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Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160512

Cheers and applause . Larry thank you very much. Thank you, such a good crowd. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the nightly show. Im larry wilmore. Thank you, maam, thank you very much. So we begin tonight with america. Well, just in time for the fourth of july the makers of budweiser are looking to replace budweiser with america on its labels this summer. Larry yeah, thats right. And now that its called america, they of course had to change the shape of the can. laughter applause yeah, hmmmm, hmmmm, thats got to have a little fat in it, man, thats how i like it. Also in unfortunate news due to copyright infringe. America ferrera was forced to change her name to budweiser ferrera. I know, thats just unfair. Its so sad for her. Okay, moving on. So you remember our old friend ted cruz, president ial candidate, zodiac killer, all around creepy guy, right, right . Okay. Just when we thought we had heard the last of grandpa munster and heidi, his wife, his wife addressed some of their suppor ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160513

Is the citys firstever muslim mayor. Trevor wow, chark congratulations, my man. Electing the first muslim mayor say huge monumental step for the city of explond to be honest, our culture as a whole. Plus, now everyone in your city gets to have a mayor whose name sounds like a move in street fighter. Sadiq Khan Sadiq Khan sadiq khan. Its such a momentous occasion. Even donald trump has gotten caught up in the excitement. This is true. On monday donald trump said if the new mayor of london wants to come to the u. S. , the muslim ban wouldnt apply to him. Thats how much donald trump loves winning. He was like, i know youre muslim, but youre a winner first. laughter theres only one problem with donalds generosity. Today, khan rejected trumps potential offer. I think donald trump has ignorant views about islam. Its not just about me. I dont be the exception. The mayor of paris visited london yesterday, and she was asked about trump as ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160511

Trevor welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. My guest from the hit show scandal joe morton is here. So excited but lets get to our top story. The public bathroom. The place you only go if you have to like prison or an a cappella concert. Recently the chambers of secrets became the flashpoint for americas soul and after North Carolina passed a law to require transgender people to use the bathroom that theyre born with not identify with last week the state quickly found itself in deep, deep, [bleep]. The department of justice said North Carolinas controversial new law that limits protections for lgbt people violates the civil rights act. If it carries out the law it could lose roughly 2 billion in federal funds for Public Schools and universities. Trevor theyre not [bleep] serious . Youre willing to give up 2 billion ....

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Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160513

Thanks, i appreciate it such a great cowed welcome to the nightly show. Im larry wilmore. Such a great crowd. Audra mcdonald on the show tonight. Im very excited about that. cheers and applause so talented. One of the most talented people ever. Sure. By the way, first off, i want to show you something remarkable a rare moment of unanimous bipartisanship in the u. S. Senate. Anchor the Senate Unanimously passed a measure removing offensive terms such as oriental from federal law. Larry oriental . That term is still used in federal law . I can see why that was a unanimous decision trumpet playing taps oh, hey. Guys. Whats up . Bobby we lost another one. Were here to pay our respects. Benari damn p. C. Police, we cant have any fun anymore. Jack so, larry, if you dont mind, we would like to retire this word by hoisting it up into the rafters. Bobby it served us well for a long time. taps playing so long, oriental cheers and applau ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160512

Got into a spot the trouble. We begin with a private conversation at a garden party thats causing an international commotion. Talk about an embarrassing international incident, Queen Elizabeth caught on camera criticizing the chinese government. Trevor oooh i knew she was going to snap one day. Come, shes been bottling that up inside for 90 years. When the queen blows up, its all going to come out like bleep happened ages ago. bleep , china. You can kiss my wrinkley royal ass, and you, too, churchill, you fat bastard. I dont want to be the queen. I want to date boys. So what does the queen say. Trevor thats it . She called the chinese rude . Thats not the queen being scandalous. Thats just the queen being british. laughter every british person thinks that everyone else is rude. It doesnt matter how polite you are. You could throw your coat over a rain puddle for them, and stale theyd be like, really . A
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