Larry larry gl thanks gays. We have a great show for you tonight. Guys, lewis black on the show. Let me just say, while many in the medical community were content to stop at hearttransplants laughter some with more vision said hey, cant we do this with dicks . We got word today of a remarkable transplant surgery in boston, the first of its kind in this country. A man who lost his penis to cancer has received a new one. Larry wow oh, man yes can you imagine that, you guys . Receiving the gift of a brand new penis . Well, our studio audience doesnt have to imagine anymore, if you check under your seats right now, youll find no, no, no, im kidding. Some people looked, though. Thanks for the dick, larry. I appreciate it. I know this sounds like a funny story, but its actually an important breakthrough that could help people who really need it. Its a major development, especially for veterans whove suffered genital injuries. There are over 1,300 Wounded Warriors who have these kinds of genital injuries. Larry thats right. Lots of soldiers come home with horrible genital injuries. And now, maybe a penis transplant could be an option for them. So its not you know, its not really a time for childish humor as much as you know laughter i know i go there a lot. Im sorry. But the doctors who performed the surgery are real heros, you guys. Wait a second. What is that dudes name . Dicken ko . That is the best name for a penis doctor ever. Here to discuss the procedure further is our very own rory albanese, everybody. cheers and applause rory, are you in a hospital . What happened . Well, i was out drinking with the boys last night, and wouldnt you know it, someone brought along the new england journal of medicine. I dont know, man, one thing led to another, and i guess i got talked into getting one of these fancy new dicks everyones talking about. Larry wait, you got peer pressured into having penis transplant surgery . I sure did, man. A lot of tequila. It was either that or a tattoo, and i do not want a tattoo. Do you know how hard those are to get rid of . Come on larry not as hard as getting rid of your dick sorry, larry, i couldnt hear that last thing. All of my eardrum blood is currently in my new dong. Im not going to lie. This is a sick upgrade. Larry well, good luck with that, rory. Rory albanese, everybody. Okay, moving on. Do you guys remember the 2014 Senate Report on c. I. A. Torture . If so, could you call the c. I. A. And recite it to them because they lost it. The c. I. A. s Inspector Generals Office, which is supposed to act as a watchdog for the agency, well, its either mysteriously or mistakenly destroyed its copy of the Senate Report on c. I. A. Torture. Larry they destroyed their only copy . This country only has one copy of the torture report . How could this even happen . We have two michael jordans. I mean, come on i mean arrgh we were smart enough to back up our michaels jordan and not our torture report . And, thank you, yes, i said michaels jordan. That is proper. laughter all right. applause i want to hear more about this missing tort report. The c. I. A. Apparently is trying to convince the Oversight Committee that this was an accident. Its not an accident. You cant accidently destroy a 6,700page document. Larry correct no, seriously, guys, theres no reason to destroy a 6,700page document. This is america. No one is going to read a 6,7000page document. We cant even be bothered to read terms of service before we give away all of our rights and privacy. Do you agree . Yes. I dont have time to read. You can have my fourth born i just need to download tidal. I gotta get lemonade im just kidding. Nobody cares about tidal. Anyway oh, burn. Anyway, the thing that really gets me about this torture report is the gruesome we cant forget these things waterboarding, sleep deprivation, shackled while naked oh, yeah, yeah. Larry what the hell is that . Sorry, i was just watching the show, and all the talk about c. I. A. Torture, im not going to lie, is giving me a boner. Larry c. I. A. Torture has given you a boner . Yeah. Apparently, this new guy has a mind of its own. Seriously, i think my dick doern might have been a serial killer. Larry roary, i would be worried, if i were you. Sorry, larry. Im still learning what makes my new rod dance. Honestly, im just driving it off the lot. Larry thats enough of that. Sorry about that, everybody. I apologize. My mistake. I apologize. Back to the c. I. A. Story. This incident began last year when c. I. A. General counsel Caroline Krass told the Inspector Generals Office that the Justice Department wanted all copies of the torture report preserved. And then and i quote they discovered, bleep , we dont have one. bleep , we dont have one laughter thats what you say when you realize you dont have a condom right before sex, not when you realize youve lost the only copy of the most significant torture report the c. I. A. Has ever released now, when the office received the disk with the torture report on it, they uploaded it to their internal classified Computer System and then destroyed the disk. Right . But then, someone in the office interpreted the Justice Departments instructions not to open the file to mean it should be deleted from the servey. Right, exactly. So that both the original and the copy were gone. Okay, two things. Number one, this sounds so incompetent, i believe it. laughter right . I do. I completely believe it. applause right . And hold on and number two, this is bloop. bleep . I dont believe you. Number two, youre the c. I. A. you, by definition, are never supposed to tell me the truth. Seriously, i just wish you would lie better, especially for one of our most shameful chapters in recent history. Larry, larry i got great news larry rory, im trying to do the show here. This is much more important than torture, dude. The doctors just took off that devil dong and have given me yet another dick transplant im the firstever, twotime recipient of a new hog u. S. A. u. S. A. they know what im talking about. Larry u. S. A. Has nothing to do with it. I didnt think there were that many peens donors. There really arent. Man, where the hell am i . Whats up, mike . And why is there a bag of ice on my junk . You know the movie face off . I just did it with our dicks, buddy. Noooooo dick swap whered you find this thing, an 8yearold . It served me well. I didnt sign a release form for this you did. I just deleted the only copy. Thanks for the idea, c. I. A. larry larry, i want no larry larry, i want no part of this. No way, its a chevy. Oh wow its the chevy memorial day sale. Time to get the crossover thats right for you. Trax, equinox, or traverse. Its very impressive. Its awesome. This is incredible. Itd be a good road trip car. The wifi is cool. Its fancy. I love it. Get more than you expect for less than you imagined during the chevy memorial day sale. Current qualified competitive lessees can get this chevy equinox lt for around 189 a month. Plus find your tag and get an additional 500 lease cash on select equinox vehicles in stock. Who dont have access thto basic banking,on people but that is changing. At temenos, with the microsoft cloud, we can enable a banker to travel to the most remote locations with nothing but a phone and a tablet. Everywhere where theres a phone, you have a bank. Now a person is able to start a business, and employ somebody for the first time. The microsoft cloud helped us to bring banking to ten Million People in just two years. Its transforming our world. cheers and applause larry thank you very much, welcome back. If you thought americas lead crisis was limited to a single town in michigan, think again. The problem in flint has exposed a larger lead crisis around the nation. And the fact is that lead is an epidemic, and if youre anything like me, youre wondering how we even got here. Luckily, its time for a nightly show super depressing deep dive. Take a look. Hi, how are you . Fantastic. Glad to hear it. Okay night for a nightly show super depressing deep dive. Everybody knows that lead is terrible when children ingest even just a little bit of lead, it causes brain damage, seizures, even death. And death is one of the worst things that can happen to a child, even worse than being forced to wear a onesie for a band dads like. Hey, dad, babies dont like wilco. Nobody likes wilco. Anyway, lead is terrible, but its also everywhere. To find out why we have to travel all the back back to 1904, australia. See, in 1904, industrialian investigators realized children in leadtainted homes were showing the i same symptoms as factory workers who worked with lead all day. Soon they reported the findings and everybody could read how dangerous lead was. In 1922, lead paint was outlawed and everything was funny and happy again. Back to you, larry. Just kidding. Life is an everturning malstrom of pain. This story is no different. The u. S. Didnt ban lead paint until 1978. Why did it take more than 50 years for the u. S. To do anything about lead paint . If you guessed corporate greed, you win the trophy. Just dont chew on it, its made of lead. The u. S. Didnt sign on to the ban because of lobbying by the lead Industry Association and the lacquer and paint association. Thats napulva, for short. In that time not only was lead paint legal it was actively marketed to young people. They would send leadpaint coloring books to young children. Kind of reminds you of this diewrkd doesnt he . In 1938, the government mandated cheap leadbased paints had to be used in certain Government Housing projects. Congratulations, you just survived the depression. What are you going to do next . Im going to saddle my family with neurological problems. They promoted junk science and went after their critics and threatened to sue the makers of the show Highway Patrol because of their episode about lead poisoning. Littlejohny was unable to understand the gripping pains that wracked his body. Oh, that sucks. Sorry, littlejohny. Anyway, cities didnt start taking action until much later, with new york banning lead paint in 1969. In the 60, it fell to Community Groups to educate Community Groups about the dangers of lead, Community Groups like the black panthers, the same black panthers your moms friend to facebook said was going to break into her house. Those black panthers were way ahead of the federal government on the des of lead an. They provided lead tests for their communities. Testing their communities for lad, thats definitely in the pro column. So, Scientific Evidence about the dangers of lead was mounting and you know what that means . Time to blame the victims. The lead industry actually claimed that the real danger was from uneducable negro and puerto rican parents who couldnt stop their kids from eating paint. Uneducable negroes and port reekans . Maybe all the negroes and port reekans were uneducable because you turned their brains into creme brule with your lead patient. In 1978, the United States finally banned the sale of lead paint, and lead pipes were banned in the 1980s, but the damage was done. Lead was die thaied into millions of poor urban neighborhoods. It was part of the family, and it impacted real people like freddie gray. His mother and stepfather raised freddy and his siblings in a home so squalid, they won a settlement from the landlord over lead paint exposure. They made the connection to problems he ultimately had in school. I first thought about it and thought how can you be talking about lead paint . Were talking about how we lost this young man, but its all connect the. Thats right, pretty white lady, its all connected in the great white circle of poor people. Its called the super depressing deep dive. Everybody is awful have a nice day larry well, that was kepressing. Well be right back. cheers and applause wait, you shot that . She calls it, onions. Its beautiful. Put this on our homepage now. Can i have three tickets for onions please . This was like seeing the onion on a molecular level. This is talent. Why are we not representing it . tan bonitas 4k on an iphone, wake up people and the winner is. Onions. [cheering] Steady Morning Energy whether you. E play it cool. Hows it going . Or dont play it cool. Youre attractive i just. I didnt mean to come on so. I. Wasnt coming on to you i actually have a boyfriend. Belvita. Because we can all use Steady Morning Energy. By switching to xfinity x1. Rio Olympic Games show me gymnastics. X1 lets you search by sport, watch nbcs highlights and catch every live event on your tv with nbc sports live extra. Im getting ready. Are you . X1 will change the way you experience nbcuniversals coverage of the rio Olympic Games. Call or go online today to switch to x1. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. First up, nightly show contributor jordan carlos. cheers and applause and nightly show contributor grace parra. cheers and applause and you can catch him on the emperors new clothes the naked truth tour, welcome back comedian lewis black. And for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow using the hashtag tonightly. Okay, so, this past weekend, Hillary Clinton talked about who she saw in her future administration. Take a look. My husband, who im going to put in charge of revitalizing the economy because you know he knows how to do it. And. cheers and applause especially in places like coal country and inner cities and other parts of our country that have really been left out. laughter the other parts. Larry that was a loded sentence. Lewis, what is she telling us right now . Well, really, what shes saying is thats as far away as she could possibly get him, but hes still in the United States. laughter applause no one is going to, you know, appalachia. Theyre avoiding the inner cities and she cant make him the ambassador to, like, bora bora. Larry they asked if he was going to be in the cabinet . She said, no, i dont know what you were thinking. I was just making that up. Hello, im Hillary Clinton. Im not new to this. Is he going to be downtown hall . Whats his role . Listen, i love house of cards. I just dont want it to be, like, the real thing. Underwood is based on hillary and bill already. Larry people felt like they got a twoforone this time. Do you think thats the expectation this time . Its him. You cant underestimate him. You can talk about this, that, whatever he did, whatever happened. Nobody gives a bleep . Its him they love him i i i was in a room with him, you know you were . Not a small room another just tell me good touchbad touch. It was a party. Okay all right. He got up to speak, and, literally, he is you will buy anything the bleep wants to sell. I agree. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, he is the greatest he shoul should be on i was pg he would do late night ads, and i could just lick it up every night and buy all the bleep . laughter larry i think youre right he should do infomercials for the administration exactly. Larry i think it would be fantastic, actually. And sell saxophones on the side. Yes, yes. Larry do you think he runs the risk of overshadowing hillary because his persona is so big. I think shes being overshadowed by another older, graying man in the democratic party. Mr. Bernard q. Sanders is doing a good job. As much as i hate to say it, i think hillary is being overshadowed. Larry remember they said he had the bubba vote, which i think trump kind of had. Theyre really saying poor white people. Aint voting for obama. You know, i dont know. It depends on whether the bubba boat can get to the polls. laughter i mean, they got oh, it was yesterday i cant believe i drank that many bloody marys. laughter larry and i wonder about our relationship with the clintons goes back so far. Do you think we just need counseling in that relationship. Oh, my god. My god. Theyve got a contracted place there, clauses, there are outs. They know where each other are on the other end of the country. They have agreements. We need to grow up about her relationship. Larry people are overly interested in their relationship. We need to grow up it bit. With my parents, my dad watches tv upstairs and my mom watches tv downstairs and they will never be watching tv in the same place your parents may not be happy with you saying this. And they will be watching this on their separate tvs tonight. And then be like, jordan what the hell laughter im sorry, mom and dad larry thats kind of what theyre asking america right now. Theyre saying do you want to continue this relationship . Yes. I just wish theyd give them it would be like just an hour a week. Americans would pay to watch them number a room with a shrink. laughter thats another billion dollars. Im doing nothing but making money for this economy. Larry thats a great idea. I would watch that. Everyone would watch it at least the first episode. laughter larry i feel like hillary, her campaign seemed special in 2008. I mean, shes winning right now, so shes doing the right things. But do you oong do you think bill helps to add Something Special or does it kind of take it away . What do you think . I mean, we know them. We know them. We know these two. You know what i mean . Theyre not the bright, shiny young thing that Bernie Sanders is. He talks to us. We know him. The thing about hillary, which makes it impossible, is the fact she never went away. Everyone who ever runs for prat goes away. Richard nixon went away. Mitt romney didnt appear until, like, four weeks ago and then you go, wow oh, wow i forgot youre not so bad shes the one shes the one whos in the carpool with you for 10 bleep years. And every morning you got that cup of coffee and youre going, i cant believe i gotta pick her up again. laughter applause larry well be right back. cheers and applause i have a blog called daddy doing work, its funny that ive been in the news for being a dad. Windows 10 is great because i need to keep organized. School, grocery shopping. My face can unlock this computer. Thats crazy. Macbooks are not able to do that. Hey cortana, remind me we have a play date tomorrow at noon i need that in my world. Anything that makes my life easier, im using. And windows is doing that. Out here there is no me and no you, there is only us. And occasionally them. But then we turn this way, and its just us again. cheers and applause larry thanks to my panelists jordan carlos, grace parra, and the great lewis black. Thanks for watching, everyone good nightly chris its 11 59 and 59 seconds. This happened on Facebook Mike webb is running for congress in virginias eighth district. He recently posted a screenshot of his desktop to his facebook page. Oh look, hes got a lot of tabs open, hes clearly a busy guy. Quick poll anyone not know where this is going . Jack, turn on the thermal porn scan. Beep, beep, beep. [laughing] chris oh, no. Porn detected. Porn detected. [ applause ] chris we hav