And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 611 Santa Barbara steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness i feel the love i feel the love. I feel the love. Right back at you. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] this is the one to be at. This is a hot show. Welcome. Were going to have fun tonight. Heres what people are talking about, you guys. Its been nearly a week since President Trump took office and i read that Trumps White House is already stocked with his favorite snacks. Including lays potato chips and doritos. [ light laughter ] so that makes one cabinet trumps manage to fill. And so thats [ laughter and applause ] lets start there. Has congress confirmed my ramen noodles yet . [ laughter ] chicken or beef. I dont like the shrimp flavor. [ laughter ] all right. Ill take the shrimp. [ light laughter ] last night on abc donald trump gave his first interview since becoming president and trump said getting the Nuclear Codes was a very sobering moment for him. Which is interesting, because thats also the moment most people started drinking. Wow. [ applause ] [ glug ] trump also praised the white house, saying it has the most beautiful phones hes ever used in his life. [ laughter ] steve what . Jimmy yeah. He says it really takes the sting out of being hung up on by other world leaders. Steve oh. Jimmy Angela Merkel . Okay what . Its a very nice phone. Its a very nice phone. Well, actually though, get this. Cnn is reporting that north Korean Leader kim jongun wants to meet with President Trump. You know things are crazy when even kim jonguns like ive got to see this for myself. [ laughter and applause ] lets go. Warm up the plane. Lets get out i got to check this thing out. Steve he did what . Jimmy would you like any doritos . [ laughter ] cool ranch. Its really cool. Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto cancelled his trip to washington, after trump signed an order to Start Construction on his border wall. [ audience oohs ] marking perhaps the only mexican who will actually be kept out by it. [ laughter and applause ] hes like i stopped one. Pretty good. I havent even built it yet. This morning President Trump went to philadelphia, taking his first flight on air force one. Yeah. And since this plane doesnt have his name on it, he spent 20 minutes on the tarmac pressing his keys trying to figure out which wan was his. Hes like [ car alarm beep ] [ laughter and applause ] there it is. I see it. Actually trump is attending a a republican retreat in philadelphia and the lawmakers attending received a welcome gift in their hotel rooms. This is real. Take a look. Yeah. Trump [ laughter ] trump socks. Trump socks. Its the perfect gift, because right now republicans are getting cold feet about this whole thing. So, trump socks. [ laughter and applause ] thats good. Steve for the people yelling at the march. [ laughter ] jimmy trump socks. Trump socks go all the way up to your knee. You know, just like his ties. [ light laughter ] they go down and they meet in the same area. Guys, listen to this. A new survey finds that nearly two thirds of americans have been affected by data theft or fraud. Yeah. Yet they still felt comfortable sharing their personal information with a stranger taking a survey. [ laughter ] i dont know why this keeps happening to me. Oh, i live on 26 elm street. Yes. My mothers maiden name . Oh. [ light laughter ] my first dog my first pets name was jasper. I dont know why i keep getting hacked. Its terrible. [ laughter ] my Social Security number . Oh, its uh, 039 its just terrible. I get hacked like every other week. [ light laughter ] finally, its rumored that apple is working on an enhanced version of siri for the next iphone. They say the new phone will be able to say, sorry i didnt catch that in over a dozen different voices. Sorry, i didnt catch that. [ applause ] jimmy we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, right there, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, guys thank you very much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching. I really appreciate it. Ah, i love ya. I love you right back. Guys, were going to do something fun next week. Judd apatow and keanu reeves are coming on the show. For separate [ cheers ] yeah. [ applause ] separate reasons. Theyre not doing a movie together, they just happen to be the guests that night. [ light laughter ] theyre coming on the show and the three of us are going to do some standup comedy together, on the show. Thats right, keanu reeves [ applause ] keanu reeves is going to do standup comedy. So [ laughter ] but heres the deal. The jokes arent going to be written by us, theyre going to be written by children. [ light laughter ] so, heres where i need your help. If you have a kid between five and 10 years old, i want you to have them write some jokes. They can be anything. A knockknock joke, a joke they made up, a joke they heard at school, whatever. When theyre done, email the jokes to kidstandup tonightshow. Com. Were going to choose our favorites and then judd, keanu, and i will perform those jokes on the show. [ cheers and applause ] thats next week . Yeah, next week. Its been a great week so far. Theres more ahead. Tomorrow night, our pal, she is just the best, Drew Barrymore will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy she has a new netflix show steve come on. Jimmy Santa Clarita diet. Drew and i are going to attempt to break a few Guinness World records together. Steve ooh. Jimmy yeah, real deal ones, yeah. Its going to be fun. Plus we have tom brokaw on the show tomorrow. Steve ah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and we have music from parquet courts. [ cheers and applause ] thats going to be a good show. Steve whoa jimmy and, of course, thank you notes. Thats tomorrow night. But first, we have a fun show tonight. He stars in a new movie with Robert De Niro called the comedian. Also hes about to make his broadway debut in the price. The very funny, the very talented danny devito is here tonight steve oh [ cheers and applause ] danny danny jimmy my man. Also, one of my new favorite shows, from the Netflix Series the oa have you seen this yet . Steve no. [ cheers ] jimmy love it. Brit marling is joining us tonight. Steve wow. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy shes great. Also joining us tonight, gosh, hes so cute. I was talking to him backstage. 12yearold advice expert ciro ortiz is here. [ cheers and applause ] hes a tiny little man. Little boy. Hes this big. Steve is he really . Jimmy yeah, yeah. No. Hes steve can he fit in your pocket . Jimmy hes 12 years old. Hes a normal sized boy. [ laughter ] but he gives advice. He goes he goes down to, like, the subway. And hes on the side of the subway and he sits down and people come up to him. They give him two bucks and he talks to people about their problems and stuff. [ light laughter ] steve thats fantastic. Jimmy its great. So, if you got yeah, think of a problem. If you got one for him later hell hook you up. [ light laughter ] and we have great music from jon bellion, everybody. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its a real photo. Steve thats a real photo . Jimmy thats an actual photo. Steve wow. Jimmy yeah. Thats his backyard. [ light laughter ] steve yes. Hes very photogenic. Jimmy yeah, hes very photo hes a stud. Guys, im sure you all know the popular game two truths and a a lie . Ever heard of it . [ cheers ] what you do, you list three things about your youre already confused, higgins . No, this is youve heard of this. Steve two truths and a a lie . Sure, ill go with it. Jimmy go with it . What do you mean go with it . Youve played it before. You list three things about yourself. One of them is a lie. Steve oh, okay. Jimmy yeah. Well i heard that they had their own version of this game at the white house. Steve really . Jimmy yeah. So tonight i thought [ laughter ] its really fun. [ cheers ] theyre having a blast doing it. No. So, its i thought it would be fun to try it out tonight. I want to try out their version. Its time for two truths and an alternative fact. Steve really . [ cheers and applause ] two truths and an alternative fact jimmy so its the first two things are truth. Steve right. Jimmy and then theres an alternative fact. Steve right. Jimmy thrown in there. [ light laughter ] steve alternative . Jimmy like first, up with have qdoba. Steve qdoba. Jimmy qdoba is a chain of mexican restaurants. Steve true. Jimmy it is owned by jackinthebox. Steve true. Jimmy and finally qdoba is spanish for not chipotle. [ laughter ] steve okay. Jimmy its not see how it works . It goes, truth, truth alternative fact. Steve alternative fact. Jimmy heres another one. Heres Kellyanne Conway. [ light laughter ] Kellyanne Conway is one of trumps most trusted advisers. She is a law school graduate. And finally, Kellyanne Conway is an American Girl doll that came to life. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy can you tell which one . Steve thats alternative thats an alternative truth. Jimmy no. Weve kind of mixed em up. So you never know which ones the alternative. Steve yeah, which ones which. You dont know, man. Jimmy next up, we have shake shack. Steve shake shack jimmy shake shack is a [ cheers ] yeah. It is a chain of burger restaurants based in new york city. It actually began as a food cart in Madison Square park. And shake shack is what shaq call as vibrating massage chair. [ laughter and applause ] steve shake shack. [ vibrating noise ] jimmy its time to shake. Time to shake shaq. [ laughter ] steve alternative fact. Jimmy big chair. Ah next up is sean spicer. Steve sean spicer. Jimmy sean spicer is a a political strategist. Hes the Current White House press secretary. And finally, sean spicer is actually an 11yearold who found the fortune telling machine from big. Steve really . [ applause ] zoltar. Jimmy this suit fits period [ laughter ] steve gosh. Jimmy up next we have Jeff Sessions. Jeff sessions is a u. S. Senator. Hes also trumps pick for attorney general. And finally, Jeff Sessions is a a grownup alfred e. Neuman. Steve oh, wow. [ applause ] the gap in the tooth gives it away. Jimmy i dont know if thats real. Steve thats an alternative tooth. Jimmy nah, i think we mightve steve you might have added that gap . Jimmy well, i dont know. Steve thats alternative. Jimmy its an alternative fact. Steve its what, you worry . Thats his catchphrase, its what, you worry . Jimmy finally [ laughter ] steve they cant be all gems. Jimmy we have the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Steve oh. Jimmy the Tyrannosaurus Rex was the most feared dinosaur. It preyed upon other creatures. And finally, Tyrannosaurus Rex overcompensated for his small arms by tweeting insults at other dinosaurs. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats it. Thats all thats all we have for two truths and an alternative fact. Stay tuned. Well be right back with more of the tonight show its good [ cheers and applause ] surprising moments. Theyre everywhere. And as a marriot rewards member, i can embrace them all. The new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts at members. Marriott. Com. Hello moto. Its time to reimagine the smart phone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget to add the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Dang right its a chip. [crunch ] he was actually the first customers name ive memorized. He gets a flat white every single day, sometimes twice a day. With the flat white, you have to do a nice steady stream. When you finish that drink and do that perfect dot, they see that you did that perfectly and you just make that like silent eye contact going. Hell take a sip and hell literally say, ooh, i can taste that dot. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, guys. [ cheers and applause ] welcome back, everybody. Its time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. Hashtags hashtags [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, guys, we use twitter on our show every single week. So if you watch our show and you want to play along we do this thing every wednesday where i will send out a hashtag and we ask guys to tweet out things based on that topic. And as i said before a lot of people have been talking about the phrase alternative facts this week. So i went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called worstlieievertold. [ laughter ] all right, i asked you guys to tweet out a weird, funny, or embarrassing lie that you or someone else has told. I thought of my i should have tweeted it out, but i forgot. I just thought of, i told my grandma that my hair got dyed because i was swimming in the pool too much. But it was i was using sunin. [ laughter ] google it kids. It was a thing. My sister had it. My mom had it. I used it and she was like, youre lying to me. Youre dyeing your hair. I go, im not dyeing my hair. Its the pool. I swim in the pool too much. [ laughter ] i had, like, orange hair. I was, youre wrong. [ laughter ] steve period jimmy sad. We got thousands of tweets. Within 15 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you for those tweets. [ cheers and applause ] now here of some of my favorite worstlieievertold tweets from you guys. This ones from thefaithham. [ light laughter ] steve i got faith in ham. Jimmy she says, i would hide in the pantry to eat candy so my kids wouldnt see. When they found me i told them id been praying. [ laughter and applause ] steve ah. Thats not going to be good. [ laughter ] jimmy this ones from fergetit. He says, i once told my sister there was a coin between a a nickel and a dime called a a dickel. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh, yeah. [ laughter ] whoa oh jimmy she believed in dickels for a week. [ laughter ] steve i believed in dickels all my life. Jimmy how many dickels is that . Yeah. [ laughter ] steve put up your jimmy this is from belleofbabble. She says, i told my niece and nephew that its illegal to get married before 30 so theyd stop asking why im not married. [ laughter ] its like, enough, enough. [ cheers and applause ] steve i dont believe in dickels. [ laughter ] jimmy this ones from mmmorgantx. She said, i would spray wiper fluid as we pass the park and tell my daughter we couldnt go because it was raining. [ laughter and applause ] thats cold. Thats cold steve thats cold blooded. Jimmy thats ice cold [ laughter ] id love to go on the seesaw. No way. No way. Its too wet. Steve i got to watch my stories. Jimmy this one is from rogerusaf. He says, i told my kids that f. A. O. Schwarz was a toy museum so they wouldnt ask me to buy anything for them. [ laughter ] hey dont touch. Steve dont touch. Jimmy dont touch anything. Steve look with your eyes. [ applause ] touch with your eyes. Come on. Jimmy its a toy museum. Theres 30 transformers. The same one. Steve those numbers are the catalog numbers. [ laughter ] jimmy last one from emilyofcoursey. She says, guy asked if i remembered his name, im like, yeah, but how do you spell it . Hes like, t j. [ laughter ] you spell it like that . There is our tonight show hashtags. Check more out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Well be right back with danny devito, everybody [ cheers and applause ] what if technology gave us the power to turn this enemy into an ally . Microsoft and its partners are using smart traps to capture mosquitoes and sequence their dna to fight disease. There are over 100 million pieces of dna in every sample. With the microsoft cloud, we can analyze the data faster than ever before. If we can detect new viruses before they spread, we may someday prevent outbreaks before they begin. Only at t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices, datafree. Its entertainment. Your way. Of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. Every great why wecagefree eggs. Ng and we care about amazing taste. Because at hellmanns, were on the side of food. To err is human. To anticipate. Is the lexus rx. With pedestrian detection, auto braking, and lane departure alert. Standard. Another step closer to a safer world. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is an emmy and golden globe awardwinning actor who stars opposite Robert De Niro in the comedian which opens in theaters everywhere february 3rd and on february 16th, he will make his broadway debut. Cant wait to talk about this, in arthur millers the price, at the Roundabout Theatre right here in new york city. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome danny devito [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats thats how you do it right there. Thank you. Jimmy thats how you do it. Thank you all. Jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. Jimmy you look fantastic. Look at look at this. You like it like that . Jimmy i love it. It looks fantastic. Im doing a play. Like you said, the broadway show, the roundabout, its called the price. I play an old man. [ laughter ] i play an old a furniture dealer. A furniture dealer with a jimmy a furniture dealer. Yeah a furniture dealer with a yiddish accent. Jimmy is that right . Yeah. Jimmy thats fantastic. Its very, very good. Arthur miller, fantastic and i got a great cast. Jimmy you really. Mark. Mark ruffalo. [ applause ] jimmy whats not to love . Fuhgedaboudit. Jimmy whats not to love . Tony shalhoub, hello jessica heck. Hmm. The director im not going to mention. Jimmy why . No, no. I like him. Terry kenny. Very, very nice. Im kidding. Jimmy this is the first time on broadway . I dont believe it. Ive never been on broadway. Jimmy ive walked on broadway once. A couple times. I used to go a lot on broadway. Jimmy but this is a big deal. This is i mean gosh, when was taxi . And bring us all back to t