Thank you. Thank you for showing up here and not at my home, i appreciate that. Hey, before we get going i need to thank somebody. I need to thank our guitar player, toshi, hes from japan, he went back home to japan over the holiday break, how was it . You saw the whole family . Yeah. Jimmy he brought me back a gift. One year you brought me a kimono, which was nice, i wear it to the mailbox every morning. But this year toshi, who i know you didnt expect me to mention this, you brought me what this. Shampoo. Jimmy shampoo. He brought me a bottle i guess this is special shampoo for people with thinning hair . Well yes. I use it. Jimmy so toshi gave me the shampoo. Then this was an extra thing, you stood in front of my desk and explained how to use it. Correct me if i have it wrong. You said, wet your hair, then lather on the shampoo, then rinse it off. Yeah. Massage your head, yes. Jimmy right, right, right. See, normally [ laughter ] usually when i do it, i squirt it in the air, try to get it to land on my head, then i shake it until its gone. [ laughter ] thank you, toshi. I can honestly say no man has ever given me shampoo before in my life. [ cheers and applause ] hey, while were on the subject of gifts, over the break my brother and sisterinlaw who live in kansas city sent our daughter jane, whos 2 years old, this do we have the picture . Giant 8foottall teddy bear. Cute if its not in your house. [ laughter ] so we did not want the teddy bear. They hinted a few weeks earlier they were goingn to send it. We said, please dont. Then we have this giant thing in the house. And of course it showed up anyway. It was delivered on a freight truck in a box on christmas eve. It took two of us just to get it into the house. And now its in our house permanently. And of course my daughter loves it. Its the size of a refrigerator. Its ridiculous. So i, to thank them for this thoughtful gift, i went on my computer, i went on to costco. Com, and i sent five of these bears to their house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy maddy and jack, my nephew, they love the bears. They arrived this morning, now the whole familys trapped in the house. We tried to send a live bear but the authorities wont allow that apparently. Let that be a lesson to any of those of you out there who challenge my resolve. You send my one bear, i will send back five [ laughter ] so toshi, you massage the shampoo into the hair . [ laughter ] donald trump has been in a war of words lately with what will soon be his own intelligence agencies. The cia, fbi, and department of Homeland Security say they strongly believe and have evidence that indicates that russia hacked American Computers during the election. Trump maintains not only does he say he doesnt buy their story about russian hacking, when he goes to the grocery store, he wont even buy russian dressing, thats how hardcore this man is. But he says he knows things about hacking that other people dont know. And at some point hell give us the details. Which that is the white house equivalent of telling your friends you have a girlfriend who lives in canada. [ laughter ] the obamas are packing up their stuff, theyre leaving. The first lady is saying her final goodbyes to her vegetable garden before trump builds a kfc on top of it. Friday the obamas are throwing a Farewell Party at the white house. Quite a guest list. The list reportedly includes oprah, samuel l. Jackson, j. J. Abrahams, bradley cooper, beyonce and jayz. Then the end of the party chachi and gary busey will move in. Not only are the obamas having a big goingaway party. J. J. Abrams is making a film out of it. People sometimes ask me what the biggest perk of being president is. Number ones the plane. Number two Barack Obamas block party its the house party of the century. But theres only one problem. Everybody having a good time . The new landlord. Wrong. You want to give me a good sendoff . Starring oprah. Bradley cooper. Samuel l. Jackson. Aint nobody cooler than you. Kid n play. And santa claus. Drop the beat. White house party. This was spectacular. Rated nc17. Jimmy all right, ill watch that. [ cheers and applause ] that looks fun. Just thinking, it must be weird to leave the white house after living in it for eight you know when you live in a house when you grow up, then move to another town, years go by, you get older, come back, knock on the door with your kids and ask if you can come in and show them around . I wonder if president families do that . I wonder if sasha and malia will come with their kids to show where they carved i love Justin Bieber on the night stand next to the lincoln bed or something. This is exciting for those of us alive which i think is most of us. A University Professor in ireland has identified a new organ in the human body. Theres one we didnt know about in there. Its a special thing when we discover an organ. It happened to me in the fifth grade. [ laughter ] and i really have to say. This one, this is a real organ. It connects to the the intestinal to the abdomen. They named it the mesentery. There it is. Its cute, right . Every so often a story like this comes around and it reminds you how disgusting the human body truly is. This is where the mesentery is located. Right between the spare ribs and bread basket there. Finding a new organ is a surprising thing considering how long weve been turns out it was hiding inside our bodies the whole time so its very clever. Hello, mesentery, and welcome aboard, on behalf of all of us. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy no, no, please dont do that, i dont need it. [ laughter ] ive been shampooing all day. Remember bo bice, the guy from American Idol in like 1985 . Bo bice is in the news because of an incident that took place at a popeyes restaurant in the atlanta airport. Musician bo bice says he was stunned last friday when employee at popeyes chicken in hartsfieldjackson made a racial comment. One of the three young ladies behind the corner said, hes already got his, that white boy over there. An emotional bice says the issue goes much farther than this particular incident. And the fact that ive got to sit on tv calm down and look like a petty little brat by tweeting and facebooking this just to open up dialogue so we can have an adult conversation is ridiculous. In america you should be ashamed. [ laughter ] jimmy what did we do . I feel unfairly accused. Ive been nothing but nice to bo bice. [ laughter ] i think bo needs a friend is really what the case is. In other social media news, Kim Kardashian is back. She has returned to instagram just as the bible foretold. [ laughter ] shes been on a break from twitter and instagram and all that since october when she was robbed in paris. But after three months of sobriety, shes using again. [ laughter ] she tweeted a photo of her family. Her stepmother, this is interesting. Tomorrow mack cosmetics is releasing a new makeup line inspired by caitlyn jenner. This is the first line of makeup targeted specifically at people who just took four tylenol p. M. [ laughter ] why is she asleep . Put that up again for just a second. It looks like the funeral home did a really good job. Theres a new law in effect here in california. Not enough people are talking about it. As of january 1st, residents of this state are not allowed to hold their cell phones while driving for any reason whatsoever. Which means our prisons are about to get a l because everyone how will this work . Where are we supposed to put it . We cant hold them in our purses, thats where we keep our dogs here. [ laughter ] youre no longer allowed to use your hands on your cell phone. Only exception is if the phone is mounted the new law does allow the driver to touch it once to activate or deactivate a feature or function with the motion of a single swipe or tap. Is anyone else getting turned on listening to this . [ laughter ] the law doesnt say anything about using your feet. You can still do that. Im actually glad they did this. I hate, i hate seeing people looking at their phones. I do it myself all the time. But i hate when other people do it. And it really has to stop. Speaking of the hazards of driving, from time to time we have fun with delivery drivers. We set up hidden cameras in a house and order things to be delivered to my cousin sal. Today sal ordered thai food and gave a thai food delivery guy i think he gave him a lot to you serious . The whole thing . Yeah, thats thats hot. [ laughter ] right on. Uh, yeah, okay. Um. There you go. Sal that was excellent. Really delicious. Thank you. [ [ applause ] sal it burns a little bit. Jimmy all right, thank you cousin sal. Sal is no longer able to have children. Tonight we have a great show. Andy richter is here, k. Trevor wilson is here. Be right back with Kevin Costner, so stick around [ cheers and applause ] i had that dream again that i was on the icelandic game show. And everyone knows me for discounts, like safe driver and paperless billing. But nobody knows the box behind the discounts. Oh, its like my father always told me put that down. Thats expensive. Of course i save people an average of nearly 600, but whos gonna save me . [ voice breaking ] and thats when i realized. Im allergic to wasabi. Well, i feel better. Its been five minutes. Talk about progress. 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Ur opinions on the first but more importantly, i wanted to get your opinions. Bark. You wanna check it out . The cruze has apple carplay compatibility. So when you plug your iphone in, some of your favorite apps show up. Bark. Plenty of space for all of mias friends. Or not. Gotta go current qualified lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this firstever cruze hatchback. Plus, find your tag and get an additional 500 lease cash on select chevy vehicles. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Has anyone seen we sent him on a coffee run. And your favorite, mocha. Oh, where do you guys get your coffee . You gave me way too much money. Hes good. Make a mccafe run instead. For a limited time get any size coffee, freshly brewed every 30 minutes, for one dollar. Or a delicious small mocha, latte or hot chocolate for two dollars. Wake up and win the day. Jimmy hi there, we are back. You know him from conan and a new game show on abc, big fan, based on the segment we do here on our show. We got rid of me and replaced me with him. And the wonderful andy richter is here. Then a very funny guy, i saw him on jeff ross roast battle in montreal, asked him to come here. He walked, it took a really long time. K. Trevor wilson is here to do standup comedy for us. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night mel gibson will be with us, from the crown clair foye, music from fantastic negrito. Our first guest tonight is a beloved actor and filmmaker. He has a large shipping container full of oscars, emmys and golden globes. Hell be handing some out after the show. His new movie is hidden fig figures opening friday. Please welcome Kevin Costner [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you doing . Good, man. It is good to see you. Jimmy you give another awardworthy performance in this movie. Like its almost too many. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that. It was a story i didnt know anything about it. When it was all said and done, you know it was something reminded me like a field of dreams. You dont feel these movies coming, all of a sudden theyre out there. Hidden figures is an untold story jimmy a true story, amazing story. Taraji p. Henson was here last night talking about this story of these women who worked for nasa. You play a guy there was this moment we think we know the story of john glenn. Like it would be a joke without a punch line, theres a moment where john wont go unless the math is done by somebody with a pencil and eraser. Its this young africanamerican woman was the difference to john glenn going or not going. Jimmy its so crazy. And its even crazier that we didnt know this story in the first place. There was a screening at the white house. When was that screening . Last week . Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, it just i also visited the africanamerican museum there. If you get a chance jimmy i heard thats great. It will break your heart into a thousand pieces but its something you should get in line for. Jimmy this is a photograph, i need to ask you about this, its you and president obama chatting. And there is Octavia Spencer losing her mind. Whats going on . I thought at first this was a mirror. But its obviously not. Unless its some crazy jimmy hes got the jacket off. Jimmy and hes also its hollywood, special effects. Jimmy i dont know whats going on there, a picture of barack obama looking at himself in the mirror while youre looking at him there. Yeah. Hes an impressive guy. Jimmy he is an impressive guy. Did you chat . Did you get to know him at all . Just a little bit. He was very aware of my career, very aware of things id done. He reads. Have you met a lot of the president s . Ive spent some time with them. I met mr. Clinton and you know, i spent a lot of time with bush at one time. Jimmy which one . With george bush senior. Jimmy okay. I was making jfk and oliver and i probably were tired of each other, saturday night what are you going to do . I said, im not sure. He goes, im going to meet your buddy, see the white house, do a white house tour. I said, thats good, we need a break from each other. I had one of these days youll never, ever basically i got an invite to play with orioles the next day. I thought to myself, well, ill go take shortstop with cal. And his father, you know, pitched batting practice to me. I got one at memorial stadium. Now go back in the locker room, shower. Watch the game. And i get this call. Its the president. He says, you want to play golf . And i was like, gol, i was going to see somebody said, thats the president , he asked you to play golf, youve got to go play golf. I said, i dont have a car. He said, ill shut the freeway down, somebodys going to come get you. Its true. The freeway shuts down, i dont get to play with the orioles, on the freeway going the wrong way, in traffic talking on the phone, i dont have an whats your size . What do you want to eat . Jimmy you gave the president your lunch order . [ laughter ] i had to, he was asking me. Im flying down the freeway, i got a little bold after i said tuna sandwich. And a brownie id like a brownie so, you know. We go to Andrews Air Force base. He goes, were waiting for you. I said, gee, the car can only go so fast. The press is on the 1st tee asking questions. Andre agassis playing. Jimmy he was golfing . Yeah, it was they lacked somebody. Kev. So i come up. I got the sandwich in my mouth. Im hopping. Theyd already hit. I tee off. It goes right. The secret service finds it with a bayonet. [ laughter ] true. We get to the 18th hole. George says to me, you know, if we win this hole, we can tie them. And i thought, no, we cant. Were not even close. Prob so we tied them. [ laughter ] so i had this Pretty Amazing day. Now im about to go home. He goes, do you want to go to the white house . And i said, yeah. Yeah. We get on the helicopter. We go across the potomac. The marines salute. We get off on the white house lawn. We go across. He pretends to not hear what they are saying. Im thinking, okay, now the days over. He says, want to play horseshoes . My pat answer, okay. We play, two out of three. Now hes going to have dinner. Andre was his guest, had a girlfriend, a pretty girl. And even the president commented. Jimmy oh, really. Yeah. He said, pretty girl. Im thinking my days over. He goes, do you want to swim in the pool . And i said, by myself . He goes, yeah, we got all the stuff, all those tshirts that come from the university. So im like swimming in the pool. And finally i go, im not sure about this. So i get out of the pool. Im going away. Dinner . I said, yeah, fine, ill have dinner. So i have dinner with him. Politics is never brought up. Getting in the car he says, im going to russia tomorrow, im going to work these guys over, gave me a fiveminute thing about what he was going to do. Very concise but never talked about politics at all. The next morning im thinking about my day, im in the trailer, oliver comes in, really grumpy. I go, whats the matter, oliver . He goes, you know, i went to the white house and they gave me the b tour, not even the a tour. The b tour. Hes always upset about something. They gave me the b tour. He said, i didnt even get to see the pool because there was somebody in it [ laughter ] [ applause ] and i never told him till now. Jimmy oh, wow. What a day you had with the president , thats better than the bachelor. All day with him. Jimmy were going to take a break. Kevin costners here, the new movie is Hidden Figures. Well be right back its your tv, take it with you. With directv and at t, stream live tv anywhere datafree. Join directv today starting at 35 month. No extra monthly fees. How do you know about the atlas rocket . Thats not math. That datas not here, like you said, its classified. I held it up to the light. You held it up to the light . Yes, sir. Well, there it is. Atlas. Whats your name . Katherine gobel. Are you a spy . Am i what . Are you a russian spy . No, sir. Im not russian. Shes not russian, sir. Jimmy thats Kevin Costner in Hidden Figures which opens on friday. I will say, president bush was a little careless, some nerve asking her if shes a russian spy when weve sen what youre up to, no way out in particular. In a movie like that, are you not playing a specific guy . No the only character we couldnt get the rights to. The women youre seeing are referred to as computers long before the computers we have. Its interesting. No, it was made up. I came to support the movie. Im really happy to be a part of it. Jimmy you did a great job. Is a movie like that, youve done so many movies where the fight scenes, the water, the buffalo and whatnot. Is it a movie you go, thank god, i just really have to wear a white shirt and a tie and maybe a pair of glasses. Yeah. I dont actually like wearing suits. I really despise it to be honest. I dont like playing lawyer movies but ive played them. I like westerns. Jimmy you like westerns, right. What about bull durham . Would you ever do a sequel . [ cheers and applause ] we both saw it really clearly, id put myself in his hands. Westerns. You should do like a western baseball movie would be an interesting one. Right. And apple pie. Nobody ever really mistakes me for being anything other than american when i go around the world. Hes american. Jimmy right, yeah. Well, i think thats good. Thats okay by me. Right. They also know who you are, what the hell else are they going to think you are . When you were swimming with president bush, did you have trunks on . I was by myself. In the pool by myself. The security, the bodyguard guy was looking at me and i thought jimmy he didnt go in . No, he and andre went into the white house. Thats what im saying. Thats why im thinking, why am i swimming out here . And oliver couldnt get in because some guy was swimming. Jimmy is it possible that you smelled and he wanted you to go in the water . Yeah. Jimmy you never know. Well, this is some movie, some story. Congra globe nominations you guys got and all that. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Kevin Costner, see Hidden Figures, it opens friday. Be right back with andy richter [ cheers and applause ] led your brand new car. Nobodys hurt, but there will still be pain. It comes when your Insurance Company says theyll only pay threequarters of what it takes to replace it. What are you supposed to do . Drive threequarters of a car . Now if you had Liberty Mutual new car replacement™, youd get your whole car back. I guess they dont want you driving around on three wheels. Smart. With Liberty Mutual new car replacement™, ll replace the full lue of your car. 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Still you know our next guest from conan, he sits right there with him. Not tonight. We captured him and dragged him to abc. He is host of a new game show called big fan. It premieres with backtoback episodes starting monday night at 10 00. Please say hello to andy richter [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i like this, i like having you next to me. Thank you, its nice to be here. Jimmy it makes me feel like a Real Talk Show host. Thats right. Get some backup. Jimmy does conan know youre here, is this going to be a problem . No, please dont tell anyone. Im cheating on him. Jimmy everybody be very, very quiet. Weve had were still on break. Were still on hiatus. Hes off somewhere as he usually is on his time off. Retuin fallen out of the nest back to the nest. Jimmy thats so sweet. Sounds good until you find out a butler knocks it out of the nest. Jimmy oh, no. In order for him to put it back in, yeah. He is a sick man. Jimmy tall people, thats the kind of thing they do. Uhhuh. No, we had the week off. And weve got this game show to promote. Jimmy when you have a week off, how is that different from when you are working for the week . Because your job seems to me like the best possible job. Its pretty great. Its pretty great. As i like to say, well, because its california, i dress like a toddler anyway. But on my work weeks i dont have to put on shoes. Jimmy right, yeah. So its like im a barefoot toddler. Jimmy being a sidekick on a talk show, some shows the sidekick doesnt even need to speak english. [ laughter ] i understand that. I understand that. Jimmy no offense over there. Hi, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] good to see you. I see him at the meetings, yeah. Jimmy what did you do over the holidays . No, we pretty much stayed here. Just, you know stayed here. Trying to get my daughter to not open presents. Jimmy what do you mean . She just was pestering us from like december 19th. Cant i open just one today . Come on just one, just this little one. Like no, no. Jimmy did you give in at all . No, they get one on christmas eve. The big one that she got, she got a new xbox. Jimmy oh. I thought we had an x box. But we so we had a new x box which just the setup for it was more complicated than my mortgage. Just to sign into the thing. And shes got mine craft on it. Which do my parents here mine craft . [ applause ] jimmy kids love it. Yeah its like its a simple graphics thing. They build their own worlds and explore it. Except she wants me to watch her do it. Jimmy do you watch her do it . No i said on twitter, i love her very much but i guess i dont love her that much. [ laughter ] jimmy does your wife . It is boring. Jimmy right. Does your wife do it . Will sarah do it . She is better at it. But she still is normally she goes upstairs when it starts. To know that like shes too far away. Im busy you know. Jimmy right. You know, shes watching something on her ipad. And im down there going like, yeah, thats great. Oh, look, yeah, another horse. [ laughter ] jimmy i think in a way it sounds like its maybe a bad parent but in a way youre actually a very good parent because like when i was your daughters age i didnt want my parents anywhere around me. Oh, no. Jimmy never mind watching me do mine craft, my kids insist maybe im good with kids because my kids i think it something that children generally have is that and you have to i think a big part of fostering children is not letting them know how boring they are. [ laughter ] they are aggressively boring. A few years ago, it was just a few years ago but a friend of my sons, we were in the car, it was a long trip, going somewhere. And he told me the entire plot of the movie rush hour in question form. [ laughter ] and then the guy . The one guy . The guy that fell in the fountain . He said to the guy . Not the guy with the gun but the other guy . He says to that guy . Why did you push me in the wait, no, it was the other guy . [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy im glad they didnt ask you to host a kids show. Yeah, no. Jimmy this game show were talking about that premieres monday night on abc its genesis was here jimmy we started it on this show. The idea, well explain it. You know it. Yeah. Jimmy hopefully you know it. It was on now we call it big fan. On this show it was called jimmy kimmel has too much access to famous people. Jimmy was that the title . That was the title, yeah, yeah. Its great you watch the reel before the show what do you have on these people . Good lord. George clooney . I smelled him once, i never sat in a room with him. Jimmy he smells like heaven. Must smell like clooney. No, the idea is its a quiz show. Kind of a classic sort of quiz game show, quiz show, between a supercelebrity and their superfan. And the topic of the quiz is the celebrity. Jimmy yes. So the fan, the idea is the fan knows a lot more than the celebrity. Jimmy about the celebrity. About the celebrity, which is always fun. And i bet quite a shocker that celebrities arent really in po selfknowledge. [ laughter ] what a shocker, right . Jimmy youd think theyd know everything. Funny, some of them come off a little bit shaken. Yeah. Jimmy its like, where did you go to Elementary School . Bang Matthew Mcconaughey is like, that was me in the Elementary School, how do you know where i went to Elementary School . We have a clip from Kim Kardashian on the show. Kim kardashian west i should say. You should say that. [ laughter ] jimmy this will give you a little sense, a sense of how the show goes. How many carats is kims Engagement Ring from kanye . Kim . 12. Sorry, no. Its 15. We got the information from kanye. Maybe he upped the number. Jimmy she did not know how many carats were in her ring, thats something every woman knows how many karats are in their ring. My wife would know because its zero. [ laughter ] we were poor when we were married. Jimmy c a tiny picture of a carat. Jimmy im very glad you agreed to do this show. I was thrilled to do it. I think you emailed me on a wednesday and asked if i could do a game show on saturday. Jimmy thats right, thats right. Which ive been in show business long enough to know, oh, i guess im the first choice [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy well, i have to be honest, fabio was our first choice to host. Right, right. Jimmy hes very busy. Thats another showbiz chestnut. If you cant get fabio, theres richter. [ laughter ] thats right, yeah. Jimmy where did we meet the first time . I think the first time that we actually met, we bumped into each other in a casino in las vegas. Jimmy las vegas, thats right, yeah. And chatted. But then where we actually spent the first amount of time together was i think maybe you were sort of in charge it was a scrabble charity tournament. Jimmy yes, a scrabble tournament to benefit st. Judes hospital, right. Yes, thats what it was. I just remember the scrabble. J and i remember you like it was honestly it was like tiger woods going, how about a Charity Golf Tournament . Where i play with people that are on tv . Like oh, look, i won because you play a lot of scrabble. Jimmy well, yeah, i used to, im good at scrabble. Its the one thing im really good at. But youre the kind of scrabble person that its [ bleep ]. Jimmy what do you mean . You have its gimmick scrabble. Its you know the fact that like a, e, o is some kind of welsh shellfish. [ laughter ] so youre always like, oh, well, no ones getting to that triple word thing. And theyre like, oh, a, e, o, yes, welsh shellfish. Jimmy you are very youre not so bad with games yourself. Oh, yes. Jimmy this is a photograph that went around online for a while. Celebrity jeopardy. Wolf blitzer negative 4,600. Dana delany, 4,800. You with 39,000. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, im this head is full of a lot of useless knowledge. Jimmy wolf should have been thrown off cnn for these numbers alone. Correct . I took no pleasure in that. Whatsoever. But on the internet the internet takes great pleasure in that. Jimmy i think we all do. In a way its like you won for all of us. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy the show is big fan. It premieres monday night, 10 00 on abc. Andy richter is the host. Watch him on conan too. Be right back with k. Trevor wilson the itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout. Down came the rain and clogged the gutter system creating a leak in the roof. Luckily the spider recently had geico help him with homeowners insurance. He got full replacement and now owns the sleep number bed. His sleep number setting is 25. Call geico and see how much you could save on homeowners insurance. My mmade a simple trip toonic the grocery storesis anything but simple. So i had an important conversation with my dermatologist about humira. He explained that humira works inside my body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to my symptoms. In clinical trials, most adults taking humira were clear or almost clear, and many saw 75 and even 90 clearance in just 4 months. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, ned; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ask about humira, the 1 prescribed biologic by dermatologists. Clearer skin is possible. If youre gonna make an entrance. [car driving upon the water] its your tv, take it with you. With directv and at t, stream live tv anywhere datafree. Join directv today starting at 35 month. No extra monthly fees. Why do people have eyebrows . I. Why do people put milk on cereal . Oh, are you reading why people put milk on cereal . Why does your tummy go grumbily, grumbily, grumbily . Why is it all mimics a stomach grumble no more questions for you ooph, that milk in your cereal was messing with you, wasnt it . Yeah, happens to more people than you think. Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good, right . Mmm, yeah. I got your back. Lactaid. Its the milk that doesnt mess with you. Something powerful happens when you filter. Because when you filter out the bad. Youre left with. The good. In life. And in water. Choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. Choose the filtered life. You mean like they got married . T union of a cheezit and a chip. Umm. I guess. Youd make a pretty bride in that wedding gown. Oh, its a lab coat so. Hey everyone, joes getting married bam bam ba bam. Oh, im not. We take time for our cheese to mature. In our crispy cheezit grooves. Jimmy hi there, were back. Our next guest is a very funny gentleman from toronto. His album Sexcop Firepenis is available on itunes now. Please welcome k. Trevor wilson thank you very much, folks. Ill tell you guys a bit about myself. I was born into an oddly religious family. And i use the term oddly religious because i was born a christian scientist. Thank you. A lot of people confuse Christian Science with scientology. They are two very different religions. Scientology is a religion that was started by Science Fiction author l. Ron hubbard. And they practice under the belief that millions of years ago, aliens were dropped into volcanoes here on earth and now their spirits roam the planet causing bad things. [ laughter ] Christian Science is much much stupider. [ laughter ] Christian Science is a sect of christianity started by a woman named Mary Baker Eddy and they practice under the belief that they dont have to go to the doctor or use medicine. They believe they can cure all illnesses through the healing power of prayer. So needless to say, most of my family is dead. [ laughter ] turns out doctors are wicked important, please go see them. Those diplomas were very hard to get. Growing up i had a nickname. My nickname was big trev. It was the most unnecessary nickname ive ever had, cuz i didnt have any other friends named trev. I was the only one. You didnt have to put a size disclaimer in front of my name. [ laughter ] you could just say trev, i knew who you meant. I get it, im a weirdlooking guy. I look like what would happen if game of thrones and duck dynasty had a baby. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you. No, im very aware of my appearance. I look like i recently quit a blues traveler cover band to join a mumford and sons cover band. I look like i have very strong opinions about the show ice road truckers. [ laughter ] a lot of my friends tell me i look like a pro wrestler but not a good one. I look like the guys that used to lose every saturday afternoon wrestling. You might remember those guys. They were the ones who didnt have a theme song, or a nickname. They were just waiting there in the ring when they came back from a commercial break. [ laughter ] thats how you knew they were going to lose every week, they were already there. [ laughter ] theyd get the saddest introduction in wrestling, just already in the ring, weighing in at 275 pounds from robins dale, minnesota scooooooooootttt [ laughter ] you just knew. The next person coming through those curtains was kicking the crap outta scott. Im a fat guy, its what i am. And i say fat im not one of those fat guys who makes up fake terms to pretend hes not fat. Like fluffy, or bigboned. Youre not bigboned. Do you have a big, round stomach . Yeah thats not a bone. [ laughter ] no one on this planet has a round, squishy stomach bone, thats not a real thing. I have a round, squishy stomach and ill tell you right now, this is not made out of bone. Its made out of beer and pudding. [ laughter ] i know that because i built it myself. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you cant offend me with fat. I did this to me. I wasnt in a coma being forcefed cakes through a funnel. I was awake for every delicious morsel as i mashed it into my head. If im honest, im at my oldest and my fattest right now. Ive apexed. I reached the peak. I am a bit surprised when i look back at my smallest, how far i let myself go. Because at my smallest i was 8 pounds, 9 ounces. [ laughter ] i just dont see myself getting back to that size. Thank you very much for having me, folks. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, very funny. K. Trevor wilson, everybody well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are back. K. Trevor wilson, do people call you k or big trev . Most people call me ktrev, i have Kevin Federline to thank for that. Jimmy why did you add the k . Was there another Trevor Wilson . When i joined the union there was another Trevor Wilson. Jimmy you cant just kill him . Anything like that . Ive never found him. Jimmy youll find him if hes out there. The only thing i know hes done in his career is take my name. [ laughter ] jimmy in a way its like hes your wife. This is you you have a Television Show letter kenny on tv in canada. I love the title of your cd. Sex cop fire penis. K. Trevor wilson. Thank you, ktrev, Kevin Costner, and apologies to matt damon, we have run out of time for him, he will be rescheduled. Nightline is next. Thank you for watching. Good night, everybody [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. Tonight, airport horror. Shots fired, multiple down. Chaos and bloodshed at a florida airport. A gunman opens fire in an unsecured baggage claim area, killing five before surrendering. Theyre shooting run, run, leave everything, go. You didnt know if you were going to get shot. Harrowing accounts from witnesses escaped massacre, and what were learning about the young militarytrained suspect. Elegant exit. Michelle obama delivering her final speech as first lady. Being your first lady has been the greatest honor of my life and i hope ive made you proud. A standardbearer who broke all the rules, making herself and the white house accessible. Can i sleep over in the lincoln bedroom . No, no. A look back at her