Mixing up john adams and john quincy adams. Or a twohour ballad about martin van buren. And many more so order and lets hope this quarantine ends soon, because there are only 45 president s. Announcer its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight the zoom where it happens plus, stephen welcomes nancy pelosi and alicia keys with jon batiste and stay homan. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its stephen colbert. Stephen hello, everybody. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. I hope youre all doing well. Were good here. Though, one of the oddest things about doing the show at home, from my lile study he is that its starting to feel normal and that is really weird. I mean, why is my son sitting on the floor wearing a headset . Hes talking to my director back in new york. Say hi to jim. Hi, jim. Stephen does jim say hi back . He didnt say hi back. Stephen is he mad at me . Probably. Stephen peters been terrific. Every member of my family has been terrific, which st
The virus. Man, he will stop at nothing to blame this pandemic on other people were one press conference away from him calling it the obama virus. The obama virus, or as its also known the Obama Hussein virus. Infectious diseases expert and Coronavirus Task force member dr. Anthony fauci has reportedly been assigned a security detail after receiving threats. Threats like stop contradicting me or else the governor of georgia said yesterday that he just learned in the last 24 hours that asymptomatic people can transmit the coronavirus. So hes probably three weeks out from learning what asymptomatic means. Massachusetts received 1 million face masks today for Health Care Workers that were delivered from china on the new England Patriots private plane. Meanwhile, the jets private plane was intercepted and returned for a touchdown thats matt goldich, if youre an angry jets fan watching this. Congresswoman alexandria ocasiocortez on tuesday criticized new york governor Andrew Cuomos decision
Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert dems the break week 2020 candidates, gone but not forgotten, except the ones we forgot. Tonight taunts and prayers. Plus stephen welcomes mayor Pete Buttigieg and Patton Oswalt. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, hi there cheers and applause fantastic. Very nice, very nice. How lovely. How lovely to be with all of you. No place i would rather be in the world than with you people right now. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause stephen so here we are. Here we are. Trump was not removed from office, which we never really thought he would be. So what now . Wither the republic. Some people fear that now there is going to be nothing to hold him back. Trump unleashed, off the rail. A, thats not a leash. It is just a really long tie. laughter and b, there were never rails, not even th
Mike scollins, if youre from new jersey and youre angry, Mike Scollins wrote that joke. President trump announced yesterday he would extend social distancing guidelines through next month, said americans, this is still the same month . This march came in like a lion and went out like a kick in the [ bleep ]. Thats right, despite saying last week that he wanted to have the country open by easter, President Trump said yesterday he would extend social distancing guidelines until next month. On the plus side, you can still spend easter the way you always do, by completely forgetting about it until your mom calls and you lie about going to Church British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has written a letter to every household in britain urging people to stay indoors and practice social distancing during the coronavirus outbreak. So thats interesting. Social distancing is called the same thing here as it is there i just assumed it would be Something Like her majestys dodgy pleasure. Either way,
Former Vice President joe biden said yesterday he had a good conversation with President Trump about the coronavirus pandemic and said trump was, quote, very gracious. Apparently he said a lot of nice things like, im sorry, this is not the president , and sir, you have the wrong number. At the same briefing yesterdayte downplayed the potential effects of the coronavirus because he is a, quote, cheerleader for this country. What thats not whaa cheerleader does its in their name i swear, trump probably has no idea what an anteater eats mcdonalds, if theyre smart. Decious mcdonalds. President trump yesterday on twitter criticized the World Health Organizations response to the coronavirus youre criticizing their response youve had the worst response. Your response is the k of responses. Stday that press secry Stephanie Grisham will be stepping down after filling the role for nine months so lets take a look back at some of her most memorable moments at White House Press secretary. I will re