9 12 this morning the soon to be former president tweeted, stop the count i guess nobody listened because half an hour later he retweeted, stop the count why are they still counting . I tweeted stop. He also wrote, stop the fraud, which should have been a note to self. There was so much false propaganda coming out of twitterlers bunker. Any vote that came in after election day will not be counted. The planes going down and all he can do is keep hitting the call button to get the Flight Attendant to bring him another diet coke. By the way, a lot of ballots that come in from election day are from troops serving overseas. The irony of a draft dodger trying to negate those votes is more delicious than the 12 dunk cups of Honey Mustard he dipped his mcnuggets in today. Trumps lead in georgia and pennsylvania is smaller than these little boodles of baby carrots he calls hands. The race being so close in georgia was a big surprise. But pennsylvania, the reason joe biden is strong in pennsylva
This race was closer than donald and ivanka at a fatherdaughter dance. [ laughter and applause ] the ballots are still being counted. Joe biden definitely did better than hillary clinton. He was able to pick up the sexist vote but he didnt do as well among racists. [ laughter ] even though the deal appears to be sealed, theres still a lot of attention being paid to the state of pennsylvania. The amish havent wielded this much power since they figured out how to hook a plow to an ox. [ laughter ] ive been thinking about all this. For me the biggest question is, why did we believe the polls again . Youd think wed have learned our lesson. But i guess thats not how humans function. Were on season 25 of the bachelor and were like, i know it didnt work out the first 24 times but this one feels like love. [ laughter ] heres a theory thats very convenient for the pollsters, which is they claim the reason theyre wrong again is because people who supported donald trump lied to them because theyr
Democrats were hoping for. This race was closer than donald and ivanka at a fatherdaughter dance. [ laughter and applause ] the ballots are still being counted. Joe biden definitely did better than hillary clinton. He was able to pick up the sexist vote but he didnt do as well among racists. [ laughter ] even though the deal appears to be sealed, theres still a lot of attention being paid to the state of pennsylvania. The amish havent wielded this much power since they figured out how to hook a plow to an ox. [ laughter ] ive been thinking about all this. For me the biggest question is, why did we believe the polls again . Youd think wed have learned our lesson. But i guess thats not how humans function. Were on season 25 of the bachelor and were like, i know it didnt work out the first 24 times but this one feels like love. [ laughter ] heres a theory thats very convenient for the pollsters, which is they claim the reason theyre wrong again is because people who supported donald trump
Back to normal until 2022. So hang on to your hydroxy if you still have the. [ laughter ] remember when we were kids and we all thought wed have flying cars by 2022 . Now its like, maybe in the future well be able to go to a movie without killing our grandma. [ laughter ] cases are going up and up about. I think they had the thirdhighest report of infections so far today. Much of that is attributed to what they call pandemic fatigue. People are sick of being careful, so they relax, they start doing risky things. Which i get it. But thats not the way it works. You cant just stop because its annoying. Its a virus, not glee. [ laughter ] you know . Heres a map that might be of interest to you if youre curious as to whether this masking and lockdown works. You see all the red . Thats the United States. Those of the covid outbreaks here. Up above that, that is canada. Doesnt look too bad up there, does it . Even adjusted for population, theyve had onefifth as many infections as we have, but
But guess what . Hundreds of parents did it anyway. They went ahead and shot it. And posted it. And, you know what . Its funny again, so we have a lot to cover tonight. And were going to put the full video on the Jimmy Kimmel Live youtube channel. But here is a taste of what the sneaky moms and dads were up to this year. I ate all of it. Yeah. And my nerds . Yeah. And my yeah. And my yeah. And my gum . Yeah. And the suckers . Yeah. The suckers . Yeah. I need more suckers, okay. Yes, yes, we will get you more suckers. She is very good with the candy brands. Very cute. For the rest of it, go to our youtube channel. Hopefully it will be a nice diversion, because 24 hours from now, our Long National nightmare will be contested for weeks. The best way to describe how im feeling right now is somewhere between Christmas Eve and the night before a liver transplant. Up in canada, theyre very busy sandbagging the border. For everyone who says theyre gonna move there . No, you are not it really i