Magician dan white and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 526 yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness [ cheers and applause ] that is a hot crowd that is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful new york city crowd. Welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome welcome to the tonight show. This is it. You made it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. We got a fun show. With the election getting closer, it seems like more groups are speaking out to share their support for the candidates. In fact, i read that the Actors Equity AssociationJust Announced that its endorsing hillary clinton. Hillary said she has a lot of respect for actors because she has been auditioning for the same role for 25 years. [ laughter and applause ] steve hey jimmy and this is kind of sweet. I saw that Paul Mccartney and jon bon jovi sang hey jude at Hillary Clintons fundraiser this week while she danced with bill. [ laug excited to dance to the song until they realized that hey jude is over seven minutes long. [ laughter and applause ] i got to sit down. I got to this is crazy. [ laughter ] meanwhile, there was some confusion this week over whether donald trump discussed who would pay for his proposed border wall when he met with the president of mexico. Trump said it didnt come up, while mexicos president said that he flat out rejected it. Well, listen to what trump said mexico will pay for the wall. [ cheers and applause ] they dont know it yet, but theyre going to pay for the wall. [ cheers ] jimmy so if you see any mexicans, remember, no spoilers. [ laughter and applause ] all right . Because dont ruin it. [ applause ] dont ruin it for them. They dont know it. [ laughter ] hes just screaming now. The audio is all screwed up. Steve yeah. Jimmy he doesnt even do a a mic check theyre going to pay the wall steve wall [ laug former Texas Governor nd current dancing with the stars contestant rick perry recently said that [ laughter ] thats not even a joke. Its not even a joke. [ laughter ] thats real life, yeah. Former Texas Governor and current dancing with the stars contestant rick perry recently said Donald Trumps wall will actually be part electronic. [ audience oohs ] well, that got us wondering if an electronic wall would even work, so we set up an invisible electric wall in our hallway one of our writers, patrick borelli. Patrick, are you there . Thanks, jimmy. Somewhere in front of me, theres an electric wall set up that has over 6,000 volts. [ yelling ] jimmy oh, my god patrick. Patrick, patrick, are you okay . Oh, god. I mean, ive felt better. Oh, i dropped my microphone over there. Let me get it. Jimmy no, be care oh jimmy oh, patrick. Oh jimmy oh my goodness patrick. Feel a little woozy. Jmy jimmy patrick, are you okay . Please tell me youre okay. Looks like the wall works, jimmy. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, good. There you go. Back to you at the show. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. [ applause ] but trumps got other problems to worry about. It turns out his modeling agency, Trump Model Management [ laughter ] again these arent even the jokes. This is real. [ laughter ] steve yeah. Jimmy these are this, this real talk. Realtalk man. [ laughter ] steve realtalk. Jimmy yeah. Trump model management, is being sued by a former model to say the Agency Charged them extremely high rent while they barely made any money. In fact, one model was so desperate for money she ended up marrying trump. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy yeah. Steve heyoh ho jimmy and politico reports that in 2008, donald trump ventured into a mixed martial arts business that blended boxing, wrestling and karate. You can tell hes pretty into prize fighting. In fact, hes been trying to give the upcoming election a a catchy nickname like rumble in the jungle. [ laughter ] let me give you a few examples. First up theres the hair versus the square. [ laughter ] next we have the tan brute versus the pants and [ laughter and applause ] finally, i think this is the one hes going to go with mr. Cheeto versus mrs. Delete [ cheers and applause ] id pay to see that. Heres a crazy story. A Real Estate Agent in montana set up an open house on sunday when they found a naked couple in one of the bedrooms. [ light laughter ] his daughter said it was disgusting, while his son said, i want to be a Real Estate Agent like you dad. [ laughter and applause ] pipe down, charlie check this out. A purple squid was just spotted off of the coast of california, and is going viral because it looks like it has googly eyes. We didnt do anything. This is a real photo. Take a look. [ laughter ] thats real. Yeah, real talk. [ laughter ] steve hashtag. Squids not the only animal with really big eyes. Of course, theres the south american tree frog theres the slow loris. [ audience aws ] and of, course the horny weiner. [ laughter and applause ] which i think its extinct. It might be extinct. We have a great show you guys. Give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] . . Jimmy what was that jam . Is that something i know . Questlove that was too late for goodbyes. Jimmy yeah it was. . Too late for goodbyes . Julian lennon. Questlove julian lennon. Jimmy yeah. All week, we have been doing Toots Thielemans songs. Jimmy oh. Questlove yeah. Jimmy it also could have been electric avenue a little bit. Questlove it could have been. . Who is to blame in one country the best damn show to be done . . Good god . Electric avenue and then we take you higher oh no . . . . Out in the streets there is violence . [ laughter ] jimmy oh, yeah. Steve oy oy jimmy guys, come back again next week. Im very excited about this. Clint eastwoods gonna be here. [ cheers and applause ] thats my man steve come on Jimmy Michael strahan will be here Ariana Grande and james spader will all be here steve wow and really cool jack white. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] i love me some jack white jimmy hes doing a really cool thing for us. But first, im very excited to have her on the show. From the new movie ithaca, meg ryan is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] oh. Who doesnt love meg ryan . I love meg ryan. Meg and i are going to play a a game of pictionary with some very special guests. Steve real talk. Jimmy well, yeah. Real talk. [ laughter ] well, the special guests are actually our ngu [ laughter ] they are two of the funniest guys around. They are about to make their broadway debut. Im so excited for these guys. Theyre super funny. In the show, oh, hello, on broadway. Nick kroll and john mulaney are joining us steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] i love those dudes jimmy theyre good dudes, very funny. Steve delightful. Jimmy very funny guys. And, to close out the show tonight, one of the best magicians around, this guy always freaks me out. I love him so much. Hes so good, i mean in a good way, you know, where youre like, how do you do that . You know, um, dan white is back to perform a card trick its really good. Um, today is friday, and thats when i usually catch up with some personal stuff, you know, i check my inbox. I return some emails, and of course, i send out thank you notes. And i was running a bit behind. [ cheers and applause ] can i write out some thank you notes right now . Do you guys mind if i [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music please . . . [ laughter ] . . Steve its like forlorn. Jimmy yeah, hes a very confident, very peaceful man. Steve hes daydreaming. Jimmy very peaceful man. [ laughter ] steve hes asleep. Those are painted on his eyelids. Jimmy no, hes not sleeping. Thats his normal face. Steve oh. [ laughter ] jimmy hes that calm. He makes you think that hes sleeping. Steve yeah, he does, man. Jimmy he makes you think steve the human ambien. Jimmy yeah. Steve real talk. Jimmy hes a like a human ambien. [ laughter ] human ambien. Steve but hes awful cute. [ laughter ] . . Jimmy thank you bachelor in paradise for not we were thinking about that. Steve i do thank them. . . Jimmy thank you, back to school season, for being the magical time when parents look at schoolteachers and say, theyre your problem now. There you go. [ applause ] you raise them. . . [ laughter ] thank you, credit cards with the chip, for giving me the added bonus of having a long awkward silence with the a purchase. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hows it going . Steve oh, i swipe it. Jimmy hi. Oh, i did swipe oh, no. Dont swipe it. [ laughter ] . . Thank you, new study that found that students perform better in school if they have an attractive teacher. [ laughter ] so, if youre an english teacher and your students are failing, you ugly. [ laughter and applause ] hey and send it out . Steve and laugh . Who are you thanking . Jimmy i dont know. [ laughter ] it ends up somewhere. Steve i know. Somewhere. Rude wake up call. [ laughter ] . . Jimmy thank you, hangman, for taking a guessing game way too seriously. [ laughter and applause ] kill me . I dont know. Ill take a guess. Steve yeah. Jimmy oh, great. I dont know what it was. . . Thank you, mattress commercials, for making it seem like its totally normal to hang out on a mattress without sheets. [ laughter and applause ] weird. Its so comfy. Oh, my gosh. I can have my glass of red wine. Steve red wine. [ laughter ] im a seven. Hes a three. [ laughter ] hes an english teacher. [ laughter and applause ] . . . . Jimmy thank you, envelopes, for being stationary that you french kiss. There you go, everybody. Thats my thank you notes. Well be right back with meg ryan [ cheers and applause ] . . Thiit comes with a pen so yous can write as you please this mac doesnt have any of that its less useful like a hat for your cat surface has touch and a beautiful screen you can see things like theyve never been seen this mac doesnt quite compare its slower, heavy, and a bit square fold it in half, hello when you start lighter than air, you can doodle a heart yes its plain to see it only takes some thing small to go from not friends. To totally friends its a golden opportunity. To discover what we learn on the track, doesnt stay on the track. [engine revving] it just finds more streetlegal form. For a limited time get some of the best offers of the year. Get up to 5,000 customer cash on select 2016 models. Ends september 5th. We doubled our lte coverage. And, with extended range lte, it reaches farther than ever. Now you can stream video and music free in more places without using any of your data. From skylines to coastlines, out in the country, deep in the city. We got you covered. 311 million americans and counting. And we wont stop. . . [ applause ] jimmy our first guest is making her directorial debut and starring in the new movie theaters and available on demand september 9th. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, meg ryan. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on meg ryan jimmy thank you so much for coming on show. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me. Jimmy we met years ago. Do you remember this . At a pearl jam concert. How do you forget that . Jimmy you do remember . How do you forget that . Jimmy i dont forget that. But im me and youre you, yeah. It was a legendary Madison Square garden show. Jimmy it was an amazing show. Amazing. It was a show where the stage was bouncing. Do you remember that . Jimmy it was the most electric thing. It was crazy. Im connections to get like good tickets to a show. I did, i remember kelly curtis is their manager. Yeah. Jimmy and i worked i hung out with him when he did almost famous i got to meet him and i go, hey, can i have tickets to pearl jam . And he goes like, sure. Youll sit on the side of the stage. And i go oh cool i thought he meant like the left side or the right side. Like Madison Square garden. Ill be on some side. No. Jimmy i was actually on the actual side of the stage. Yeah. Jimmy eddie vedder was like right where the camera is. And when the stage started bouncing around i remember the band looking over and like him looking over going well maybe we should stop this. It was like out of control. Jimmy its like an earthquake. And i remember you were just losing your mind. Arms were going everywhere, dancing everywhere. He was on a beer cooler. Jimmy no thats what im saying. He goes where do i sit . And he goes, just sit here. Theres a cooler full of beer and you can have as much beer as you want. And im like am i in heaven . [ laughter ] and i thought maybe i died. And then meg ryan sits next to me. Im like what is going dear diary, i had the greatest day of my life today. Eddie likes throws out a a tambourine. Jimmy you caught the tambourine. And i caught the tambourine jimmy i totally remember that. I still have the tambourine. Jimmy i totally remember that it was so cool. Oh alright, so i want to talk about you are now a director. Mhm. Ithaca. Yes. Jimmy what is it like directing a movie . And directing yourself . Well its a really, like, its a really good way to get to know what the other people on the set are doing. Jimmy oh yeah, its a lot of work. Because as an actor you go you dont know, you dont know anything. Jimmy oh yeah, yeah. I mean, its hard work as well, but hard work. Its a coming of age story set in 1942 about this kid who wants to be the fastest telegram deliverer in the west. And jimmy what made you want to do this story . Well, its a really, really simple story. And its about very complicated things. And i thought i could handle it. Like, its a poetic story too. Jimmy it was beautifully shot. It was beautifully shot. Jimmy tom hanks makes a a little cameo. Tom hanks is in there. Jimmy your old buddy tom hanks. Your son is in it as well. Jack. My son jack quaid is in the movie. Jimmy how fun is that . I know. Lot of little kids in the movie. Jimmy the cutest little kids. The cutest little kids who dont respect you like at all. [ laughter ] jimmy they dont . No, not even remotely. Jimmy they dont. There was one incredibly cute kid in the movie spencer howell, plays little much. There was nothing that he did ever that i didnt want to watch in the editing room. I mean, i would watch him run sometimes my editor would just like keep his face frozen on the screen so i could look at him. He was my screen saver. He jimmy just because he made you happy . He is so cute. Wait until you see his face. And he comes to new york he has lunch with me. Hes 5 years old when we shot the movie and halfway through the lunch i realized he didnt remember who i was. [ laughter ] jimmy are you kidding me . Nothing. Hes like yeah i guess that happened. Yeah, two months ago is a a long time ago. [ light laughter ] jimmy maybe i met you at camp. Yeah, i dont even know where you would go. Who did you take from because you work with some great directors, oliver stone, you worked with my man, rob reiner. Obviously when harry met sally. Yeah, rob runs a really fun set. Jimmy hes the most fun human being. Yeah, hes really fun. And when i remember about working with him is hed stand off and right next to the camera like billy would be on one side and hed be on the other. And hed laugh silently and wear these white sweatshirts and be heaving around. Jimmy i was like, must be hard for you to keep a straight face. Yeah you cant keep a a straight face. And then at the end of something funny he would go, yeah, thats really funny. Jimmy yeah. Like super serious. Jimmy but i mean like this scene of course obviously everyone remembers this right here. Ill have what shes having. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i know, its just iconic. Its just iconic. But what was he like directing this one . Did he have any say or you just improvised and went for it. Oh no he had a lot of sounds. Jimmy he was doing the sounds . Yeah, no, he was shouting out sounds. Eventually all the people in the deli. Jimmy wait, wait, wait. So when you were doing the oh, oh, oh everybody was doing it. No more like oyour honorhh you know. [ laughter ] jimmy in katzs deli thats fantastic. Yeah. Jimmy have you ever been back . No, i cant show my face there, jimmy. Jimmy what are you talking about . I could never go. Jimmy you could get like a a free pastrami sandwich probably if you go in there. I dont know. Jimmy i would like to go in there. Ill go in with you next time youre on the show. You and i will go. Jimmy yeah, weve got to go. Okay. Alright, thats a deal. Jimmy yeah, youre right. Right. So its actually its out september 9th in select theaters and on demand which is the new way to do it. Yeah. Jimmy thats the way to go. And i want to show everyone a a clip here because youre in it as well. This is called ithaca. Lets take a look. How much to san antone. Uh, half as much as jersey. So that makes what, so half of 50 cents . A quarter. 25 cents. Thank you. Here you go sir. Oh. Here it is. Youre going to have to pardon my pal, fat, here. Hes just uh, hes just homesick. Thats not my name. You see maam fat here and i were shipping out tomorrow and he is just a little nervous. Thats all. Thats not my name at all. Jimmy stick around. Meg ryan and i are playing pictionary when we get back. It will be great. [ applause ] . . Its stunningly beautiful, a Perfect Blend of performance and design. The worlds thinnest laptop, the new premium hp spectre. Sir you need to turn that off now. 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Everythings on sale a Home Shopping show takes place on a sailboat. Thats the one banana boat dessert on me. Look at you being all lactose tolerant. Its more than cash back. Mm, devour, say my name im talking to you, creamy white cheddar mac cheese with bacon. Can you feel it . You like that dont you . You taste so creamy. The little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. You naughty little. Did you just spank your lunch . Yes. Nice. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. I am here with the one and only, meg ryan. [ cheers and applause ] and we are about to play a game of pictionary. Meg and i are teaming up so were going to need some opponents to play against. Theyll be making their broadway debut this fall, in the new show oh, hello, on nick kroll and john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy okay everybody, Everybody Knows how to play pictionary. 30 seconds on the clock well each take a turn, then well have a show down where both teams will draw the same clue at the same time where its double the points, and may the best team win. Nick, why dont you go first. Okay. Ea so this are we drawing on this one or that one . Jimmy yeah, youre drawing on that one. The one that says team kroll on it . Great. Jimmy the one that has your name on it, yeah. Ready . Jimmy yep. Okay. Jimmy oh, why would i say yeah. Okay, ready . Hes guessing. Im ready, im ready. Do i not look ready . Jimmy you can tell us what it is right . Oh, i have no idea. Jimmy yeah, who does he tell . Do we know . Jimmy cant you say if its a phrase or an object . Oh yeah, sorry. I have no idea. Jimmy this will be fantastic. Nick, nick, look at me. Look at me, look at me. Were going to win. Youre going to be fantastic. Okay, thank you. This is team kroll. Okay, great. Ready . Its a phrase. Jimmy oh, its a phrase. Honey, tell me the phrase. Okay, ready . Okay, im ready, im ready. Ah, beans, grapes. Grapes . Yeah, its a phrase beans and grapes. Uh, a dinosaur. Jimmy watch it, what are you . What is that . A dinosaur. Apple cat. Apple dinosaur cat. The cat, is that a dinosaur . No, a dog. Raining cats and dogs. . . [ cheers and applause ] i dont know why i dont know why i was nervous. Jimmy i mean, i dont know why youre nervous either. I have to remove it just cause standards and practices. The dogs a little turned on. So what . Jimmy alright, alright, alright. So what . Youre the arbiter of good jimmy are you ready . Lucky seven. Okay. Are you ready . Jimmy meg, we can do this. Oh, its a phrase. Jimmy okay. Raining cats and dogs. Here we go. I just have to say baby fish mouth. No jimmy uh, trivial pursuit pieces. No. Jimmy wheels. Wheels on the bus go round and round. Big wheels keep on turning. Proud mama. Uh, three wh atv. Oh, oh, oh, oh jimmy box wheel. Um, parking ticket. Three. [ buzzer ] i forgot what it was right in the middle. Jimmy i got so lost. So what was it . Third wheel. Jimmy of course. Did i not say third wheel . I said three wheel. I guessed it. [ light laughter ] jimmy in my head i thought three wheel, the old expression box wheel. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy i forgot it was a a phrase. I thought it was an object at one point. I went out with this married couple, oh, i was such a box wheel. [ laughter ] is it me . Jimmy yes its you, of course. I was able to guess it when i saw. Jimmy of course i forgot it was a phrase. Third wheel, thats not really a phrase. Oh, boy. This is a person, place, or animal. Okay, great. Wait, what . Jimmy a person, place, or animal . I dropped it. I got nervous again. I dropped it in here. Jimmy a person, place, or animal . That doesnt sound correct. Thats okay, its all right. And im not mad at you about the marker. Im not mad, okay. I appreciate it. Jimmy youre harping on it a little bit. Im not mad about the marker. Im a good natured guy. Hes not mad about the marker. Jimmy kind of harping on that marker. Youre mad that i drew the penis earlier. [ laughter ] if im mad at anyone, its the dog. Network television, cant be so turned on. Okay, okay, im ready. Ready . Okay. Its the sun. Its the top of the sun. Its an ant. Its a spider. A spiderman. . . [ cheers and applause ] oh, no theyre good, man. Jimmy i know, we can do this. We can do i was going to keep guessing. Jimmy we can still just, yeah, spiderman. Spidermans penis. [ laughter ] oh, that spider is so turned on. [ audience shouting ] 4. Oh, no. Oh, no jimmy okay. Its an action is what it says. Okay, okay, okay, okay, alright. Ready . I believe in you guys. Jimmy alright. Here you go. Oh, no. Its a man. Its growing. Its drinking. Its a beer belly. Its a pregnancy. It is fat. It is, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Its an action. Eating. Eating something. Swallowing. Digesting. No, no, no [ buzzer ] jimmy why does it always happen . It was not on purpose. It was not on purpose. Is it a dog dick . [ laughter ] jimmy it was not a dog that was a phone. That was a phone. It was a booty phone. Booty call. Oh. Ah. Jimmy oh, gosh that was okay heres the deal, you guys are in the lead and it looks like youre gonna really take the win, but this last round scores 8,000 points. [ laughter ] alright, meg, youre up. You go up with nick and you go and youre gonna both draw the same clue at the same time. Whoever guesses it wins the whole thing. Really . Okay. Jimmy oh yeah. We have a chance. We can win. We can do this. All i have is this. This is yours. Thank you, nick. Jimmy you dont need the cap anymore. Yeah, thank you though. Thank you, nick. Thank you, nick. Jimmy im just, im playing games now. Okaywe offensive. Which should i pick . Jimmy oh yeah, you pick a a number, yeah. Which one . [ audience shouting ] youre drawing the same thing. Oh, no. Okay. Its an action. Okay. Okay. Jimmy not booty call. Not booty call, thats already been taken. Ready . Jimmy yes . Uh, bug. Eyelashes. Blink, blink of an eye. Sleeping. Jimmy sleeping dogs lie. Let sleeping dogs lie. Sleeping beauty. Sleep walking. . . Jimmy im sorry. Thats alright. Jimmy congratulations nick kroll, john mulaney, meg ryan my pal. More on the tonight show after the break. Oh, my gosh [ cheers and applause ] . . To those who dont run from mud. But through it. Who know it wasnt a day at the beach. Ks. Gearheads. And those with green thumbs. To the sticky. The stinky. Even those who get a little icky. To all the beautiful mess makers, keep it up. With delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. See what delta can do. This is not the land of good enough. Verizon doesnt settle for good enough either. So now were introducing verizon lte advanced. Powering americas largest, fastest 4g lte network ever. With 50 faster peak speeds. In more than 450 cities, coast to coast. 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Thats why more people save money by combining their home and auto with state farm. Here to help life go right, the guy was a legend on the field. He poured everything he had, into this game. Got to wonder what hes doing on game day now . Guys, cupcakes are ready now get two medium, twotopping pizzas for just 6. 99 each. Try our new cinnamon pullaparts for just six bucks. Better ingredients. Better pizza. Papa johns. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guests are two extremely talented comedians who have come together for one o called oh, hello on broadway. Previews begin september 23rd at the Lyceum Theatre and the show opens october 10th. Everyone please welcome nick kroll and john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome, welcome, welcome. You had a little change in clothes. During the break. What happened was during the break, we went down to the nbc experience store. Jimmy oh, yeah, i love that. Its the greatest store. Its the best. They have everything. Central perk. Yeah. Friends. Yeah. Seinfeld. Come on, this shirt from seinfeld. All the stuff. Ive never seen the show so i dont know any of the references. [ light laughter ] these are the smallest sizes they have. Go adult diaper. [ light laughter ] jimmy i love that show, veronicas closet. I beat up my aunt and took her visor. Jimmy see they have everything down there. They have everything, look at this show, e. R. Can you imagine this . Guys, this is when, do you guys remember this is when george clooney, this is before he was a movie star, when he was a doctor. Yes, thats right. This is back when tv shows were set in chicago. [ light laughter ] and we got you a present, dont you think we didnt get you anything. Jimmy. Jimmy thank you, guys. Thank you. That was the appropriate gift. A gift for you from us. Jimmy thank you. This is exciting. Jimmy wet shirt here. It is, look in the bag,jimmy. Yes [ cheers and applause ] what a let down, right . Jimmy unbelievable. What a let down. We hope you love it. We hope you love it. Jimmy thank you. I re d you got my name on it and everything. You guys are really nice. In new york, its so busy downstairs. New york, id hate to be the first to say it, but new york has changed. Jimmy its always been busy. But its not the same since giuliani left, you know. We miss the hell out of him. We miss the hell out of him. I mean, the guy was a great guy. The one thing is he got rid of all the pornography in times square and now you have to walk one block west to 8th avenue. Jimmy thats a pain. Hes doing good though. I saw him on tv last night. I think hes in a regional production of dracula. Hes really riding that train. Jimmy guys, i want to talk about this, because this is very exciting. This is real by the way. This is a real thing. Jimmy it really is. We showed this picture to a a veterinarian, look at my little fingy, comin in right there. Look at that. We showed this picture to a a vet, and he thought that he thought it was about a a groovy turtle and a mean old goat. Jimmy no, thats not what, a groovy turtle. Uh, this is actually, it started with just you doing like a, i guess, what was it . Like a comedy night . We did a little comedy show in the east village and we had to host it, and we were trying to think of a way to host it. Like what characters to do. And then we were wandering around the strand bookstore one day. Jimmy which the strand is an old bookstore in new york. Used bookstore. Its good, their slogan is 8 miles of books and 12 miles of loneliness. [ light laughter ] and we saw these two older guys, 70yearold guys, both find their own copies of alan aldas autobiography, never have your dog stuffed. But they clearly lived together and were buying their own hard cover copy. Yeah. And their clothes was like carpeting. Like their whole, their color palate was thanksgiving. [ laughter ] jimmy gil and george are the characters. Gil and george, yeah. Jimmy explain gil to me. Gil faizon, hes a gentleman in his early 70s. Hes the kind of guy who brings beverages to the bathroom. [ laughter ] does that make sense . Jimmy yeah i kind of know that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. George st. Geegland the patron saint of dandruff. Hes the type of guy, hes neither jewish nor a woman, but like many men over the age of 70, hes somehow both. George is the type of guy you would catch at a party going through the coats. [ laughter ] theyre like, their essence is like you know when you get to the bottom of a tub of there with a pretzel and you gotta use your fingys to scoop out that last . Theyre the final fingy humus scoop on your finger. If i may, their essence is, you know when you walk by a a travel agency and youre like, what . Well, when they walk by a a travel agency, they go, oh, sure. [ laughter ] jimmy how are you preparing for this . cause this is eight shows a a week. I mean, this is big time guys. You cant fool around. You cant goof off. Were not going to prepare. Re yeah. If youre playing guys in their mid 70s who are a little flulike at all times you dont need to prepare. We did the show on tour, i did it in washington d. C. I had a full indian meal, lots of bread and goop, and i was so full of food and i walked out and i said im too full to go on, and it was one of the best shows we ever had. [ laughter ] jimmy bread and goop. Yeah, they eat goop. Jimmy what happens on stage . What is the story about . Its great. Its about these two guys and theyve lost their rent controlled apartment and i mean, its hard to explain. Its like, they wrote a play about themselves. These are two guys who have been in new york forever, and they think they deserve a a victory lap, and theyre getting one on broadway. Its like if the music in charlie rose, you know, the intro music wrote a play. [ laughter ] jimmy the show is absolutely real. So excited for you guys and i cannot wait to see it. And i gotta check this seinfeld show out. [ light laughter ] jimmy you will freak out. Youll love all of those references. Jimmy nick kroll and john mulaney. Oh, o begins previews on september 23rd and opens october 10th at the lyceum theater. So funny. Well be right back with magician, dan white. . . [ cheers and applause ] its a golden opportunity to discover that in a lexus suv there are no adverse conditions. For a limited time, get some of our best offers of the year at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. Get up to 5,000 customer cash on select 2016 models. Ends september 5th. See your lexus dealer. Although just 4 foot 8, simone biles is packed with power. Thats why she trusts tide pods. She knows small can be powerful. Tmobiles coverage is unstoppable. We doubled our lte coverage. And, with extended range lte, it reaches farther than ever. Now you can stream video and music free in more places without using any of your data. From skylines to coastlines, out in the country, deep in the city. We got you covered. 311 million americans and counting. Come see why tmobile is 1 in customer satisfaction. Here i am. Building a jet engine. Weve been hearing so much about how youre a digital company, so you can see our confusion. Ge is an Industrial Company that actually builds worldchanging machines. Machines that can also communicate digitally. Like robots. Did you build that robot . Thats not a robot, thats my coworker earl. That is a vending machine, ricky. John, give him a dollar. I am sebastian artois. Brewmaster. Risktaker. I sold everything i had to own a brewery. You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy [bell rings] on the first day of school, i learned. It only takes some thing small to go from not friends. This ones got detachable keys it comes with a pen so you can write as you please this mac doesnt have any of that its less useful like a hat for your cat surface has touch and a beautiful screen you can see things like theyve never been seen this mac doesnt quite compare its slower, heavy, and a bit square fold it in half, hello when you start what is driving performance . Its not a weekend hobby. You have to live and breathe it for 50 years. Its the sound. And the fury. Its letting it all hang out there, and its hanging on for dear life. That is what amg driving performance means. And this is where it lives. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, everybody. Welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] oh, get ready, get ready. This is so fun and you guys will be part of this. Were joined right now by an unbelievably talented magician who performs his sold out show new york city. Its booked for like the next three months. But if you can get in, youve got to see this guy. Well actually, you dont need to. Youre here. [ laughter ] youre going to see him tonight. He is back for his fourth time on our show to perform a brand new trick designed just for us. Please welcome the magician, dan white. [ cheers and applause ] . . Hey, jimmy. Jimmy hi buddy. How are you . Jimmy great to see you. Jimmy, i have here an empty and im going to seal this envelope just like this, and i need to give sir. Sir. Would you mind holding on to this envelope . Dont give that to anybody. Just hold on to it, dont do anything weird with it. Jimmy why him . Well get back to that. [ light laughter ] jimmy, how are you doing . Jimmy good to see you, buddy. How are you, dan . Jimmy, were going to do a a card trick here tonight. Jimmy i love card tricks. I love every trick you do on the show. Very good, but were not going to use a normal deck of cards. Jimmy okay. [ laughter ] for those people who arent familiar with cards against humanity cards on each card there are printed a a bunch of different wacky, weird things, and i have a pack full of all different cards, right . Jimmy yeah. For instance, weve got chainsaws for hands, right . Jimmy okay. Or pooping in a laptop and closing it. [ laughter ] jimmy okay. Right, a bunch of different cards. Jimmy, im going to go through these cards. I want you to choose one card. Choose one card. Any one that you like, pick one out. Jimmy okay. And then not show you. Dont show me. I dont want to see it. Dont show anybody. Jimmy okay. Just choose one. Do you like that one . Jimmy yeah. Very good, i want you to read that card to yourself. Read what is written on that card to yourself. Okay . Jimmy okay. Very good, and i want you to think of the first short word that pops into your head after reading that card. The first short word. You got one . Jimmy one of these words . No. [ light laughter ] after reading that like a a word association. Jimmy oh, okay. Dont say it. Just think it. Jimmy i know, but im trying to sum it all up. [ laughter ] take your time. Jimmy okay, good i got it. You got one . Word on that card. Im going to turn around. Im not going to look. And once youve done that, i want you to write your initials or your signature on the bottom on the corner of that card just to make that card unique, special, different. And once youve done that i want you to take the pen and put it on the table and let me know when you have done that. Jimmy do i hold the card . Yes. Jimmy what do i do with the card . Just hold it to your chest. Let me know when you have done that. [ laughter ] jimmy okay im done. Dan, im done. Okay, im going to turn around, but bere your chest so i cant see the card. So i cant see that card. [ laughter ] jimmy i am. We good . Jimmy yes. Great, okay. Im going to turn around, jimmy. If you wouldnt mind, can you place that card right there in the pack . Youre good jimmy. Goes into the middle of the pack. And before we do anything else, im going to cut these cards, and i want you to hold out your right hand. Hold out your right hand for me. Perfect. Im going to take this box. Im going to place the cards into the box and i want you to put your other hand on top of jimmy okay. Jimmy. His is going to sound kind of weird, but i dream about you. [ laughter ] its true. But i think a lot of people dream about you, because you youre on the tonight show, right . Youre in the homes of millions of people and every night people, they see you right before they go to sleep. Jimmy thats correct. Youre the last voice that they hear. Jimmy its nighttime, that sure, yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy, before i came on the show, before i found out i was coming back on the show, i had a dream. I had a dream about us. I had a dream about us being here. I had a dream about us playing cards against humanity. Jimmy oh, good. [ light laughter ] jimmy, you could have chosen any card. Jimmy yeah. That was a fair choice. Jimmy yep. Perfectly fair. Jimmy yes. Jimmy, for the first time for the first time, what was written on the card that you chose . Not what you wrote, but what was written on the card that you chose . Jimmy a zesty breakfast burrito. [ light laughter ] zesty breakfast burrito, yes. And then you wrote a word down, right . You wrote a word down on that card. We havent set anything up. We havent talked about this. Jimmy i didnt know what [ laughter ] thats all you knew. You knew nothing else. Swear to them that we have not set anything up. Jimmy i would never do that. Perfect. Perfect. [ laughter ] jimmy i actually hope it goes wrong. Because that would be hilarious. [ laughter ] i think that would be funny. Jimmy, for the first time, what is the word that you wrote on that card . Jimmy spicy. Spicy. Jimmy spicy, yeah. Jimmy, in my dream a word popped out to me. And its been in my head ever since, and because of that i wrote so jimmy mmhm. Jimmy, theres been this chalk board here, standing here the whole time. No ones gone near it. I havent touched it. Jimmy correct. You could have thought of any word. Jimmy yeah. Spicy. Jimmy yes. On this chalk board, i wrote something down. . . [ applause ] spicy. That is in chalk. You could have thought of any jimmy how the heck did you do that . Were not done yet though, jimmy. Jimmy, can you hold this card between your hands . Jimmy yeah. Perfect. Jimmy, tilt your hand sideways like that. Jimmy, you might feel this. You might feel this. Jimmy whoa. Did you feel that . Did you feel it . Jimmy i actually really just felt something. [ laughter ] that was weird. Jimmy, what if i told you that your card just now vanished from that deck. Jimmy yeah, what . [ laughter ] i just felt like an electric shock. Like an invisible wall. Open your hand. Take the cards out of the box. Take the cards out of the box. Jimmy, theres nothing else in that box, correct . Jimmy no. Perfect. As i go through, i want you to look for your card. Look for the one you wrote on. Zesty burrito. Go through here. One card has vanished from this pack. All the other cards are there. One card has completely disappeared from this pack. One card completely. Jimmy aw, its gone. Its gone. Jimmy its going to be like in my mouth or something. Yeah, i know. Be cooler for it to end up . Jimmy oh, my god. [ drum roll ] [ light laughter ] dude. Where is that envelope . Sir, can you hold that envelope . Sir, have you given that envelope to anybody else . No. Sir, can you pass that down . Pass that down to the person in front of you. Pass it down to the person in front of you. Pass it down to the person in front of you. And pass it down one more time. And jimmy can you go get the card . I dont want to touch it. I do want to touch it. Jimmy, can you bring that card back over here . Bring that envelope, bring that envelope down. Inside that envelope theres one thing. Open up that envelope. Jimmy come on, man. [ laughter ] jimmy, open it up. Jimmy im going to freak out right now. [ laughter ] oh, my god. No way. Jimmy, inside that envelope is a card. Jimmy uhhuh. But its not just any card. Jimmy if you do this, man, i dont know how the heck you did this. Oh, my goodness. . . [ applause ] how in the heck . What is going on . Dan white. For tickets to the magician visit nomadupstairs. Com. More of the tonight show after the break. Stick around everybody. Wow . . We upped the ante at culvers to create the new crispy southwest chicken sandwich. Allnatural, whole white meat chicken breast. Topped with spicy pepper jack cheese and jalape . O ranch. On a lightly buttered, toasted ciabatta roll. The perfect cheese for pepper jack is going to be creamy and mild, and its really going to tone down the spiciness of the peppers. Youre going to taste the cheese first, and then youre going to get just a little bit of warmth from the peppers. Its really good. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to meg ryan, nick kroll, john mulaney, dan white [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia [ cheers and applause ] i dont know. I dont know. Stay tuned for thank you for watching. Have a great weekend. I hope to see you next week. Bye, bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]