Couple days before the quarantine when i taped an episode of who wants to be a millionaire where i accidentally locked in a wrong answer and this happened. No no no no the day after i taped that, i decided that instead of going back to my place in new york, id go to my parents house in st. Louis where i could stay for a week or two until this whole corona thing blew over. Heres footage of my reaction when i realized viruses dont blow over. No no no no its honestly not been so bad being stuck living in st. Louis with a couple in their 60s it could be worse, at least its not these two. My mom would never wear horizontal stripes. I gotta say though, not much has changed since the last time i lived at home. I still sleep late, my room is a mess, i steal their weed. The main difference is now if im going to my room to masturbate, i say mom, dad, im going to my room to masturbate. I cant watch any more down to earth with zac efron with you guys. Ol glaz dogs gonna finish this ep alone. As grateful as i am to have this time to get reacquainted with both my parents and the zack morris poster over my bed, im not pretending that any of this is worth it. I lo how so many people are making this crisis about themselves. I keep hearing girls Say Something like this is a sign from the universe that i needed to slow down. And its like, no becca, i dont think a half a Million People died so you could recommit to your yoga practice. Ive even been guilty of this reasoning. Before covid hit, i was getting laser hair removal. I was halfway through my 12 sessions and had to stop. And i swear the other day i looked down was like, i guess i was never meant to have a hairless vagina. That wasnt gods plan. Apparently, his plan was for it to look like a south american soccer field. I dont even care what it looks like anymore. Who cares . Its not like anyone is seeing it. Although when they do, im guessing i know their reaction. No no no no and apparently dr. Drew will be there. I cant even date right now. If i meet up with a guy, i risk exposing my parents to covid. I dont want my mom getting intubated so im not getting intubated. And can i even trust a guy i meet online to keep six feet away . Do they even know what six feet is . Or am i going to show up and its going to be more like 58 and three quarters . And even if dating didnt put my parents lives at risk, every social distance date sounds like its putting my life at risk. They have the same setting as every true crime podcast. Lets go for a hike in the woods or lets meet up at the southeast corner of the best buy parking lot. Okay, i guess im down for a picnic at the abandoned quarry, but why do i need to bring zip ties and garbage bags again . So in order to date during quarantine, ive actually been speed dating live on my instagram. Which is depressing but also humiliating and i thought you might enjoy coming on an internet date ride along with me, so its time for nikkis quickies. Yeah, lets do this. Hi hey, nikki, hows it going . Im good, how are you . Thank you, great to meet you. His background kind of intimidated me at first. It looked look he was shooting a beheading video for al qaeda, then he was the nicest guy ever. Can i meet your mom . You want me to get her right now . Yeah. I got to get up carefully. I dont have pants on or anything, hold on. Oh, my [ siren sound ] neither do i there we go. Hey. Hi. Hello. What kind of girl are you looking for, for your son . A girl who would treat him well. Who would be his sister, his friend, his lover. [ siren sound ] i hear you have a nickname . Yeah, boots. All right, well, what do you like to do for fun . I still do a Little Research work on the computer. Investigating big foot . I like that it looks like boots has been in quarantine since 1977. Are you ready to play [ bleep ] marry, kill. Which one would you like to do to me . Marry. Thank you. Because doesnt marry apply to the other one . If you get married, youre probably going to [ bleep ] too. Lets be honest, a lot of them end in murder. What do you do besides hang out in a basement . Im a test engineer for panera. There are a few things im looking for in this job. One, im looking for the Chicken Salad recipe. Right. Because they have a Chicken Salad, fantastic, and then they changed the recipe, and they added walnuts, and almonds and grapes, and im like what monster did this to me . What else are you looking for, other than someone to stain the rest of that fence . I dont know, someone you could be comfortable doing nothing with. Are you ever going to be in l. A. . Yeah, im actually there next week. We should hang out. All right. [ siren sound ] mark paul is up next. Lets see who this is. Oh, my, uh, Mark Paul Gossler . Hi. Is that you must be nikki. Hi. I cant believe im on a date with Mark Paul Gossler right now. That youre calling this a date, thats so cute. Thats what this is. Im speed dating with people. Wait, this isnt a charity thing . Cause no. The producer said that by doing this i was granting a wish to a very sick woman, is that not what this is . Um, well, yeah, i guess in a way thats exactly, thats exactly what this is. Thanks. We have such a good show for you tonight. Paris hilton is here. Phoebe robinson is with us. And also my house band tonight literally live from their house in st. Louis are my parents ej and julie glaser. Play us out, guys. A one, two. Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, my condition, my condition was in i woke up this morning with the sundown pouring in dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by by progressive. Huh, boring, boring, you dont need to see that. Oh, here we go. Can you believe my client steig had never heard of a home and auto bundle or that renters could bundle . Wait, youre a lawyer . Only licensed in stockholm. What is happening . Jamie anyway, game show, kumite, cinderella story. You know karate . No, alan, i practice muay thai, completely different skillset. We took the fullsize bar, and cut it. In half. So, the next time its 3 oclock and you want some delicious dark chocolate, grab a dark chocolate nuts sea salt mini. With whole almonds and just 90 calories, its a kinder way to satisfy. Step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. And just 90 calories, to help keep you free from the risk of hiv. From the makers of truvada, theres another prep option descovy for prep. A oncedaily prescription medicine that helps lower the chances of getting hiv through sex. Its not for everyone. Descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birth. Talk to your doctor to find out if its right for you. Step up. For health and body. Prep up for your one and only love or many loves. For kings, this queen, and you royals in between. For my now. Our now. And my future. Our future. Step up. Prep up. Descovy is another way to prep. Descovy does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections, so its important to use safer sex practices and get tested regularly. You must be hivnegative to take descovy for prep. So you need to get tested for hiv immediately before and at least every 3 months while taking it. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. They may check to confirm you are still hivnegative. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. The most common side effect was diarrhea. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. Ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. Words are loud but actions are louder. Step up. Prep up. With descovy for prep. Get help paying for descovy for prep. Learn more at stepupprepup. Com yes. Neutrogena® ultra sheer. Superior protection helps prevent early skin aging and skin cancer with a clean feel. Its the one. The best for your skin. Ultra sheer. Neutrogena®. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah nikki thank you, mom and dad. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im your host for the night, nikki glaser. Tomorrow ill be back on my parents couch but george lopez will be here hosting with his guest willie nelson. My first guest tonight is a hotel heiressturnedrealitystar turned businessmogul, with a new and unexpectedly revealing documentary that i cant stop thinking about. No one really knows who i am. Something happened in my childhood that ive never talked about with anyone. I still have nightmares about it. Nikki this is paris premiers september 14th on youtube. Please welcome paris hilton. Hi, paris. Hello. So good to see you. Nikki so good to see you, too. How are you feeling with the anticipation of this coming out . Because there are some pretty revelatory things in this documentary. How are you feeling right now . Im excited, also very nervous given the topics discussed in this film, because its things ive never talked about. Really personal and traumatic experiences. To talk about that publicly is obviously very hard. Nikki it is. You really go there. And weve seen you go there before in versions of yourself in reality shows. Youve peeled it back from the simple life where we were first exposed to you. I feel like this is a whole new level. What is it like being on camera in such a real way . I really feel like we got to know who you are. How is that transitioned from being followed around all day trying to be you . Obviously, im used to being on camera from being on camera for so long, but ive always been a naturally shy person, so i loved inventing this character and playing that character, and to actually be myself was a completely different experience, but also almost therapeutic in some way, where i learned so much about myself that i had no idea of, you know, why i am the way i am. And now i understand myself so much more. Yeah, i feel like everyone will understand you more. I feel like i was already a huge fan going into it, i was like, i know the real her, and then i was like, oh, no, i did not. Its taken me everything not to send my secret link to all my friends and be like, we need to watch this and discuss. Im so excited for people to see it. How have you been in quarantine, what have you been up to . Im following you on youtube, youre at the manor which you call your house. What are you doing all day . Because are you a workaholic, which we learn in the documentary. How has this been not being able to work as much . Im used to being on a plane 250 days a year and traveling. This is the First Time Since i was a little kid that ive been stuck in one place. Obviously its a scary time around the world right now. Trying to see the Silver Lining in it. So just being home, a lot of art, a lot of cooking, spending time with my pets and my boyfriend. Still making the most of it. Nikki we get it, you have a boyfriend. Stop bragging. You guys are so cute, tell me what its like to have a boyfriend in quarantine . Chill together, we watch the simple life. Hes not a reality show type of person, hes an intellectual man. To see him with Something Like that is fun. Nikki last time we talked you revealed something about yourself thats so great. Because youre such a sex symbol to me at least. I love that you were given a nickname in your life, id love if youd share that with us. Because it actually empowered me. My nickname is ms. Blue baller. Nikki now explain that a little bit. I mean, i think we can kind of get there on our own, but you dont give it up easily. You make them wait for it. Yes, my mom always taught me since i was a little girl guys want what they cant have. Ive always been very prude in that way. Yes, i like to kiss and make out, but thats it. So i feel that most girls are not like that, so guys are not used to it. But im so happy my mom taught me that, im going to teach my daughter the same thing. I think its way hotter. Nikki i needed you to teach me that. Its a struggle. Girls feel pressured to do stuff they dont want to do. Since weve had that conversation ive been making out and trying to keep it at that. I really learned a lot from you in this documentary. I learned how to surveil boyfriends. I love that you get a new computer for every guy you date. That was awesome. You have stacks and stacks of computers just because the trust issues that you talk about in the documentary, you kind of reveal. You have a lot of footage of them. You would set up cameras just to have them if they were at your place. Did you sit there and review footage and have to watch it for hours and hours . No, i actually only did that to one person. I just dont trust certain people. If im going to have to go out and work and theyre going to be alone in my room, i dont want them going through all of my things. I wanted to see what was happening while i was at work so i dont have to worry. Nikki i love, love, loved your documentary, this is paris on september 14 on youtube. People are going to freak. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself and being you. I love you, paris. I love you. Nikki well be right back with phoebe robinson. Fairy tales can come true can happen to you if you dont have heart. Crunchy oat clusters with a hotouch of honey. Ombine. Plump, juicy raisins. And tasty fiber. Into one delicious cereal . It took a lot of branstorming. Get it . Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Two scoops of delicious. Whether its bribes. Or an overdue makeover. Get all your pet essentials right when you need them, with Curbside Pickup at petsmart. Just order online, drive up, checkin, and pick up. Be back before. Before dark i know. Experience, amazing. Tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. Win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant, or a maple bacon chicken croissant free with mobile order purchase. Tomorrows lookin good fenow theres more to wlove with xfinity x1, . The ultimate entertainment experience. Like live sports. Theyre back with the best way to watch. And more streaming apps all in one place. More classics. More premiers. Plus, more to easily find using just your voice. Hello, more. Where have you been all my life . Xfinity. The future of awesome. The best part you had a head start if you are among the very young at heart nikki welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im tonights sub, nikki glaser. My next guest is a comedian, bestselling author and former dope queen who launched a brandnew book imprint called tiny reparations books and starting next month, you can listen to her new podcast black frasier. Please welcome phoebe robinson. Hi, phoebe. Nikki, hi, queen nikki im reading your book right now, so i feel like ive been talking to you like every day. So its so good to talk to you. I want to quickly ask. Youre friends with a lot of famous people, phoebe. Little bit. I just interviewed paris hilton, and i really want to become friends with her, how do i go about doing that . How do you take it to the next level . I am very loosely friends with michelle obama, which is truly wild to me. The keys to that are dont be thirsty and hold in every single fart when you are around them. I have engaged my core so much when im around, its wild. Nikki do you, like how are you friends with her . What is the friendship . How often do you guys talk . Every few months well check in. We have each others phone numbers. Shes in my phone under like a code name, and im always so terrified when i text her. I proofread it. I do all the things, you know. Its scary. Send to friends for their notes, the whole thing. Nikki oh, my gosh. Its so, its a delicate thing to have someone like that, id be so scared to accidentally facetime here. Im reading your book everythings trash right now. Its so freaking good. Im so excited for your new book imprint, that you are also releasing, youre writing a book about quarantine in quarantine. Yeah, its called six feet apart. I have essays i talk about, wave your issues like black excellence and also write about quarantining with my boyfriend of three years, and, you know, its good. But its a lot. You know, to be in an apartment for almost five months, its like, thats too much. Nikki its so much. Its kind of like what i am looking forward to for the next time this all goes down. Id like to have a partner to end up resenting through it. Im living with my mom and dad now. What is your writing process like with him there . Youre writing from home. Is that hard to do . Everyones trying to write a book right now. Youre actually doing it. Its great. I dont have to go out. I just sit on the couch. Im not wearing pants. I let them know, this is not sexual. This is professional. This is how i write, and i have my snacks, tonight i wanted to be nice for you, so im wearing biker shorts. Nikki no. Yes, yes, amazing. That outfit actually goes. You look great. Isnt this so great . This is the first time ive been wearing makeup or any kind of fitted thing in months and months, and its so nice to get a break from that. Have you found its nice to escape all the pressures of trying to look hot . Oh, my gosh, i look like trash most days. Just throwing it all out there. Nikki we got it together for is this this. I always have a zit patch on just in case. Just in case. Nikki preemptively. Yeah. Nikki you have a new advice podcast coming out which im so excited about, its called black frasier. You love frasier . Never seen it. Never seen it. Nikki i move that youve never seen it, and its such a great name because you have no information about frasier other than the cover of the dvd. My boyfriend loves the show, and i always give advice, so im like a black fras. Hes like youre not but go for it, babe. Nikki i was on a flight yesterday, met a cute guy. Three hours into the flight of talking the whole time he reveals he has a girlfriend, three hours in. What would you do in that moment . You know what . If he was drinking a mountain dew, i would have poured it on his lap. That is rude as hell. Nikki so rude. We are in the age of corona, everything is way stressful. If you are in a relationship, do not talk to me, i dont want friends right now. I dont want them. No thanks. Nikki yes, yes, thank you. You know what i did . Nothing. I continued the conversation until we landed and wasted more of my time. I could have used you. Phoebe robinson, since reading your book, your voice is in my head all the time. Youre so freakin funny. Feel like were best friends just from reading it. I cant wait for your new book. Cant wait for your podcast, thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for having me. Youre a gem. I love you so much. Nikki i love you too. Guys, well be right back. Im going to take my horse to the old town road im going to ride until i cant no more ong. I felt gross. People were afraid i was contagious. I was covered from head to toe. I was afraid to show my skin. After i started cosentyx i wasnt covered anymore. Four years clear. Five years now. I just look and feel better. See me. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Five years is just crazy. See me. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. Im going to take my horse to the old town road im going to ride until i cant no more itchy . Squirmy . Scratchy . Family not getting clean . Get charmin ultra strong. Got get em it just cleans better, with a washclothlike texture your family can use less while still getting clean. Goodbye itchy squirm. Hello clean bottom we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin. And tmobile doesnt just have a bigger network, but a better one than ever before, with scam protection built into its core. Introducing, scamshield, free from tmobile. Get fewer scam calls. Period. With tmobiles supercharged network, you can say goodbye to annoying scam calls, and feel free to answer your phone again. Hello the dog with antioxidant vitamin c the winner is. Yah given the choice, why wouldnt you choose the one with antioxidant vitamin c . Choose vizzy hard seltzer. Want restand schools . Pen . Want the economy to get back on track . Youre not alone. And you can help make it happen. Stay 6 feet apart. Wash your hands. Wear a mask every time you leave your home. Choose to join the fight against covid19. Do your part. Slow the spread. Nikki thats all the time we have. Id like to thank paris hilton, phoebe robinson, marc paul gosselaar, my parents and of course, jimmy kimmel. My apologies to Jennifer Aniston we ran out of time. George lopez will host tomorrow. Nightline is next. Thanks for watching. Goodnight. This is nightline. Tonight, party peril. As the pandemic rages, people defying the rules, packing the bars, party boats, even a chain smokers concert. Inside americas night life controversy and science how germs are passed around in tight spaces. Come on, when youre close together in bar without a face mask on, youre droplets. And tiktok shuffle. To dance your heart out or change. Share bel
comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.