Stephen youre wearing lavender and Peach Blossom perfume. No, sir. I think thats the glade plugin youre smelling. laughter stephen ah, yes, freshness all day. Still hunting President Trump . Do you know him . Stephen i do. We were golfing buddies once. We ate our caddy, turned him into a taco bowl with a nice diet coke. Pfpfpfpfpfpf. laughter doctor, what can you tell me about the president . Stephen you already have the answers. What is his nature . What does he do, this man you seek . Hes hes an idiot who says the first thing that comes to mind. Stephen no, that is incidental. Quid pro quo, clarice. Tell me your worst memory of the election. One night, on a tuesday donald trump won the presidency, and then i heard a strange noise. It sounded like a scream, like some kind of screaming. Stephen what did you do . I crept into the living room. The tv was on. I was so scared. So scared. Msnbc, the anchors, they were crying. They were crying. Stephen thank you, clarice. Now its your turn, doctor, quid pro quo. Stephen what evidence do you have on donald trump so far . Well, the 12 indictments against manafort and gates, sir. Flynn pleading guilty. Kremlin intermediaries reaching out to the trump campaign. Unreported meetings with the russian ambassador. The meeting between donald trump jr. And the russian lawyer. The messages between donald trump, jr. And wikileaks. Trump calling on russia to find clintons missing emails, sir. Stephen wait, what . Seriously, you have all that already . What do you need me for . I want to come in there with you. laughter stephen you know i eat people, right . Its kind of my thing. Yeah, but it seems safer in there than it does out here. laughter stephen very well. Can i eat your kidney . I got two. I dont see why not. Stephen okay, great, ill fire up the grill its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Plus, stephen welcomes jodie foster with a special appearance by tom hanks and run the jewels. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey cheers and applause thank you very much. Thank you hey, everybody please, youre very kind. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause very nice, very nice group of people. Happy friday, everybody. Doesnt it feel great . cheers and applause getting so close. Getting close to the end of the year, and everybodys working on their resolutions. Mine is for america to knuckle down and maybe pick our own president next time. cheers and applause donald trump donald trump donald trump continues to deny any russian interference in the 2016 election. Now, the Washington Post published a massive article yesterday, and we learned that in january trumps advisers begged him to accept the findings of the Intelligence Community about russian interference. As one aide remembers, this was part of the normalization process. There was a big effort to get him to be a standard president. Good luck laughter if you can get him to accept that russia hacked the election, see if you can get him to accept who won the civil war. laughter jon oh oh cheers and applause stephen im not sure. Im not sure. But trump is far from standard. I mean, hes one of a kind. Though, i will say, eric does look kind of like a failed clone. laughter maybe someone spilled a little bleach in the petri dish or something. Im not sure. After trump was told his own cabinet members had already backed the Intelligence Report trump shot back, so what . Admitting that the kremlin had hacked Democratic Party emails he said, was a trap. And Mitch Mcconnell agreed. Its a trap laughter stephen and applause yeah. Got to. Got to. He looks good i got to say, he looks good. Jon he looks good. Stephen i dont know. He got a tan somewhere along the line. And nearly a year into his presidency, trump has never convened a cabinetlevel meeting on russian interference or what to do about it though, he and Michael Flynn did once get together to shop for thank you cards. Ive got one right here. Thank you for putin me in office. And cheers and applause thats nice. Thats very nice. The post article also claims that privately, Vladimir Putin is thrilled. For one, its estimated that the whole plan cost less than 500,000 to execute. That is nothing to him. Putin is reportedly the richest man in the world. He spends more than that on chest wax and nipple sharpeners. laughter of course he can kill you with his nipple. Dont dont dont think thats not true. Of course, there may be a reason trump doesnt care about preserving our democracy. Its that he doesnt know how to vote. You see, last month in new york, here in the city, we had an election for mayor, and the president voted absentee, but his ballot did not count because he got his own birthday wrong. laughter i tell you, i cant remember when i was born. I demand that i release my long form birth certificate. I think i was born in kenya. Thats what im hearing. People are telling me. Its got to be. cheers and applause i i got i dont i i no idea if that has anything to do with that. Now, heres the thing trump was born on june 14, 1946, but his ballot application lists his birth month as july. So he made himself a full month younger. Watch out, ladies laughter seriously, watch out. Hes a monster. laughter dont go near him. Hell grab you. cheers and applause but heres the crazy thing trump isnt the only member of his family who doesnt know how to vote because melania, ivanka, and jareds Mayoral Election votes also did not count melania incorrectly wrote in her address. Under county, the first lady wrote in u. S. A. Rather than new york. Then she failed to sign the inner envelope not to mention what she put on the outer envelope. laughter applause its like those notes you get in chinese toys. And ivanka did not mail her ballot until election day. Im sure theyll get it in time, because i dont know how mail works. laughter i made no attempt to do an impression of her, none at all. laughter as for jared kushner, he failed to even bother to send his in. Its too bad. It might have been his last chance, because i dont think they let you vote from prison. cheers and applause jon cold blooded stephen do they . I dont think they do. Jon i dont think they do. Stephen of course, the holidays are upon us, ladies and gentlemen, and one of my favorite parts is christmas movies, whether its miracle on 34th street, or a christmas story, or Martin Scorseses shutter island. laughter they never explicitly say it doesnt take place during christmas. laughter and in recent years, theres been a slew of new christmas cinema. Im talking about the romantic tv movies put out by lifetime and hallmark with titles like hitched for the holidays, and 12 dates of christmas, a princess for christmas, a bride for christmas, and a boyfriend for christmas. If you watch them all in a row you might need a lobotomy for christmas. laughter but you have got to be careful with your binge because netflix had a viral tweet about their own film, writing, to the 53 people whove watched a christmas prince every day for the past 18 days who hurt you . laughter they they thats that is thats funny because they watch everything we do. But i mean, i get it. It would be crazy for someone to watch a christmas prince every day. I mean, how many times do you need to see the story of amber a careeroriented Young Journalist who travels to the european nation of aldovia and goes undercover as a tutor for the royal familys young daughter, only to find herself falling in love with the misunderstood and sensitive prince who she loves for who he is, unlike that ambitious lady sofia. And, oh, my god, its makeover time and amber looks so gorgeous in her ball gown, but of course shes wearing sneakers underneath because shes still a little bit rock n roll. And then the christmas prince finds out shes really a journalist, and she gets caught up in aldovias bitter succession scandal, which is the story of the century, but she cant use the christmas prince to further her career, to further her career, and its, like, will she choose her job, or the christmas prince, or can she have it all . cheers and applause my heart is racing. You cant youd have to be crazy to be obsessed with that. laughter but the netflix tweet went viral, so its only a matter of time before other Big Companies start using our information to make fun of us. Pretty soon, well get a tweet from amazon that says, dave johnson of eau claire, wisconsin, just ordered a subpar leaf blower. What a dingus. laughter and this ad from google home hey, brian, we only recorded you and beth having sex once this month. Everything okay . laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Jodie foster is here. cheers and applause and we have a special, never beforeseen comedy bit with mr. Tom hanks. Plus, the premiere of my Christmas Song with run the jewels. Stick around try the deoderant saving millions of clothes. Degree ultraclear black white. No yellow stains on white clothes. No white marks on black clothes. It wont let you down. Dayo, dayyyyyoooo. Wake up early, im 85 and i wanna go home just got a job as a lifeguard in savannah im 85 and i wanna go home dj nana 85 and i wanna go trade, kiddo. Hows your cafe au lait . Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoy good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. cheers and applause everybody ladies and gentlemen, happy friday. Tonight is a twotime Academy Awardwinning actress and captivating audiences for over five decades. Please welcome jodie foster. cheers and applause phen they are a lovely audience. Not like some of those other is the best audience in television right here. cheers and applause wow. Stephen thanks for being here. Its lovely to meet you. U all the time. Stephen oh, thank you very much. Im a i watch most of it on my phone. Stephen sure, sure. Thats what people do these days. Cause its smaller and looks like i lost weight. laughter weve been watching you in the public eye since you were the i was at three. Stephen at three years old. I was. In the 60s and there you know, the advertisement with the little girl i just in case you were wondering. Stephen all right. Im just evision baby. Okay, well, could have gotten it. laughter you know, in various forms on various media for 50 years. The or e best got to know you was silence of the cheers and applause stephen when is the last time you w ah, i guess it was a couple of years ago. My sons hadnt seen it. They w celebration, and they they had a 35millimeter print in a saw it in the real theater. Stephen had they not seen it because you didnt want them toovie, or they didnt want to see the movie . They were too young. My older one, i think, ht my little one stephen because its really scary. Er i guess so. Thats what people say. I dont see it. But, yes. Stephen you dont see the scary part . No. Stephen you saw how it was made and you were like, no, i get him in the end. Yeah, its kind of like stephen we all know youre going to get him in the end and we all think its scary, right . Yes its interesting because theres less violence and blood and all that other kind of stuffit still gets you. Stephen Hannibal Lecter does cut a mans face off and wear it as his own face. laughter anthony hopkins, of course, is Hannibal Lecter, a wonderful was he was he intimidating on set . Always sort of in his creepy character . Well, he scar the first part of the movie without him there. So i had never rea table and we were never able to talk and having heard him do a to talk to him again. laughter partition between lecter and clarice. Stephen sure. To his cell block on the very first day, so i never got to talk to him. And we did the very first scene without being able to speak to each and so then i was just was like we never spoke to each other duringwhen you see him now . Well, the last day of fish sandwich which is the part i remember and he said, i said, well, you know, you scared me. laughter stephen why did you scare him . Do you know . I dont know maybe thats a little telling about anthony hopkins. That was one of the things asgrew u south, that accent is spot on. Is it . Ig you must have gotten kudos for that, right . I guess so. I mean, character is a full thing its the little sweater, big hair. That down, little sweater. laughter g movies for over 50 years. Do they still do movies still wow you . Youve been an actor for many years or do you look at the no, im especially wowed by actors. I just i d every time i do a movie as a director and my actors come forward im always just im in awe of what they do, and then i forget that i do that, stephen funny you should say that, because i had a chance to meet just a moment. We talked for mayb and i immediately asked him about how he started off. And he told me about doing the lion in winter which was hise hepburn. And he said the very first day the very first scene, katharine how and she gave him advice about how to work on camera. Do you do that . Who has never been on camera before and say, this is how you i work with people all the time who had never been on camera. And im a terrible person to asknt to juilliard. I feel like i dont have any credentials as an actress. stephen only work. Yeah thats it. I sort of, you know, learned on and i have my own way of doing things. And i you know, sometimes my advice is like, you know, makecause if you stand up for too long, your feet are going to hurt. laughter thats really all i have to contribute. laughter pretty much. Private person, which is a good thing, you know, if youre in the public eye to keep your person l a tiny peek in t whats jodie foster doing for fun . What do i do for fun . I really like football. Im almost embarrassed. Stephen what position do you play . I try not to play. I do you know, i have a bunch of stephen who is your team . Green bay. Stephen okay. Not having a great year. I think thats a little too personal, actually. laughter ally love the cheese heads. I like to wear those. Stephen sure, who doesnt . I like fantasy. I like the fantasy. I like all the alerts in my pocket, and i like strategizing. Lay fantasy football . Yeah. I didnt play this year. Theres a lot going on in politics and can handle. laughter yeah, so i just wanted to have this year football is second and, you know stephen you went to a school where you had to learn frencht school, was that sacred heart . It was lycee francas de los angeles. Stephen okay, thats fancy i do. I have friends who l and my nieces and nephews live there, so i speak french with them. S speaking french unless you run into french people. You know speaking french have you seen translations of your movies into french and gone in french accent i actually dubbed my movies in french most of my life. Stephen you do yousilenchoof the lambs in french . Le silence des agneaux. Y. No, it doesnt really work. Stephen sounds like a delicious dish. laughter ight, we have the silence of the lambs. laughter laughter but so delicious. Um, weve got to take a little break, but well be right back with morounddi are cream conditioners bringing your hair down . Switch to new pantene light as air foam conditioner full of rich prov nutrients. 0 weight. New pantene. Foam conditioner. elevator speaker going down. Oh no. Is. Camp jenkins . Maybe this will my funky place. alexa playing your music. Remember our dance . Yeah, im not peter. Alexa, note to self. Take the stairs next time. Get a free when you buy a moto z2. Available at major carriers. Plaque psoriasis can be relentless. Your plaques are always there at the worst times. With itcfortable is unacceptable. Im ready. Tremfya® works differently for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. With tremfya®, you can get clearer and stay clearer. In at 28 weeks. Stayed clearer through 48 weeks. Tremfya® works better than humira® more patients were symptom free with tremfya®. Tremfya® may lower your ability to fight infections, before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections tell your doctor if you have an infection or have symptoms such as fever, sweats, chills, before starting tremfya® tell your doctor if you plan to ask your doctor about tremfya®. Tremfya®, because you deserve to s janssen wants to help you explore cost support options for tremfya®. This is google home max. Its a speaker thats smart. So if you want to feel all the layers of that acoustic version you love. Or if you just want to bump the bass. Hey google, you might not ever come down. song by Anderson Paak and then ask it hey google turn it all the way up. Introducing part of the google home family. hey, everybody were back with our friend jodie foster. You grew up in the public eye. You grew up in hollywood. There is sort of a public awakening becaus do you see this as a moment that you think can change what the culture is like in movies, making television, and the way women are treated or marginalized or ob well, its an extraordinary moment in history. It really is. Its a watershed moment. The film industry. Of course, its every industry every workplace. Um. I really hate sound bites. Im not good at sound bites. Im somebody who talks for a really long tiurs and hours. Stephen well edit you. So, i havent really wanted to add yet another opinion into the mix because i feel like now we really need people need to id love to hear complexity about it. And cheers and applause i feel like theres stephen what is the complexity . What do you mean differentiation between different well, what now . You know . Whats the next step . Important in the beginning, and certainly to finally hear voicesoving forward and embracing feminism and womens around for a while, but now i really want to hear i want to know, what are we going to do . How are we all what it should be . If you could wave a wand, what would the next step be . Ned om other social Justice Movements its that you cant attack a just be legislation. It cant just be rules. Because somebody gets a rule, a blacks can vote, and theyre couldnt. I dont accept that. I think that theres i think that you have have to have a so, if there was, like, a summit where we all got together and shared all of our stories and were able to, in a really complicated way, talk about the dynamics that weve all grown up with, that the things that made us who we are, that made us men, that made us women, i mean, that would be a good thing. applause stephen thats a long process. Yeah. Stephen that will be a long, long process. Its a long process. But, you know, i really i really love i really admired desmond tutus truth and reconciliation after apartheid that idea that, you know, the injustices had happened for so long, and theyd been so deep, and had so many hundreds of years, that the kind of healing that you needed to have, had to happen between people and ne of the story. And being able to lo their hand, and i think thats whats missing, really, is a theside of the equation. Stephen well, right now, were hearing some of the truth. Reconciliation happens. Yeah, me, too. Iation . Because right now it is someone is credibly accused, thankfully the women are believed, and then and presently, the person know, has just disappears. Well, thats when we saw all these beautiful narratives by i was just so proud of the women details of how they processed what had happened to them. To see the men on the other side. I would love to see how theyrt in all of this was. Stephen whats happening volume is heartening and the speed might be trawling over a pr i mean, there isnt probably a woman in this room, certainly or in the world who d and probably im just going to go out on a limb here i th would be just for it to stop. Happ. cheers and applause so that they can so that that we can all go on and do things like, stephen direct movies. Direct movies and be parents and have fun with the peopleoure working with, the guys that youre working with. They would just like it to stop. Have directed some great movies and now youre directing an episod yes stephen we have a clip here. Before we run the clip can you tell us what the episode is about . Oh the clip the episode is about,heme of technology. This is a motherdaughter story. Child safe. She has all of the paranoias and she would like she finds this device that allows her to figure out a way to keep her child safe, and it may require an implaand she is going right now shes going for it. Stephen and shes goingd chipped. Since sarah will be part of the trial period. Its been tested though right . Pig. Yes, its all fully tested and perfectly safe. Were getting feedback on which features their customers use most in the real world. Response so far is justof mind. I mean, the stories weve been hearing, te okay, then. Stephen now, as a parent yeah, its creep but as a parent, you can understand the draw, right . Sure Steph Stephen why not . Thats what cell phones are for. Thats true. Yeah. Well, black mirror is beautiful, a bea its sort of like the Twilight Zone each episode is a cast, place in the world. My particular episode feels like a very small indie film abouails between a mother and a daughter. , i lo thank you so much for being here. Yeah. cheers and applause returns to netflix december 29. Jodie foster, everybody stick around because im going to get inside a box with tom hanks. Thank you of the water. Hydro boost from neutrog with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounba neutrogena® depression is a tangle of multiple symptoms that can make you sad, feel tired and have difficulty concentrating. Trintellix is a Prescription Medication for depression. It may help you take a step forward in improving your depression. Tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. Do not take with maois. Tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications to avoid a potentially lifethreatening condition. Increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers aspirin or blood thinners. May occur in some people. May cause low sodium levels. The most common side effects and vomiting. Ask your healthcare professional if its time for a change to trintellix. When was the last time you had a great lunch . Chilinches cause lunch is back, baby its chilis for lunch chilis is mmmhmm or take chilis lunch to go we cant stay here why . Flat toilet paper avo charmin ultra strong. Ronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody to the late show. Look whos here. Its tom hanks, sitting in that seat. cheers and applause tom, you know i love interviewing you. The couch and banter yeah, but everybody says, you know stephen. I say ive done his show. I dont really know him. I mean, ive done your show and i enjoy it, but were always trying to dazzle stephen obviously, we put on the faces for the faces that we meet. We have musical score and funny jokes. Like when i say something, the piano and the drums go badink. piano riff there you go. See . Just like that. applause . Stephen but you and i have become friends over the years. Yeah, yeah. Stephen weve met for french fries late at night. Weve done that. Stephen and you just cant be personal in a space like this. Its always show biz. Official record, yeah. Stephen but id love to talk with you in a personal way. I would love that. Stephen would you be interested in that . I would love that. Stephen in that case, for a personal private chat, lets go to the late shows personal space. Oh, great. cheers and applause laughter stephen okay, so ill make sure everything is okay . Okay, go ahead. laughter stephen yeah. It looks good. Come on in, tom. Hey, man. Stephen hey, how are you . Good to see you. cheers and applause i got to tell you. Stephen yeah . In all honesty, ive done a lot of talk shows with a studio audience and stuff like that. You have got the best studio audience of any show. cheers and applause im glad im glad we had this cheers and applause stephen oh, right. You probably think im sucking up to the crowd if i say it on the show. Stephen no, not at all. Its the sort of thing they might want to hear. Do you want to tell them . No, no, lets keep that between you and me. Stephen can i ask you some personal, private questions . Sure, bring them on. Stephen you have made a lot of emotional movies. Well, thats parent of the gig, yeah. Stephen yeah, its all about emotionality. Have you ever cried at one of your own movies . Well, in all honesty, yeah. I i made a movie called, um laughter a lot of times im in movies but i dont see the whole other aspects of it because other people are in it. Stephen right. I made a movie called cloud atlas that had all these other scenarios, and i found that very emotional every time i saw it. That really got me. Stephen thats a really good movie, and thats the true truth. Im throwing a kowtow right now. Its a major truetruth. Stephen you can cry a little bit right now, just let it out just cry a little bit . At christmastime i was thinking about. laughter all the all the dogs ive had that havent made it to december. Stephen its terrible. Terrible. Im thinking of monty. Big soft eyes. What a boy he was. I miss him every single day. You know how that happens . Stephen yeah. Theyre not like members of your family. Theyre part of you yeah. laughter stephen tom . Yeah. Stephen you have really great pores. laughter hey, steve. Stephen yeah. From this angle your two eyes have melded into one. laughter can i have a little can i have a little eskimo kiss . cheers and applause i love you, Stephen Colbert. Stephen i love you, tom hanks. Tom, have you ever eaten at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company . laughter funny you should ask. This is hilarious. Stephen okay. I guess their busiest day of the year is memorial day. Stephen sure. And i went up i was hungry. I had the kids with me. And they were all asking they wanted some gulla shrimp, which is from very spicy, hot in the mouth shrimp they call it down in the gulla islands. Stephen sure, sure. I said, i know where to get that. We climbed the stairs up to a bubba gump shrimp stephen is this a true story . Yeah, they looked right at me and said, it will be a 45 minute wait, mr. Hanks. laughter cheers and applause they in all honesty, they were crowded. Stephen okay. They offered us some free sweet tea. Stephen do you want another mint . I could use one. Stephen sure, hold on. Ooh, great. laughter got it. Stephen okay, all right. Wow you know what . It smells like christmas in here now, doesnt it . Uhhuh. Stephen okay, bigger hero, jim lovell from apollo 13, ben bradlee the post . Oh, man. Well, i will say because only because on multiple occasions, jim lovell could have burned up into a billion particles during his fiery 250,000mileanhour reentry into from outer space into earth, to splashdown into the atlantic ocean. I would say that is slightly more badass than. Stephen than publishing the pentagon papers. Yeah, risky both sides. Risky both sides. Stephen okay. How about sully or woody . Bigger hero . Well, heres the deal woody is a pacifist, because there is no gun in that holster. Stephen did sully have a gun . laughter thats the implication of what youre saying. laughter theres some things im not at liberty to disclose to you. laughter stephen i understand. Last question bring it on. Stephen answer on three. Do you want to get out of this box . laughter one, two, three. Id like to stay right here for just a couple more minutes. laughter cheers and applause because i got to i dont have i dont have any questions for you, per se. Stephen okay. But i have made up a i had coup. Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. Stephen i know how it works. Whats with this dumb box . laughter i thought we were just talking, but this bit has worked. cheers and applause stephen the post opens next friday. Tom hanks, everybody cheers and applause ive had three people try to eat me today. Three oh, lucky penny. Anyway, sometimes i wish i were human. Woahhhh. Look at me im human ha do you want to eat me . No. Do you want to eat me . No thanks. Would you like to eat me . Ha nobody wants to eat me im the luckiest. You dropped your lucky penny. Man, i look good. Youre still short and bald. Dont miss kohls president s day weekend sale take an extra 15 off or an extra 20 off when you spend 100 or more save on denim for the family fresh, new bath towels a healthy air fryer or a new piece of luggage. This weekend only at kohls. Try the deoderant saving millions of clothes. Degree ultraclear black white. No yellow stains on white clothes. 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Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show air, christmas is almostagical season when you can tune out the rest of the politics, no enraging news, just family and friends focusing what really matters, unhinging your jaw and swallowing a honey laughter i especially love holiday music, you might remember that, last year, i celebrated the spooky spirit of halloween with myiginal novelty song, the halloween wiggle. But, unfortunately, my crassd it. Stick my face turn you around lick your hershey bleep stephen i was mad at those guys, and so was hershey. But were all good now. And to prove theres no hard feelings, i invited killer mike and elp back to help me get our brand new holiday song jingle jingle, santa party. Friendly cheer. I love snow love singing carols and boy, i love sleigh bells its a jingle, jing jingle, jingle, jingle santa party christmastime theres gingerbread ta candy canes and yummy yule logs christmas has treats but the best christmas treat is being with you hohohoho s up wake the bleep up wake the bleep up yeah, pick up a brick your country is being run by an orange bleep clown let me break it down for how your stocking is getting stuffed white kids getting presents black kids getting cuffed no prancer, no dancer just sessions plus Bannon Rudolph the red neck bleep face klansman the north pole better speak north korean the president might tweet us into atom bomb season well, youve got a point the world can be frightful hey, theres santa and hes delightful lets be merry not pout or grimace so stuff your stocking and forget for five minutes laughter aint no chestnuts roasting on the souls in the flames congratulations mankind youre bleep insane the hair is made of smog and the earth is getting bleep were at war every day thats a drone not a sleigh facebook reminder time to go out and shop your government is infiltrated by russian black ops christmas so white like the nazi altright and theyre caroling with torches violent and deadly night laughter stephen fair point, but theres also. Sitting by the fire and sharing conversation trimming the tree its a magical creation put politics aside for just one night the whole familys here so try to keep it light laughter run the jewels run the jewels eh, eh, eh run the jewels eh, eh, eh run the jewels come on joy to the world will never come we bleep in santas sack santas my bitch creepy crackerass witch quit spying on the kids you a perv, eat bleep im a parumpapummel the bleep out of kris kringle emancipate the elves make mrs. Claus single bleep your sleigh drop kick frostys head and burn down your shop why not . Were all dead laughter personally, i think this holiday is super and its really silly to be a party pooper no need to be angry no need to be mean we can deal with those issues in 2018 kiss me by the mistletoe when its moonlit step off, gramps thats some creepyass bleep how about some messages of mirth and glee . Trumps next bleep tweet could start world war iii well, okay, guys if rappings the game then check it out i can do the same christmas is cool its a Great Holiday for the reasons i said and the ones i didnt say so kick up your heels on your jingle bell sled and cherish the moment bleep laughter hey, dude, you just brought it way down. Stephen i was rapping my truth. It was too real. Too real. Stephen he called santa his bitch he did. Stephen thats worse. You said hershey bleep . A year ago. Stephen it doesnt matter, you still said it. Stop bringing it up, stephen. cheers and applause stephen merry christmas, everybody well be right back. Stephen thats it for the late show. Good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause good night, first lady melania. James but its only 3 00 p. M. laughter