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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141127

cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Its good to have you with us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big story, last nights midterm elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is t

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141111

Elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is tempting to gloat, but im going to be humble about this for two reasons. One, because i am amazing at being humble, okay. laughter fantastic. And, two, i want to be sensitive to all my liberal viewers. I have been told some liberals do watch the show. I dont know why. Its a free country. As happy as i am that america is now headed in the right direction, im not going to spike the metaphorical football or even the literal football i had made with obamas face on it right there, okay. laughter applause wouldnt be right. Im

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141126

Stephen tonight, i profile one of Congress Last remaining democrats. Ill ask her how she plans to repopulate the species. Then big changes come to the senate. Now its run by a totally different old white guy. laughter and my guest tonight is democratic new york senator Kirsten Gillibrand. Ill ask her what its like to pander to the greatest people in america cheers and applause a new york doctor infected with ebola is reportedly now well enough to play the banjo. People immediately stopped wishing him a speedy recovery. laughter this is the colbert report. cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Its good to have you with us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141126

cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Its good to have you with us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big story, last nights midterm elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is t

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141110

Greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big story, last nights midterm elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is tempting to gloat, but im going to be humble about this for two reasons. One, because i am amazing at being humble, okay. laughter fantastic. And, two, i want to be sensitive to all my liberal viewers. I have been told some liberals do watch the show. I dont know why. Its a free country. As happy as i am that america is now headed in the right direction, im not going to spike the metaphoric

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