never as unfit as some people. just kidding. >> oh, yeah. i take that as a shot. plus only in america, an eternity with elvis for a price. bill maher tonight starts now. good evening. piers morgan is off. i'm your guest host bill maher. tonight i'm talking to two guys who know no boundaries. first a take on family values. with the man behind one of the raunchiest comedies. family guy's seth mcfarlane. lance armstrong winning the tour de france seven times, beating cancer, but he's just getting started. how he's making a comeback as an ironman. that's coming up. we begin with a man who turned a foul mouth cartoon into a tv sensation. seth, i've never met you, have i? >> no. >> nothing up my sleeves. >> nothing at all. >> this is completely on the up and up. >> this is completely natural. there's nothing artificial about this at all. >> i read in your bio that you're a tv pioneer. i've heard pioneers get all the -- >> this is how it's going to be. this is going to be the hour. >> do you feel like you've gotten a lot of arrows for your raunchiness. you're so raunchy. you're a dirty, dirty man. >> we all try over there at "family guy's" cavalcade of cartoon comedy. >> there are things you can get away with in a cartoon you must admit? >> the first example that comes to mind is you can't joke about things like domestic violence in a live action show and we've done episodes where, you know, we have the whole family basically getting into -- they have an anger management seminar and getting into a brawl with peter hitting lois, lois hitting peter. >> no. >> and i don't think that would work with ray and deborah. >> ray romano, you mean. >> yeah. >> give me an example of a line from family guy or your other shows that could not be spoken by a live action person. >> gosh, you know, now you're putting me on the spot. >> okay. forget that. >> damn you all. damn you vile woman. damn you to hell. >> that's the baby talking. >> gosh, there was one this past week that -- i'll come up with something. >> believe me, i see it every week. every week i watch your show and i think, i can't believe he's getting away with that. there was one where it was really about incest with the child. >> yes. >> and peter griffin, of course as the cartoon man says, you know, if you don't like it there's the remote. >> yeah. yeah. as the cartoon man. >> as the cartoon man. so can we watch a clip? would you like to see a clip of some of your -- >> there's nothing i'd love more than to watch something i've seen a hundred times. >> this is you doing a number on jesus. >> how do we know you're really jesus? can you perform miracles? >> sure. how about this? >> oh, boy. sundaes. >> i love you, jesus. >> i love you. >> jesus, can you do something for me? >> sure, peter. what is it? >> now what kind of mail do you get after a thing like that? do you see your mail? >> they keep us from a lot of it. we get shielded. to me the most offensive thing about that clip, very subtly, is the fact that every time jesus does magic, it's like a hanna-barbera sound track. like that wacky jeanie. >> do you understand why people like you and i never win the emmy. >> yeah. yeah. >> do you think that has something to do with it? >> it's possible. an emmy to an atheist? >> i don't know if it's that specific, but i think the emmys do tend to make safe choices. >> you campaign for it. you want that emmy. >> we do and we don't. >> you're still in that phase. >> our campaigns over the last couple of years, i kind of feel like our time to be nominated has past. i don't think we're going to -- the millet that we sent out this year was pretty much -- i don't think we're going to win based on that. i don't think we'll get nominated. >> we figured if we're screwed any way, we might as well get some laughs, make our presence known. >> do you think the fact that you're politically outspoken plays a role in maybe not winning awards? >> it's possible. i don't know how the academy works. to this day i have no clue. i know they love "30 rock." >> and you don't? >> i do. i've recently become -- it took me a while. i was late to the party but i think it's very funny. there seems to be no rhyme or reason. audience popularity seem to play no role in the emmys. the show can be the biggest hit, not that it is, but a show can be the biggest hit on tv but it doesn't matter. >> what about longevity. family guy has been on 11 years. >> is it that long? >> it is by the calendar in my house. >> is it? >> i think it has been 11 years. >> time to wrap this up. you had a little time off. >> it's always hard. >> you don't want to wrap it up, do you? >> no. no. i mean, it's -- >> you'll go as long as they let you, won't you? >> i think at this point, yeah. >> you really should. >> there was a flap recently i made some comment, i think it might be time to wrap the show up and i took some crap for it. but i don't really -- i was musing. i don't think that was -- as long as people want to see it -- >> right. >> -- we should continue to make it. >> we do want to see it. let me ask you about politics. i know you care a lot. i don't think it's any seek you're for obama. but most progressives are to one degree or another, disappointed. are you disappointed? what are you disappointed in? >> i feel like if i knew -- if i was in those little rooms or those big rooms -- >> if you knew what he knew. >> if i knew what was going on i would be able to more effectively answer that question. i don't know because, you know, i remember talking to al franken at one point who said it's a lot harder than you think to get anything done. >> more than this? >> i went in there -- and he's, you know, in my opinion one of the -- you know -- >> funniest senators out there. >> exactly. he's able -- he's still -- he's a human being. you can sense that he sold out to the machine. he's a good guy. he's very candid about it. it's very hard to get things done. so i don't know. i think in the simplest -- >> but gay marriage, he turned on that. >> how much of that was biden? i don't know. >> at the end of the day he did seem to do the right thing. that's a big cause for you. >> of all the causes, not that we don't agree that that should have been done, but why that? >> good a time as any to make this announcement. >> no, i could vouch for that. you're not a homosexual. i wish. never happen. there's diseases, there's pestilence, poverty. >> is there still pestilence? >> maybe in beverly hills. >> thanks heavens we don't have to deal with any of that nonsense, do we? not behind the magnificently cultured shrubberies that adorn -- >> i am getting ahead of myself. at some point i want to ask you and i'm going to do it now. that's the voice of your little baby, stewie. you do peter and quagmire. how do you do it when they're all talking together in the same scene? >> well, when we do table reads for the shows i -- it's a necessity. i have to jump around. hey, quagmire. >> hey, peter. not much. what are you doing? >> doing roofie and chicks. >> you can do it back to back? >> yeah, of course. >> they can't talk over each other? >> no. that would be, that would be -- >> we'll never hear that on family guy. >> well, we do do a lot of that. we simulate that kind of improvisation but it's done in editing. >> so what do you think about the fact that this election is supposedly all about the economy but the culture wars sort of reared their ugly head. we have a lot of discussion about war on women but we talked about contraception in this election which i never thought would come up in 2012. >> yeah. >> you have to view a hologram of two buck before you can get an abortion? >> no, you're thinking about the vaginal probe. >> ah, yes, the vaginal probe. there are laws that have been proposed in a number of states to things like that. what is your -- >> that's -- that's -- that's where i feel disconnected with the rest of my species. i don't -- i can't begin to comment because i don't understand. it's a mindset that's so foreign to me. i don't get it. i have to think that a lot of it is, you know, you've talked about the outrage industry on your show. i think it's that we're just looking for things to rile people up about. i wonder how many people who are advocating those sorts of procedures truly believe that this is what we should be expending our energy on? >> and what should we -- i guess would you say the environment. you care about that. but i've also heard you say the government needs to force you to recycle? >> yeah. i do think that. there are things that -- it's the argument that -- relates to the argument that conservatives make when you say, gosh, we should tax the rich. then they say, why don't you write a check. because it's not enough. you know, if every rich guy was going to do that, great. but it's not going to happen. that's the government's job is to, like it or not, force us to do things that we don't want to do that will ultimately help us all. i'm sure i'll be called a socialist for that last comment. >> when conservatives hear that. when they hear governments -- >> that's how bridges stay up. >> that's exactly how bridges stay up. are you surprised that this race is as close as it is because people in hollywood are accused of living in their own bubble. they can't imagine why someone would vote for mitt romney but it didn't take him long since a nasty primary season ended where it seems like he was dead even with the president. >> i guess i am and not. we're so divided right now. we're as polarized as we've ever been. i'm not surprised. i'm always baffled by that assessment of hollywood thought. it's interesting that you have probably the most concentrated collection of people in the highest tax bracket who are also the most liberal. that's the only industry where that's the case. there's two reasons for that. one is that it's a business. for a lot of us the money is secondary and the work is first. you know, i want to do this project. it sounds fun. great, it pays well. it's an industry that more embodies the fruition of the american dream than any other. you have people who became millionaires overnight. it's the american dream. you have more in this industry than any other and they remember very recently scrambling paying, you know, $600 a month in rent. >> no corporate welfare. we make our own way. we are not socialists. >> yeah. >> when we come back i want to talk to you about where you got your start. i think it's earlier than most people got theirs. ♪ he's a family guy [ female announcer ] roam like the gnome this summer. it's the travelocity spring into summer sale. you can save up to 50% on select hotels and vacation packages. so book your summer vacation now and save up to 50%. offer ends soon. book right now at travelocity.com. look at this mess. darth vader is going to be here. should we clean this place up? >> no, he won't mind. >> well, well, princess leia. are you prepared to tell me what you've done with the stolen plans? >> you win. i've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases. >> okay. okay. i'm feeling number 14. let's go with number 14. it's okay. i'm just happy to be on tv. okay. so that was your tribute to -- i remember when that played. that was a whole hour episode, right? >> yeah. yeah. >> because that was, for some reason, something that was very influential in your childhood, "star wars," right? >> yeah. you know, my generation, you know, grew up with that. like it or not, we all know it backwards and forwards. >> i was more of a star -- >> i never understood it. i never understood the appeal. i know that he is sacrilege. >> i was secretly maybe more of a "star trek" guy myself. i feel so traitorous saying that. >> you can't have both? >> you can have both. >> you can be a space 1999 guy. star wars, star trek, star search. why aren't obama and romney talking about this? as long as we're dealing with -- >> it might. it might come up in the debates. >> it might, right. getting back to your childhood you were only 2 when you started drawing cartoons. that seems very precocious. i would watch woody wood pecker, fred flintstones. my parents saved sketches that i did that are crude but oddly recognizable. there's one now. >> how old were you when you made that? >> two years old. most kids are playing with their poop at that age. did you feel like you -- >> well, guess what. wait till i tell you what that was drawn with. >> and you didn't feel particularly comfortable as a child i'm guessing because you were so advanced. you wanted to probably get to adult hood. >> that was -- that's pretty much right on the money. i remember, you know, knowing exactly what i wanted to do about the age of five and it was almost a nuisance having to get through childhood and adolescence to get there. that's where my parents were good at kind of walking the line of support and at the same time saying, you're going to be glad that you read jude the obscure. >> they did see a cash cow in the making. >> oh, yeah. >> i think we have your earlier student films. can we roll that and show the people what you were doing when you were a little older? >> a totally new world rife with challenges for a young whipper snapper like myself? >> what do you think they eat. >> something like space jerky or something. >> because shatner's absolutely getting fed fairly well. somebody's seeing to that. >> amazingly similar to what we see every week. it is not that far off from what it grew up to be. >> one trick pony right there. >> how old were you when you made -- >> i was, what, 20? >> what do you think of shows like american idol and all the singing contests on tv? >> i've maybe seen american idol twice. i saw star search a lot when i was a kid. >> i mentioned it before. it was the granddaddy of those kinds of shows. >> contest shows in general, reality shows in general i don't have the patience for. >> what with procedural crime shows? >> i'm joking, of course. >> tough to get into. >> this is the divide between hollywood and the rest of america. >> csi is the biggest thing in the world. >> not anything that either one of us has ever seen. >> it wasn't that long ago that episodic tv was the way to do it. you would tell one isolated indiana story every week. it didn't matter if you missed a few as long as you knew the characters. that's something that is part of the reason that television dramas are having a tough time. you have to get people invested in the characters before you start saying, all right, stick around every week. >> they want to tease them to what's coming up next. >> yes. >> coming up next we're going to find out what seth is doing in his next big movie project. you won't believe it. ♪ it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ all fresh and values on which we used to rely ♪ i met a girl. >> nice. >> she's a cashier. >> what i'd like to do to her, something i call a dirty fozzie ♪ ♪ how you like me now? >> okay. all right. that's where we'll draw the line. >> so that's from your movie "ted" which ones opens on june 29th. >> yeah. >> i think myself and all your fans you have around the world are expecting big things from that. that looked funny. you are that bear? >> yeah. yeah. >> you're in that bear costume? >> yes. i'm in the bear costume. i have enormous amounts of surgery done to get in there and @ i met a girl. >> nice. >> she's a cashier. >> what i'd like to do to her, something i call a dirty fozzie ♪ ♪ how you like me now? >> okay. all right. that's where we'll draw the line. >> so that's from your movie "ted" which ones opens on june 29th. >> yeah. >> i think myself and all your fans you have around the world are expecting big things from that. that looked funny. you are that bear? >> yeah. yeah. >> you're in that bear costume? >> yes. i'm in the bear costume. i have enormous amounts of surgery done to get in there and then enormous amounts of surgery to get out. >> that was mark wahlberg. i recognize him. what is this movie about? you play a bear with mark walhberg? >> yes. it's sort of what happens after the disney fairy tale is over. it begins in a very classic fairy tale fashion where mark as a young boy makes a wish that his favorite teddy bear would come alive and talk to him and imaginally it happens. and the movie takes place three decades later when he's now an adult. he's got a job. he's got a girlfriend. the bear is still with him. gets high with him. drinks his beer. basically makes his life -- basically keeps him in adolescence. >> so if you were pitching it, something meets something, what would it be? >> it's you, me, and dupre with fuzz. >> we want people to see it so let's not use that. mila kunis is in it. who does she play? >> the love interest of walhberg. >> so you don't get the girl? >> no. no. i do not. ted gets a girl. >> let's move on to some of your other projects. we keep hearing that you're going to redo the flintstones. because seem a little obsessed with the flintstones. >> that kind of went south. >> it did? >> yeah. >> we're never going to see that? >> at some point in the future you may. at the moment it was -- it was the tipping point of work for me. i couldn't squeeze it in. it was a deal that was kind of begun four years ago. it took a while to work out all the details and by the time it was all done my schedule just wouldn't permit it. >> peter griffin on "family guy" is not unlike fred flintstone. >> it's kind of the other problem. >> is it? >> there were a number of -- >> i'm glad you said that. >> there were a number of issues. the predominant issue was schedule. it was a challenge to -- you know, in a world where there are so many animated fathers on television who can trace their cartoon lineage directly back to fred flintstone, where does fred flintstone fit in himself? >> what about "cosmos?" i remember this show. this was a pbs show. you're a science nut. you rail do know your science. you're bringing that back on fox? >> yeah. yeah. >> right on regular tv? >> yeah. >> what can people look forward to with that show? >> fans of the original will know more or less what to look for. if you've never seen the original, you haven't heard of it. >> a lot of them are dead so -- but why don't you tell us. >> the way sagan described it. >> carl sagan, i had him as a professor at cornell. astronomy 101. he was almost never there. but i officially had him -- he was off doing johnny carson. >> busy guy. >> great guy one of your heroes? >> absolutely. one of the very influential writer -- the last guy to really bridge the gap between science and -- between academia and -- >> is that a word, academia? >> academia. >> i've only seen that word written. but between academia and popular culture. and that person has not -- >> and his widow andrean. >> who wrote "cosmos" with him is in it. >> she's writing it and stephen. >> and neil degrast heistan who is the successor. >> the popularizer of science of our time. >> i think you as i do believe that you can't really reconcile, as so many people do, science and religion. >> it's hard. >> it's one or the other, right? >> the problem is that, you know, if i tell you, hey, there's a monster living under my bed, you would say, well, that sounds ridiculous, seth, give me proof. i say, well, you have to take it on faith that i'm telling the truth. you would call me crazy. with the invisible man living in the sky we are essentially asked to do just that, take it on faith, and yet a lot of us say that it's -- we do -- we do exactly that. >> you think mormonism, which is of course the religion of mitt romney, do you think that's fair game in this election? i know that mitt romney doesn't want it out there, obama doesn't want to be accused of bringing it out. but americans don't know what is really in the mormon beliefs. >> i don't really -- as long as they can separate it. most politicians are -- odds are going to be religious. most americans are. i don't really care that mitt romney was a mormon. >> there was an article in "the new york times" where he said that he makes decisions rationally but then sometimes changes his mind because he feels god wants him to do something else. >> well then that's a problem. puts a different paint job on things. jimmy carter, for example, born again christian. >> great guy. >> great guy. >> never fired a shot as president. >> no. no. yeah. there's an example of a guy who, you know, clearly we both have enormous respect for. >> right. >> very religious man. i think that there can be a co-existence in america between agnostics, atheists, and religious people, let's all keep it where it belongs and not bring it into -- you know, bring it into the workplace. >> well, i thank you for coming into our workplace, mr. seth mcfarlane. you are always an entertaining and enlightening fellow. i have to kiss you goodbye right now. >> thanks for having me. >> good luck with all of your projects. "ted" opens on the 29th of june. coming up, lance armstrong on his latest challenge. religious people, let's all keep it where it belongs and not bring it into -- you know, bring it into the workplace. >> well, i thank you for coming into our workplace, mr. seth mcfarlane. you are always an entertaining and enlightening fellow. i have to kiss you goodbye right now. >> thanks for having me. >> good luck with all of your projects. "ted" opens on the 29th of june. coming up, lance armstrong on his latest challenge. tour de france champion lance armstrong has a lot of big projects on his plate.er on soft. and tea parties. i'll have more awkward conversations than i'm equipped for because i'm raising two girls on my own. i'll worry about the economy more than a few times before they're grown. but it's for them, so i've found a way. who matters most to you says the most about you. massmutual is owned by our policyholders so they matter most to us. massmutual. we'll help you get there. tour de france champion lance armstrong has a lot of big projects on his plate. he's in hawaii training for the ironman triathlon. he joins me from hawaii. lance, tell me exactly what exactly is the ironman. i think i know but i'm frequently wrong about these things. >> the actual ironman is a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and a marathon which there's now probably 50 of those around the world. then there's a whole series of half ironmans which is exactly half the distance. then the olympic distance is about a mile swim, 25 mile bike, and a 10 k run. >> and i'm assuming you do this over the course of a month? >> no. i'm joking. you do this altogether back to back? that seems like a lot of exercise. are you an exercise nut? >> i'm -- yeah, it's one of those things i sort of can't live without, i guess. >> it can be a little addictive, can't it, to get that kind of high from getting your body in peak shape and have you ever been in bad shape in your whole life? >> yeah. yeah, i've been in bad shape, but, i mean, never as unfit as some people. i'm just kidding. >> oh, yeah. i take that as a shot. no, i'm certainly -- i don't think anybody's in the kind of shape you're in but -- so let me ask you about something that i know is dear to your heart that's a little further away from your normal workout routine and the triathlon, which is your interest in prop 29 which is anti-smoking legislation. it will come up here in california very soon. tell the folks, first of all, what is prop 29? what is it asking for? >> prop 29 is a price increase in a pack of cigarettes in the state of california. it takes it about from an 85 cent tax to $1. there's a $1 increase. with that increase the state raises anywhere from 750 to $900 million a year for cancer research to be spent in california. also alongside that you have a tremendous benefit when it comes to people never smoking and people ultimately quitting smoking. the fact of the matter is that tobacco-related diseases in the state cost california about $9 billion a year. >> i think we all agree that smoking is bad. i certainly regret more than anything in my life the 20 stupid years i spent smoking, and i'm so glad i quit 16 years ago. but i just wanted to ask, do you think there's a sort of persecution that sometimes happens to smokers. yes, it's a bad habit. so is too much drinking and eating bad food. it seems like we're always putting it on the smoker. >> we always hear that argument a lot. i think it is important to understand that tobacco-related diseases, heart disease or lung cancer, are considered orphan diseases. if people look at those and say, you chose to smoke. i look at those things differently. you're dealing with an addictive substance and habit. it's our responsibility to find cures and ways around these addictions. whether it's people never smoking, which we obviously know that price increases do help when it comes to young people, but also finding $800 or $900 million in california can help to offset the costs that tobacco-related diseases cause. we all think it's a great investment over time. >> okay. i know there's a parity ad that was made in support of getting this passed. i think it will be controversial. >> this june. california supports big tobacco. >> i support big tobacco because i love their ads. so do my kids. >> i support big tobacco because they killed my wife and that's one less mouth to feed. >> that's pretty strong stuff. it kind of reminds me of some of the pictures they put on cigarette packs to get people to stop smoking. i think some people would say ends justify means. do you agree with that? >> yeah. well, it's certainly safe to say that the gloves are off here. we are a relatively small coalition of partners, not just my foundation, but the american cancer society, american heart association, american lung association. we don't have the means to fight them. they're going to spend $40, $50, perhaps $60 million. all the while they're going to place it in with ads that are hardly even recognizable that it's a big tobacco add. they're out to protect their business. when you consider the reality of what this will do to tobacco sales in california, it's a fight. >> what about the government? they have sued the tobacco industry before and gotten hundreds of millions of dollars. they've taken a lot of money from the tobacco industry over the years in campaign contributions and whatnot. if tobacco, cigarettes are really so bad, they are of course, why don't they just outlaw them. if ketchup had half the carcinogens in it, they'd rip it off the shelf tomorrow. >> i don't know the exact ins and outs. of d.c. like people like yourself. obviously you have a group of companies. let's call it big tobacco in general. they have tremendous power. they have tremendous money. they have a huge budget to do a lot of things. that's just the way that it's evolved and business is done. it's unfortunate, but i tell you, being involved in this fight just from my perspective and my foundation's perspective, this is as political as i've ever seen it. i came in to this as a cancer survivor and thinking to myself, we've got to do something to alleviate people suffering from this disease. next thing you know, you're involved in something that's turned quite nasty. >> i want to talk about that connection between your own struggle with cancer, this, obesity with your friendship with george w. bush. a couple more things when we come back with lance armstrong. it's the little things in life that make me smile. spending the day with my niece. i don't use super poligrip for hold because my dentures fit well. before those little pieces would get in between my dentures and my gum and it was uncomfortable. even well-fitting dentures let in food particles. super poligrip is zinc free. with just a few dabs, it's clinically proven to seal out more food particles so you're more comfortable and confident while you eat. so it's not about keeping my dentures in, it's about keeping the food particles out. [ charlie ] try zinc free super poligrip. i decided to quit. >> lance. >> quit. >> once i was thinking about quitting when i was diagnosed with brain, lung, testicular cancer all at the same time, but with the love and support of my friends and family, i got back on the bike and i won the tour de france five times in a row. >> i'm sure you have a good reason to quit. >> that was from 2004 dodge ball. that is a funny movie. it's a little dated there, lance. at that point you had only won the tour de france five times and you've actually won it seven, didn't you? >> at the time, only five of them. man, today your show is stacked with hollywood stars and actors. it's amazing. >> well, i got one here right now. so let's talk a little bit about how you beat cancer and, actually, i'd love to hear your thoughts on the phrase "beat cancer" because when someone does not survive cancer it makes them sound like, what, they lost? what do you think is it that allowed you to prevail in this obviously existential struggle and where maybe somebody else does not. is it a mental thing? >> i think there's certainly a mental part to this. everybody approaches it a different way. obviously the mind and the spirit is very important for most people, but, listen, these diseases are all so different. we're talking about -- you talk about cancer, you talk about the umbrella of this disease. you're really talking about hundreds and hundreds of different types of malignancies. my illness is very different from a lady down the street who dies of breast cancer. an older man down the street who dies of prostate cancer. senator kennedy dies of a brain tumor. they'll be treated differently, researched differently and ultimately cured differently. i agree with you. i don't think anybody ever views this as beating -- i mean, obviously we want to beat cancer in general and a lot of people say that i beat cancer, but, listen, i'm 15 years into this thing. there's nothing that says in year 16 it doesn't come back. or i get another type of cancer. i never live in fear but i always live with respect of this disease. i think most people treat it that way too. i know tennis players, professional tennis players told me if you watch anyone and you can never tell which ones were the real champions. maybe probably -- same thing in basketball. michael jordan, did he have greater physical skills than any other basketball player? no, most people would say it was a mental edge. i think of somebody like magic johnson who obviously has prevailed in his fight against aids. and maybe there is something to that mindset of an athlete when you're fighting a disease. >> well, as i said, i mean, i do think that there is a part of that of course. trying to beat metastatic cancer is much more difficult than trying to beat roger federer or play against lebron james or do anything sports related. but look, the therapy is hard. surgeries are hard. radiation is hard. all these things are hard. as you're dealing with this, you have to get in this position where you're -- you're just moving along. not just yourself, but your friends and your family and recruit your doctors and nurses and all the people around you, create this positive environment. i mean, that's exactly what i did throughout that time. >> right. and as an athlete who beat the competition year after year after year, would you say that was because you were in better physical shape or do you think they were all in great shape and you just wanted it more? i would imagine that when you're cycling for as long as you guys do it, it's a lot of it is just simply a matter of getting through pain. is it not just painful at a certain point? >> it depends how you describe pain, but our sport can have a lot of different types of pain. but the fact i'm 41 years old, yes, even though the clip in "dodge ball" is outdated i have won the tour de france seven times and i have decided to come out to the big island of hawaii and be competitive in the ironman. >> do you still go cycling with your friend, george w. bush, do you see him when you're in texas? >> you know, i saw the former president about a year ago. he asked he to go ride with him on a wounded warriors ride down in the big bend in texas. i went down there and i knew -- i had heard your tease a second ago. i knew i'd get grief about that, but i went up to his ranch and, where is it, crawford, it was 200 million degrees out. he got a kick out of the bike ride and i said, listen, i need another $1 billion for the national cancer institute and that's -- that's the way it goes. so it's my responsibility as a cancer survivor to show up to those things and regardless of where we all fall, you and i have had this discussion other times too. i was there as a survivor and trying to get more money for the organization and out fighting this disease. >> absolutely. and no apologies necessary. lance, i'm here on cnn, i'm completely neutral about all politicians and all presidents. i don't know who george w. bush is. good luck there in the triathlon. >> thank you. coming up next, something uh-oh. [ male announcer ] when diarrhea hits, kaopectate stops it fast. powerful liquid relief speeds to the source. fast. [ male announcer ] stop the uh-oh fast with kaopectate. coming up next, something that piers likes to call "only in america." a special opportunity for the ultimate elvis fan. she was a nanny when she started a school for aids orphans in her native malawi. she is now joined forces with two other honorees. he was recognized in 2010 for his work feeding school children around the globe. >> he started his organization in malawi. i just asked him to consider us. >> i was very struck by her. i felt we were people who could work together. >> today the organization marries meals provides free porridge to all 400 students. >> his support means the children always have something to eat. he is a strength to me. >> 2010 honoree evans makes solar lanterns for rural african communities. evans visited the school and recently his team taught them to build their own lamps. >> for the family, it cuts the costs. to the children it is helping them to study. "only in america." it's his british perspective on life in the u.s. but i'm not british. although i did see "the kings speech." so i'll give this a try. tonight, it's all about another king. the king, elvis. there is some people out there, bless them, who genuinely believe that the king is up there right now in the blue suede shoes and white suit looking down on us while doing round house kicks with big foot. 35 years after his death, his legions of fans are still mourning the loss. for those who have money to burn there's a special piece of elvis memorabilia they can call their own. his crypt. yes, an auction house is putting the icon's original resting place for sale next month. he spent two months in this subtle tasteful tomb before being sent to graceland for more dignity. the bidding starts at $100,000. the auction house calls the crypt a highly sought after item and investment in the future. and that's exactly what it is. like a mutual bond. only crazy. to the person who has the money to move into elvis' crypt, take this cash and put it to better use.