[ cheers and applause ] its good to be home. Im glad to be back. Guillermo and i were in new york for the past few days doing business. Is that an accurate way to describe what we were doing . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy it was a jampacked five days for me. Not for you, really. You ate pizza most of the time. But he did call his wife and tell her he was working very hard. [ laughter ] right . Did your wife ask how hard you were working . Guillermo yeah, 16 hours day. Jimmy 16 hours day. [ laughter ] we announced the new primetime shows on abc. I was on the howard stern show, i cohosted with kelly ripa. I was on the view. Guillermo ate pizza. Guillermo was on sportscenter offering his tutelage to host kenny mayne. This reminds me of when i hosted at show and i said home run in spanish. I said quadrangular. And one of the folks from deportes said the way is to say home run. Is that right . Home run. Home run. Lets see some players hit home runs and see if we can do it together. Its dominican native Starlin Castro of the native. Home. Run. Home. Run. Home. Home. Run. Jimmy youre a regular ben stiller. Guillermo home run. Jimmy any of you see the big Megyn Kelly Donald trump primetime interview on fox last night . [ applause ] not too many people did. Out of five networks, it came in fifth. The important thing is that wounds have been healed which is good. Im glad they patched things up. It was difficult to watch donald and megyn fight. Its hard to watch a fight between two people with such similar hairstyles. [ laughter ] slowly but surely it seems donald trump is integrating himself into the Republican Party establishment. And making amends with those he steamrolled during the race, including the increasingly sleepy trump foe turned friend dr. Ben carson. You know, during the heat of the Campaign People say all kinds of amazing things. And then they turn out being buddies. Im sure you remember the whole voodoo economics between bush and reagan. I remember him saying you were a child molester too. Exactly. [ laughter ] jimmy exactly. She almost woke him up there with that. Who among us hasnt called a close friend a child molester . [ laughter ] on the democratic side Hillary Clinton won kentucky and Bernie Sanders won oregon. You know, its funny with oregon because i was thinking about it. If Recreational Marijuana is legal in your state, you can pretty much guarantee bernie will win it. Hillary is way ahead in the delegate count, too far to catch for Bernie Sanders. But sanders has vowed to stay in. His Campaign Manager said i dont think the voters are ready for this race to be over. Oh, i disagree. I think we are all very ready. [ laughter ] democrats are [ applause ] there you go. Democrats are concerned that Sanders Campaign could alienate enough voters to hand donald trump the election. Which happened with ralph nader back in 2000. Bernie said listen, im 74 years old. Im surrounded by College Girls screaming my name. Dont ruin this for me. [ laughter ] so clinton won kentucky. And sanders won oregon. And now this will be settled by whose supporters can be most annoying on facebook. Good luck, everybody. [ laughter ] bill clinton was on the campaign trail in puerto rico yesterday where they asked him to weigh in on donald trump calling him one of the worst political abusers in history. Do you want to respond to donald trump today calling you one of the worst political abusers in u. S. History . Jimmy that is the happiest ive ever seen anybody. That is the hillary is at home, im in puerto rico smile. [ laughter ] hillary yesterday released her finances. She made more than 5 million for book royalties and another 1. 5 million from speaking fees. Donald trump also filed one. Its required by law. Theyre calling it the officials are calling it inadequate. This is the form he submitted to the fec, which is apparently thats not good enough. But on top of that trump still hasnt released his tax returns, which is something candidates for president traditionally do. He claims to be waiting until his irs audit is finished. Which is strange and kind of suspicious. But i dont blame him for wanting to keep that stuff private. The fact of the matter is donald trump is not a person who likes to talk about money. Im really rich. I built a tremendous fortune. Money, money. I want more money. My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars. I have hundreds of millions of dollars of cash. I borrowed 1 million and now its worth over 10 billion. I built a net worth of way over 10 billion. Ive made billions and billions of dollars. Billions and billions and billions of dollars. Thats what i do. I made a lot of money. I made a tremendous amount of money. Tremendous cash flow. I have a store thats worth more money than mitt romney. They said hes probably not as rich as people think. It turned out im much richer. Much richer. Turned out im much richer than anybody ever knew. Im much richer than almost anybody. Oh, did i get rich. Jimmy what if the reason he wont release his tax returns is because he actually doesnt have any money . Hes been goofing on us. Wouldnt that be rich . Like hes joe millionaire. [ applause ] can i get some music and a podium . Yes, slide in my podium. Thank you. [ applause ] i know how you feel. I love podiumsoo. I am running for Vice President of these united states, and i am running alone, ladies and gentlemen. I dont need to be picked by a nominee. Im my own man or woman if you prefer, and over the last few days people have come to me and said jimmy, jim, why are you running for Vice President. My answer is always the same. Because i love this country so much i would have sex with it. And i mean that. And im not afraid to disclose my financial records. In fact, im prepared to do that right now. Yes. Put that up. In 2015, you can see, plain as day i made 500 a week hosting this show. For a total of 26,000. I made 600 teaching karate lessons. And i found a 20 bill in my yoga pants. I hope that is sufficient. [ applause ] if you need my follow up, im happy to give it. I am the ultimate washington outsider. I probably couldnt even find washington on a map. Put a map up on the wallll. Lets see if i can find it. Nope. I have no idea where it is. I think it might be over there, but im not sure. Listen, i have no idea where i am or where i am going. What i do know is that my passion is for you, the american people. And when i am Vice President , i promise to put a chicken in every pot and a pot in every chicken, and [ applause ] if you want to show your support, please go to our website, jkforvp. Com. You can get Real Campaign merchandise. Like this one. This is a baby onesie. It says vice vice baby on the front, and on the back you can see my slogan, a good solid number two. [ applause ] put that on your child. Or if theres a dwarf in your life. Jason, slip into that, will you . Ive already learned so much from this campaign. [ laughter ] you know what . The fbi is going to be calling you, my friend. You cant throw stuff at the Vice President. Youre in a lot of trouble. More than anything, i want people to know who i am and that is why tonight i am proud to unveil my very First Campaign ad. Watch it and if you like what you see, share it with the americans you love. My story is like that of so many americans. I am the son of my parents, one of three white children born in brooklyn, raised in las vegas. My father went to work every day. Doing what, we never asked. My mother cooked our meals, washed our clothes, and laid on the ground pretending to be dead until we cried. I try to instill these same values in my own family. My wife, barbara ann, and my children, jessup and barbara ann jr. My critics will say im unqualified, that i have no Foreign Policy experience, and yet ive been to cancun multiple times. I have negotiated with cancunese. They said ocho dollars for this hoodie. I said quatro. We settled at seis. I am against terror. Terror is bad. Always have been. Really bad. Always will be. I knitted this american flag. I love people. I love talking to people. I love talking at people. My father always said no man ever learned anything by listening. Now, pull my finger. Its time to stop listening and to start voting for change because together we can make today yesterdays tomorrow again. Im jimmy kimmel, and i hit this home run in a televised softball game. One of the favorites, only down 21. Hes right. Watch out. Watch out. Home run, kimmel has it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i paid for it. Join me. As we put the i can back into america. When we come back, dax shepard versus two men, macklemore and ryan lewis, in a battle to see who can name the most things. So stick around. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] uh oh. Oh. Henry oh my. Good, youre good. Back, back, back. vo according to kelley blue book, subaru has the highest resale value of any brand. Again. You might find that comforting. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Perfect union of a cheezit and a chip. You mean like they got married . Umm. I guess. Youd make a pretty bride in that wedding gown. Oh, its a lab coat so. Hey everyone, joes getting married bam bam ba bam. Oh, im not. We take time for our cheese to mature in our crispy cheezit grooves. My son and i used to watch the red carpet shows on tv now, im walking them. Life is unpredictable being flake free isnt. Because i have used head and shoulders for 20 years. Used regularly, it removes up to 100 of flakes keeping you protected live flake free for life intrthe only lemon lime soda with a twist of real juice. Its a crisp, refreshing twist on lemon lime. Insist on the twist. All the other guys are talking about these days is how good their coverage is. But only one network is giving you more than just great coverage. Tmobile only tmobiles lets you stream video and music for free not only that, but we doubled our lte coverage in the last year. Thats right our coverage now stacks up with anybody. Including verizon and at t. So now you can get rid of the other guys and get great coverage from tmobile. We got you covered. And we wont stop jimmy welcome back. You know, there are so many things in this world, and its hard to keep track sometimes of what all of them are. Tonight we bring you a game show that challenges famous people to identify not so famous objects. Its time to play name that thing. [ cheers and applause ] lets meet our contestants. First from detroit, michigan the pride of the motor city, mr. Dax shepard, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] and his opponents, coming to us from the jet city, the emerald city, seattle, washington and its surrounding areas, say hello to macklemore and ryan lewis. [ cheers and applause ] macklemore, dax. Macklemore, ryan. Welcome to name that thing. The rules are very simple. Its always two against one . Jimmy its not always two against one, but we thought in this case our opponent our contestant is so intelligent, so highly sophisticated we needed to put two also very sophisticated but not as sophisticated highly intelligent men against him. And i hope you dont mind. This is historic. The thing is this. Ryan and macklemore, you only get to give one answer. Even though there are two brains combining, you cannot have two chances to answer. The object is to name the thing we show you. You get 50 points for a correct answer. You get 10 points for a correctish answer. You get 0 points for an incorrect answer. Are you ready to play . Yes, sir. Jimmy lets play name that thing. [ cheers and applause ] this item. You have 10 seconds to figure it out. Start your pens. Theres a conversation going between ryan and macklemore. Ah you dont go looking over here or there. Jimmy i didnt know they were cheaters, i guess. Gentlemen please assign one of you to cheat. Not both. Jimmy dax has his answer. Ryan and macklemore writing down their answer. Dax, you can go first. Dax, what is that thing . Probably not spelled right or legible, but the grappling hook. Jimmy that is correct. It is a grappling hook. Ryan and macklemore . You say . It is a raptor toenail. Im sorry in Medieval Times it was called a raptor toenail. I think theyre right. Jimmy that is not correct, but you have another chance and another thing. Spin the wall and name that thing. You guys are musicians. This is in your wheel house. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Jimmy examine that thing. As you can see, its a musical instrument. Our audience knows what it is. Contestants do not. Dont look over here. Thats wrong, right . Jimmy dax has his answer. Ryan has written down an answer. Ryan, name that thing. Ryan says it is a sitar mandolin combo. No, im sorry it is not. Dax . Dax, the time for writing has passed. I was simply clarifying my wrong answer. Jimmy a lute . It is a lute. [ applause ] it is . Jimmy very big lead. Im going to say, also, for the record, there are no backup answers. There can only be one answer per item, please. The fcc is always watching. Our next thing is name this thing. Oh. Jimmy you have ten seconds. Ryan, macklemore, probably never seen anything like this before. Everyone is busy writing. Time is up. Gentlemen, finish your card. Dax, well start with you. Name that thing. Dax says it is a stenograph. Youre absolutely correct. That is what it is. Gentleman, ryan, macklemore, what do you say that thing is . You say its hospital equipment. No, it is not hospital equipment. Im pretty sure they have those in hospitals. Jimmy wow, dax is up did you get it right . Yeah. Jimmy this game might be over already. I had to reverse engineer and i said stenographer uses a what. I wont bore you next time with how i figured it out. Sorry. [ laughter ] jimmy you did that very well. Next thing, spin the wheel and the wall rather, and the next thing is now, this one. Oh, boy. Every woman in our audience knows what this is. It is not a duck. You might want to just use your last card for this one, ryan and macklemore. Because yes. Theyre examining. Time is almost up, folks. Here we go. Name that thing. Dax, well start with you. Dax has gotten all three right so far. I didnt get it here. Jimmy dax says an ouch. [ laughter ] might have to give you ten points for that. Ryan, macklemore, you say yes, that is absolutely correct give them 50 points. [ applause ] so we made a game out of it. This is our final in this category. Its sudden death. Im going to ask you to write down everything in this category that comes to mind. The category name as many of these in 20 seconds as you can. Is cheese. Write down as many kinds of cheeses as you can think of. All right . Here we go. Dax is off to the races. Ryan seems to be doing all the work here as macklemore looks on. Dax is on fire. Ryan is on fire. All right. Gentlemen, cap your pens. Dax, lets see what do you have there . Dax has colby, jack, swiss, brie, blue, goat, parmesan, american. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Eight for dax. Ryan and macklemore . Gouda, brie, cheddar, swiss, blue, sharp, cheddar, mozzarella. Jimmy very well done. Seven points. Gentleman, dax shepard is our name that thing champion. Congratulations, dax. Because you won, you get to pick one of the things you named. Is there anything you can really think of that you really liked . Lets go with the vagina opener [ applause ] jimmy all right. Thanks for playing. Tonight on the show music from macklemore and ryan lewis. Katie nolan is here and well be right back with dax shepard. [ cheers and applause ] whatcha gonna do when you get outta here . Im gonna have some fun what do you consider fun . Fun, natural fun. Yeah, we rocking right now. Its a party over here. Hey im in heaven owww. Nice to meet you welcome, welcome today im going to show you the allnew 2016 chevy cruze and ask you what you think. But heres the catch. You can only answer in emojis. What emoji would you use to describe the design . Sfx message sent i think its sexy. Mmmmmm it has available builtin 4g lte wifi® sfx message sent rock on. Thats excellent. We got wifi. The cruze offers up to an epa estimated 42 mpg highway. Sfx message sent this car is like a unicorn. Its Magical Group laughing create your own seafood trios you can try something new with every bite. Pick 3 of 9 allnew creations for 15. 99. Like baked lobster alfredo chimichurri shrimp and crab cakes bursting with crab meat. Just hurry in before it ends. Okawhoa ady . [ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. Get americas fastest internet. Only from xfinity. Jimmy tonight, shes t jimmy tonight, shes the host of the emmywinning sports show garbage time with katie nolan. Katie nolan is here. Then their album is called this unruly mess ive made, macklemore and ryan lewis from the samsung outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] and you can see the boys live here in l. A. At the Shrine Auditorium on may 31st. Tomorrow night, the great Magic Johnson will be here, ludacris and ciara will join us, and well have music from ariana grande. And on friday, we have a new show with bryan cranston, aneeka noni rose, and music from joanna newsome. So please join us. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is without a doubt one of the funniest people i know, and i know a lot of them. His credits span from parenthood to punkd and he is now the director and star of the big screen version of chips. Please welcome dax shepard. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very happy to see you. You know, i saw your lovely and very charming wife kristen bell, and i said i havent seen dax in a long time. Like i think its three years probably. Jimmy no. Not that long. Not truly three years. But i had a kid three years ago. Youve recently had a kid. So really we see each other here. This is it. This is our date night. Jimmy we need to cherish this time. We do. This is how we maintain our friendship. Jimmy how old are the girls now . Because i have nothing to promote. Lets call it what it is. Im here to check in with you and make sure you dont need any money or anything. Jimmy its a total social call. Just a minimal maintenance two humans can do and call each other friends still. Jimmy were not even facebook friends. Which i do with reckless abandon. People think were best friends because im so proud to be friends with you. I constantly talk about being friends with you. Jimmy do you really . Whats he up to . Whens the last time i was on the show . Three years ago jimmy how old are your girls . 3 and 1 1 2. Jimmy ive seen pictures. Its the tet offensive at home. Its hot. Jimmy is two a lot harder than one . Exponentially so, yeah. When you have one, you have a twohour nap if things go well, and then you have they go to bed two hours before you. So you have a straight four hours. When you have two, there is no hours. Its just its them. From sunup to sundown. Its over. Jimmy they dont block it out for you . They dont care. Jimmy do they go with you when you work . Yes. These two girls have been to more places than i had been when i was 30. I kind of resent them. Yeah. Its like jimmy where have they been . Theyve been to cuba. Jimmy no. Who here has been to cuba . Exactly. Dont even worry about raising your hands. The Rolling Stones havent been there yet. I think theyre playing next month. My kids have been to cuba. Jimmy i dont think pitbull has been to cuba and he seems to be cuban. Thats right. Theyve been to cuba more times than pitbull. Jimmy was that a work thing . My wife was shooting her show house of lies there. Jimmy oh, okay. So i went to watch the kids. Jimmy was it just you slash take her exstepdad out to see the historic red light district. Jimmy hold on. Go back. Does her exstep dad live in cuba . He lives in miami which is a skip and throw away, so we thought lets bring him in, and he and i are buddies. He loves horsepower and women. Jimmy whats his name . Larry. Jimmy larry. Larry. And sincerely, every meal larry eats he says with total sincerity, i love food. As if its the first time hes ever eaten food. Its so sincere like he should be an actor in commercials. He could eat a paper towel and go, mm, i love paper towels. But hes a party, this guy. Larry. So kristen brought him down. And i said to kristen, you know, if time permits i wouldnt mind showing larry the seedier side of havana. Jimmy right. And she said, well, how seedy is this tour going to be . Like youll come home with an std. Jimmy bad. And i said no. But id like to be within striking distance of an std. [ laughter ] be like yeah, that guys got one. But my wife, to combat this, she gave everything we own away there. This is sincere. We came with all this luggage, toys for the kids and their clothing and everything. Then we got to our next stop because we had to go directly to new orleans because she was starting a movie. I got there, opened our bags, and theres nothing in the bags. She gave it all to the people of cuba. Jimmy gave it she gave everything we own away. [ applause ] she didnt run it by me. She just heard they need things. So she found a charity and she gave everything we own away. So we got to new orleans, theres no diapers. Theres no jammies. Theres no toys. Its just a fresh doover. Jimmy she didnt give larry away. Did he come with you . Larry has not been heard from in a while. I think he stayed down there. They got great food. They really do. Jimmy thats what larry says. He loves the food down there. Jimmy do you think youll have more children . Not no. Last year my wife was working in atlanta. We were there, and she all of a sudden goes, oh, my gosh, im so stupid, ive been sick for ten days and ignoring it, im definitely pregnant. And i was like, were going to turn into john and kate plus eight or something. We already have no life. This is going to be not worth living. I was freaked out. It was so bad. That was tuesday. That happened on tuesday. And she had to work. So for eight hours we didnt get a pregnancy test. For eight hours i was imagining my life with all these kids. That was tuesday. I flew home wednesday for a meeting. Thursday morning i had a vasectomy. Jimmy wow. I had a vasectomy. [ applause ] theres a lot of urologists in the audience. I had a vasectomy and kristen was not thrilled that i did it so quickly. But im a man of action. And so [ laughter ] i was in and out. I was back in atlanta two days after that shooting a samsung commercial. Jimmy wow. Whats that process like, having a vasectomy . Its pretty great. Because they knock you out for it. P. S. , the guy said you want me to check your prostate while youre out . I said you do everything anal you need to do while im out. [ laughter ] leave no stone unturned. I dont want to hear about any other checkups for a while. But what you have to do when you have a vasectomy is about three weeks later you have got to take your semen in to make sure that its worked. Jimmy what . They test it to see if the semens actually sterile or not. Jimmy you take it in . They dont provide an area there at the urology clinic to service yourself. So you have to bring in a sample. Jimmy okay. So i had an appointment at 5 00 in Beverly Hills, and you have to you have to procure your sample within two hours of when you get there. You follow me . Jimmy yeah. Theyll start dying and who will know if they were fertile . So i was working. I had a meeting scheduled at 3 00. No problem. Ill have time to go into my office, relax, extract, go to Beverly Hills. I brought a mason jar with me that i [ laughter ] rinsed with extra hot water. It was sterile, i think. So im in this meeting. Mind you, my best friends in the meeting with me. He knows the time crunch im under and the meetings going on and on and on. All the president s of warner brothers. And i didnt out of this meeting and the clock is ticking. All of a sudden im out of the meeting. I have 15 minutes to get from burbank to Beverly Hills and procure my sample. This is the gods truth. I had to drive crosstown, rush hour. Thank god there was heavy traffic on Laurel Canyon. So it slowed down enough that i could [ laughter ] jimmy really . I literally masturbated on Laurel Canyon in heavy traffic. [ applause ] into youre not just dealing with that. It would be one thing youre just like oh. You know, looseygoosey. Just go for it. But i have a jar. And you know, its heavy traffic. Its very curvy for you all who have not been on Laurel Canyon. Its one of the twistier roads in america. Its hard enough to get through that road while not make love to yourself. Into a container. Jimmy wow. Anyways, the great news is im sterile. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy dax shepard, everybody. Well be right back. Hey there, can i help you with anything . Hey siri, whats at ts latest offer . Oh, i dont think that siri can. Right now, switch to at t for an iphone and get one free. Wow, is that right . Yeah, its basically. Yes. That is the current offer from at t. Okay siri, you dont know everything. Well, i know you asked me to call you the at t hostess with the mostest. Okay, shut her down. Turn it off. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Thats not fair, he should give you your rollerblades back. And, shes back. Storm coming . A very dangerous cheese storm. Presenting the American Express blue cash everyday card with cash back on this. Mouth toys. That really takes me back. Cash back on this. Baloney and medical gauze. And even this. Who said shrimmpppppppppppp . Ahhh, shrimp. The lobsters little brother. Great choice. Ughhhhhh, im so shrimp rich. All with no annual fee. Cash back on purchases. Backed by the service and security of American Express. Cash back on purchases. Perfect union of a cheezit and a chip. You mean like they got married . Umm. I guess. Youd make a pretty bride in that wedding gown. Oh, its a lab coat so. Hey everyone, joes getting married bam bam ba bam. Oh, im not. We take time for our cheese to mature in our crispy cheezit grooves. Because you cant beat zero heartburn i take prilosec otc each morning for my frequent heartburn ahhh the sweet taste of victory prilosec otc. One pill each morning. 24 hours. Zero heartburn. It was all pencil and paper. Started out, the surface pro is very intuitive. I can draw lightly, just like i would with a real pencil. Ive been a forensic artist for over 30 years. I do the composite sketches which are the bad guy sketches. You need good resolution, powerful processor because the computer has to start thinking as fast as my brain does. I do this because i want my artwork to help people. Jimmy were back with dax shepard. Katie nolan is on the way. The last time you were here you were getting ready to shoot the movie chips, which you directed. You wrote it yes. I wrote it. Jimmy you star in it. Yes. Its an ego bonanza. Jimmy michael pena plays ponch. I even did one of the stunts so in the credits it would say stunt man dax shepard. Just as a last jimmy when does the movie come out . August of 17. Jimmy oh, wow. Just enough time for all the topical jokes to not be funny anymore. Its going to be great. Jimmy are you worried someone else is going to make another chips movie . I dont think my election jokes are going to be as poignant. Someone could make another chips i suppose. Jimmy you have to be careful. You really do. Jimmy this was a photograph taken at the premiere of game of thrones. Thats kristen and i. You cant read these. They say stark in the streets, wildling in the sheets. I found them on etsy. Were also wearing tons of game of thrones tattoos. Now, this is a formal event. Everyone there is in black tie except for us two hillbillies in our tank tops and tons of tattoos. And when we were together, it was awesome. I felt like the belle of the ball. We were so popular. I felt wonderful. We got separated. She started talking to somebody, and then i saw lisa bonet, whos probably my alltime crush of all time. From cosby show and angel heart. I love her. So i saw her. Ive met her maybe twice. Weve been at the party long enough where im comfortable in my tank top and tattoos. So im not really thinking of it. I go up to her and start talking, say hi to her. And its not the warm reception ive had in the past. And then i just realize like oh, my god, im in a tank top. I have bad tattoos all over my neck. Im not with kristen. I look insane. I look like they let a crazy person in. So midway im like and how have you ive got to get my wife over here. Hold on. Im like, kristen, get over here. So lisa bonet doesnt think im crazy. Jimmy but she did. She came over. Jimmy one last question. Did you think of lisa bonet in that car on Laurel Canyon . [ laughter ] you know, thats between me and that car and the 600 people in traffic around me. [ applause ] jimmy dax shepard. Chips comes out in a really long time. Coming up next is katie nolan. [ cheers and applause ] if youve ever beelured in straight talk. By a low price wireless plan then theres not enough highspeed data or your bill is packed with overages and mystery fees. Stop falling for it with straight talks unlimited plan, you get americas largest, most dependable 4g lte networks. No contract, no tricks. And five gigs of highspeed data for just fortyfive dollars a month. Its time to ask yourself. Why havent i switched . Get a Samsung Galaxy s7 or bring your own phone. Find out more at straighttalkswitch. Com sir, this alien life form at an alarming rate. Growing fast, you say . We cant contain it any long. Oh you know, that reminds me of how geicos been the fastestgrowing auto insurer for over 10 years straight. Over ten years . Mhm, geicos the company your friends and neighbors trust. And deservedly so. Indeed. Geico. Expect great savings and a whole lot more. Versus the lube strip. With a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Sorry, lube strip. Schick hydro®. Free your skin®. Get your own liquid gold. Go on, git theres gold in them thar shells. Liquid gold. Intromercedesbenz ccoupe, redesigned with its athletic prowess and sleek new body. It doesnt just raise the bar. It completely crushes it. The allnew cclass coupe. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. [liquid dribbling] do you sell highend champagne . In the back. [beep, beep] [cork pop] have a good night. The new waterresistant galaxy s7 edge. Jimmy were back. Still to come music from macklemore and ryan lewis. Our next guest went from boston area bartender to blogger to host of her newly emmyawarded garbage time with katie nolan. It airs at midnight wednesdays on fox sports 1. Tonight its at 12 30 so you can watch her right now. Please welcome katie nolan. [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing . Congratulations on your emmy. You just won an emmy award. Thats exciting. Yeah. Jimmy did you expect to win . No. Jimmy you didnt. No, not at all. Jimmy were you prepared . Did you thank everyone that needed to be thanked . Nope. Jimmy who did you miss . Everyone. Every person. Jimmy you didnt thank anyone . Parents. I missed everyone. Jimmy really . So i was backstage because i was presenting a couple awards that night i had to do first. I didnt know when our category was up. The category was outstanding social tv experience. Which is real. I looked it up. Jimmy what does that mean . Social tv experience. That we are on tv, outstanding and social in experience things. I dont really know. But so i was backstage getting ready to present, and they mentioned started reading the people in my category that i knew we were up against. I was like oh, wait, thats funny. I recognize those shows. And they were like, and the winner is katie nolan and garbage time. I have no idea what happened next. I think i screamed. I may have collapsed, and then kevin burkhart, who he works on fox with me. I was presenting with. Hes like you have to go up and you have to go get your emmy. Jimmy you didnt even go out there. No. I was like thats so cool. They were like go. Jimmy you do have to go get it. They make you go get it yourself. I learned that. Its a learning experience. Jimmy did you carry it around with you the whole rest of the night . I didnt let anybody take it from me. Jimmy i dont blame you. You go offstage and someones like okay, ill take that. And i was like, no. The guy said no, thats a problem. You dont get to keep that one. Jimmy you did something with your emmy that ive never seen anyone do before. This is very innovative. Go katie go. Jimmy you attached a beer glass to it. [ applause ] so i did not put it down for the entire night. You were supposed to leave it. Because they would engrave it. But i said i wanted to take it with me. Because its my first emmy, probably my last. I want to keep it forever. I brought it to the bar, and the president of fox sports, eric shanks, was like too bad you cant chug out of it, huh . And i was like, dont challenge me with a good time. So i put my jimmy this guy eric shanks sounds like some president of a network. I mean, really. [ laughter ] he just knows me well and knows if it were a stanley cup, i would have drank out of it. Jimmy right. Maybe youll get the stanley cup next. Thats the next goal. Jimmy this show for those who havent seen it, explain the idea so for everyone. Because no ones seen it. Jimmy the idea you that could just move the show back a half hour tonight so people can watch you on it. Its not very rigid. Lets put it that way. Or youre a huge deal. You got to look at it from that view. [ applause ] jimmy well go with the former. Either way. We wouldnt move it for just anybody. No other jimmy. Jimmy you really moved it for yourself. Lets be honest. Yes, a little. Because if our viewers want to watch this theres no way theyre watching that. Were super low budget, just a tiny little show. Our studio is probably 1 80 the size of this place. Its smaller than my green room here. Jimmy is it really . Yes. Its sports comedy. Its fun. We dont take ourselves too seriously. We make athletes do funny stuff and put them in weird situations. Jimmy it is a funny show. It catching on. Its once a week on wednesday night very late, but i feel like i see a lot of stuff from it. Thats because i email you incessantly. Jimmy is this what you studied in college . This is what you were planning to do . No. I studied public relations. Jimmy okay. So i have a degree in that if anyone wants it. I dont need it. Jimmy you dont need that. It doesnt do much for me jimmy is your family a big sports family . Family big sports fans . Are you nervous . Jimmy im nervous, yeah. Im not really around emmy winners that often. [ laughter ] my family, huge sports fans. Because were from boston. Everybody is. My dad is the kind of fan who when the team does poorly one time immediately is like red sox are done this season. My mom is the opposite. Shes very superstitious. She never she made me watch an entire game in the bathroom once because i was in the bathroom when big papi hit a home run. So therefore, if i were to leave the bathroom we would lose. Jimmy how many innings were you in there . Six. Jimmy six innings in the bathroom with mom. An early home run for us to be that superstitious. Jimmy if you ever write a book that would be a good title, six innings in the bathroom with mom. So moms really the bigger fan. She was a bartender in boston for most of my life. In order to be able to interact with her customers she just really got into sports because that helped her get more tips. Her and my father have season tickets to the boston bruins. And if the bruins are losing shell make my dad get up from his seat that he paid for and walk around the garden instead of watching the game. And now shes got the other people in our section like go ahead, mike, why are you still here . Get up. He leaves. Which would be mean but hes okay with it because hes always looking for an excuse to get another hot dog. Hes like darn. Jimmy if theyre losing, its his fault. Right. Jimmy congratulations on your success. The show is on after this. Its called garbage time with katie nolan. Wednesday nights at midnight on fox sports 1. Well be right back with macklemore and ryan lewis. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by samsung. What if there was a paint that made you look at paint differently question everything you know and what you dont know what if its built with better ingredients given super powers and even a secret base to test those powers. Since Benjamin Moore reinvented paint, it makes you wonder is it still paint . Find Benjamin Moore paint, only at one of our authorized retailers near you. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy i want to thank dax shepard, katie nolan and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. Nightline is next, but first their album is called this unruly mess ive made. Here with the song dance off, macklemore and ryan lewis. I challenge you to a dance off hands off, no trash talk no back walk on the black top just me, you, dance off no cat calls, no tag teams no, mascots right now dance off get down the floor get down the get down the floor, go get down the floor do it come on and get down the floor, go i grab my ankle and pull it up and do that thing where i move my butt i got the juice mother dont use it up i say woo there it is then loosen my tux then i shimmy, shimmy shimmy, shimmy, shimmy to the left shimmy, shimmy, shimmy shimmy, shimmy to the right gimme, gimme, gimme everything that you got dance off do the damn thing right she got loose elbows and a big ol neck i like a big boned girl who could work up a sweat i rock shelltoes and a turtleneck she just wanna talk i said i aint ted your grandma thats a bad mama jama she doing the banana grabbing my trunk like a hammock mmm she like the funk dammit she can handle it she tugging im feeling a little bit inadequate dance off your grandpa got a like a ham hock hella old, hella long looking like matlock damn dog i dont even wanna have a standoff he drunk talkin bout he bout to take his pants off dance off the hater with the macarena i can roger rabbit in my office space watch my face like im concentrating constipated when i walk this way i challenge you to a dance off hands off no trash talk no back walk on the black top just me, you, thats all no cat calls no tag teams no mascots one, two, one, two, three get on the floor get on the get on the floor get on the floor come sxon get on the floor okay i sneak up behind you like a panther who ordered the private dancer can i get an amen from the pastor pulled the old do you want a back rub you must heard like grey poupon swag on tap like sabian jump on the tablecloth fake a fall pretend to break my arm then im breaking you off but please dont tell my babys mum i wanna dance all night til the break of dawn i wanna sweat, sweat sweat, sweat til your makeups gone baby girl, you looking like a champion hey you, you there get up out of your chair paid twenty bucks to get in this club put your cellphone down you square i be going in i cant help it i got bruises on my pelvis ladies, fellas dont drunk dial your exes hello, bouncer i have a job for you while im dancing watch my shoes tonight is the night that we rendezvous sweat a fountain of youth bust a move fringe jacket pants of leather tank top spandex and pleather been a stressful week i got a lot of pressure you have a lot of great moves but mine are better i challenge you to a dance off we need two people from the audience to have a danceoff right now come on you first. One, two, one, twos, three, go get on the floor get on the get on the floor get on the, get on the floor [ cheers and applause ] give it up one time for the danceoff tonight, explosive allegations against johnny depp, accused of Domestic Violence throughout his 15month marriage to amber heard. The actress claiming he threw a cell phone at her face in a drunken rage, trashing their apartment. Tonight what the Hollywood Star is saying. Plus justin bieber, accused of ripping off his mega hit, sorry. An indie musician calling foul. Did he lift this riff from ring the bell . And finally, texting, gaming, snap chatting. Some teens using their phones 12 hours. Is this an addiction, first, the night line five. Constipated