Show with Stephen Colbert cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Hey hey, whats going on . Nice to see you. He thank you very much. Welcome. Welcome to the late show. Im Stephen Colbert. Weve got to get to the big story thats happening right now, might still be happening as i say this. Have you guys heard about this . Today in the house of on gun control. cheers and applause join in. Why not . Why not, ill do that. Ill do that. After all, theyre fighting for two things 90 of americans are in favor of stopping terrorists from getting guns and sitting down. laughter we all like it. I dont know why i dont have a chair out here actually. This feels unnatural, un american, certainly, to stand for this long. In true republicans shut off cspans cameras booing which really upset cspans viewer. applause laughter in their defense, cspan then tweeted, cspan has no control what . Cspan doesnt control the cameras . If you dont control what we see, what do you span . laughter i mean, if not controlling cameras what, does cspan do . Is it a Money Laundering scheme . Are they a front for the worlds most boring Heroin Cartel . I dont understand. Now, im sympathetic with what the democrats are trying to do here, but as usual they need a little help with their messaging. Listen to what connecticut Democrat John larson said as members began to sit down. Rise up, democrats. Rise up, americans. This cannot stand. laughter applause stephen timeless. Timeless. cheers and applause after watching that, i need to lie down. Vote before the fourth of july recess. And to send that message, they chanted no bill, no break almost drowning out the gun lobby shouting, ill make the check out to cash republicans republicans are already responding. Representative tom cole said, i dont think we should allow any group to bring the work of the house to a halt. Its true. Its true. You wouldnt want the gridlock to lose its momentum. As of applause cheers and applause dont let your complete paralysis get in the way of a good stalemate. Now, as of this taping, right now, the democrats are still staging their sitin. And if you want to know if its still going on, just check out cspan. If you dont see them, theyre there. And its too bad cspan cut off the only ones in america not pointed at donald trump. This morning, with his poll numbers dropping, he gave a very fiery speech that some are calling an attempt to reset his campaign. I mean, they had to reset it. They kept getting the message error 404 shame not found. cheers and applause and after months of going after Hillary Clinton, trump finally pivoted and then really went after Hillary Clinton. Hillary clinton may be the most corrupt person ever to seek the presidency. Her decisions spread death, destruction, and terrorism everywhere she touched. Hillary clinton wants to bring in people who believe women should be enslaved and gays put to death. Shes virtually done nothing right. Stephen also, i invited her to my wedding. Shes a great lady, and i love her. laughter applause shes fantastic. cheers and applause and the reason donald was so red in the face well, scientists still dont know the reason. But the reason he was so angry was because yesterday, Hillary Clinton questioned his business record. Donald trump ha h qualified to be president because of his business record. Hes written a lot of books about business. They all seem to end at chapter 11. laughter applause stephen i did a humor laughter my advisors say that mirth is very humanizing. All of us together. And shes right. Trump filed chapter 11 for three casinos. Though, to be fair, its impossible to make money running one of those things. You know what they say about casinos, the customer always wins. But while trump may have lost money on his casinos, he may turn a profit on his latest business running for president. Because, recently released fundraising reports show hes used 6 million in Campaign Money to pay his own companies and family. So whether or not he wins, he could make a profit. We have footage of his top Campaign Advisor explaining how that works. Under the right circumstances, a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit. cheers and applause stephen okay. Thats actually the producers. You know, so its funny, right, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, i love a good common cultural reference from the genre of comedy. You know who does, also. Jon batiste and stay human, everybody. Say hi. . . . cheers and applause stephen hey, folks, before we go any further, i have got something important to talk to you about. Its a major, breaking story i covered last week, when i shared the incredible news that scientists discovered a new sex position for frogs. Of course, in order to explain a story like this, it was important to show the scientific diagram of the new position. Unfortunately youll see. Now, heres the thing. This is cbs, and at this point, i have no idea if theyre going to blur frogs having sex over my shoulder tonight. I cant wait to go home and find out. They blurred it apparently i went all the way home for nothing. Whats the point of going home if you cantat and look at the size of the area they blurred good lord our censors are being very generous to kermit here. laughter now, im not attacking cbs standards and practices department. They are just good people doing their jobs, is what it says on the prompter for me to read here. But, i am genuinely confused by this. This is not even an actual photo. Next youll tell me i cant even reference the proceedings of the National Academy of sciences because the title looks like penis. laughter jimmy, please jimmy, thank you we cant take any chances with cbs cheers and applause now children could be watching children now, believe it or not, the discussion of whether we could show this to you, reached all the way up to the head cbs lawyer, who said, in this actual email that i have printed out right here and i quote animals dont bleep on cbs. Rule . Mustve been a particularly graphic episode of lassie. Honestly. Honestly, since this is only a line drawing, frogs have no external genitalia, and you cant even see anything when its not blurred. I think the only reason the network blurred this is because i said its a picture of frogs having sex. I guess well kn in other science news, researchers recently released a fascinating depiction of never before seen behavior in amphibians frog tandem skydiving. They didnt blur it we did it cheers and applause the late show is your destination to see frog skydiving only cbs well be right back with uzo aduba. band playing america thought our pancakes were pretty special. But we knew we could do better. So we did. We made dennys new pancakes 50 fluffier with fresh buttermilk and hint of vanilla. If you disagree, the cakes are free. Thats the dennys loveem or theyre free guarantee. Today were talking about automotive awards. What if i told you there was a car company that received all of these awards . Ahhhh chevy chevrolet is the most awarded car company over the last two years. I love it im just going to stay in here, is that okay . This summer find your tag and get 16 of msrp cash back on select remaining 2016 vehicles in stock. Thats over 4,100 cash back on this all new 2016 chevy malibu. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. [ School Bell Rings ] ry. . . 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No. annoyed grumbles what about that one . Theres a fan in the break room, oh and in the. trails off so good, theyre back. . Oh . S getting hot in herre . band playing applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest is a twotime Emmy Awardwinning actress who returns as crazy eyes in the new season of orange is the new oh my bleep , thats betty cracker herself. I was in that grass this morning, that exact grass. Damn, we could have all prison famous. You know whats better than being famous . Pizza, daisies, smelly markers, any animal, a really good dream, a warm bath, picking a booger, a dry one, ice cream sandwiches, the feeling you get when you make a really good joke and someone laughs in a nice way, not a mean way money . Cash money, yall stephen please welcome uzo aduba. . . . applause great audience. Stephen thank you so much for being here. Stephen you really sprinted out here just now. I did. Stephen and im not surprised because one of the first things i wanted to ask you about, i saw this one of my producers showed me this photo right before the show started tonight this is you at boston university. cheers and applause what was you were you were a track star at b. U. What was your event . I ran the 100200 meters, sprinter. Stephen wow. Sprinter. Stephen what was your time . Thats top secret record at b. U. , i understand. Yeah, yeah. Stephen thats fantastic. 11. 6. Stephen my question is, what interests me about it, is track and field is so cut and dry, you know. You win or you didnt win. Theres a clock up there, or theres a measuring tape or Something Like that. You know. And then you go to acting which is also, you know touchyfeely, so much gray area. How did you go from one to the other . I always ran, my whole life, and i always did music as well, and i love to sing and i love to and i got to go to boston university, fortunately enough, on a track scholarship. I was very thankful for that. Stephen did you do theatre there and that kind of stuff . I did. I was in the program. I was actually doing opera there. Stephen what i know. I studied my degree for voice. Stephen i didnt know you had pipes. I do sing. I do. In the morning, id wake up, and wed do, you know, movement and roll around on the floor for the acting component of the program. And i was like i think i like the rolling around on the floor bit more. And so, i realized, you know, when i leave here, i think im going to be an actor. And thats what i pursued. And it was a tough road, but i think playing sports and the preparation of sometimes you win, sometimes you lose on any given sunday can be your day, really prepared me for being out here to pursue this. And im grateful to have done it because its been amazing. Stephen well, orange is the new black is one of the shows that Everybody Loves to binge. Why do you think people relate so much to the women at Litchfield Penitentiary . Honestly, i think the women relate people relate to the women on the show because they find that they didnt think they would relate to them. You know, they come in and they think, im not going to have but then, when you see reds story you realize, oh, no, im a mom. I know what thats like. I know what its like to be somebodys daughter. I know what its like to lose. I know what its like to win. And so they find a piece of themselves in the story. Stephen i watch and i go, i am crazy eyes. Thats me. Stephen do we learn more about her story this time . Do we find out why shes in there . We do learn more about her backstory this season. Stephen its something innocuous, right, like jaywalking . Correct. Stephen check kiting. L stephen well still like her at the end of it. Exactly. Were going to understand a little bit more of the world she comes from. Stephen the show has become sort of a vehicle for like social commentary. Did you think that was what it was going to be when it started . I yeah, you know, when i started doing the show, the First Episode i read and i just loved it. I thought it was brilliant. I loved the characters so much. I thought they were so rich and alive. And, you know, youre watching the show thinking okay what is this going to be . Remember, i made it about a quarter of the way through, and i stopped reading because, you know, initially, i was like people who watch the show, they think, maybe i might not connect with these characters. But then when i started the second script and i was a quarter way through and i realized, oh, wait. This isnt a show about people in prison. This is about human stories. This is about people and their lives and their lives are so much more than their crime. And i then realized oh, this actually has something to say and could potentially do somethin stephen did you go to any prisons in preparation for this . Did you meet prisoners or see what life was like . I didnt go in preparation for this. laughter would you rather i just did a stint . Stephen was it someone elses idea that you go to prison . laughter no. Stephen have you been since the show started . How about that . I have when i was a kid, we went to scared straight in my home town. Stephen oh, i remember that. Yes, its a real program. Stephen yeah, sure. Its a real program. And i mean if you come to my home town, my town is about this big. Stephen where are you from . Im from a small town called medfield, massachusetts, just outside of boston. Go, sox you could get killed in this town for saying that. We went, and our town had zero, stephen but they figured they need to scare you kids anyway . Lets terrify the children anyway. Exactly, exactly. But it worked. I really was scared. I was like i never want to do this. Stephen i understand that youre the child of immigrants. Yes. Stephen from nigeria . Yes. Stephen right . Does your family still stay connected to nigeria . Do you still speak the language where they grew up . Very much so. We very much so are a very traditional nigerian family and kept the language. Stephen what is the language of nigeria . It is igbo. Stephen i can pronounce that. Yes, igbo. And, yeah, we had it in our house and we were a very traditional nigerian family. When people next door would be having pizza, we would be having stewed goat. laughter you know. Stephen sounds delicious. You cant get dominos to deliver that, unfortunately. Would do you me a favor . We have to say season four of orange is the new black is now streaming. Would you mind saying that in igbo, before we go . Yes. speaking igbo i love you. Stephen uzo aduba, everybody. Well be right back, thank you you wanna see something intense . Pantene expert gives you the most beautiful hair ever, with our strongest prov formula ever. Fact. People spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever for a healing nights sleep. This summer, tmobiles throwing a galaxy free for all. Get a free Samsung Galaxy for everyone in the family. Thats right, free and get 4 lines for just 30 bucks a line. Dont miss the galaxy free for all. I am sebastian artois. Brewmaster. Risktaker. Wildlife rescue workers open up a lot of dawn. Tough on grease. Yet gentle. Dawn helps open. Go to facebook. Com, . . . applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest is director of the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of natural history, and one of my favorite people to talk to on this planet. Please welcome Neil Degrasse tyson good to see you. Come on up here. . . . cheers and applause good to see you. There arent a lot of scientists that audiences will get on their feet for. Im deeply moved. Stephen i talked to a few. Im feeling the cosmic love. Stephen thank you for how many of those things do you go through . A flasher. I have about 120 ties, which i would wear without the vest, because they speak for themselves. Stephen sure. But i wear the vest, then i have to wear a neutral tie because otherwise its too much going on. Stephen too much neil. laughter so i got about a half dozen vests, but many more ties. Stephen lets talk about the people are talking about this week, the strawberry moon was making news just yesterday. What the heck is that . And every moon of the year has a name in practically every culture. Stephen i know, like harvest moon. Or hunters moon. Theres a blue moon, theres a hunters moon, theres a snow moon. And you go through these stephen okay, what is technically, what is a blue moon . Blue moon did you just ask me do i know . Stephen because im guessing its not did you just ask that question . Stephen im guessing its isnt that a pretty moon . Beautiful. The earth doesnt rotate. Stephen i understand. No, you dont understand. Stephen i want to show all sides of the story. I want to show all sides of the story. All sides of the story. Stephen i ask that. They arent scientific labels. Theyre folk labels. They come most from the days when we were agrarian. And so, snow moon, the wolf moon. And depending on the culture, ti time by the cycle of the moons. So they had a whole full portfolio of moon names. A blue moon, traditionally, is the second full moon in a month. Because the average time between full moons is 29. 5 days. And if you just fit that into a 30day month or 31day month the second full moon is a blue moon. Stephen it doesnt happen that often. Yes, it happens ones oncein ablue moon. Are you ready . Theres another moon, the moon in june. Its full moon is always opposite the sun. So when the sun sets in june, its actually very shallow below the horizon. Stephen yeah, yeah. Thats where it is. So the moon opposite it is very shallow above the horizon. It never really gets high enough to shed itself of sunset colors. So it takes on an amber hue. So the full moon in june is called the honeymoon. audience reacts stephen there you have it. There you have it. There you have it. cheers and applause im just saying there is nore astrophysicist on the planet who plays the audience like you do. laughter like an instrument. You all catch that . Did you all catch what i just did . Did you all see that . Okay, all right. Okay. So let me ask you Something Else about the moon. So the strawberry moon is what . Why do we call it the strawberry moon . Did you say i dont know . Are strawberries is in season now . I dont know. But it could be that. Stephen what was special about the moon that just happened a couple of days ago . To their lifetime on earth. An earth that has been here for 4. 5 billion years. So this is evidence of a delusional state that you want the universe to cheers stephen Something Special happened in my lifetime and my life has some kind of meaning im not just photoplasm that will be gone. This configuration of the moon and planets will not repeat for 60,000 years. And you say, whoa, thats cool. But they dont tell you tomorrows configuration also wont repeat for 60,000 years. Every day you can find something that wont repeat for, you know, millennia. And so something can be rare but uninteresting. Because of how common its rarity is. Stephen wow, you could really make the night sky seem not special, neil. Okay, lets get back to our little friend the moon up there. This is beautiful. I love what you did here. Stephen exactly, the fake turning moon. Thats beautiful. Stephen where did the moon come from, neil . A marssized protoplanet in the early solar system which things were still forming sideswiped earth, gathered up earths crust, which had already segregated out heavy elements in the core, and light elements at the top. And this crust then coalesced to form our moon. Our moon has hardly any iron, but it should for an object that size. We know that. So were pretty sure it came from earth first, the ingredients match up perfectly. The moon and earths crust. We got that from the apollo program. But once you realize that, its kind of quaint to realize that the moon was hewn from earths loins, if you will. Its a kind of a audience reacts stephen you youre embarrassing me, neil. laughter this is cbs. We might have it to blur everything you just said. laughter okay, can we make money off of it . Can we go up there if there are no heavy elements up there, is there anything up there to go and mine . So heres the thing if the moon is made primarily of our crust, look what we have to do to get anything interesting out of the crust. We have to build mines miles below the surface. You dont want to mine on the moon, its just made of earths crust. What you want to do is find asteroids that are made of metals, but previous planets that had already segregated out their metals metals are heavy, they fall in the middle, the then it gets smashed, broken apart. You have asteroids made entirely of metal, iron, nickel, cobalt, iridium, gold, and silver. And rare earth elements are common on asteroids. So if you want to mine, go to an asteroid. The first trillionaire in the world is going to be the person who figures out how to mine asteroids. Stephen wow. Im just saying. On the show. Did i tell you about the face on the moon . Can i quickly tell you about that . Stephen very quickly. I have to wait for the backside of the moon to spin back around. Stephen no you dont. I have a photo right here. Okay, cool. laughter applause stephen im sorry, i was in australia. I was in australia, neil. There it is. So when i was a kid, this is how the moon would be seen from the Northern Hemisphere of the earth. When i was a kid, theres the woman in the moon. She looks man in the moon. No, woman. I got this one. She looks just like wilma flintstone. Its in profile. Shes facing up this direction. This is her tuft of hair in the front. Part of her hair in the middle. The bun of hair in the back. This is the eye socket, the nose, the mouth, the chin, the neck, and theres the crater tyco, which is her pendant laughter weve got it stephen there it is. We have wilma flintstone. Stephen Neil Degrasse tyson, everybody, you learn something every day. Thank you so much. Well be right back with screaming white people. Dont be shy. Youre all family. A little bit closer. Act like you love each other. Alright [mom] wheres your brother . Cmon big guy. [sister] weirdo. All right, here we go. Say nuts nuts peaches are members of the almond family. Hm put some flavor in your break. Make time for snapple. Get your active game on at kohls. This week only at kohls. The more nike you buy at 25 off. 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Stephen welcome back, everybody. Thanks so much. Let me ask you guys a question. Who here is a fan of yelling . cheers and applause well, i have some sad news. Because after 47 years, the National Hollerin contest in Spiveys Corner, north carolina, has been cancelled. audience reacts i know, i know. This worldfamous contest was dedicated to the rural tradition of hollerin, conveying messages through a series of short, loud sounds days of telephones. But the contests been losing money in the recent years. I guess these days, if you want to see people scream at the top of their lungs, you can just watch the news. laughter yes, yes, its funny, because i hear the laughter. I say we cannot lose this cultural beacon. So tonight, im proud to announce the first annual late show hollerin contest. chrs from the ed sullivan theater, its the late show hollerin contest waaahaha stephen please welcome ten time champion on the ladies calling contest, sheila frye cheers and applause 1978 hollerin junior champion, Robbie Goodman and sixtime national champion, tony peacock sheila, robbie, tony, thanks so much for being here. Sheila, ill start with you. What is hollerin and how did it start . Hollerin started long ago before there were phones, electricity. People had to communicate, they had to use their voice to communicate with farmers, their neighbors and in their community for different reasons. Stephen okay, robbie, what are the different forms of hollerin . I understand there are four distinct forms, what are they . You have communicative. You have distress. You have expressive. And theres one more. Stephen now, tony, sixtime champion, will hollerin become a lost art . I mean, how many people still holler . We hope not. As long as were hollerin, we think theres a chance it might stay alive. cheers and applause stephen were doing our part. Were doing our part. Okay, sheila, why dont you start us off right now, be our first contestant tonight. Lets get you up here. For yourself. And what kind of holler are you going to lead off with tonight . Im going to lead off with some expressive holler, just a little medley. Long ago, people had no electricity. You couldnt watch tv or go to the movies so you had to have your own fun for sheer entertainment. Stephen is there anything the audience should do in preparation . Just smile. Stephen all right, sheila, take it away. yelling noises yelling noises cheers and applause stephen beautifully done. Beautifully done. All right, robbie, get up here. Robbie, i understand you were 1978 junior hollerin champion. How much was hollerin back in it depends on who could shake a leg, i guess. Stephen what kind of hollerin are you going to do for us right now, robbie . Id liked to do of what i won when i was 10, but that was thirty plus years ago. The distress holler and a good morning holler. Stephen this is im in trouble, come help me. yelling noises stephen that spooked me. That spooked me. I got in a lot of trouble with that. Stephen have you got in trouble with that one . You do sound like a cop. I actually got a ticket for impersonating an Emergency Vehicle but it was thrown out of court, honestly. Stephen whats a good morning holler . cheers and applause stephen and thats in case that comes in handy that will come in handy, say, if your rooster gets sick and you need to step in the morning. That comes in handy when you get up in the morning and youve lived to see another day and feeling good and letting everybody know, hey, im alive and well. Stephen nicely done. All right, tony, come up here, bring it home. Tony, no pressure, you are six National Hollerin contest. What kind of holler are you going to treat us to today . I have a signature holler that i use. Stephen so if somebody hears it its like, thats tony. Theres nobody else. Right, and it can be used for functions on the farm calling for water or whatever you need if youre out in the field, people would know tony needs a certain item and were going to help him. Stephen take it away. And this was inspired by rhythms i heard as a child from yelling noises stephen woooo cheers and applause thank you, tony. That is some good, oldtime hollerin. Can i have the trophy, please . Can i have the trophy, please . All right, ladies and gentlemen, im ready to present the first annual late show hollerin contest. And whats that . Im being told theres a last minute contestant. Please welcome uzo aduba. Uzo cheers and applause uzo what a shocker. Uzo, are you ready . A lastminute contestant. This is going to shock the hollerin world right now. Are you ready to holler . I was born ready. Stephen is there anything we need to know about your holler . This comes from the ancient cities of brooklyn. laughter stephen all right. Take it away. Ladies and gentlemen, uzo aduba. yelling noises holla stephen uzo aduba the first annual champion to learn how you can help to bring back the hollerin contest, please contact Spiveys Corner volunteer fire department. Sheila frye, Robbie Goodman, tony peacock. And uzo aduba, everybody. Well be right back with a . . . . Hey ladies, when you go then everything goes . . From the crib to the ride and the clothes . . So you better let him know . . That if he mess up you gotta hit em up . Introducing new limearita splash the refreshing margarita in a bottle. Dove men care. The strength test. Like leather, skin is stronger when its hydrated. Formula to leave skin healthier and stronger. Its time for some straight talk. If youve ever been lured in by a low price wireless plan. Then theres not enough highspeed data. 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Dont miss the galaxy free for all. I am sebastian artois. Brewmaster. Risktaker. I sold everything i had to own a brewery. You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy fios is not cable. Were wired differently. E, tommy can download 30 songs, and jan can upload 120 photos. 12 seconds. Thats the power of fiber optics. And right now you can get 100 meg internet with equal upload and dowloads speeds, tv and phone for just 69. 99 per month online. Cable cant offer internet speeds this fast at a price this good. Tonight is making her Network Television debut. Here performing dead eyes, ladies and gentlemen, adia victoria cheers and applause you know, . Since you left his town, you know, . If i could bag up all e . Id be highway bound i live on a lonely avenue . Little girl wouldnt say i do, but i feel so sad and blue . You know that its all because of you . I could cry, i could cry, i could cry . I could die, die, . Its a lonely avenue, its a lonely avenue . . . . Now i could see the sun rise and set on you rise and set on you . It set on you . . . You say youre looking for something . To make you feel anew you dont believe in god, . Hey, whiskey will do you say youre looking for well whiskey will do . Yes, whiskey will do . . . . . Oh, you ask me a question ill tell you a lie . So dont be looking at me acting all surprised, . You ask me a question ill tell you a lie . And now hes looking at me right dead in the eyes . He said dead in the eyes . . . Dead in the eyes, dead in the eyes, . Dead in the eyes, i am dead in the eyes . Dead in the eyes, dead in the eyes, . Dead in the eyes cheers and applause stephen adia victorias album, beyond the bloodhounds is available now stephen thats it for the late show, everybody. Good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh . Are you ready yall to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . What is you need its gonna work out fine . Its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from louisiana, new