Couple days before the quarantine when i taped an episode of who wants to be a millionaire where i accidentally locked in a wrong answer and this happened. No no no no the day after i taped that, i decided that instead of going back to my place in new york, id go to my parents house in st. Louis where i could stay for a week or two until this whole corona thing blew over. Heres footage of my reaction when i realized viruses dont blow over. No no no no its honestly not been so bad being stuck living in st. Louis with a couple in their 60s it could be worse, at least its not these two. My mom would never wear horizontal stripes. I gotta say though, not much has changed since the last time i lived at home. I still sleep late, my room is a mess, i steal their weed. The main difference is now if im going to my room to masturbate, i say mom, dad, im going to my room to masturbate. I cant watch any more down to earth with zac efron with you guys. Ol glaz dogs gonna finish this ep alone. As gr
I have a terrible urinary tract infection. Nothing comes out. You know, guest hosting a talk show in a Global Pandemic isnt a job many people would say yes to, but it could be worse. I could be hosting the peoples Choice Awards again. No okay. Nice crew you got there, jimmy. Theyre yelling through masks, by the way. A lot of soft droplets are flying. It was a dark time. I apologize. Im here because jimmy is gone for the summer. He bought part of wyoming, and its way more responsibility than he thought it would be. Hes currently on horseback in a dumb hat like an extra on that show yellowstone. Jimmy, stop trying to impress kevin costner. Its embarrassing. But fear not, jimmy will be back in a couple of months, probably sporting his look from the early 2000s. Oh, my lord. Did you have an apartment above a Hometown Buffet . This whole situation is very weird but im not the only person in l. A. Performing for absolutely no one. Last night the dodgers played the diamondbacks in a completel
Bad. My two adult sons moved back in with us during the pandemic. Im basically living in a failed tv pilot, and i know about that kind of thing. Honestly though, weve really bonded over the past few months, had a lot of chats about life lessons. Like, i think its important for dads to be open about their failures. Which was easy for me, i told them to go on youtube and search for rob lowe Academy Awards 1989. And of course, we also get to share our triumphs. And we have one tonight. Last night here on the show, i mentioned a great injustice had been done to me by my beloved l. A. Dodgers. They have a Program Going right now where you pay to have a cardboard cutout of yourself put in the seats at dodger stadium, and all the money goes to the Los Angeles Dodgers foundation. So i did it, and they gave me a great spot behind home plate, until i was abruptly removed and replaced with a cardboard cutout of guillermo. I swear, this is not a joke. This actually happened and it was unacceptable
And we have one tonight. Last night here on the show, i mentioned a great injustice had been done to me by my beloved l. A. Dodgers. They have a Program Going right now where you pay to have a cardboard cutout of yourself put in the seats at dodger stadium, and all the money goes to the Los Angeles Dodgers foundation. So i did it, and they gave me a great spot behind home plate, until i was abruptly removed and replaced with a cardboard cutout of guillermo. I swear, this is not a joke. This actually happened and it was unacceptable on every level. But i received an outpouring of support on the thoughtful and benevolent medium known as twitter when the hashtag lowe was robbed trended locally for almost 14 minutes. People were pretty fired up, as you can see. Hey, dodgers whats up with this . Lowe was robbed. Give this man his seat back. Come on, dodgers, have you seen st. Elmos fire . Its a good question, im not sure they have. Dodgers, you should have put that in the dumpster. You shou
Lipsyncing a certain stable genius. Because he hasnt taken any cognitive test because he couldnt take one. I took one very recently when i was, the radical left was saying, is he all there, is he all there . And i proved i was all there because i aced it. I aced the test. And they said a female president would be too emotional. Once a month shell go crazy, they said. Could you imagine . A president who only goes crazy once a month . But without a crazy president i wouldnt be here so thanks trump tower moscow. This year has been insane. Im sorry thats offensive. This year has been president ial. I started this year doing a late night set at a pizza place in jersey city. Now, here i am hosting a late night show in a vacant house. Actually, the number of people in the audience is exactly the same. Ive never hosted a late night show before so i did a Little Research and i figured out the 3 things i can do to look like a late night tv host. Number one, the point. Number two, the hand clasp.