reflect day and night for decades and still feel the same way. At the very least, we can all be thoughtful about our erotic and/or sexual biases, take responsibility for them, be considerate about how we express them and perhaps most importantly do our best not to transmit them. I

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Home-Built STM | Dan Berard

Home-Built STM | Dan Berard
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My partner is no longer comfortable allowing me to partake in drugs without her express permission | Savage Love | Orlando

My partner is no longer comfortable allowing me to partake in drugs without her express permission | Savage Love | Orlando
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Don t Judge a Wine by Its Screw Cap

Don’t Judge a Wine by Its Screw Cap Dear Dan: A good friend hosted me for a birthday dinner, and the elegant table was set with crystal stemware but the wine he served was sealed with a screw cap. Should I be offended? Wine Novice Dear Wine Novice: Have you been living in Siberia for the last 50 years? Around 1970, screw caps were associated with cheap wines, derelicts, brown bags, and gutters. But soon, wineries around the world began hearing about the real reason screw caps made a lot of sense. In fact, if the wine your friend served was a 2018 PlumpJack cabernet sauvignon, you should be impressed. It’s a prestigious offering from the Napa Valley winery, one of whose partners is California Gov. Gavin Newsom, and it sells for $160 a bottle. It has a cap.

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