Snow. Listen to this, whose pizza this is, i think i know. This man is in the bathroom, though. He will not see me eating here to watch my mouth fill up with dough. Stephen oh, that is so moving. Im sorry i stereotyped you. Youre forgiven my good man. Give me leave so i can be alone with my poetry. Stephen of course. Though, al, parting is such sweet sorrow. Dont you mean pizza party is such swede sabarro . cheers and applause announcer tonight, stephen welcomes rose byrne bobby flay and weird al yankovic cheers and applause featuring jon batiste and stay human and now its time for the late show with Stephen Colbert captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen hey cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome thank you so much cheers and applause whats going on good to see ya hey cheers and applause whoo thats good energy thank you so much, everybody thank you so much wow i gotta tell ya, im incredibly grateful. Im so grateful for all that energy. You can feel it. This room is electric right now. I feel like i could take this audience, i could grind them up and snort them, that would be fantastic and totally legal, too. Thank you so much. I need that energy. I came out here a little bit quieter tonight because i was up a little later last night than i normally am. Were in the middle of something called upfronts in the tv biz right now where everybody from television is in new york right now talking about what shows are going to be on the Different Networks next year, and were one of them, so cheers and applause so i went and did the thing yesterday, and there are parties youre supposed to go to. You have to go to the parties for the tv people to be on tv with each other. Last night i went to one and had way more fun than i thought i would have at the party and i spent a fair amount of the night actually all of the night next to the bar. With my friend chris, my executive producer and my friend john dickerson, who is the host of face the nation. Lets say, last night, we got nationfaced at that bar. cheers and applause i did. I dont know about anybody else. Jon thats what they call it now . Stephen nationfaced. We had burgers around 1 00 a. M. Thank you so much for the energy you got from me tonight because im going to have to suck on you like a lamp. Can i say that . Im not sure. Before we go any further, we have breaking Vice President ial news from ohio. Jim . My name is joe biden, and i love ice cream. cheers and applause stephen my name is Stephen Colbert, and i love joe biden. laughter to be fair, i played that clip out of context. The full context is. Thats what he said. I got to think at this point hes just kind of phoning in his job for the last six months. Totally understandable. First he was tasked with bringing democracy to iraq and then the president put him in charge of curing cancer. I was, like, you know what . Screw it im opening diplomatic relations with haagen dazs and if you think joe biden is kidding, hes not. You all think im kidding. Im not. laughter applause stephen he means it, from the heart that is from the heart, from his ice creamclogged heart. Im sorry, you were saying, sir . You all think im kidding. Im not. I eat more ice cream than three other people youd like to be with, all at once. laughter stephen what does that even mean . You got a brain freeze . Youve got to slow down, buddy. God, i wish he was running. cheers and applause you know who is running, hillary clinton. The roads a little rough for her right now. She needs all the help she can get. Just not the kind of help shes getting from former pennsylvania governor ed rendell, who tried to help by attacking her opponent, saying, trumps comments like, you cant be a 10 if youre flatchested, will come back to haunt him. and then rendell helpfully added, there are probably more ugly women in america than attractive women. People take that stuff personally. Yep, i have a feeling a lot of women are about to take that really personally. Rendell is way out of line. America is filled with beautiful women. cheers and applause especially after President Trump launches operation uggos to gitmo. Seal team six, ugh, give me seal team ten. Summer vacation is starting. Anyone planning on going to a National Park this summer . Im not going anywhere. Stephen anybody going to a National Park this summer . Anybody . Just a couple . Im sorry your kids had to find out this way. I promise looking at rocks is just as fun as rollercoasters. But there could be changes coming to the parks. Because the National Parks service is so desperate for cash that they Just Announced that, for the first time, they are going to solicit corporate sponsorship. Pretty soon, we could be see those sequoias could be brought to you by viagra. laughter remember, if your redwood lasts more than 2,000 years, call your lumberjack cheers and applause applause i have no idea what this motion means in this metaphor. In this metaphor, this doesnt look that pleasant. Now, the Parks Service promises that corporate naming rights will be limited, but thats what they always say. Weve uncovered this p. S. A. From our good friend smoldery the bear. Remember to keep your camp site clean and your teeth by brushing with Crest Pro Health advance toothpaste if you see litter in the forest, do the responsible thing and stay at a la quinta inn where free wifi comes standard, and be sure to stop, drop and roll into your local mitsubishi dealer for a great deal on a 2017 mitsubishi outlander. Mmm eat fresh mmm cheers and applause stephen thank you, smoldery now say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody playing theme cheers and applause hey cheers and applause this election has never been more exciting. Terror is a kind of excitement, right . And this summer could see the most exciting Republican Convention ever. If theres one thing that donald trump knows, it is entertainment. He has some details to put serious show biz into the g. O. P. Convention. They are already compiling a list of celebrities who have endorsed donald trump in the past in hopes maybe those folks will want to get involved in cleveland come july. He loves glitz and glamour. He knows how to create drama. Stephen yes, trump knows how to create drama, maybe even tragedy. But as trumps top Campaign Advisor explains, its not like theyre treating this like some silly reality show. This is the ultimate reality show. Stephen right ultimate reality show. Go on. Its the presidency of the united states. Well put it in ways we hope will be entertaining and more important, informative. Stephen yes, reality shows are entertaining and informative. Just look how Celebrity Apprentice informed us about how much meatloaf hates it when you steal his art supplies. Whats wrong . I bought those bleep sponges. Part of that paint is mine. Im bleep sick and tired of this. Meat, dont do it. You dont want to bleep with me cheers and applause stephen i apologize. That was entertaining but cbs made us bleep most of that information. laughter and one of the ways that trump is treating the Convention Like a reality show is holding off announcing his running mate. As one trumpling said announcing the vicepresident ial nominee before the convention is like announcing the winner of Celebrity Apprentice before the final show is on the air. Its an apt metaphor, because this years Republican Convention will be the Series Finale of america. I cant wait to see. cheers and applause i cant wait to see the inmemoriam reel for liberty. Then again, the convention is being held in clevelands quicken loans arena the q i have been told its called the q which has also hosted the wwe monster jam, and freestyle motocross madness, so this convention might be really fun. Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, july, a fourday Television Event thats going to rock whats left of america its the Republican National convention there is going to be yelling, angry white men, hats with words on them watch donald trump rope and brand a naked ted cruz but thats not all. Touch real brains at dr. Ben carsons freakatorium. The marital cage imagine, three wives enter, one leaves. And donald trump will announce his running mate. Come one come all. Unless youre a mexican, muslim or a woman whos not a 10 stephen well be right back with rose byrne. cheers and applause usic sex machine by james brown and with touch id it does way more than unlock your phone. It logs you into things, like your bank account. See what i mean . It checks you into your flight. Ooop, your phone it pays for stuff like. mouth full doughnuts. How about chew then talk. It unlocks things for you. It signs documents for you. Hey, you bought a boat i bought a boat i just said that. And it does this. Yeah, it starts your car. So now were just starting cars with our fingerprints. Just. Whoa. Windex that you dont even know its there . So clear by sfx slide show smudge it with the new smudge stick even clear glass gets visibly smudged in a snap. Sfx smudge sounds against glass get it now and say no to spotless clear windex glass. Try cool mint zantac. Hey, need fast heartburn relief . It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. R running nonstop. Lifting up patients. Changing their socks. Youre sore and youre beat from all that you did. For rest and relief try sealys hybrid. So take a load off and feel good as new. Cause sealys support is perfect for you. Only the sealy hybrid has Posturepedic Technology to support you where you need it most. Sealy. Proud supporter of you. [ dreams by beck ] hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. The turbocharged dream machine. The Volkswagen Golf gti. Part of the awardwinning golf family. cheers and applause stephen welcome back you know, my first guest tonight from bridesmaids, spy and xmen, her new film is neighbors 2 Sorority Rising. I want you to help stop the sorority before it gets too late. Really. Yes, im switching sides. They have 15 individuals. Theyre not a cohesive unit. They dont understand the most important rule in sisterhood. Theres no i. In sorority. Two. Announcer just one. Two. Audience s straddling the y. There is a u. In there you are missing. attempting to spell is it silent . Stephen please welcome rose byrne cheers and applause hey, nice to see you. Nice to meet you. Stephen im so glad to meet you. We had your partner on here a couple months ago and you two had a baby. Whats the babys name . Rocco. Stephen thats fantastic your first child . Yes. Stephen hes extraordinarily tired. It was four days after the baby was born and he had not slept in four days. I was tired as well. Stephen you did the bulk of the work here, but its been a couple of months, have ea eitr of you slept any . Not much. Stephen this is your first child. Who needs sleep . Just roll on coffee and love. Stephen there is quite an education to have your first baby. Anything surprise you about it . It takes a long time to leave the house. Maybe an hour, hour and 45 minutes just to get out the door. You have to bring so many things with you, the bottle and this and that, and when you get out, it stirs up everywhere. Then you have to get inside again. Stephen they have to figure out a way to make babies cleaner. I think you will find when theyre really small, theyre easier to get around with because they have the handle like theyre in a chair all the time, they have a handle and once they can do what they want, youre screwed. Youre i should count my blessings all i can, yes. I have been doing a lot of traveling, too, so i have been taking my breast milk everywhere with me. Stephen i sent this photo, if you dont mind, mind if i show this . Yes. Stephen i think your breast millum is being confiscated by t. S. A. In this photo. Yes. Stephen the 3. 5ounces apply to breast milk as well . Yes, they wave this thing over it and there is a production going on. They take it very seriously. Stephen what do you have to do to prove . I stand there and smile and tell them its really breast milk. Stephen do you point at the baby and says, hes real, newt doll. Do you want me to get him out . Stephen dont offer, you dont know who they are. Could be danger. Stephen i hope not. I hate to state the obvious, you do such a Great American accent, i had no idea you were australian. Im from sydney, yes stephen you sound like i caught you in a lie laughter i really am. I dont know why i was acting like i was lying because its really true. I am. This is a real accent. Stephen americans are fascinated with australians and australia. Do you notice that . Yeah, they are. Stephen people who have never been. Because ive never been why is that . Stephen its like america but more dangerous. Its true. Its true. But i grew up in the city, so for me, im as much of a city girl as a new york person. You know what i mean . So like the danger of it, i dont really relate to. Stephen because we have this image that everyone in australia grows up someplace where every other animal is trying to kill you. And its like you ride to work on a kangaroo and thats also bull bleep . Stephen thats just for one. Thats for kangaroo polo. That would be fun, though, wouldnt it . That would be. Could we get that started . Stephen try to bet get the the ball in the other persons pouch. Big red kangaroos are very aggressive. Stephen really . Yeah, you wouldnt want to do any polo with them. Stephen were there kangaroos around where you grew up . Pardon me for acting like all of australia is a big kangaroo patch. No, at my grandmothers house is a funnel web spider. Stephen whats that . Its a deadly spider that will kill you. Stephenyou. Theyre in the sink. Stephen really . Occasionally. Stephen occasionally there is a creature in your sink that can visit death upon you. Its keeping you on edge, making sure youre keeping your wits about you. Stephen besides the sorority movie which, by the way, im very excited about, not only because of you and seth and chloe, grace was here the other night, also because zac zach ephraims abs are cheers and applause is that photoshoped . Does he whip these things out in the movie . Oh, yeah, theyre part of the story line. Stephen do they have their own trailer . They have their own web site. Stephen i dont know why t. S. A. Lets those through. They look very dangerous to me. Youre also in the xmen movie. Apocalypse is coming up. Congratulations on that. Thank you. Stephen you dont have a mutant power in the movie. I know. I used to be happy about it because it would mean i didnt have to get up at 2 00 a. M. To become blue or red or green. But now im a bit sad because its a bit boring not being a mutant in those movies. Stephen i kind of wish i was a mutant not in those movies. Me, too. Stephen if you had a mutant power, what would you want it to be . I would like to be the guy whos like the fire guy pow like that pyro . Yeah, pow like that. Stephen yeah, pyro. Thats a pretty radical thing to be able to do. Stephen ident mind being the freeze guy. Thats cool. Stephen because you could cool down a sixpack anytime you wanted. Thats another stereotype americans have about australians. You guys are always drinking beer and waving around big knives. Any of that true . It is a drinking culture. But im not a big drinker, so its always a stereotype i have to convince people, like, oh people are, like, youre australian come on, have another one im, like, oh, please, leave me alone. Stephen you have your own Production Company called is it dollhouse productions . Yes. Stephen this is dedicated to making film by women. Why did you start this Production Company . Because the majority of the scripts i read, i always want to play the guy part, thats the most interesting role, really. I want to try to find material i can develop thats more female driven. cheers and applause very supportive audience. Very nice. Stephen they are very nice. Thank you so much for being here. It was lovely to meet you. Thank you lovely to meet you as well stephen neighbors 2 Sorority Rising is in theaters tomorrow. Rose byrne everyone. Well be right back. If you travel as much as i do, you travel a lot. Because i do. Thats why i use hotels. Com. They make finding and booking a room simple so i can spend more time doing other things. Like packing. Perhaps i spent too much time packing. Hotels. Com. So simple, its the obvious choice. Be careful. Sheila scares easily. Aflac. E have aflac. And Major Medical . Major medical boyyy, yeah berr, der berrp. I help pay the doctor, aint that enough for you . Theres things Major Medical doesnt do. Aflac pays cash so we dont have to fret. Something families should get like a safety net even helps pay deductibles, so cover your back, with. Aaaaaaaaflac learn about one day pay at aflac. Com rap whatcha gonna do when you get outta here . Im gonna have some fun what do you consider fun . Fun, natural fun yeah, we rocking right now. Theres a party over here. Hey, im in heaven. The new ford escape. Life is a sport. We are the utility. Be unstoppable. What do advanced care . N an antiperspirant . 48 hours hehe feels nice this is very very smooth. I am not messing around its soft. Your antiperspirant should give you more. Than just protection. Try dove advanced care. For softer, smoother underarms. cheers and applause stephen hey welcome back, everybody cheers and applause my next guest is a celebrity chef, author of 11 cookbooks, and a mentor and judge on Food Network Star. Please welcome bobby flay. All right stephen all right, bobby. Were going to make a brunch here. Brunch a the perfect remedy for a hangover. Were going to make Fried Chicken with a biscuit and egg. Stephen thats called a mother and child reunion. Okay, yes. Stephen what are we starting with . Well, this is some bourbon iced tea. Stephen had a few of those last night. This is a good way to start brunch. Stephen and that is real. That is not a prop. All right. So theres our chicken. Weve already done it. I did a great job. Heres the thing about Fried Chicken. One of the keys is buttermilk. You want to soak it in buttermilk and get the flour and the seasonings and you want to dredge it. But you know what i like to do . After i marinate in the buttermilk, i put it in the oven, bake it, dredge it and fry it so its perfect all the way through. Stephen its perfect, bakedfried. Im giving only you this tip. cheering stephen dont tell anybody. Do i bludgeoned an intruder if they come to steal you grab flour, baking soda, salt. Throw it into the pool. Then well put unsalted butter in there as well. Stephen cant go wrong with butter. I have no idea what this is called but it pushes around the butter. Well add buttermilk to that, please. Stephen there is no butter in buttermilk, right . Right. Stephen why is it called buttermilk . I have no idea. Stephen welcome to the most informative ever of all time stephen okay, great. O were going to attually put this on to our cutting board. Stephen okay. Were doing great. Its awesome. Stephen do i need to do this . Very gently. Stephen is that good . Keep going. Stephen keep going. So gently . As if the tips of your fingers stephen as if the dough is a lover. Yes. Stephen firm but gentle. Thats good. Just till it comes together, just like that. Stephen should i have washed my hands before i did this . Thats actually perfect. You look like an expert biscuitmaker. Stephen im from the south. Where are you from . Im from new york city cheers and applause stephen but you cook a lot of southwestern food. But thats the Irish Catholic new york upbringing. Stephen all irish people know how to do is boil. I was starving my entire life. Stephen in my family, were all irish and its, i can boil you a steak if you like. Heres a biscuit. Have a cocktail. Stephen when do i get to use this . We passed that already. But that down, sir. Stephen all right. Lets put an egg on it. Stephen egg on the biscuit . Yes, a little butter, crack an egg, sir. One hand, lets see if youve got it. Whoa cheers and applause stephen all right. Wait a second ill do it. Here, lets do this one. So the idea is you want to give it a quick flip. See if you can turn it over. Stephen okay, old on. And cheers and applause goodbye, mr. Spalding unbelievable. White meat or dark peat . Stephen its a personal question. Ill go white. You got it. A little sauce. Stephen what kind of sauce . Two kinds of mustard, a little honey, a little horseradish and slaw. Stephen damn girl, thats nice you want some hot sauce . Stephen yeah. Oh laughter applause stephen actually, ill pass. Ill pass. I missed the biscuit. Stephen now what do i do . Eat. Stephen i got it. Onehanded whoa stephen ehold on, let me get your egg on there. A little slaw, a little bit of hot sauce. Cheers all right, everybody stephen mmm oh, man the new season of Food Network Star premieres this sunday on Food Network Bobby flay cheers and applause this isnt just a steak. This is usda choice sirloin cut inhouse by a welltrained hand. And this isnt just wood. Its split american oak. And thats split american oak smoke infusing your steak with smoky juiciness. And thats no ordinary grill. Thats applebees brand new, firebreathing workhorse. Now. Does this look like a microwave to you . Only at applebees. Tmobile does data, differently. While the other guys gouge you for every bit of data you use. Now, tmobile lets you stream all the video and music that you want from your favorite services. Free without using one bit of your lte data. Plus, you can roll your unused data forward. Nobody does data like tmobile. So switch today and get 4 lines for just 30 bucks each. Jump 50 feet over the rapids and i crash land. Check out my scar. Theres nothing there you didnt jump the creek theres a new neosporin antibiotic that minimizes scars. New neosporin plus pain itch scar introduces new, easytoswallow tablets. So now, there are more ways, for more people. To experience. Complete protection from frequent heartburn. Nexium 24hr. The easytoswallow tablet is here. cheers and applause oh, yeah, yeah cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody my next guest is a grammywinner whos been making fun of grammywinners for nearly 40 years. Please welcome the great and weird al yankovic cheers and applause stephen thanks. Good to see ya thank you cheers and applause stephen we have a lot of fun, great people on this show, but there are very few people that get my staff as excited to have on the show. Oh, theyve come out. Stephen have they said hi to you . Everybody, yeah. Stephen its really nice. Its you and kermit and cookie monster. Those are the ones. The trinity. Stephen exactly. laughter how would you describe what you do . Because you have been doing it i mean, for the rest of us, might have been doing it beforehand, but 1979 with my baa bologna, your tribute to my sharona. What do you do. A parodiest, singer, song sog writer, producer, comedian, actor, accordion player, sex god. applause stephen its nice work. It is. Stephen i want to ask you about the accordion. Do you think when you were younger if you learned an instrument that people enjoyed hearing what . stephen that maybe you wouldnt have gone into parody, because accordion you want to hear a polka or stroll past my table in europe when were eating. Yeah. Stephen how did you get the accordion . My parents made the lifealtering decision. They knew i would have to find my own path in life and go a slightly different way. If i played the guitar, i dont know if i would be doing funny music because its not that different from everybody else. Stephen how come after 40 years you dont look any different . applause laughter how is that possible . I have visibly aged since last september laughter youre like a frozen cave man. Yeah. Stephen how is it you stay so fresh . Do you sell your soul to the devil . Thats part of it. The other part is i rarely leave my hyperbaric chamber. Thats very important. Stephen yes, very important. Youre about to launch your next phase to have the mandatory world tour, weird al yankovic. applause a relaunch. We did five months last year and are back to finish it up. Stephen world tour . U. S. And canada. cheers and applause stephen not only you look the same but youve stayed on top of the game because in 2014, your alb which is towards the second supporting tour, debuted at number one. Ever debut at number one. cheers and applause im pretty happy about that. Stephen weird al yankovic, how do you keep it fresh . Hard to say. I kind of stay above all the youtube people because i kind of have an unfair advantage. I have, like, 25 years of history before youtube existed. So i became kind of a brand name. Stephen youve had to learn to parody changes in music over the years because in 79 when you first hit h the scene, disco was still king back then. Right. Stephen have different styles been harder for you to parody over the years . Pop music has always been ridiculous. There is always source material. There is always something to make fun of. I have a good time doing rap music because there are a lot of words to play with. A lot of pop songs are repetitive and syllables and rap music there is no shortage of words. Thats fun. Stephen what inspired you to make a particular parody of a song . Lets go to the beginning when you did my bologna on my sharona, what was the eureka moment for that . I studied pop culture, thats part of my job description, and i realized there hadnt been a lot of songs done on the subject of lunch meat. So i wanted to fill that void. Its a vacuum. Stephen youre a cultural anthropologist on a certain level. Yeah. Stephen you should get more respect for the research you put in everything. The song youre about to do, i understand this is also from the album mandatory fun, and you will be doing it on the mandatory fun world tour, is word crimes . Yes cheers and applause stephen which is based on the song blurred lines. Yes. Stephen and are there any naked women in the video for word crimes . No, you have to green screen your own naked women over the video. Stephen or just get naked before you listen to it . That will work, too. Stephen hes going to come back in a moment and do the song for us. Off moment to go get naked. Weird al, everybody introducing the completely redesigned mercedesbenz ccoupe, with its athletic prowess and sleek new body. 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Which means when they save, you save. Thats auto and Home Insurance for the modern world. Esurance. An allstate company. Click or call. R running nonstop. Lifting up patients. Changing their socks. Youre sore and youre beat from all that you did. For rest and relief try sealys hybrid. So take a load off and feel good as new. Cause sealys support is perfect for you. Only the sealy hybrid has Posturepedic Technology to support you where you need it most. Sealy. Proud supporter of you. An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Sfx crowd cheering sc johnson breyrich chocolate sauce. Ato, Peanut Butter cups. Tonight is perfect. Can someone read me another story . Daddd . Mmm coming breyers gelato indulgences its way beyond ice cream. What knee pain . . What sore elbow . 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Stephen now performing word crimes from his number one album mandatory fun, ladies and gentlemen, weird al yankovic. cheers and applause everybody shut up, woo everyone listen up hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey uh hey, hey, hey if you cant write in the proper way if you dont know how to conjugate maybe you flunked that class and maybe now you find that people mock you online okay, now heres the deal ill try to educate ya gonna familiarize you with the nomenclature youll learn the definitions of nouns and prepositions literacys your mission and thats why i think its a good time to learn some grammar now, did i stammer work on that grammar you should know when its less or its fewer like people who were never raised in a sewer i hate these word crimes like i could care less that means you do care at least a little dont be a moron youd better slow down and use the right pronoun show the world youre no clown everybody wise up say you got an i, t followed by apostrophe, s now what does that mean . You would not use its in this case as a possessive its a contraction whats a contraction . Well, its the shortening of a word, or a group of words by the omission of a sound or letter okay, now heres news syntax youre always mangling no x in espresso your participles danglin but i dont want your drama if you really wanna leave out that oxford comma just keep in mind that be, see, are, you are words, not letters get it together use your spellchecker you should never write words using numbers unless youre seven or your name is prince i hate these word crimes you really need a full time proofreader you dumb mouthbreather well, you should hire some cunning linguist to help you distinguish what is proper english one thing i ask of you time to learn your homophones is past due learn to diagram a sentence too always say to whom dont ever say to who and listen up when i tell you this i hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis you finished second grade i hope you can tell if youre doing good or doing well about better figure out the difference irony is not coincidence and i thought that youd gotten it through your skull whats figurative and whats literal oh but, just now, you said you literally couldnt get out of bed that really makes me want to literally smack a crowbar upside your stupid head i read your email its quite apparent your grammars errant youre incoherent saw your blog post its really fantastic that was sarcastic oh, psych cause you write like a spastic i hate these word crimes your prose is dopey think you should only write in emoji oh, youre a lost cause go back to preschool get out of the gene pool try your best to not drool cheers and applause it. Stephen the mandatory world tour resumes next month. Weird al yankovic, everybody. cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be seth rogen, krysten ritter, and a musical performance by wolf parade. Before we go, i just want to take a moment here to say goodbye to a fantastic broadcaster i had the honor to meet a few times morley safer who worked at 60 minutes since 1970, an amazing broadcaster and sadly died this morning. I got to meet him a few times. The first time was when he was the correspondent that profiled me on 60 minutes in the old show colbert show. He was standing on 10t 10th avenue, leaning against the wall, smoking cigarette, wearing a checked sports jacket like in 1972, stomped out his cigarette like he was james dean and goes, morley safer. Such an honor to meat him. The last time i saw him was a few months ago was in the elevators in cbs. Hes going down the elevator. He has another cigarette and hes about to spark up a cigarette and it was a vaping pen. I said, moellery, i didnt realize you had a vaping pen. You look like youre from the future. And he said, stephen, i am the future, and got off the elevator. applause the middle time i met morley safer was at the last show of our first year in 2006 on the old show and we did something called guitarmageddon which was a guitar shredoff between me and the decemberists. We needed to have the gravidas the show deserved so morley safer did the opening as only morley safer could. Im morley safer. If theres one passion in this country, it is music. The universal language. If theres one man who inspires passion, it is Stephen Colbert, a sun burst of emotion in a time darkened by reason. In november 2006, these forces collided, sending shock waves through the American Public and dividing a nation. It began as a greenscreen challenge, it evolved into something far more significant a guitar solo challenge, a battle of titans. Tonight, americas last hero, Stephen Colbert, faces off against rising indy music outfit the decemberists. Who will rock the nation, and who will kneel before the rasputin of rifts . Two men, two xs, two chances to show the world who is the socrates of shred. That story and andy rooney coming up. Stephen the great morley safer, everybody good night are you ready to have some fun . Dont you worry. You will feel a whole lot better. Its the late, late show. Ladies and gentlemen, all the way fro