Into your used cars. And when we do, i think the benefits will be obvious and far outweigh the high probability of someone being eat nen traffic. We are so close, about 130,000 short of our goal, which is why, for the sharks, i am willing to sleep with the president and keep quiet about it for a cash payout. And, mr. President , dont worry i will not be dressed as a shark. Ill be wearing this. laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trump does davos. Plus, stephen welcomes willem dafoe Rupaul Charles and roy wood jr. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen please, have a seat ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Hey, hey cheers and applause hows everybody doing . cheers and applause i gotta say, you guys you guys are looking good. Youre looking good out there, america. Ive got to ask have you lost weight . Like, maybe 239 pounds . Because donald trump has left the country. cheers and applause yeah. A weight off your chest. Jon get it off get it off your chest stephen as we speak, the president is jetting to davos, switzerland, for the World Economic forum, an annual gathering that draws the worlds eliteses from the world of business, finance, politics and public affairs. Basically, its what lex luthor would point his space laser at. laughter now, for those of you who havent been invited, like i havent, its a bunch of fancy people who think you can solve the worlds problems at an unlimited fondue bar. While hes there, trump will give an address and meet with foreign leaders, including rwandan president paul kagame. President kagagoogoo, i have heard great things about your bleep hole. I say the great things. I said grate great things. Now, heres the deal. Trumps entire campaign for president was against the globalization and the worlds elite. So whys he going . Well, according to director of the National Economic council, and man watching his hair float away, gary cohn, trump wants to remind the world that we are open for business. And closed to immigrants, which those businesses really need to work. So, if you guys could just sneak in, that would be great. Now, trump initially didnt want to go to davos, but he got a friendly nudge from french president and your wifes tennis instructor who straight up tells you hes going to have sex with her, emmanuel macron. When he learned that trump wasnt planning on going, macron slyly encouraged him to take his America First bravado to davos. Macron is clearly just trying to embarrass trump here, right . Oui, oui, go to davos, monsieur trump. They will love you there. Wear that wonderful little hat with the words on it and one of those ties that goes down to your knees, tres chic. Mwah thank you very much. cheers and applause dadada and and to clinch the deal, macron made the conference sound fun. So thats all you have to do . Sir, have you heard about this happening place called federal prison . cheers and applause its all its all cheeseburgers. Very, very, few stairs. And your family wont have to visit you because they will already be there i have heard davos is fancy. I mean, its where hoity go to get their toity on. And the administration is sensitive that it might make trump seem out of touch. But heres what the man leading trumps delegation, treasury secretary and evil john oliver, Steve Mnuchin laughter heres what he heres what he said about davos i didnt realize that it was the global elite. Stephen yeah. A bluecollar guy like Steve Mnuchin wouldnt know what the global elite even look like. I mean, hes too busy working up a sweat at his day job holding up sheets of money with cruella de ville. laughter applause well take a lot of these. Put it in the truck. But one person has decided not to go davos, because Melania Trump will no longer join the president in davos due to scheduling and logistical issues. Yes, there were logistical issues. For instance, the weather. She was afraid it was going to be too stormy. Yes. laughter so far, washingtons gotten frosty. laughter well, well have more on davos tomorrow maybe. Who knows . Again, the whole thing is stupid. But trump may stay over there for awhile, because Robert Mueller is whats the word doing his job. cheers and applause hardworking man. His job seems to be investigating whether trump tried to obstruct justice. Turns out, when trump was interviewing thenacting f. B. I. Director and saddest warby parker model, andrew mccabe, for the top job at the bureau, trump asked mccabe who he voted for in the 2016 election. Not that i care. Im just asking for a friend whos going to fire you. laughter now, heres the thing youre not supposed to ask that even donald trump knows its supposed to be a secret ballot. And no he doesnt. laughter now, apparently who are you voting . Is that who are you voting for . Can i oh, heres the thing. Its another day. So theres another story of Sexual Harassment. This time its congressman and guy whose eyebrows dont match the drapes, pat meehan. Pennsylvania congressman . Pennsylvania congressman. Meehan not only made unwanted romantic advances to one of his aides. He also used thousands of dollars in taxpayer money to settle the complaint, which explains that box you can check on your taxes would you like to donate 3 to a congressmans Sexual Harassment settlement . yes, or, too bad, were doing it anyway. applause so yes give them money so what did you pay for . Well, meehan, who is married, says he had a deep affection for the younger aide and told her last year that he saw her as a soul mate, but said he never pursued a romantic relationship with the woman. Pretty sure calling someone your soul mate is romantic. Yeah, i said that she was my sun and my moon and my stars. Then i stood outside her Window Holding a boom box playing Peter Gabriels in your eyes as coworkers. You complete me but dont read anything into that laughter applause now, meehans defense . He said he felt invited to express his romantic feelings to the aide as they shared ice cream after work. Sir, i think you might have misheard her. She said she wanted chubby hubby not a hubby with a chubby. laughter things got things got laughter things got worse when meehan found out the aide had a boyfriend, which prompted him to express his romantic desires and grow hostile when she did not reciprocate. Oh, who hasnt been there , you know, weve all had those feelings. Its like the old saying, if you love something, set it free. If it doesnt come back, get angry. You know whats best for it. laughter then meehan made it all better by sending a handwritten letter in which he wrote, as you bask in this moment of extreme joy, i want to share with you my sentiment of how richly it is deserved. I pray that you might be blessed with children that you will raise so wonderfully in your image. To which the aide responded, dude, i just said i was going to starbucks. Do you want anything . laughter then. Then it gets weird. Then it gets weird. laughter meehan recounts his trip to the vietnam memorial, and while he was there he found two soldiers with their same last names. He wrote, as i traced the monument with my finger, i wondered who they were and why their plans ended so sadly and abruptly. Youre at the vietnam memorial. Take a stab laughter now, congressman meehan is defending himself saying that the woman specifically invited his intimate communication. Oh, i did not know there was an invitation cheers and applause fish, i think. Fish. Fish. Oh, and that thing about being hostile to her . Simple explanation. According to meehan, any hostility he may have exhibited stemmed from stress around highpressure votes last year over the Affordable Care act. They will blame anything on him. Yeah, i told my subordinate i want to run away with her to a private island and just hold her until were both consumed by the radiance of her beauty. Thanks, obama. laughter meehan is being investigated by the house ethics committee, which has included such diehard crusaders against harassment as congressman pat meehan, who has taken a leading role in fighting Sexual Harassment in congress. Wait, i was supposed to be fighting Sexual Harassment in congress . Well hehhej do i have a funny story weve got a great show for tonight. Willem dafoe is here. But when we come back, ill share with you my deepest, darkest confessions. Stick around. with 33 individual vertebrae and 640 muscles in the human body, no two of us are alike. Life made more effortless through adaptability. The perfect position seat in the lincoln continental. in the lincoln continental. Lackluster lips . Dont think so. Lips lose natural color over time. Chapstick total hydration moisture tint. Our 100 natural moisturizing formulas enhance your natural lip color. Chapstick. Put your lips first. Your friend just marea. You like her. Shes really good at social media. She buys stocks in companies that stand for something. You like her. Shes always up on the latest trends. She got in early on the whole goat yoga thing. And her sunsets are always nofilter. You like her. But youd like her better if you made more money than she does. Dont get mad at just marea. Get eatrade. I cant believe it comes in. How great this tastes vegaaaan. And organiiiic. Enjoy i cant believe its not butter in its vegan and its organic cheers and applause stephen welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, of course you all know im catholic. But i dont always get to church because its not on my couch. laughter and the thing i miss most about church is confession. So if you dont mind, id like to confess to you, my audience. You wont tell anybody, right . Of course not stephen great. This is Stephen Colberts midnight confessions. cheers and applause laughter standard disclaimer i dont know if any of these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. Okay, wait right there. Forgive me, audience. I found out, if youre famous, you can get on airplanes without ever setting foot in the terminal. Its so fantastic that i almost dont enjoy it. Almost. laughter audience, i have never seen a commercial for canned dog food that didnt make me hungry. laughter when people sneeze once i say, bless you, when they sneeze twice, i say are you all right . laughter if they sneeze a third time, i say im going to need you to stop that. laughter as an optimist, i dont think i have a drinking problem. I have a drinking opportunity. laughter cheers and applause the closest thing i ever get to doing yoga is when i drop my phone under my car seat. laughter when the person in front of me on an airplane leans their seat all the way back, all i think is how much easier it will be to strangle them with my headphone cord. laughter i tell people i see all the new superhero movies, but im actually just guessing the plot from burger king cups. laughter im excited to get old. Not for the wisdom. For the pudding. laughter i dont know how to make chili, but i do know how to buy it, pour it into a crock pot, and lie. laughter if someone asks me to help them move, i move. laughter id already heard of stormy daniels. laughter forgive me, audience we forgive you stephen thanks. Well be right back with willem dafoe. cheers and applause why . Flat toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. avo charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Coming at you with my brandnew vlog. Just making some ice in my freezer here. So check back for that followup vid. This is my cashew guy bruno. Holler at em, brun. Kicking it live and direct here at the fountain. Should i go habanero or maui onion . Should i buy a chinchilla . Comment below. Did i mention i save people 620 for switching . Chinchilla update got that chinchilla after all. Say what up, rocco. elevator speaker going down. Oh no. Peter . Its kristy. Camp jenkins . Maybe this will jog your memory. Alexa, play my funky place. alexa playing your music. Remember our dance . Yeah, im not peter. Alexa, note to self. Take the stairs next time. Get a free moto mod with amazon alexa when you buy a moto z2. Available at major carriers. When you buy a moto z2. Kelp is on the way with herbal essences we said no, no, no to this stuff. And yes, yes, yes to bio renew. Made with active antioxidants that work from the inside out. To help animate lifeless hair, and bring it back to life. Find aahs and oos in every fresh bottle of herbal essences bio renew. Let life in. applause stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause thank you so much. Welcome book to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight received the Academy Award nominations for his work in platoon, shadow of the vampire, and just this week for the florida project. I got a videotape of the kids illegally entering the utility room. Hey, cody, did you hear what i said to her. Im going to talk to her. It happens again, youre out of here. Its only the second week of the summer, and theres already been a dead fish in the pool. We were doing an experiment. We were trying to get it back alive. That wasnt my idea. And water balloons thrown at tourists. You cant bleep with tourists. They didnt tip up. Are you serious . Oh, my god, this is unacceptable. I failed as a mother, moonee. You have disgraced me. Yeah, mom, youre a disgrace. Stephen please welcome, willem dafoe applause cheers and applause stephen its a little chilly in here. Sometimes i wish i had a beard, too. Well, thanks for being on. Ive always wanted to meet you. Im a really big fan of yours. Thanks. Stephen every since platoon, last temptation of christ, and congratulations on your third oscar nominations. Thanks a lot. cheers and applause thanks. Stephen it being your third, are you kind of blase at this point . Not at all. Not at all. And its always different. I mean, the first time felt different. Stephen was that for platoon . That was for platoon. The second time felt different. This feels different. Stephen do you get up and wait for it or. You know, this time i was very aware of it. And stephen has it caught you by surprise before . The first time. The first time, yes, because it wasnt as developed, you know. And i was my identity was i was this, you know, dopey actor working down in a little theater. And the platoon nomination was a bit of a surprise, and my sons babysitter is the one who told me i was nominated. Which say huge difference from now. Stephen now, i have a personal question here. I alluded to it backstage. Okay. Stephen i have always liked your name, willem dafoe. Its a little bit different. It has a hint of europe to it somehow. Yeah, yeah. Stephen but its a lie, i just found out. That your name is william dafoe, and youre making the rest of us sound stupid for years. No, no, no. Stephen why is it willem . Whats wrong. What happened . Its not like that. What happened is fig bigfamily. Father is called william, love the guy but, you know, i dont want to be billie. I dont want to be william jr. You know, you want your own identity. And when i was a kid, i was always seek a nickname, and then i finally found one where a friend of mine just started calling me willem, like a lazy way of saying william. I didnt even know how to spell it. Laugh and then the irony was by the time i became an actor, to go back to my birth name felt like a stage name. So the truth is, i i just stuck with the name that i felt like. Audience yeah stephen so willem dafoe is the real you. That isnt a stage name. This is you. Listen, were were changing all the time, right . laughter . Stephen yeah, hey thats the look thats the look you gave at the golden globes. That little sideeye look. Surprised me, surprised me. But my family was good with it. They said obviously they did that because they knew you were okay. Stephen were talking about seth myers was making jokes about the next person to be revealed, like if you hear anyones name, youre afraid theyre going to be part of some sort of tragic metoo, revelation, and he used your name. Yeah, thats a joke. laughter stephen youre one of i found out one of eight children, big family. And i found out youre one of 13. Stephen im one of 11, actually. 13 with mom and dad, but im one of 11. Im the baby of 11. Where do you fall . Im seven. Stephen seven eight. Okay, thats right down there at the bottom. You always had an audience. Its true. Stephen okay. But my house was chaos, so nobody was paying attention. Stephen how could it be otherwise . You know, my parents stephen what was christmas like . Chaos. But one cool thing about christmas, and i think this is true for a lot of people. My father, who was a workaholic, and he worked with my mother. He would always line us up we had a twofloor house. And hed line everybody up, and hed get out the bell and howl to take the same shot every year of us running down the stairs to open presents. It was the same shot. And every year, he would break out the instructions, and start to read it again. Wed be when we were little kids we really wanted to go and get the presents. It was a family ritual. Stephen did he line you up on the stairs or the second floor . Yes. Stephen we did the same thing, my parents, all 11 of us, they made us line up on the stairs, eldest at the top, youngest at the bottom, and my brother tome, the middle child, seven 11 or six of 11 he would jump over all the us. laughter like a spider monkey and land at the bottom. Whats whats tommy doing now . Stephen tommy is hes a psychologist and social worker, works with abused children, actually. Hes dedicated hes the best member of my family, i think. He spent his whole career helping families in crisis. cheers and applause . Okay. Stephen yeah, yeah. Okay, so were there my older brothers and versus, like, the funniest people in the world to me. My wife always says, you get so quiet when youre around them. I say i cant be as funny as they are. Did you learn from your brothers and sisters how to be coul coolr anything . How to be cool . I dont know. When they were older they went to university and there was a big transformation. I grew up in a town in wisconsin, 50,000 people. And when they went to the university, it was the 1960s, university of wisconsin, madison, and they came back transformed. So i think, you know, i inherited their music, i inherited their style, and i inherited their politics, which was really crazy. Stephen do they still have those politics . Some yes, some no. Stephen because my sister mary asked me a few years ago, why are you such a pinko . Because shes very republican. And i said, well, mary, its because when i was a child i heard you saying all those things about peace and love and togetherness, and, you know, mistrust of authority and that kind of stuff. And i said, but it was just a fad for you, like bell bottom jeans. But you made me a true believer. Oh, there we go. Stephen its your fault. applause you know what she said . She said she said, snap out of it. laughter okay, so, i understand well, you were a creative kid, which is no surprise. Was i . Stephen well. Who told you that . Stephen well a little bird told me that you got in trouble in high school because you let your creativity run a little rampant. Okay, i think i know what you maybe heard. No, i just stopped going to school because laughter no. Stephen was it your idea . No, they kicked me out. laughter because i had this little class that was a communications class, and i was trying to make a magazine show, just when kids were starting to learn how to use home video equipment. And i interviewed three different students in the student body. One considered himself a satanist. One considered himself a nudist. And one was interested in legalizing pot. So it was basically a magazine show about outsiders in my school. And i shot it, and it was interesting. But i went pretty crazy as i was shooting it. And when i went out for lunch, i left the stuff on the stuff they would have cut out stephen like what . Well, i interviewed the nudist on the toilet. laughter stephen was he nude . Yeah stephen okay. But, you know, we framed it the proper way. So laughter so it wasnt offensive. Stephen uhhuh. It was artistic. Stephen sure. Thats a fine line. The say thantist brought outs his pornography collection, and the the guy that was interested in legalizing pot, you know, started talking about some of his some of the people he sold to. But i wasnt going to have any of the stuff in. laughter i was going to cut that out. Stephen so you left it out. No i went out for lunch, and a teacher came in and saw the stuff on the editing bed and started to look at it. And when i came back from lunch, the door was locked, and i said, whats up . And someone said, hey, you better get down to the principal. And i went to the principal, and my parents are there. And they said, oh, willy, youre making pornography laughter it wasnt true. I said this is far too complicated. Y soy i left town and i slept on a friends couch and started to go to university. Stephen wow, so it worked out. Yeah. applause . Stephen do you recommend it . applause do i recommend it . You know, i dont know. Stephen you dont know . You heard the story. Its up to you. Stephen lovely to meet you, thank you very much so much for being here. The florida project is in theaters now. Willem dafoe, everybody well be right back with Rupaul Charles. Ain. Fibromyalgia may be invisible to others, but my pain is real. Fibromyalgia is thought to be caused by overactive nerves. Lyrica is believed to calm these nerves. Im glad my doctor prescribed lyrica. For some, lyrica delivers effective relief for moderate to even severe fibromyalgia pain. And improves function. Lyrica may cause serious allergic reactions, suicidal thoughts or actions. Tell your doctor right away if you have these, new or worse depression, unusual changes in mood or behavior, swelling, trouble breathing, rash, hives, blisters, muscle pain with fever, tired feeling, or blurry vision. Common side effects dizziness, sleepiness, weight gain, swelling of hands, legs and feet. Dont drink alcohol while taking lyrica. Dont drive or use machinery until you know how lyrica affects you. Those whove had a drug or alcohol problem may be more likely to misuse lyrica. With less pain, i can do more with my family talk to your doctor today. See if lyrica can help. As a meteor headsnderway toward the metro area. Go, go, go, go, go we can fit more theres still more room we gotta go. Juicer we dont have a juicer the volkswagen tiguan. It fits everything you need, and everything you dont. Discover card. I justis this for real . Match, yep. We match all the cash back new cardmembers earn at the end of their first year, automatically. Whoo i got my money hard to contain yourself, isnt it . Uh huh let it go whoo get a dollarfordollar match at the end of your first year. Only from discover. Its not just something we say when you arrive. The warmth of an irish welcome stays with you long after you leave. So come on over. Well give you the inside track. And let you into some Little Secrets that will take you back through history, bring our landscapes to life, and make your evenings last longer. Welcome to ireland. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show folks my next guest is always werking it as the emmywinning host of rupauls drag race. Please welcome Rupaul Charles. Work it, work it do your thing on the runway work, work it do your thing on the runway work, work it i love that turn to the right cheers and applause i love that stephen hey. Hi stephen good to see you again. What are all these people doing here . Stephen these are lovely people. These are your fans here. cheers and applause . Oh, my goodness. Stephen nice to see you again. Good to see you. I just want to get one thing out of the way before we get started. I want to make a personal plea to someone who really needs our help right now. Melania, come and join the other side. You know you want it, baby. Youre halfway there already let me help you. There i got that out of the way. Stephen that was very generous of you. Yeah. Stephen very generous of you. It is good to see you again because i was very honored to share the stage with you and your incarnation as the emmy statuette at the emmies this year. Gorgeous stephen absolutely radiant. Absolutely beautiful. We hadun fun. That was fun you. Stephen looked good, too. And you came all the way to simi valley to see us. Stephen i went to your studios out there it was 145 degrees in the shade. Yes. Stephen it was insane. Yes, maam, honey, but we had it ice cold in that studio. Stephen you did. Yes, things are glued, and theres an Intricate System of pulleys and weights that allow me to look like the emmy statue. So we keep it cold. Stephen it was plent plenty chilling in there. I think i told you out there in simi valley it was a mile away from spawn ranch where Charles Manson and the family were out there. Stephen right, right, right. Yeah. Its a weird, weird area, simi valley. Stephen did you ever go over there . No, i didnt. And reagans library slike, a mile from there. Stephen really . Yes. Stephen so you, manson, and reagan. And reagan. laughter stephen the three cabbier cabbieros you won the emmy for best outstanding reality host this year. Congratulations. Second time. Thank you. Stephen congratulations on that. applause you said, you said and i quote youd rather have an enema than an emmy. Is that still the case . Well, id like to think i could have both, stephen. laughter . Stephen you know what . You live your best life. Yes yes stephen now, this is this is very nice. Congratulations on this. This is tonight are you sharing yourself, youre spend yurg First Anniversary with your husband here with us. This is george. Yes. Stephen you got married one year ago today. Yes, actually. applause and today is his birthday. Hes actually backstage right now. Happy birthday, baby. applause . Stephen hello. Now, you are rupauls drage race all stars 3 coming pup. I like stores. Stephen stores. You said, were all naked. The rest is drag. Yes. Stephen what does that mean . Am i in drag right now . Yes, you are, honey. Stephen am i in white man drag . We call this drag this drag is called executive realness. Executive realness. cheers and applause stephen im executively real right now. Fantastic. You were feeling all of that. Stephen everybody is in drag. Everybody. Stephen until youre neighborhood. No, youre born naik and the rest is drag. Everybody puts on a persona to navigate this world, you know. And thats what its all about. Oh, brrrr stephen okay, lets get to that. Oh, brrrr stephen okay, that brings me to my next question you, i learned a little bit. The drag race has birthed a language all of its own. Can you translate for me. Did you say langig . Stephen langig. Can you translate this langig for me. T. T is truth. Whats the t, whats the truth, girl. Stephen and spill it. Spill thoney. You are spilling. Thats the t. Yeah. Stephen okay, lets just drag race is in thailand, and we spell it thait in thailand. Stephen i alluded this a moment ago. Okukurr, r. Its eye declaration of yes, i hear you, and i agree. The kids add this other things to it and i cant roll my rs. Can you roll your rs. Stephen rrrrr thats it. I cant get it going. I go wait a minute. Here it goes. Oh,tu wait a minute, i can do this. Ohtu oh, shoot stephen thats somebody who cant start his car is what that is. Its not starting. Stephen last one, squirrel friends. Whats a squirrel friend . Its just like you have friends, you have girlfriends. These are friends who enjoy nuts. applause i love em. I love em. Stephen really. Salted . Oh, any laughter any way i can get em, honey. I love me some nuts stephen well, good luck. Good luck getting yourself a are you a squirrel friend. Stephen what . Will you be my squirrel friend . Stephen okurrrr rupauls drag race all stars 3 premieres tomorrow on vh1. Rupaul charles, everyone. Well be right back with roy wood jr. Stick around. Dar, contemporary cockpit, 360 Degree Network of driverassist technologies and sporty performance whats most impressive about the glc . All depends on your point of view. Lease the glc300 for 449 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Something inside me has always been there. But now its awake. The force is yours. The last jedi ar stickers only on the google pixel camera. I thought i was managing my moderate to severe Crohns Disease. Then i realized something was missing. Me. My symptoms were keeping me from being there. So, i talked to my doctor and learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. And the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief and many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Be there for you, and them. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, remission is possible. Sfx ominous musicshakes. Mmm. Sfx boing boing boing sfx screech tic tac orange. An irresistible burst of flavor. Tic tac. Go little. Sfx tic tac pack shakes. Lyrics things are gonna get lyricseasier. O child lyrics oohoo child, lyrics thingsll get brighter. Lyrics oohoo child lyrics things are gonna get easier. Lyrics oohoo child, lyrics thingsll get brighter. The great emperor trekking a hundred miles inland to their breeding grounds. Except for these two fellows. This time next year, were gonna be sitting on an egg. I think were getting close make a uturn. Uturn . Recalculating. Man, we are never gonna breed. Just give it a second. You will arrive in 92 days. Nah, nuhuh. Nope, nope, nope. You know who im gonna follow . My instincts. As long as gps can still get you lost, you can count on geico saving folks money. Im breeding, man. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. When you filter out the bad. Youre left with. The good. In life. And in water. Choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. Choose the filtered life. No i dont want there to be white marks. Nothing theres no dust, theres no marks. Oh my god, its dove no white marks. On a 100 colors dove invisible dry spray, awarded best of beauty by allure. Do i use. One thatsthat wgood for my teeth . Now i dont have to choose from crest 3d white comes new whitening therapy. Its our best whitening technology. Plus, it has a fortifying formula to protect your enamel. Crest. Healthy, beautiful smiles for life. Ito become dangerous. D for an everyday item new tide pods child guard pack. Helps keep your laundry pacs safe and your child safer. Align, press and unzip. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. My next guest is a daily show correspondent and standup comedian who now hosts this is not happening on comedy central. Please welcome roy wood jr applause oh, man im excited. Stephen roy wood jr. , welcome back. Welcome back. Good to see you again. Man stephen tell me about this daily show, its news and comedy at the same time . Yeah, its the theme where you find the news and then you report it and crack a joke and then someone else calls it all fake. Stephen uhhuh, oh, yeah. It seems very irresponsible. Theres a guy that says its all fake. Stephen yeah, yeah. Listen, speaking of which, you guys, i mean, how exciting is the Mueller Investigation . Because thats some real meat to talk about here. How much trouble do you think trump is in . Oh, man, i dont know if trump is in trouble eye dont know if trump is going to jail, but all these white folks showing up in suits to talk to the f. B. I. , somebody is going to jail gr why are you so certain . Theyre showing up in suits to talk to the who do you know gets dressed to go snitch, stephen . laughter you stitch, youre supposed to snitch in the back seat of the police car with a hoodie on. They are walking through the front damn door of the f. B. I. In a new suit. Hey, im here to snitch. How you all doing . Thats not its so not normal. Stephen you mean all those guys are in trouble. Theyre not there trying to sell each other out. Theyre actually the ones going to jail. Somebody, somebody going to jail. You cant have that many people snitching in suits, man. Stephen who do you think is snitching, then . Who do you think who is going to take these people down. I need to see how much everybody paid for their suit before i can answer that question . laughter . Stephen okay, whos got a grudge whos got a grudge against the president who would do this kind of thing . I would say right now, i think the president s okay, but if omarosa goes to macys and buys a new gown, its a respect. laughter if omroseo gets a nice dress, you know shes telling on everybody. Stephen she seemed pretty mad. She was in the room. Stephen she was escorted out by security. Shes cool right now. But if omarosa gets a man ciewrk just know, walking through that f. B. I. Door like everybody else. Stephen lets talk about something really important. You went on a hunt for big foot the daily show. Is this true . Yes, yes. It was not it wasnt supposed to be a hunt for big foot. It was supposed to be a conversation with a man who doesnt want the forest chopped down. And gi, cool. You must want to save the earth. He go, nah, this is where big foot live. laughter so hes saving the earth, but for the wrong for a different reason. The same thing i did when he told me. Because there are a bunch of paper mill companies that are, like, basically stripping the forest dry in alabama, and its a horrible thing. And this man is fighting big paper to save big foot. laughter . Stephen now, heres the thing, heres the thing that i didnt know. Are you from alabama . Yes, absolutely, birmingham. Stephen i did not know this, i did not know there was alabama big foot. Yeah, yeah. Hes an auburn fan, though. laughter stephen okay, okay. Hes an alabama big foot. Stephen i did stories for that for the daily show back in the day. I did big foot stories. I interviewed two men, one wanted to preserve the forest, and an hour later i interviewed a guy who said, big foot are overpopulating. We need to call the herd. You got to track them down. Did you all do the stuff where you left the snacks out in the forest for big foot. Stephen no. Yeah we were leaving snacks in the Talladega National forest. And we left jack links, just like the commercial because the commercial says thats what they like, so thats what we left them. We left them water. We left them eye left them, you know, just a couple of other items. I left them my iphone, too, just so stephen iphone 2. Im not giving him my nice one. I left him my iphone 2 in case he can text. Hey, man, text me. Its the future. laughter i mean, assuming he speaks english. Stephen now, the last time you were here we were talking about your son is it henry . Yes. Stephen henry, who is two now. How are you holding up . Because first child, first child . Yes. Stephen its brutal. Brutal, small but relentless opponent. Now, whos winning . Whos winning. Oh, man, its team henry all day. This kid is relentless because hes at that age now where i i feel like one of the best things a parent can give a child is Healthy Eating habit s. Stephen sure. So thats what me and my girlfriend are trying to do. At the house we try to eat all healthy. Now that means i cant eat the trash i like to eat because hes going to come over to you and go, hey, man, give me some of that trash. And i go, you cant have it, and he starts screaming. Stephen you have to be an example. Now i have to be healthy and my girlfriend is tricking me with all these weerdz you ever had a vegan that sneaks you food and doesnt tell you what it is. You eat two plates of it and they look across the table, did you know what that was . It was zucchini noodles and then i have to go in the corner and crierk man. Its hard. laughter . Stephen do you sneak . Do you cheat . Oh, absolutely. Like, when im on the road. Mcdonalds, bro. laughter mcdonalds. All the other comedians, theyre like yo, man, lets go to the strip club. Im like, no, i need something juicier. laughter like because i cant eat that in town. I cant eat that here in new york. But when im on the road, yoman, mcdonalds. I one time left a receipt in my pocket, almost almost ruined my relationship. Stephen she found ketchup on your collar when you came back. Man, she came into the living room and he was holding the receipt up like it was a womans panties. How could you do this to me how could you do this to me im like it was the mcrib. It was back. I had a weak moment. Im sorry. I thought i was over mcrib, but im not. Stephen well, listen, good luck with the veganism. That is not that is not easy. I have done it since last year. Im only vegan around her. Stephen oh, okay. Good luck lying, then. laughter i think its out now. Stephen okay, good. Well cut this part out. This is not happening returns next friday to comedy central. Roy wood jr, everybody well be right back. Cbs eye on the community. Presented by target. Theres nothing more rewarding than achieving a hard earned goal. Thats why target supports students run philly style. We work with kids to teach them the skills they need to achieve and set goals through marathon training. Giving back has been part of our dna, so, the more we stay involved, the more were being true to ourselves as a corporate partner. Cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. Nothing smells greater than the great outdoors. Especially when youre in accounts receivable. Only one detergent can give you a sniff like this. The irresistable scent of new gain botanicals laundry detergent. Bring the smell of nature wherever you are. Youre more than just a bathroom disease. Youre a life of unpredictable symptoms. Crohns, youve tried to own us. But now its our turn to take control with stelara® stelara® works differently for adults with moderately to severely active Crohns Disease. Studies showed relief and remission, with dosing every 8 weeks. Stelara® may lower the ability of your immune system to fight infections and may increase your risk of infections and cancer. Some serious infections require hospitalization. Before treatment, get tested for tuberculosis. Before or during treatment, always tell your doctor if you think you have an infection or have flulike symptoms or sores, have had cancer, or develop any new skin growths, or if anyone in your house needs or recently had a vaccine. Alert your doctor of new or worsening problems, including headaches, seizures, confusion, and vision problems. These may be signs of a rare, potentially fatal brain condition. Some serious allergic reactions can occur. Do not take stelara® if you are allergic to any of its ingredients. Were fed up with your unpredictability. Remission can start with stelara®. Talk to your doctor today. Janssen wants to help you explore cost support options for stelara®. Stephen hey, thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be gwyneth paltrow, ben mckenzie, and musical guest, 30 seconds to mars. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show cheers and applause band playing reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from helsinki, give