Stephen the United States has no choice but to attack syria because dictator Bashar Alassad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before he was just killing them with bullets, but if america cared about shooting people, wed be invading chicago. [laughter] now, folks. [cheering and applause] this story. This story is slowly developing. We will have more on it one assumes. [laughter] but first, folks. [laughter] [engine revs] [cheering and applause] oh, hi. You just caught me practicing my favorite pastime, motoring. I dont really go anywhere. I just start the fuelinjected v8 under my desk and breath in the fumes. Of course, what would american motoring be without General Motors, which was the [bleeped]. By the way, this is. This is what happens when you take off your actual glasses. [laughter] and put on goggles. Which was founded and the subject of the 73rd installment of my 434part series, better know a district. Tonight michigans 5th, the fightin 5th. Of course, michigande
General, do you want to speak at all to that . No, not really, secretary. Thank you for captioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen tonight, im back from summer vacation, or am i . The answer may surprise you. Then i better know a district. Seriously, i better know it. Im doing a whole thing on it. [laughter] and my guest is timothy dolan, the archbishop of new york. It must have been hard for him to get here since he can only move diagonally. [laughter] sunlight reflecting off a london skyscraper has been melting cars. That is shocking. There is sunlight in london . [laughter] this is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting stephen] stephen hey, thank you. Yeah, thank you very much. Welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. [cheering and applause] thank you so much. Please, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. Good to have you with us. Folks, the first thing i want to do tonigh
You sat down with nixon. There is something about the Los Angeles Times about brezhnev and i mentioned this and nixon said, oh, he says, i wouldnt washington want to be a russian leader they never know when they are being captioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen tonight, im back from summer vacation, or am i . The answer may surprise you. Then i better know a district. Seriously, i better know it. Im doing a whole thing on it. [laughter] and my guest is timothy dolan, the archbishop of new york. It must have been hard for him to get here since he can only move diagonally. [laughter] sunlight reflecting off a london skyscraper has been melting cars. That is shocking. There is sunlight in london . [laughter] this is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting stephen] stephen hey, thank you. Yeah, thank you very much. Welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. [cheering and applause] th
There is something about the Los Angeles Times about brezhnev and i mentioned this and nixon said, oh, he says, i wouldnt washington want to be a russian leader they never know when they are being captioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen tonight, im back from summer vacation, or am i . The answer may surprise you. Then i better know a district. Seriously, i better know it. Im doing a whole thing on it. [laughter] and my guest is timothy dolan, the archbishop of new york. It must have been hard for him to get here since he can only move diagonally. [laughter] sunlight reflecting off a london skyscraper has been melting cars. That is shocking. There is sunlight in london . [laughter] this is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting stephen] stephen hey, thank you. Yeah, thank you very much. Welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. [cheering and applause] thank you so much. Please,
Stephen tonight, im back from summer vacation, or am i . The answer may surprise you. Then i better know a district. Seriously, i better know it. Im doing a whole thing on it. [laughter] and my guest is timothy dolan, the archbishop of new york. It must have been hard for him to get here since he can only move diagonally. [laughter] sunlight reflecting off a london skyscraper has been melting cars. That is shocking. There is sunlight in london . [laughter] this is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting stephen] stephen hey, thank you. Yeah, thank you very much. Welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. [cheering and applause] thank you so much. Please, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. Good to have you with us. Folks, the first thing i want to do tonight is i want to. Please. Folks, i want to take a moment here to welcome back my good friend jon stewart over at the daily show t