Lets prick our fingers on one of mattis medals and mix our blood. Oorah grab em, mad dog im feeling faint stop struggling announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight Rex Tillerson and the suicide pact. Plus, stephen welcomes Morgan Freeman. Grace gummer. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing cheers and applause band playing stephen i didnt mean to do that. Hey cheers and applause how are ya . Good to see ya hey jon cheers and applause audience chanting stephen jon heyaaaah whoo stephen thanks, everybody. Please have a seat. cheers and applause thats an incredible thursday crowd right there. Thats the kind of crowd i want on friday. Might as well stick around for the second show on friday, id like that. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Folks cheers and applause piano riff im glad you guys are feeling cheerful tonight because, guys, i am worried. I am so worried about secretary of state and football coach being forced to teach sex ed, Rex Tillerson. laughter yesterday was it nbc . Nbc news reported tillerson was on the verge of resigning his position this summer and had openly disparaged president trump, referring to him as a moron. That is cheers and applause that is generally speaking something you say right before you quit. laughter hey boss, can i have five minutes of your time . You moron. laughter now, tillersons spokesperson vehemently denied he ever said it. He doesnt use that language to speak about anyone. How do you know he didnt use that language . Because i take the secretary at his word. Stephen okay, she takes him at his word. And what was his word again . Can you address the main headline of this story, that you called the president a moron . And if not, where do you think these reports are im not going to deal with petty stuff like that. Stephen yeah, his word was moron. laughter he vehemently would rather not answer that question. But, at that same press conference, he categorically denied he ever considered resigning and talked about his commitment to his job. When i wake up in the morning, my first thoughts are about the safety of our citizens at home and abroad. Stephen then, i walk to the bathroom, look in the mirror and say, hey, theres the guy who works for a moron. laughter applause i should shave him. Hes looking a little cheers and applause jon hey, now stephen apparently this story stuck in trumps craw meat because, this morning, trump tweeted, Rex Tillerson never threatened to resign. This is fake news put out by nbcnews. Low news and reporting standards. No verification from me. laughter and, as you know applause jon whoa stephen and as you know nothings true without verification from me. Obamas birth certificate . Totally fake till i said it wasnt. Last years election . Totally rigged until i won it. Then again, what do i know . Im a verified moron. laughter and cheers and applause piano riff and Administration Officials are confident that tillerson will stay because, apparently, theres an agreement between defense secretary james mattis, treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin and Rex Tillerson, whereby all three cabinet secretaries vow to leave in the event that the president makes moves against one of them. Oh, and trump is known for making moves. Rex, if the president offers to take you furniture shopping, get out of there. laughter just get out of there and take your cat with you cheers and applause because hes grabbin it laughter piano riff media reports media reports have referred to the agreement as a suicide pact. Thats when you know things are going great at a workplace, when people starting forming suicide pacts. Theyve also agreed that if none of them are with someone by the time theyre 70, theyll marry each other. laughter i mean, suicide pacts meanwhile, on capital hill, it looks Like Congress might finally do something about gun control. Yesterday, Congressional Republicans actually signaled that they would be open to banning gun conversion kits called bump stocks, which take advantage of a semiautomatic guns natural recoil, allowing it to bounce back and forth off a shooters trigger finger and unleash up to 100 rounds in seven seconds. Its great for hunting if youve got seven seconds to kill every animal in the forest. laughter right now its a different bambi. Right now, these devices are totally legal because, according to the bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms, a bump stock is a firearm part and, therefore, is not regulated as a firearm. Yes, its not a gun, its just part of a gun. Like when your parents find your bong and you tell them, hey, theres no weed in there now. So laughter technically, technically cheers and applause jon whoa whoa piano riff stephen technically, that is a vase. laughter now if youll excuse me, i have some pink floyd to listen to. May i have my vase back please . laughter based on a true story, actually. laughter my mom didnt know. She didnt know. Right now, banning bump stocks seems to have bipartisan support, the n. R. A. Today even says they should be regulated. Unfortunately, there are people who are unwilling to even discuss this proposal. Like the executive director of gun owners of america, who said, realistically, they are already on the market, so passing a law banning them isnt going to stop bad guys. Same reason crystal meth should be legal its already on the market, and passing a law isnt going to stop me from fighting you with a sharpened toothbrush. Spiders spiders laughter applause piano riff screaming laughter applause piano riff cheers and applause jon laughing stephen also based on a true story. laughter of course, its football season thats not a political story. A time to cozy up in front of the tube with a steaming mug of queso mmm, refreshing. laughter piano riff and, its shaping up to be a dramatic season for the ol pigskin kick and toss. But heres some controversy. The latest controversy comes from this press conference with carolina quarterback cam newton. Its funny to hear a female talk about routes. Like its funny. Stephen wow. audience reacts wow. Its funny to hear a female talk about routes . Could he be more patronizing and insulting . That a woman wouldnt know about routes and truck sticking. Quick followup question what are those things . laughter piano riff because i feel like i should know what those are now. Could you find that woman and have her call me and tell me . And this has hurt newton. Today, we learned that his sponsor, dannon, has dropped him as a spokesman. Oh, its too bad. It was funny to see a male talk about yogurt. laughter cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Morgan freeman is here but when we return, the finale of our puberme challenge ure ns it stick around. We finished the dream closet just in time for black friday. Check it out wow i love sweaters sweaters and fleece for the whole family starting at 10. Black friday doorbusters. Doors now open, only at target. Is time you make for yourself. Aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion with active naturals® oat. Locks in moisture to improve skin wellness in just one day. Aveeno® naturally beautiful results® grooves in your sandwich . Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Chips made with 100 real cheese. Dang right its a chip feel the power of thenew power. Smax. To fight back theraflus powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms. Fast. So you can play on. Theraflu expressmax. New power. This is how many people were born here. This many are fifth generation. This is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. He keeps the town dry. Theyd prefer it a little wet. This many are proud of what we make here. This is how many will go around bragging about it. This is our town. If you cant get here, just look for one of our postcards. We send them all over. They look like this. Jack this ridiculously long table in the middle of nowhere . Jack to invite all my friends in the industry to try this. Jack fast foods first ever ribeye burger. Jack made with 100 ribeye beef, grilled onions, a red wine glaze and creamy havarti cheese. Jack ahh, here comes the competition now. Jack and of course, since they work for my competitors, ive obscured their identities jack except for this guy. Jack he is so screwed. Jack try my new havarti grilled onion and allamerican ribeye burgers. cheers and applause band playing stephen give it up for jon batiste and stay human, right there everybody there is the band cheers and applause hey, jon, happy thursday jon happy thursday stephen happy thursday. Only one more day to the friday. Hang in there, buddy. Jon yeah, thats right, mm hmm. Stephen now, you know, folks, puerto rico is going to be rebuilding from Hurricane Maria for months, if not years. And we wanted to do something to help. Now luckily, im best known as an ice cream model. applause i got this here the ben jerrys americone dream. There you go. I put all the money i make from the ice cream in the Americone Dream Fund, and every year, we give it to charity. So this year we decided, with the help of my friend nick kroll, we launched a campaign on twitter encouraging celebrities to post photos of themselves during their awkward teen years, with the hashtags puberme and puerto rico relief. The Americone Dream Fund is committed to giving 1,000 for every celebrity i decide what a celebrity is laughter to one america appeal. And for the last week, weve been showing you some of the best submissions. I always like to start with my confession of my 13yearold photo right there. cheers and applause love it. There i am. Jon yeah stephen this is the hormones have kicked in but so far the only thing thats grown is the knot on my tie right there. laughter now, who else have we got here . Weve gotten some good ones recently. Here is see if you can see who this person is. That is seth rogen right there proving that marijuana apparently makes you stop aging at 15. laughter oh, this is a lovely one. I like to get the black and white ones here. This one right here i cant figure out who this guy is. That is young henry winkler, fonzie from happy days. Apparently he went to his formal dance with his date a railing. laughter this is a gem. This is a picture of young martin short. laughter everything about this photo says im preparing myself for a career in comedy. laughter um, this one is i love this. Can you figure out who that is . Thats kristen bell right there. Isnt that amazing . Shes cosplaying as a spinster aunt at the Company Christmas party there. laughter and this one is our friend from over at cnn. This is jake tapper right there, cnn anchor jake tapper. Breaking news i know a girl. laughter so we have received so many of these and, as i promised, were giving a thousand dollars for every celebrity photo. I am pleased to say the count is in and we have a grand total of 233,000 for puerto rico relief cheers and applause but wait but wait theres more please welcome, live via telephone from, i swear to god, argentina, the star of netflixs big mouth, nick kroll nick, are you there . cheers and applause yes stephen i hear youve got an announcement to make, nick. Thats right, stephen. I wanted to get in on the action, so i pulled some strings, and im happy to announce that i will be adding another 100,000 for puerto rico relief. Stephen 100,000 . That is fantastic cheers and applause that brings our new total to 333,000 cheers and applause nick, thats wonderful. Thats very kind of you, nick. Where did you get 100,000 . Well, did you know that on the dark web people will pay 150,000 for a healthy liver . Stephen so. . So, mine wasnt that healthy. laughter so, instead, this money is coming from me and everyone who worked on my show big mouth on netflix. Stephen thats incredibly generous, nick. Thank you. Thank you to you and everybody who is working on that show cheers and applause heres the thing, nick and you know who else is feeling generous . Whos that . Stephen the good people here at cbs. We told them we were doing this program usually, the music comes up with the thing, but well do it again. We told leslie moonves, the head of cbs, that we were doing this, and he wanted to help. So they dug around in the big bang theorys couch cushions and im happy to announce that they are going to match what weve raised, dollarfordollar so our new grand total for puerto rico relief is 666,000 cheers and applause the devils donation, Stephen Stephen im sorry, they were clapping, nick. What did you say . I said thats the devils donation. Stephen yes. laughter if the devil were nice, thats how much he would give. But you know what . It turns out that celebrities arent the only people who have awkward puberty photos. And, over the past week, social media has been flooded with gangly preteen photos from people out there like you trying to help raise awareness and cash for puerto rico relief. There were over 75,000 tweets with the hashtag puberme. And i think that deserves a little something, something, too. So, on behalf of everybody who participated, the Americone Dream Fund is going to make a second donation, another 266,000. cheers and applause yep. Did you hear that, nick . Did you hear me, nick . Another 266,000. I did. Youre doubledonating . Stephen yes. All right, well, then so are we. On behalf of big mouth, were donating an extra 67,000, okay . Stephen another 67,000 . How did you get another 67,000 . I sold a kidney, stephen. laughter stephen youre a good man. That brings our grand total to 999,000 cheers and applause yeah. Thats fantastic still, its a shame that we didnt make it to a million. Stephen i know, we came so close, nick, but what can we do . If only we had one more awkward celebrity puberty photo. But we. We just dont. cheers and applause wait a minute, stephen cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen, Linmanuel Miranda, creator and star of the smash Broadway Musical hamilton cheers and applause please, please i heard you needed an awkward picture and i think i might be able to help. Stephen linmanuel, i know you are here to help. Are you also here to promote something . Of course laughter im here to promote this new song weve been working on. Its called almost like praying, and its got jennifer lopez, marc anthony, gloria estefan, fat joe, any latino person you like laughter is on this song. laughter it dropped at midnight, and all the proceeds go towards helping puerto rico rebuild. Stephen incredible. cheers and applause you can get it right now. It is all ready up. Its available on itunes, spotify and tidal. But heres the thing im glad youre here promoting the song, everybody should get it to help the people for puerto rico. Yes. Stephen but heres my problem. Nick and i were actually just in the middle of raising money for puerto rico as well and were just 1,000 shy of a million dollars. You dont happen to have an awkward puberty photo, do you . I dont. Im afraid i looked really good. Stephen awwww but i do have an awkward puberty video roll it, jim i came back from puerto rico yesterday and im bored oh, i hate it here in new york dont get me wrong its nice to live with all these nice folks but i dont like it it really suuuuu. Stephen whoo cheers and applause unbelievable i wish we had a mic for you to drop thats incredible thats what this man gives he gives and he gives a real video, and youre really 13 in that video. And im really making up a song about puerto rico even then. And my face is struggling to catch up with my nose. That was a dark year. Stephen unbelievable. Not just a photo but an actual video and a video about puerto rico. What do you say about that, nick . You know, that song was so catchy its going to be stuck in my head for days. If you thought that was good check out almost like praying, which, again, is on sale now. Stephen well, Linmanuel Miranda, that was worth 1,000 which means our new grand total is a whopping 1 million cheers and applause all of that money will be going to help the people in puerto rico rebuild after Hurricane Maria i want to thank cbs, nick kroll, Linmanuel Miranda and all the people who shared their awkward photos all of you out there cheers and applause now to celebrate all the awkwardness and all the generosity, we made a video of all the celebrities who jumped in to help. You can check it out and find more ways to give to the victims of Hurricane Maria at colbertlateshow. Com. But as we go out to commercial, heres a little taste. Well be back with Morgan Freeman cheers and applause band playing for every 50 spent plus take an extra 20 off save on cashmere sweaters sleepwear for the family and bedding. Saturday at kohls. Nothing smells greater than the great outdoors. Especially when youre in accounts receivable. Only one detergent can give you a sniff like this. The irresistable scent of new gain botanicals laundry detergent. Bring the smell of nature wherever you are. Whoa the mercedesbenz winter event is back and you wont want to stop for anything else. [ barks ] ho lease the gla 250 for 349 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. You know how between the bike rides and the fort making, youre a family of master adventurers . Meet your new partner in crime. Hey google, play mickey mouse adventure. Mickey mouse will you help me . You know it. Mickey hot dog i knew i could count on you family time. Like only google can. Try degree ultraclear black white fa ily time. Saves your white clothes from yellow stains and black clothes from white marks still with 48 hour sweat protection. Try degree ultraclear black white it wont let you down cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an oscar winning actor you know him, you love him who executive produces, directs, and sometimes stars in madam secretary. Ah, madam secretary chief justice. I dont think ive ever seen you in here before. No, im not much of a Power Breakfast type. Not that theres anything wrong with that. Its just im more of a muffin on the fly type. Got it. Theres just somebody i need to bump into. Yes, there is, and i wouldnt want to be the senator morejon right now. laughs stephen please welcome Morgan Freeman cheers and applause band playing squeals squeals of delight sir. band playing cheers and applause cheers and applause oh, control. Absolutely. Oh, no, youve got them in the palm of your hand. Squeals of delight when you came out here. I noticed. Stephen like they were goosed by an ice pick. I they were goosed by the guy who says when he comes out here i know that guy. Stephen you dont have to coach anybody to like Morgan FreemanEverybody LovesMorgan Freeman cheers and applause laughter yeah. All right. Stephen why cant you actually be in washington d. C. . Wouldnt that be nice if Morgan Freeman was a powerful person in washington, d. C. . Youre a mountain of dignity. We need that in washington, d. C. Right now, someone to look up to. cheers and applause did you ever consider politics or anything like that . No, stephen, i never did consider politics. Im an actor, that will do it. laughter stephen its a fine line. Its a fine line. You think . Stephen yeah, you both make things up, but you get paid better. laughter so true. Stephen now, the show, madam secretary, we all know what washington is like, as i was saying. I think people watch that show sometimes just to get relief. Stephen yeah. Yeah. Stephen to see a washington that makes a lilt bit more sense to them. How do you think the show compares to the real washington in your mind . Today i dont think it compares at all. Its just we dont have a lot of confusion on the show because stephen you know whos in control, the director. We know whos in control. Yeah, and the writers. Stephen which is you for some of the episodes. Yeah, one of the episodes. I do the First Episode every season. Stephen oh, okay. How many seasons have you directed . Three. Stephen three, okay. Does it get easier or do you find the process easier . Do you crack the whip or do you drive the people really hard . I drive the crew. Actors, i dont fool around with because they know what theyre doing. But crews tend to get a bit complacent, you know, the show i say, we need to keep moving, you all, and i remind them that a nascar pit crew can change four tires and give you a tank of gas in under 14 seconds. Just think about that. Stephen wow. Im thinking about it right now. Yeah. laughter stephen i want you to know, my crew is the best crew. I never have to remind them to be fast at all. cheers and applause so how do you best way to get them to speed up. Stephen exactly. How do you remind them . Nascar does it, you can, too . If i feel like theyre taking too long to change a light or something, i go, zing, zing, zing laughter thats the guy with the with the drill. Stephen wow, i like that. Thats kind of gentle and yet hostile at the same time. Yeah. laughter stephen thats nice. Its merely a reminder, not like a whip. Stephen that we can do better. Yeah. Stephen now, i loved your natgeo show through the wormhole. applause but you have a new show called the story of us. Is that anything like this is us . Am i going to cry through the entire show . Uh, not the entire show. Some episodes will be quite uplifting. Stephen what is the mission . The mission is just to show us who we are. Stephen humanity to humanity . Humanity to humanity. What it is that really keeps us together, and it seems like this might not be a bad time to be airing such a show. Because we think were splitting apart. Were not. Stephen how so . The divisiveness is an illusion now . Well, we talk about the divisiveness, you know, and the us and them quality of life right now, but, you know, life moves in waves. Its almost predictable, whats going to be happening a thousand years from now, with us. Stephen because youve played god so many times, i suppose. laughter i cant see a thousand years in the future. Is there someplace you went . How many countries did you go to . We went to ten countries on this trip. Stephen is there one place where you learned more about us than other countries . Can i say that i wouldnt say that, but i went to southern ethiopia, and i visited a tribe of people called the hammer. Stephen hammer. Like the hammer. Stephen yeah. And they live there in the valley just as they did hundreds of years ago. We were there for the bull jumping ceremony, which is what a young man does when he thats his right of passage. Stephen he jumps over a bull . He jumps over a bunch of bulls. He doesnt really jump over them, he runs along them. Stephen still sounds dangerous. It is dangerous. Stephen yes. But all of the females in his family, and they may number in the teens, come out to support him and to show him their love, how much they love him. They have nine men selected i forget what they call them stephen a baseball team. laughter they could and they whip these women. Stephen wait a second. So the boy jumping on the backs of these bulls . This is all built up to the moment when hell do that. Stephen and the nine men are whipping the women . Doesnt just go quite like this. Stephen you just said theyre whipping the women. They do, they do. There are nine men and theyre over here in the shade somewhere and these ladies are jumping up and down. They are wearing bells on their legs so you hear the jangling, and theyre jumping up and down and having fun. They collect these whips themselves and they will go over and they will cajole or insult a man. Take this whip and give me a good lick. So the man will take the whip and go out into the middle of this circle and go, pow right across there. And the women dont even flinch. Stephen they go straight to h. R. laughter they should. Dont do that. Dont do that. applause dont listen to this man. It goes on. I mean, i was i want to say enthralled, but it doesnt sound right. Stephen sounds close to right. Well stephen what did you learn from it, i guess . Dont do that. laughter applause stephen thats fair enough. Thats fair enough. Weve got to take a little break. Hope you can stick around, well be right back with more Morgan Freeman. Dont go anywhere, and dont whip anybody cheers and applause band playing where is it you wanna go . Where is it you wanna go . Check it out oh, dude. Im sending it to him. Where is it you wanna go . Where is it you wanna go . Where is it you wanna go . Where is it you wanna go . Thank you. Where is it you wanna go . Where is it you wanna go . Hey hey. Whatcha doin on your computer . Whats a computer . [ america by simon can i cross it off yet . Almost. And. Now. The volkswagen atlas. With available digital cockpit. Lifes as big as you make it. [ gasps, laughs ] you ever feel like. Cliche foil characters scheming against a top insurer for no reason . Nah. So, why dont we like flo . She has the name your price tool, and we want it. But why . Why dont we actually do any work . Why do you only own one suit . Its just the way it is, underdeveloped office character. Youre right. Thanks, bill. No, youre bill. Im tom. You know what . No one cares. cough its just a cough. If you could see your cough, youd see just how far it can spread. Robitussin soothes in seconds and delivers fast, powerful cough relief for hours. giggling robitussin dm max. Because its never just a cough. Whget more bang for your buck robitussin dm max. With 15 kohls cash for every 50 spent earn it on everything even our biggest brands all week long the more you shop the more kohls cash youll get no limit so when you give joy, you get joy all this week only at kohls. The volkswagen atlas. With available pedestrian monitoring. Lifes as big as you make it. Well, before it was even founded, a french teenager, bienville, scared away a british warship with just a story. And Great Stories kept coming. Like when the military came and built the boats to win the war. [warplane] some are tales told around crowded tables. [streetcar rumble] and others are performances fit for the stage. Stella cause for three hundred years, Great Stories have started the same way. One time, in new orleans. [crowd applause] cheers and applause stephen hey, were back with our friend Morgan Freeman, right here. Now, i love having you on. We dont have you on enough. We have a wonderful band, but i dont have you do. Stephen but i dont have a cohost, i dont have anybody sitting up here with me to jaw with all the time, and i was wondering whether i could ask you to say a few lines that we could roll into the show on nights i wish i had somebody else up here with me and i dont. Would you mind recording a few things we could bank and have rolled in later . Ill do it, stephen, but im really not the sidekick type. laughter cheers and applause stephen would you mind sitting over there for it . Okay. Stephen can we bring that over here . All right. I havent had a chance to go over these. All right. Stephen so lets just do your best. What you imagine is im either doing my monologue over there or im talking to one of these cameras or a guest and youre just there all the time and this is for all subsequent shows after this, okay . Laugh at the appropriate times and all that . Stephen oh yeah, you do all that kind of stuff. You can read it off of here or there. Okay. Stephen this is the first one. This one is, all right, morgan, this is if im doing the monologue and i make a really good joke and the audience enjoys it and the camera cuts to you and you say hah. You can say that again, stephen laughter applause laughter stephen thats nice. I like it. This is feeling good. This is feeling good. Okay, the next one is, this would help us with future edits, if we have to edit something out of the show and we dont have anything to cut to, and the camera would cut to you and you would say the following thing wow. I dont think we can show that on cbs. laughter good thing you cut to me. Morgan freeman. Stephen all right. Now, we never know what might happen in the future, so lets just do this as a safety here, morgan. Okay. Love that mustache, stephen laughter applause stephen now, and this one is just to cover our bases. All right. Hey, stephen, i wish you hadnt shaved. You looked better with the mustache. laughter stephen nice. applause your job is also to back me up in celebrity interviews if anything goes wrong. Yeah. Stephen so lets try this one. Oh, come on, stephen, you going to just sit there and take that from Andrew Garfield . laughter throw a punch. Stephen i like that. Thats good. Weve got to get Andrew Garfield on now. Here are just a couple of random lines that we dont know if well ever use them but good to have. Okay . I love gravy laughter stephen okay. Loose lips sink ships laughter stephen finally, the last line from notmysidekick, Morgan Freeman. Sounds like you finally learned the meaning of Christmas StephenMorgan Freeman, everybody madam secretary returns this sunday at 10 00 on cbs, and you can also see him every night here on the late show. Morgan freeman, everybody well be right back with grace gummer. cheers and applause band playing ive been tryind a knee specialist. But nobody has an opening for months you cant always control your feelings. Oh, i found one innetwork next tuesday. But unitedhealthcare can help you control your care. Thanks, stephanie. Unitedhealthcare so if you have a sink, and the ship is sinking, is it a sinking sink . Scrubbing bubbles toilet gel, freshens and cleans with every flush. Spend less time cleaning, and more time thinking about the important things. Sc johnson but it might be hard to handle like the flame that burns the candle the candle feeds the flame topped steak twisted potatoes at applebees. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood. We finished the dream closet just in time check it out day. Wow i love sweaters sweaters and fleece for the whole family starting at 10. Black friday doorbusters. Doors now open, only at target. We need to be ready for my names Scott Strenfel and r im a meteorologist at pg e. We make sure that our crews as well as our customers are prepared to how weather may impact their energy. So every single day were monitoring the weather, and when storm events arise our forecast get crews out ahead of the storm to minimize any outages. During storm season we want our customers to be ready and stay safe. Learn how you can be prepared at pge. Com beprepared. Together, were building a better california. cheers and applause band playing you know how between the bike rides and the fort making, youre a family of master adventurers . Meet your new partner in crime. Hey google, play mickey mouse adventure. Mickey mouse will you help me . You know it. Mickey hot dog i knew i could count on you family time. Like only google can. Family time. Grooves in your sandwich . Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Chips made with 100 real cheese. Dang right its a chip at tmobile, when you holiday together, great things come in twos. Like tmobile and netflix. Right now when you get an unlimited family plan, netflix is included. Ho ho ho tmobile covers your netflix subscription. Best Christmas Gift ever . So you can binge watch all year long. Now youre thinking christmas and now when you buy any of this seasons hot new Samsung Galaxy phones, you get a second one free to gift. Thats one samsung for you. And one to give. Tmobile. Holiday twogether. Shsaturday is the last day toore anget 15 kohls cashday for every 50 spent plus take an extra 20 off save on cashmere sweaters sleepwear for the family and bedding. Saturday at kohls. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back youve seen my next guest on the newsroom, American Horror story and now mr. Robot. Alexa, are we friends . Yes. We live together, i feel like i dont even know you. Alexa, whats your favorite color . Infrared is super pretty. Alexa, do you have a boyfriend . Im not the dating kind. Yeah, me, too, hon. Stephen please welcome grace gummer cheers and applause hello. Hi, come on up band playing isnt it lovely . Yeah. Stephen nice to see you. Nice to see you, too. Stephen im excited for the third season of mr. Robot. Me too. Stephen it starts this week. Yeah, october 11. Stephen when you do a show where everybody wants to know whats going to happen, they dont want spoilers, but people are tempted to know things, do you know whats going to happen or only your part of the script . No, i do, i know everything. Stephen can you tell us anything . Nothing. You dont want me to tell you stephen does the world look more or less like our world . Because its harrowing how much the world looks like our world. Yes, i know, but were still in obama days on the show, so everythings better. laughter stephen even though everythings terrible, everythings better. Right, yeah. applause piano riff stephen you and remi malek know each other from before mr. Robot. We do, yes. Stephen this is tom hanks, you and remi malik in larry crowne. Everybody starts chanting when i say that name. Were you excited when you found out you got to Work Together again . Yes, it was so fun. I texted him and said were going to spend a lot of time together, and we have yet to have a scene together, so thats not exciting as i thought. Stephen youre doing scenes with alexa. I am, who i have an alexa by the way. Stephen okay. Are you okay with something listening to you all the time . No, i dont trust her. Stephen really . Shes on my bleep list. laughter stephen why . What did she do to you . Did she order something from amazon you didnt want . I mean. No, shes just always there and listening. Shes like my girlfriend that wont go away. I dont know, shes weird. Stephen unlike a girlfriend, you can unplug her. Yes, but i still dont trust her, i think shes still listening to everything. Shes hooked up to my wifi. She probably has eyes, she can see around my apartment. I dont know. Stephen that stuff doesnt bother me for some reason. They say people are watching you through the camera on your computer, im, like, eh. laughter im glad somebody wants to see me. Thats nice. You dont put the tape over your no, im just needy enough. laughter i always love to be on camera. I didnt get into this business because i wanted to not be stared at. Fair enough. laughter stephen i dont have one. Is it convenient . Whats the upside of having this . I dont use it. I mean, i dont trust it so i dont use it. Stephen did you buy it . No, usa gave it to me as a gift, ironically, for the show. Stephen wow. I used it to test it out before i did all the scenes and she said exactly what she is scripted to say in the show so i tested her out. Stephen so thats actually alexas responses to those questions . Yes, those are accurate, real life. Stephen i could see becoming friends with an inanimate object. Really . Stephen yeah. Didnt you have a teddy bear when you were a child . Or an Imaginary Friend . Yeah, but it didnt talk to you and buy stuff for you. Stephen even better. It can turn on your air conditioning and buy your flights. Stephen it can do that . Yeah. Stephen my friends dont do that. laughter heres something that people all ready know about you, but this is a picture of your mother, meryl streep, when she was about your age and you look startlingly alike. And i only show this to say you grew up with a famous mother, youve worked with very famous people. Do you, at this point in your career, do you get star struck at all with people . All the time. I actually, in fact, met Anthony Bourdain today and i almost threw myself on him and peed in my pants at the same time. laughter stephen i think that couldve shown up in one of his shows. laughter he does that for you, huh . Yeah, he just does it for me, hes so cool. Stephen Anthony Bourdain . Yes laughter stephen youve worked with tom hanks. Anthonys lovely, dont get me wrong, but, you know, he goes and eats bugs laughter i know but he has the best job ever and hes so good at it and he has that, you know, voice. Stephen i bet you could get that job. Really . Stephen id pay to see you eat bugs. Really . Stephen i think so. I dont want to eat bugs. Stephen well, another thing about you and your mother that people may not know is that, i was on Henry Louis Gates faces of america, as was your mother, and we had our dna sequenced, and we found out that your family and my family, we are cousins. Yes. Stephen somewhere in the last ten generations. So approximately in the past 200 years there is some common ancestor between the two of us. Overlap, yes. Stephen so when i see your mom, i say, hey, cuz, whats up . laughter and she says, hey, who are you . laughter the thing, is if were cousins, we should have a Family Reunion some time. My god, we should. That would be so fun. What should we do . Stephen how about thanksgiving dinner . Thats when you get together with relatives you dont know. Or like. laughter stephen what do you guys do . Do you have anything traditional family dinner . Traditional everything. I love the canned cranberry sauce. Stephen slides out, you slice it. Love it. Stephen turkey, stuffing . Turkey, stuffing, peas, mashed potatoes, gravy. The works. Stephen we should get together, do that, have the mashed potatoes, everything. Could i invite somebody . Yes, please. Stephen Morgan Freeman, would you like to come . I love gravy. laughter cheers and applause stephen fantastic. The three of us. Grace, it was lovely to see you. So good to see you. Stephen season three of mr. Robot premieres wednesday on usa. Grace gummer, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause band playing what if Home Security was different . What if it looked different . What if the measure of working, was that you never had to think about it. What if it was so easy to use, you actually used it. [alarm] you have 3 minutes to exit. What if it gave you time, and what you really need from Home Security. A sense of security. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . cheers and applause stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Good night cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from oklahoma, oklahoma, oklahoma, give it up