And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 611 Santa Barbara steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness i feel the love i feel the love. I feel the love. Right back at you. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] this is the one to be at. This is a hot show. Welcome. Were going to have fun tonight. Heres what people are talking about, you guys. Its been nearly a week since President Trump took office and i read that Trumps White House is already stocked with his favorite snacks. Including lays potato chips and doritos. [ light laughter ] so that makes one cabinet trumps manage to fill. And so thats [ laughter and applause ] lets start there. Has congress confirmed my ramen noodles yet . [ laughter ] chicken or beef. I dont like the shrimp flavor. [ laughter ] all right. Ill take the shrimp. [ light laughter ] last night on abc donald trump gave his first interview since becoming president and trump said getting the Nuclear Codes was a very sobering moment for him. Which is interesting, because thats also the moment most people started drinking. Wow. [ applause ] [ glug ] trump also praised the white house, saying it has the most beautiful phones hes ever used in his life. [ laughter ] steve what . Jimmy yeah. He says it really takes the sting out of being hung up on by other world leaders. Steve oh. Jimmy Angela Merkel . Okay what . Its a very nice phone. Its a very nice phone. Well, actually though, get this. Cnn is reporting that north Korean Leader kim jongun wants to meet with President Trump. You know things are crazy when even kim jonguns like ive got to see this for myself. [ laughter and applause ] lets go. Warm up the plane. Lets get out i got to check this thing out. Steve he did what . Jimmy would you like any doritos . [ laughter ] cool ranch. Its really cool. Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto cancelled his trip to washington, after trump signed an order to Start Construction on his border wall. [ audience oohs ] marking perhaps the only mexican who will actually be kept out by it. [ laughter and applause ] hes like i stopped one. Pretty good. I havent even built it yet. This morning President Trump went to philadelphia, taking his first flight on air force one. Yeah. And since this plane doesnt have his name on it, he spent 20 minutes on the tarmac pressing his keys trying to figure out which wan was his. Hes like [ car alarm beep ] [ laughter and applause ] there it is. I see it. Actually trump is attending a a republican retreat in philadelphia and the lawmakers attending received a welcome gift in their hotel rooms. This is real. Take a look. Yeah. Trump [ laughter ] trump socks. Trump socks. Its the perfect gift, because right now republicans are getting cold feet about this whole thing. So, trump socks. [ laughter and applause ] thats good. Steve for the people yelling at the march. [ laughter ] jimmy trump socks. Trump socks go all the way up to your knee. You know, just like his ties. [ light laughter ] they go down and they meet in the same area. Guys, listen to this. A new survey finds that nearly two thirds of americans have been affected by data theft or fraud. Yeah. Yet they still felt comfortable sharing their personal information with a stranger taking a survey. [ laughter ] i dont know why this keeps happening to me. Oh, i live on 26 elm street. Yes. My mothers maiden name . Oh. [ light laughter ] my first dog my first pets name was jasper. I dont know why i keep getting hacked. Its terrible. [ laughter ] my Social Security number . Oh, its uh, 039 its just terrible. I get hacked like every other week. [ light laughter ] finally, its rumored that apple is working on an enhanced version of siri for the next iphone. They say the new phone will be able to say, sorry i didnt catch that in over a dozen different voices. Sorry, i didnt catch that. [ applause ] jimmy we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, right there, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, guys thank you very much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching. I really appreciate it. Ah, i love ya. I love you right back. Guys, were going to do something fun next week. Judd apatow and keanu reeves are coming on the show. For separate [ cheers ] yeah. [ applause ] separate reasons. Theyre not doing a movie together, they just happen to be the guests that night. [ light laughter ] theyre coming on the show and the three of us are going to do some standup comedy together, on the show. Thats right, keanu reeves [ applause ] keanu reeves is going to do standup comedy. So [ laughter ] but heres the deal. The jokes arent going to be written by us, theyre going to be written by children. [ light laughter ] so, heres where i need your help. If you have a kid between five and 10 years old, i want you to have them write some jokes. They can be anything. A knockknock joke, a joke they made up, a joke they heard at school, whatever. When theyre done, email the jokes to kidstandup tonightshow. Com. Were going to choose our favorites and then judd, keanu, and i will perform those jokes on the show. [ cheers and applause ] thats next week . Yeah, next week. Its been a great week so far. Theres more ahead. Tomorrow night, our pal, she is just the best, Drew Barrymore will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy she has a new netflix show steve come on. Jimmy Santa Clarita diet. Drew and i are going to attempt to break a few Guinness World records together. Steve ooh. Jimmy yeah, real deal ones, yeah. Its going to be fun. Plus we have tom brokaw on the show tomorrow. Steve ah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and we have music from parquet courts. [ cheers and applause ] thats going to be a good show. Steve whoa jimmy and, of course, thank you notes. Thats tomorrow night. But first, we have a fun show tonight. He stars in a new movie with Robert De Niro called the comedian. Also hes about to make his broadway debut in the price. The very funny, the very talented danny devito is here tonight steve oh [ cheers and applause ] danny danny jimmy my man. Also, one of my new favorite shows, from the Netflix Series the oa have you seen this yet . Steve no. [ cheers ] jimmy love it. Brit marling is joining us tonight. Steve wow. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy shes great. Also joining us tonight, gosh, hes so cute. I was talking to him backstage. 12yearold advice expert ciro ortiz is here. [ cheers and applause ] hes a tiny little man. Little boy. Hes this big. Steve is he really . Jimmy yeah, yeah. No. Hes steve can he fit in your pocket . Jimmy hes 12 years old. Hes a normal sized boy. [ laughter ] but he gives advice. He goes he goes down to, like, the subway. And hes on the side of the subway and he sits down and people come up to him. They give him two bucks and he talks to people about their problems and stuff. [ light laughter ] steve thats fantastic. Jimmy its great. So, if you got yeah, think of a problem. If you got one for him later hell hook you up. [ light laughter ] and we have great music from jon bellion, everybody. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its a real photo. Steve thats a real photo . Jimmy thats an actual photo. Steve wow. Jimmy yeah. Thats his backyard. [ light laughter ] steve yes. Hes very photogenic. Jimmy yeah, hes very photo hes a stud. Guys, im sure you all know the popular game two truths and a a lie . Ever heard of it . [ cheers ] what you do, you list three things about your youre already confused, higgins . No, this is youve heard of this. Steve two truths and a a lie . Sure, ill go with it. Jimmy go with it . What do you mean go with it . Youve played it before. You list three things about yourself. One of them is a lie. Steve oh, okay. Jimmy yeah. Well i heard that they had their own version of this game at the white house. Steve really . Jimmy yeah. So tonight i thought [ laughter ] its really fun. [ cheers ] theyre having a blast doing it. No. So, its i thought it would be fun to try it out tonight. I want to try out their version. Its time for two truths and an alternative fact. Steve really . [ cheers and applause ] two truths and an alternative fact jimmy so its the first two things are truth. Steve right. Jimmy and then theres an alternative fact. Steve right. Jimmy thrown in there. [ light laughter ] steve alternative . Jimmy like first, up with have qdoba. Steve qdoba. Jimmy qdoba is a chain of mexican restaurants. Steve true. Jimmy it is owned by jackinthebox. Steve true. Jimmy and finally qdoba is spanish for not chipotle. [ laughter ] steve okay. Jimmy its not see how it works . It goes, truth, truth alternative fact. Steve alternative fact. Jimmy heres another one. Heres Kellyanne Conway. [ light laughter ] Kellyanne Conway is one of trumps most trusted advisers. She is a law school graduate. And finally, Kellyanne Conway is an American Girl doll that came to life. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy can you tell which one . Steve thats alternative thats an alternative truth. Jimmy no. Weve kind of mixed em up. So you never know which ones the alternative. Steve yeah, which ones which. You dont know, man. Jimmy next up, we have shake shack. Steve shake shack jimmy shake shack is a [ cheers ] yeah. It is a chain of burger restaurants based in new york city. It actually began as a food cart in Madison Square park. And shake shack is what shaq call as vibrating massage chair. [ laughter and applause ] steve shake shack. [ vibrating noise ] jimmy its time to shake. Time to shake shaq. [ laughter ] steve alternative fact. Jimmy big chair. Ah next up is sean spicer. Steve sean spicer. Jimmy sean spicer is a a political strategist. Hes the Current White House press secretary. And finally, sean spicer is actually an 11yearold who found the fortune telling machine from big. Steve really . [ applause ] zoltar. Jimmy this suit fits period [ laughter ] steve gosh. Jimmy up next we have Jeff Sessions. Jeff sessions is a u. S. Senator. Hes also trumps pick for attorney general. And finally, Jeff Sessions is a a grownup alfred e. Neuman. Steve oh, wow. [ applause ] the gap in the tooth gives it away. Jimmy i dont know if thats real. Steve thats an alternative tooth. Jimmy nah, i think we mightve steve you might have added that gap . Jimmy well, i dont know. Steve thats alternative. Jimmy its an alternative fact. Steve its what, you worry . Thats his catchphrase, its what, you worry . Jimmy finally [ laughter ] steve they cant be all gems. Jimmy we have the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Steve oh. Jimmy the Tyrannosaurus Rex was the most feared dinosaur. It preyed upon other creatures. And finally, Tyrannosaurus Rex overcompensated for his small arms by tweeting insults at other dinosaurs. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats it. Thats all thats all we have for two truths and an alternative fact. Stay tuned. Well be right back with more of the tonight show its good [ cheers and applause ] surprising moments. Theyre everywhere. And as a marriot rewards member, i can embrace them all. The new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts at members. Marriott. Com. Hello moto. Its time to reimagine the smart phone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget to add the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Dang right its a chip. [crunch ] he was actually the first customers name ive memorized. He gets a flat white every single day, sometimes twice a day. With the flat white, you have to do a nice steady stream. When you finish that drink and do that perfect dot, they see that you did that perfectly and you just make that like silent eye contact going. Hell take a sip and hell literally say, ooh, i can taste that dot. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, guys. [ cheers and applause ] welcome back, everybody. Its time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. Hashtags hashtags [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, guys, we use twitter on our show every single week. So if you watch our show and you want to play along we do this thing every wednesday where i will send out a hashtag and we ask guys to tweet out things based on that topic. And as i said before a lot of people have been talking about the phrase alternative facts this week. So i went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called worstlieievertold. [ laughter ] all right, i asked you guys to tweet out a weird, funny, or embarrassing lie that you or someone else has told. I thought of my i should have tweeted it out, but i forgot. I just thought of, i told my grandma that my hair got dyed because i was swimming in the pool too much. But it was i was using sunin. [ laughter ] google it kids. It was a thing. My sister had it. My mom had it. I used it and she was like, youre lying to me. Youre dyeing your hair. I go, im not dyeing my hair. Its the pool. I swim in the pool too much. [ laughter ] i had, like, orange hair. I was, youre wrong. [ laughter ] steve period jimmy sad. We got thousands of tweets. Within 15 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you for those tweets. [ cheers and applause ] now here of some of my favorite worstlieievertold tweets from you guys. This ones from thefaithham. [ light laughter ] steve i got faith in ham. Jimmy she says, i would hide in the pantry to eat candy so my kids wouldnt see. When they found me i told them id been praying. [ laughter and applause ] steve ah. Thats not going to be good. [ laughter ] jimmy this ones from fergetit. He says, i once told my sister there was a coin between a a nickel and a dime called a a dickel. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh, yeah. [ laughter ] whoa oh jimmy she believed in dickels for a week. [ laughter ] steve i believed in dickels all my life. Jimmy how many dickels is that . Yeah. [ laughter ] steve put up your jimmy this is from belleofbabble. She says, i told my niece and nephew that its illegal to get married before 30 so theyd stop asking why im not married. [ laughter ] its like, enough, enough. [ cheers and applause ] steve i dont believe in dickels. [ laughter ] jimmy this ones from mmmorgantx. She said, i would spray wiper fluid as we pass the park and tell my daughter we couldnt go because it was raining. [ laughter and applause ] thats cold. Thats cold steve thats cold blooded. Jimmy thats ice cold [ laughter ] id love to go on the seesaw. No way. No way. Its too wet. Steve i got to watch my stories. Jimmy this one is from rogerusaf. He says, i told my kids that f. A. O. Schwarz was a toy museum so they wouldnt ask me to buy anything for them. [ laughter ] hey dont touch. Steve dont touch. Jimmy dont touch anything. Steve look with your eyes. [ applause ] touch with your eyes. Come on. Jimmy its a toy museum. Theres 30 transformers. The same one. Steve those numbers are the catalog numbers. [ laughter ] jimmy last one from emilyofcoursey. She says, guy asked if i remembered his name, im like, yeah, but how do you spell it . Hes like, t j. [ laughter ] you spell it like that . There is our tonight show hashtags. Check more out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Well be right back with danny devito, everybody [ cheers and applause ] what if technology gave us the power to turn this enemy into an ally . Microsoft and its partners are using smart traps to capture mosquitoes and sequence their dna to fight disease. There are over 100 million pieces of dna in every sample. With the microsoft cloud, we can analyze the data faster than ever before. If we can detect new viruses before they spread, we may someday prevent outbreaks before they begin. Only at t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices, datafree. Its entertainment. Your way. Of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. Every great why wecagefree eggs. Ng and we care about amazing taste. Because at hellmanns, were on the side of food. To err is human. To anticipate. Is the lexus rx. With pedestrian detection, auto braking, and lane departure alert. Standard. Another step closer to a safer world. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is an emmy and golden globe awardwinning actor who stars opposite Robert De Niro in the comedian which opens in theaters everywhere february 3rd and on february 16th, he will make his broadway debut. Cant wait to talk about this, in arthur millers the price, at the Roundabout Theatre right here in new york city. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome danny devito [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats thats how you do it right there. Thank you. Jimmy thats how you do it. Thank you all. Jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. Jimmy you look fantastic. Look at look at this. You like it like that . Jimmy i love it. It looks fantastic. Im doing a play. Like you said, the broadway show, the roundabout, its called the price. I play an old man. [ laughter ] i play an old a furniture dealer. A furniture dealer with a jimmy a furniture dealer. Yeah a furniture dealer with a yiddish accent. Jimmy is that right . Yeah. Jimmy thats fantastic. Its very, very good. Arthur miller, fantastic and i got a great cast. Jimmy you really. Mark. Mark ruffalo. [ applause ] jimmy whats not to love . Fuhgedaboudit. Jimmy whats not to love . Tony shalhoub, hello jessica heck. Hmm. The director im not going to mention. Jimmy why . No, no. I like him. Terry kenny. Very, very nice. Im kidding. Jimmy this is the first time on broadway . I dont believe it. Ive never been on broadway. Jimmy ive walked on broadway once. A couple times. I used to go a lot on broadway. Jimmy but this is a big deal. This is i mean gosh, when was taxi . And bring us all back to taxi. Ooh [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Well, taxi was 1 1978 we started taxi. Before you were born. Jimmy no, it was not. It was not before i was born but i love the show so much, you know i. Aw good. Jimmy every time you come on i always talk to you about it. But i did not know that the show was based on an article. Oh, yeah. It was a i think it was it the new yorker. New yorker. New York Magazine article, it was just a onepage article. It was all about a garage down in downtown you know, where people taxi drivers, and everybody in the, in the article. If i remember correctly, nobody was really a cab driver. They were all other things. Just like the show. You know, like tony danza was a a boxer. Jimmy yeah jeff conway was an actor, Marilu Henner was into art. You know what i mean. I was like, you know, a pain in the ass. [ light laughter ] i was in jimmy you were so great. I mean, everything. But, gosh, i mean, louie de palma one of the best characters ever in history. Judd was the only one in the show that was really a cab driver. Everybody else was like jimmy oh yeah youre right. Yeah, but he was the cab driver. Everybody else didnt want to do it. Yeah. Jimmy thats right. It was a good joe. Jimmy and james l. Brooks. Jim brooks, yeah, he was like, right in there. Jimmy i mean id just love to what a great cast. Yeah. Jimmy but you would do physical comedy. All the time. Jimmy you were fantastic at it. You would do a bit where even you just made a face and you were like hmm. Yeah. Hmm. Jimmy and then [ talking over each other ] and like, and its like if i snaked somebody, i would go, i meannyea [ laughter ] i would have jimmy i would have laughed. I would have ruined everything. No, no. Oh, i used to ruin takes all the time. Jimmy i would ruin every take. Oh we always did. Everybody did. Jimmy but i mean the crowd would clap and laugh for like three minutes straight. Yeah, i know. We have four cameras. So you cut between the two. Save everything. Otherwise, boy, we would have trashed that show. It would have been awful. Jimmy but what a great did the cast hang out and oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We hung out too much. Jimmy you did . Oh, yeah. One of those things. It was you remember, like i said 78. So we worked through the beginning of the 80s. You know. It was very, very volatile time in california, you know. It was a lot of like it snowed every day. Lets put it that way. [ applause ] jimmy oh. Perfect way to do that. No thats a perfect way to do it. Thats perfect. We were on the paramount lot. We had Laverne Shirley was on. Jimmy yeah happy days. They were there. Jimmy mork and mindy. Mark and mi i saw, robin williams, rest his soul. He was rehearsing, mork, mork mindy like right, the next stage. It was, like, really cool. You just walked down there and youd see him onstage. The first time i ever saw him. It was like amazing. An amazing, amazing comedian and he was terrific, and we and they would come to see us. It was like really a a synergistic kind of thing on the lot. You know everybody, like supported each other. People would come on a friday night and watch our show. We shot in front of an audience like this, you know, every friday night and then at 10 00, 11 00, maybe, we would finish, and party until sunday, go to work on monday. Amazing. [ cheers and applause ] and jimmy and was Robert De Niro was around that time, too . Didnt all you guys hang out . Well i knew robert from like making the rounds in new york. I see him in the late 60s we met. So we never worked together. This is the first the comedian is the first movie were working together. I play his brother. Hes terrific in the movie. Really great in the movie. You know bob is like he gets into the character. He plays this really kind of you know tough, like, very you comedian. Hes a comedian. The name of the movie. The comedian. But hes a real you know like, hes got kind of an edge. You know how he does when he gets an edge to him . Bob, de niro. Like, he goes the edge is like so deep and its just like you could fall into it and disappear. Hes like hes an ass[ bleep ] in the movie. Jimmy all right, all right, hey danny, come on, now. Come on now. No, hes great. Jimmy this is an acting role. He was very nice. Hes very nice. Hes acting. Hes acting. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. But leslie mann is in this as well. Leslie mann. Its funny. Patti lupone is in the movie. Jimmy i love patti lupone and oh my god. Shes in edi falco i remember seeing. And edi falco is in the movie. Jimmy fantastic. All your favorites in this movie. Taylor hackford directed it. I cant remember the Kraft Service guys name, otherwise jimmy but he was great too or yeah. But basically, de niro is a tv star and now hes just from 20 years ago. And now making the rounds as a a standup comic. But what he really wants to do is he really wants to do standup. Jimmy yeah. But always known as eddie. The guy on tv. Jimmy sitcom. Yeah. Its like hes got a chip on his shoulder about that. And heckler, and thats one thing you dont want to have with bob. Jimmy no. No. You dont want him to have a a chip on his shoulder about you. Jimmy not you want him to have a good time. Right, bob . Jimmy so somebody yeah. Dont mess with bob. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. No. I saw you over at a bronx tale the play. Ooh. That was the night we saw the wait a minute. That was you . You were with this is was it your mother . Was your mother there. Jimmy yeah. Didnt your mother do the thing with the candy . Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] yeah your mother. You didnt hear it. Jimmy no. Did you hear it . Are you kidding . Everybody heard it. What do you mean . [ laughter ] jimmy what are you talking about . Ruined the play for everybody. What was that all about . Jimmy she was unwrapping candy. You kept giving her candy . Jimmy no she i didnt know what she was unwrapping, and i heard this unwrapping and i go, i hope its not my mother. But everybody was looking at you. Jimmy well no because it was a very quiet scene. And everybody was looking at you. Jimmy and then i look, and i go wow. I thought it was you. Jimmy no, it wasnt me. I dont say a word. And then she goes she had her hand out and she goes, you want an altoid . And i go an altoid . Jimmy she wanted an she wanted an altoid. Wait. They come in a box. Jimmy thats what i said. Theres nothing even that wrinkles in there. Maybe that tiny piece of paper. I go, what are you making, origami . I didnt know what she was doing. [ laughter ] breaking the paper. I dont no. Excuse me. But shes it was very nice. She was great. Jimmy well be there opening night, at the price, to go see danny devito. Well be there opening night. Youll be hearing us. Ill be listening for the candy wrapper. Jimmy no, we wont. We love you but im going to come see you. Check this out. I want to show everybody a clip of danny devito in the comedian. Take a look at this. We sent you an invitation. We heard nothing. I was in prison i told you. Before that. He doesnt have to come if hes too busy. You dont have to come if its too much trouble. Its not too much trouble. No, if its too much trouble, dont come. I dont need the extra aggravation if its going to be trouble for you. I dont want it to become a a thing. Its not a thing. Well, if its going to be a a thing dont bother. I dont think its a thing. Its not a problem, its not a thing. I would love to come. Ill be there. Its a week from sunday. A week from sunday . Yeah. I will be there. So you you want to stay and have thanksgiving dinner with us after we close . Not really. Its not a thing jimmy danny devito, the comedian opens in theaters everywhere february 3rd. Go see him on broadway in the price, at the Roundabout Theatre on february 16th through may 7th. Well be right back with brit marling. Will you stick around . Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] oh, look weve got fees ew, really . Oh, its our verizon bill look at them. Line access fee, administrative fees, there are even taxes on top of them. Decent people shouldnt have to live like this did i get it . Tmobile ends surprise fees and taxes thats right, with tmobile one, taxes and fees are now included 4 lines, 40 bucks each. All unlimited, all in. Hey steve check out this guys leg. Yeah looks like a real nasty moving back in with his parents. What . No. I just broke my leg. No, this is a full blown move in to the basement, youre gonna be out of work without that money from. Aflac you might miss your rent. Aww i just moved out. Bummer man. Hey i used to have my own place. Yeah . No, no i live with my mom, but its cool. Health can change but the life you love doesnt have to, keep your lifestyle healthy with. Aflac [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a talented writer and actress who created, wrote, and stars in the Netflix Series the oa. Season one is available right now. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome brit marling [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you for being here. Thank you for coming on. And yeah. Oa. That was rad. Jimmy yeah. That was pretty good, right . The oa. And were im not allowed to say what the oa is. You cant mention what what it stands for. Maybe it doesnt stand for anything . You could mention what you think it stands for, but i could neither confirm nor deny. [ laughter ] danny the oa. Jimmy the other angle. Thats a good one. But i i cant say. I really cant. Jimmy cause youre seeing things from a different angle. I mean, basically. Right . Thats what jimmy i dont know what it is. What do you think it is . Do you have jimmy i havent gotten to the danny orgasm after. Jimmy no, no, no. Danny [ cheers and applause ] hes correct. Hes correct. Thats exactly what it is. But dont no spoilers. Why didnt i think of that myself . Thats what i want to know. [ laughter ] will you join us in the writers room . Danny oh, sure. [ laughter ] jimmy how did you pitch this show to netflix, because thats a tricky idea. A really tricky idea. I think, you know zal and i cocreated the show together. Jimmy and thats your writing partner. Right . Zal batmanglij, yes. We met in college and we came up with a story because we just sit in a room together and act stuff out. So we thought this is how you pitch something. So we would go into the pitch room there would be a room full of executives and wed just start standup and wed play all the parts and anything in the room was fair game for a a prop. So zal would, like, grab an executive womans handbag and pull something out of the bag. And that would be the knife in the scene. You know, just like her sunglasses and wed act this whole thing out. And at the end, i remember the first time we did a pitch like that the executive was just looking at us like [ laughter ] and we were like, wow, that went so badly. And then he leaned across the table and was like, dont ever change. And it took me a long time to figure out that he really actually enjoyed that pitch. Because later on a screenwriter friend told me, that is not how you pitch a show, or anything. Jimmy no. You have to, like, have it pipe down. Its very boring. You come in and you say its terms of endearment meets the ghostbusters. Like, just give them a matchup they havent seen and let them imagine the rest. Jimmy yeah. But this is hard to match up. Because theres so many things happening in this thing. But its fantastic. Ill just set this up for people so they kind of understand. The First Episode basically your character is has a near death experience. Is that right . Yes. A near death experience. Jimmy a near death experience. And she gains her sight back. Yeah. Jimmy she was blind. She was blind. Jimmy now shes not blind. Yeah. Jimmy watch it. [ laughter ] and she wont talk about that experience with the fbi. Jimmy no, no, no, no, no, no. Or her parents. Jimmy no one know whats went do you think you know what it means . She wont tell danny. Danny im not saying nothing. She might tell danny. Jimmy maybe its optical something. Optical alien. Obsti danny optimum ass[ bleep ]. Jimmy no, no, you cant. [ laughter and applause ] danny what . Jimmy hes actually right. I did check that. It is that. He was right again. Danny im pitching. Jimmy thats the second danny im just pitching it. Im in the room. Im in the room. [ laughter ] do i have jimmy it is so fun and you know who i love, the woman who plays the teacher. Phyllis smith. Shes amazing, right . Jimmy i love her face. I love her acting. I just think shes fantastic. I want to show a clip. Heres brit marling and jason isaacs in the oa. Take a look at this. I have a proposal for you. We leave tomorrow. And the others . Ill take thats a a detail. I will take care of them. I will not go with you. [ cheers and applause ] danny oh, man. Oh, man. Jimmy thats what im talking about. Brit marling, everybody. Season one of the oa is available now on netflix. Well be back with 12yearold advice expert ciro ortiz, come on back. [ cheers and applause ] do you always put cheezit grooves in your sandwich . Of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget to add the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Dang right its a chip. [crunch ] hello moto. Its time to reimagine the smart phone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. What if instead of waiting weeks for your tax refund . You can get an advance on that refund. [zombie] an advance on my tax refund, i could really use that. [john] what would you do with that money . [zombie] id love to take a tropical holiday. [john] id be careful, with your skin tone. [zombie] no i get it cause im a zombie. Yeah thats funny. [off camera] all my undead, we are back. [john] i will see you out there. [zombie] see ya. [john] and dont take it personally. 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Our next guest is a 12yearold from brooklyn who got in the news recently when he started offering emotional advice to people on a subway platform here in new york city. Here to tell us more about his story and maybe offer us some advice is a sixth grader from ms 577. Ciro ortiz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you. Jimmy ciro, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. Are you excited about this . Is this fun . Kind of. [ laughter ] did i stump you . Jimmy have you have you seen the show before . My show . Not really. [ laughter ] jimmy im sorry we didnt have more time to talk, but its a pleasure to meet no. Im just kidding. No. You are a how old are you . 11. Oh, wait. 12. [ laughter ] jimmy ah. Gotcha gotcha. Jimmy how did you get into this whole thing . How did you get into giving emotional advice. Here you are here. [ audience aws ] do you remember this . Yes. Jimmy yeah. I think. Jimmy what happened . Its, like, when i its just that moment when youre about to go to bed, but then you get the most amazing ideas ever. For no reason. Jimmy yeah. And you had that. You had that epiphany. Youre about to go to sleep. And then you said, hey, mom, dad, i got this great idea, im going to go to the subway and just give advice. Hmm, not that specifically. [ laughter ] i say i said something about setting up a stand. And my dad said something about, maybe, giving them emotional advice, because im good at that. Apparently. [ laughter ] jimmy emotional advice. So what so people so can you give me an example . People will come up to you and they will ask you for give me an example. What would they ask you . They would ask me about family trouble or Something Like that. Jimmy really . Jimmy oh, so, maybe saying my wife and i are going through some marital problems. Can you give me some advice . Hmm. Jimmy no. Im not saying that. Im, im, no [ laughter ] im happily married, no. Honey, i love you. Nothing is wrong at home. Everythings great youre going to get me in trouble already. Now, if a stranger would ask that, or someone that has a a thing. Im fine. [ light laughter ] okay. Jimmy or do you want me to ask you a question . Can i ask you a question . Yes. Jimmy well what do you do with with the mean kids or bullies . On twitter. If theres people on twitter. Theres, like, trolls and bullies. What would you say to them . Whats your advice . Its not a big deal. Just words on a screen. Do your best to ignore it. I do. Jimmy there you go. [ applause ] just words on a screen. Thats not bad. And how much would i normally would i give you money for that advice . Well, if you dont have it, then, no, you dont. [ audience aws ] if you do, then, yes. [ light laughter ] jimmy and how much money do you save the money . Yes. Jimmy and what are you saving up for . Depends. Jimmy give me an example of something you want. [ light laughter ] nothing really. I have no idea right now. [ light laughter ] jimmy you have no idea what you want . I was going to save up for a a microwave for my dad. But then my grandma beat me to it. And then i was going save up for a drone for myself. But then my dad beat me to it. [ light laughter ] i mean, i have no idea. Jimmy so you have a drone and a microwave . Well, its like jimmy same same thing . A toy drone. Its not like not a real drone. Jimmy that still counts. But they still beat me to it. Jimmy yeah. I heard you like video games. Yeah. Jimmy i heard that wanted to get that new classic nintendo one. No. My dad wants to. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy well, give this to your dad for us. Will you . [ cheers and applause ] good to see you, buddy. [ laughter ] good to see you. Really, really. I want you to come back. Okay . And i want some well think of well get a microwave or something next time. [ laughter ] our thanks to ciro ortiz. How cool is this guy . [ cheers and applause ] you did great. Follow him on instagram emotionaladvicekid. Jon bellion performs after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] where things come from . How they get here . What theyre packed in . Its a lot of stuff. And these things add up. Thats why we recycle. [vo ]its nice to know that raymour and flanigan is proud to be a leading recycler 17 Million Pounds of recyclable materials every year. Turned from trash into treasure. So in the future, we will all have a more beautiful world. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight the musical guest has amassed over one billion streams worldwide. One billion, wow. [ cheers ] his breakthrough single was just certified platinum. Oh, thats awesome, pal. Performing all time low off of his album the human condition give it up for jon bellion, everybody [ cheers and applause ] this first joint is called hall oates. Aka this is it. Rest in peace, dilla. They ask for me advice so whats it gone be i treat it like im preaching to a young me tell myself that you about to be like jon b scratch that jon lennon i am on key left handed layups with your pops in the street make your drums so College Girls try to dance in the jeep keep the good beats for yourself keep a stash full of treats and the cover of the fader dont put ass in the seats realize the gifts that youve been given make you deadly in the kitchen thats lebron with curry pull up pop records for your digits the rythmn sense is lifted the whiteness is intended theyll never mention privelege thats the wrong tree to bark up a willow with the whisper stay away from one oak youll get the redwood from a mistress thats a packed line backs fine islands on your shoulder but its snack time eat collect your publishing and act right eat collect your publishing and act right eat collect your publishing and act right eat collect your publishing and act right low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low i was the knight in shining armor in your movie would put your lips on mine and love the aftertaste now im a ghost i call your name you look right through me youre the reason im alone come on and ive well ive been trying to fix my pride but thats been broken thats been broken girl and i i lie and i lie i try to hide but now you know it come on and that i am at an all time low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low i was the prototype like 3 stacks on that cd an example of the perfect candidate now all your girlfriends say that you dont want to see me youre the reason that i just cant concentrate i, well ive been trying to fix my pride but thats been broken thats been broken and i i lie and i lie i try to hide but now you know it that im at an all time low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on, now. [ cheers and applause ] high five. Jon bellion right there catch him on tour right now, with twentyone pilots. My thanks to danny devito, brit marling, ciro ortiz, jon bellion once again [ cheers and applause ] and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. Hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everyone [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight timothy olyphant. Stars of riverdale, actresses, Lily Reinhart and camila mendes. Music from nelly furtado. Featuring the 8g band with darren king. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth myers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . Pcpc good to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. President trumps golf club in maralago, florida recently doubled its initiation fee from 100,000 to 200,000. And if you think thats crazy, he tripled the number of people who were at the inauguration. [ laughter ] President Trump said last night
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