Transcripts For KNTV Late 20240704

And now, Seth Meyers Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. We hope youre doing well. And now if you dont mind, were going to get to the news well, thanks to the woke left, another confederate statue has been taken down. [ light laughter ] thats right Senate Minority leader Mitch Mcconnell announced today that he will step down from his leadership position in november. And then in december hell be stepping down from his position as krampus [ laughter ] President Biden had lunch yesterday with Vice President Kamala Harris. Hmm, did he forget his wallet with her, too . [ laughter ] Senate Intelligence chair mark warner said yesterday that it is cheaper for russia to meddle in u. S. Elections than to build military equipment thats true. All they really needed was one drone. [ laughter ] three weeks after dropping out, Marianne Williamson announced today that she is quote, unsuspending her president ial campaign apparently she got some good news from her Campaign Advisor [ laughter ] according to newly released records, a vehicle carrying Vice President Kamala Harris in 2022 became, quote, momentarily airborne after it hit a high curb see, trump is still stuck in the 1950s. Meanwhile, the Biden Administration is giving us flying cars. [ laughter ] republican president ial candidate ryan binkley announced he is ending his campaign, which is too bad, because he could have been americas first a. I. Generated president [ laughter ] former finance director at New York University pleaded guilty yesterday to a 3 million fraud scheme a 3 million fraud scheme, or as its more commonly known, an nyu degree [ audience oohs [ laughter and applause theyre here because the tickets are free [ laughter ] according to a new study, smoking marijuana is linked to a higher risk of having a heart attack, mostly because you think every noise you hear is the cops [ laughter ] in honor of pancake day, the breakfast food brand eggo is offering guests the chance to stay in a pancakethemed rental house, which features a maple syrup fountain its the most whimsical place youll ever be stung to death by bees [ laughter ] and finally, according to a new survey, 26 of cat owners prefer to use natural soap or body wash, while the other 74 opt for neosporin. [ light laughter ] and that was the monologue, everybody. [ cheers and applause were off and running. We got a great show for you tonight. Hes an Academy Awardnominated and golden globewinning actor who stars in dune part two. Which hits theaters this weekend. Austin butler is on the show, you guys [ cheers and applause first time im so excited about it. Shes an actress, comedian, author shes one of our favorites here. Her new special jenny slate seasoned professional is out now on prime video jenny slate is also joining us [ cheers and applause and we will have music from a fantastic band two Door Cinema Club will be here to perform for us [ cheers and applause you guys, were still celebrating our tenth anniversary week, and today we put up a special new episode of our late Night Podcast that features our cast and crew talking about their favorite stories over the first ten years. Its very special. You can find it wherever you get your podcasts. Very happy they all took the time to do that. Moving on, President Biden announced that the u. S. Is working towards a ceasefire in gaza that could come as soon as monday, but he also sent the nation into a fullblown constitutional crisis by eating ice cream with me. [ laughter ] for more on this, its time for a closer look. No, wait [ cheers ] a closer lick. [ cheers and applause seth finally used it so you guys, a weird thing happened to me on monday we had President Biden on our Anniversary Show we asked him some questions. We made some jokes it was a nice time then after the show he asked me to go downstairs with him to get ice cream. I said, sure, why not . It was our shows anniversary. I was in a celebratory mood. Plus, my wife doesnt like it when i have dairy after 5 00 but when the president asks [ light laughter ] a few hours later, i get home, sit down on the couch and relax by doing what all americans do to relax, turn on cable news and i was flabbergasted, dumbstruck, one might even say agog, to see this on my television screen. Seth meyers stepped into an ice cream shop with none other than President Biden the president and meyers stopped by an ice cream shop the president enjoying an Ice Cream Cone there with seth meyers. He did grab an Ice Cream Cone with seth meyers the president made a spontaneous announcement at an ice cream shop after he had taped a segment with the late night host seth meyers, which is why you see him standing by his side seth meyers and President Biden had ice cream while talking about the war in the middle east. The president of the United States answered very serious questions about israel, for example, while licking an Ice Cream Cone holding an ice cream. I know i was like, its melting, this is weird. [ light laughter ] but he got asked the question, he answered the question it was really strange, yeah really strange seth you think it was strange for you . [ laughter ] i was standing right next to him. Usually im the one taking closer looks at the news now im in the news, which means its time to take a closer look at myself [ laughter ] [ echoing seth for more on this, for more on this, for more on this [ light laughter ] shame on me, by the way, for forgetting the first rule of comedy when the middle east comes up, put your Ice Cream Cone down. [ laughter ] seriously, cameraman, you didnt want to help a brother out and frame the shot a little tighter . Never before in my life has the curb your enthusiasm music been louder in my head during this moment. Were close were close, its not done yet [ applause ] seth by the way, this is not the first time this has happened to me. Eagleeyed students of history will also note that i was eating ice cream next to Ronald Reagan when he made his tear down this wall speech [ laughter ] i was standing next to Nikita Khrushchev at the u. N. During the cold war. And i was there at the signing of the declaration of independence [ laughter ] im the reason for the famous chocolate smudge lhhl seriously, you try exhibiting gravitas next to the president of the United States while licking some honeycomb ice cream surrounded by a group of strangers. You know at least, to my credit, i had a suave, super charming icebreaker for all the customers in the ice cream shop. Hi, how are you hi. Good to see you guys. You like ice cream too [ laughter ] seth see [ applause ] see . I dont need writers [ laughter ] you know what . Fine so what . So what . [ laughter ] so i was in the news for solemnly licking some ice cream. At least it wasnt global news lets just have a listen to what joe biden had to say [ laughter ] yesterday while out filming in new york with seth mayer. Seth seth mayer . [ laughter ] well, the hits keep on coming. Who is seth mayer . Youre making me sound like the less cool brother of john mayer. While john mayer shreds on stage, seth mayer stands off to the side eating ice cream. [ laughter ] makes small talk with the audience you guys like music too . [ laughter ] and apparently its not just the u. K. Where i didnt make much of an impression. One protrump pundit wrote on twitter, joe biden eating ice cream while answering reporter questions about serious issues isnt charming, its super weird. Do you know grown men who go get ice cream by themselves . [ laughter ] i dont. Its very strange. Hes not by himself [ laughter ] im standing right there im seth [ bleep ] mayer and i deserve some respect [ cheers and applause of course, the setting was not nearly as significant as the substance of what biden said when a reporter asked him about the possibility of an imminent ceasefire in gaza. Can you give us a sense of when you think the ceasefire will start, sir . Well, i hope by the beginning of the weekend i mean, the end of the weekend at least my National Security advisor tells me that were close. Were close. Its not done yet. My hope is by next monday well have a ceasefire seth dont frame me up [ laughter ] the worst part of that clip was when the camera panned back to me holding my [ bleep ] ice cream [ laughter ] theres nowhere to put it [ light laughter ] the whole time i was watching that i was thinking to myself, please stay on biden, please stay on biden. Please stay on biden pl goddamn it you might say why didnt you look where the camera was pointing i couldnt get caught looking into the lens. I already felt like i was on an episode of curb and veep. I didnt want to do a jim halpert look into the camera too. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] now, i will say, as i was listening in the moment, i was thinking to myself, i really hope hes right about an imminent ceasefire. In fact, i hope it comes as soon as possible, because as far as i can tell, the only way out of this nightmare is an immediate, lasting ceasefire and the safe return of all hostages in the meantime [ cheers and applause axios reports that the Biden Administration gave israel until midmarch to sign a letter that gives assurances it will abide by International Law while using u. S. Weapons and allow International Aid into gaza. Wait why until midmarch . Shouldnt we always be abiding by International Law im no legal scholar, but my understanding of International Law is that, much like ice cream, its available all year round. There are no exceptions. Its not alternate side parking. Ive never seen a sign that says no violations of International Law except for tuesdays, thursdays and alternate sundays from 9 a. M. To 8 a. M. , the previous wednesday except for holidays, not including opposite day, which is not a holiday, meaning the rules do apply except its opposite, so they dont apply. Anyway, who the hell is that standing next to joe biden . [ laughter ] so agree or disagree, there was plenty of substance to chew over from bidens appearance on our show monday. But the right seemed laserfocused on what was clearly much more important to them the ice cream. Something else that was kind of funny tonight to see President Biden at the ice cream shop in new york where he was fundraising and taping a late night comedy show. Forgive me, brett, but im shaking my head at that. Consider the optics. A major News Announcement nearing a ceasefire while getting ice cream with seth meyers. Theres something wrong with that thats what he said while he was eating ice cream there, that cream cone which, if thats true, thats a major policy announcement that typically you wouldnt make with ice cream in your right hand you know who lights up for ice cream . Children and the elderly you know, in between slurps of his Ice Cream Cone, forrest gump is like starting to exhaust me with all of this this i personally am sick and tired of hearing about how much he loves ice cream seth okay. First of all, he wasnt slurping, because slurping makes a sound, and all i could hear was my heart pounding and the ice cream slowly dripping onto my cone hand also, biden is not forrest gump in that situation. I am [ laughter ] im the one standing next to a world leader not knowing why im there and wishing i was just playing pingpong. He not the gump i the gump [ light laughter ] its like my mama always said, you guys like ice cream, too . [ laughter ] i didnt know i didnt know if they liked it and i wanted to ask. [ laughter ] they were tourists i wanted to be like, if you dont, go elsewhere. And i also know biden isnt forrest gump, because unlike gump, biden doesnt run. Hes more of a shuffler, you know still more than donald trump is capable of that man cant run or shuffle. If we ever invited him on this show, he wouldnt even make it to the couch hed just wander in circles until he forgot where he was and just give up besides, i would never invite trump on this show because, a, it would be pointless, and, b, what would we eat afterwards theres no kfc in 30 rock. [ laughter ] and if there was, the cnn headline would probably say, trump discusses windmills while steve mayer watches like a dumbass. [ laughter ] by the way, i agree its not ideal to make serious announcements while eating crisis cream, but in fairness, he was already eating ice cream and then they asked him the question if the question had been, do you like sprinkles . That would have been a [ bleep ] insane answer [ laughter ] so fox was mad about the ice cream, but no one was more upset than fox host jesse watters. A grown man, especially the president , should not be licking ice cream in public. Seth yeah. Grown men shouldnt lick ice cream in public. They should be at the iowa state fair gloryholing a corndog. [ laughter and applause adult stuff. You know what . Youre right, grown adults should never eat ice cream in public, and fox news would never do something so embarrassing it is National Ice Cream day, and we are celebrating with a sweet setup on fox square. Were joined by president and ceo of friendlys restaurant, craig erlich craig, good morning to you happy National Ice Cream day thank you so much we have our conehead sundae, we have our monster mash sundae, we have our regular sundae, we have our jim dandy sundae Everybody Loves the jim dandy. And then my favorite are the fribbles and in celebration of our birthday, were giving away free fribbles seth okay, first of all, in fairness, i only knew about that clip because i was there too i mean, guys, its [ laughter ] right across the street. I heard about the free ice cream, and i said, to hell with politics, im going to get myself a fribble. Fine thats just fox friends. They do stuff like that all the time surely no republican president would ever be caught dead in an ice cream shop donald trump makes a visit to Carvel Ice Cream in westwood, and his fans are delighted by the Sweet Surprise [ cheers ] trump stopped by a nearby dairy queen following his Campaign Pitch he was greeted by chants of usa as he handed out blizzard ice cream treats so everybody wants a blizzard what the hell is a blizzard, huh . [ laughter ] seth you were in a dairy queen and you couldnt wager a guess as to what a blizzard might be at least when they asked biden if he wanted a cup or a cone, he didnt say, i dont know what either of these [ bleep ] things are this is the same sort of performative outrage the rightwing media has specialized for years now. They dont care if their hypocrisy is shameless and transparent. Maybe next time trump is on fox news, they can ask him a hard hitting question like do you like ice cream, too . [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth this has been a closer lick. [ cheers and applause well be right back with Austin Butler, everybody [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. The company goes to the first born audrey. The model train set is entrusted to todd. Mr. Marbles will receive recurring deliveries for all of his needs in perpetuity, thanks to autoship from chewy. I always loved that old man. 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[ cheers and applause seth give it up for the fantastic 8g band right over there, everybody [ cheers and applause we are so lucky to have fred armisen here with us this week [ cheers ] and fred, im always so impressed, because you seem to be a man who always has, like, 20 different projects going on at any given time. You know, our first guest tonight, Austin Butler, was so wonderful in the elvis film. And i heard you you are have a biopic coming up. Fred thats right. [ light laughter ] so i did a film about the designer of granola . You know, like granola cereal. Seth sure, i know what granola was. I wouldnt have thought the person who made it was called a designer [ laughter ] fred yeah, well, just because we see granola as sort of like amorphous. Theres a design to each one like whenever theres a cluster, theres a team of people who sort of like, you know, put it together and like this is what its going to be seth each individual cluster is designed . Fred yeah. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] seth and so what year was this born, this idea of designing granola . Fred 1951. Seth okay. [ laughter ] and who was the designer whats his name . I would think a lot of us dont know this. Fred Glenn Stevens seth oh. [ laughter ] Glenn Stevens . Fred in 1951 yeah just back then, cereals were just loose it was just corn flakes. It was just all over the place and someone was like lets kind of, like, organize this a little bit, so that people know whats you know and so it just went from there and we celebrate it. Seth thats so exciting. And if were looking for it in cinemas, whats it going to be called fred oh, its not coming out in cinemas seth is it going to be on streamers . Fred in gymnasiums were going to do it [ laughter ] so were showing it in gymnasiums i know but its just hard to get films out these days so were just going to do gymnasiums please come out and see it seth oh, great give it up for fred armisen, everybody. So exciting. [ cheers and applause youll see him next with Glenn Stevens. Our first guest tonight is an Academy Awardnominated and golden globe awardwinning actor you know from films such as elvis, once upon a time in hollywood, and masters of air, which is streaming now on apple tv plus. He stars in the highly anticipated dune part two, which is in theaters and imax this friday, march 1st lets take a look. But tonight, youre a hero. My gift to you i ought to drown you in that tub. Dont be hasty. I have another gift for you, a bigger one arrakis. What about rabban he has failed to protect spice production rabban will be reassigned. Tame arrakis, feyd free the spice ill make you emperor. Seth please welcome to the show, everybody, Austin Butler [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause seth hi im so happy youre here hello im so happy to be here. Congratulations on ten years seth thank you thats so kind of you to say and, fred, i cant wait to see your Glenn Stevens biopic. Im really excited about that. [ laughter ] seth i know this is maybe a little bit of a sore subject, because i did hear you were up for that part as well. I was, i was. They didnt buy me as a granola designer, for whatever reason. [ laughter ] seth i wouldnt believe it either i didnt have the brains. Seth no. Look at fred fred, do your smartest face. Wow [ laughter ] seth yeah. Thats amazing. Seth its really something its really, really something. [ applause ] wow seth this is one of the more anticipated movies of the year and i think, you know, obviously the industry was hurt a great deal by the strikes, but some movies like this one, it almost increases the anticipation i think people are so very excited about this movie its been so cool to go around the world and feel the excitement seth and you really have gone around the world. This is an every place movie yeah, yeah. Seth its for everyone we went to mexico city and korea and all over paris, london it was incredible. Seth it must be such a dream. Now, you saw the first one yeah. Seth and when you saw it, you had no sense that you were in the running for the sequel. No. Seth was it a trip at the time when you first got the idea of, oh, i might be able to be in the second one of these . Yeah. It was a dream come true i would have done catering on this film. [ light laughter ] i just i loved the first film so much. Seth dont make me think about the catering on the dune set. It takes me to this fantastical world and theres somebody back there being like, you know, like fred offering granola to everybody. Yeah, yeah, granola [ laughter ] seth so denis, this incredible director, who really is a visionary in everything he does i heard tell that you didnt audition for this, but you did have a coffee with him thats right, yeah. Seth and what was the understanding of the meeting did you sort of think when you went in, like, i might get this part . Well, i didnt know i truly didnt know. I didnt know which direction it was going to go. I didnt know him. And elvis hadnt come out yet. Seth oh wow, so its a way back i had shown him a few scenes and that sort of thing so i really didnt know. And ive never been just offered something. And so i thought, you know, this is probably not going to go my way. But then we had this wonderful meeting. And hes just the loveliest guy. And very quickly we saw that we liked to work in a similar way and then he said, you know, im going to go home and dream on this meeting. [ laughter ] and then he went home and he dreamed on it, and he called me and he said, will you join me on arrakis . Seth how many days later i think it was about three days later seth so three dreams three dreams. [ laughter ] needed to be sure. Seth he needed to be sure. They come in threes seth i have to have you in all three dreams yeah. Seth i think this really speaks to the kind of visionary he is, that he cast you in a film and he was like, no hair. Because lets be honest, austin, you got a great head of hair and then feyd, your character in the film [ laughter ] a real if elvis zigged, this is a real zag right here yeah, yeah. I just wanted to go the complete other direction. Seth well, he really helped you out. And its really fantastic. Its one of these movies its so exciting to see it on a big screen this look, when they first explained the look, and when you first got a glimpse of yourself in the makeup, what was that like the first time i saw myself in the makeup, i was in the middle of the elvis press tour seth okay. We were in london and i took a break from doing the junkets during the day, and then they brought me up to a hotel room and did that to me. [ light laughter ] and at first, you know, id been in this whole other world. And i thought, i dont know about this, this is going to be wild. And then once i wrapped my head around it and leaned into that, it became the most fun i have ever had seth it really i mean, its genuinely a transformation. No eyebrows. No eyebrows seth black teeth yeah. Seth the black teeth are real good. Yeah, yeah. Seth was the blacking of the teeth a fun part of this process . I would imagine yeah. Seth oh, it was . All right, yeah. I mean, its freeing not having to show your own teeth. Seth you went months without flossing you were like oh, yeah, completely. Granola everywhere [ laughter ] seth i know for so, you know, for elvis, i read that you, you know, to some degree you stayed in character, which i totally understand and watching that film, it certainly every choice you made was worth it. This is a very different cat i imagine you dont want to try to get into character in this sociopath and stay there yeah. You got to set some boundaries seth you got to set some boundaries with feyd, yeah exactly seth physically certainly what i saw looked physically taxing emotionally taxing as well because, you know, for a sci fi movie, i feel like its different than the genre films we grew up with. I mean, these are just actual cinema now, and i would imagine it was pretty much an emotional roller coaster yeah, yeah. I mean, truly, i remember going to see star wars when i was before i could read. My uncle read it to me and he took me seth oh, that right when the movie started, you were like, theres so much reading. Theres so much reading [ laughter ] so the first time when they rereleased the 70s films in the 90s, i went and watched those and the same feeling that i got going as a child and watching that is the way i felt watching dune for the first time. Seth its really great yeah, its really extraordinary. Got to see it on imax. Seth i highly recommend. And i want to say as well, because you know, this is the first time were getting a chance to talk, i elvis was the first movie i saw in a theater after the pandemic and it was so such a reminder of, oh, movies are great when you watch them at home and watching it, though, on a big screen, that performance and that film, it was i was like, i got to start going back to movies again. So it was really something congratulations. Thank you thank you so much. [ cheers and applause seth and its just such a delight to have you here congrats on everything you guys, thats Austin Butler [ cheers and applause dune part two in theaters and imax this friday, march 1st. Stick around well be right back with jenny slate. [ cheers and applause see . Homequote explorer lets you easily compare Home Insurance options so you can get what you need without overpaying. Yeah, weve spent a lot on this kitchen. Oh, yeah, really highend stuff. Sorry, thats our ghost. Yeah, okay. Hes more annoying than anything. Too bad theres mold behind the backsplash. [ sniffs ] yep, thats mold. Well, then, lets see if we can save you some money with progressive. Guess how much i originally paid for this fireplace . 23 bucks. Materials and labor. Just ignore him. You got bamboozled vo welcome to lobsterfest. Is your party ready . Ready to tango with tails on tails on tails . Try lobster lovers dream with two lobster tails and lobster shrimp linguini. Its one of ten nextlevel lobster creations. But lobsterfest wont last, so hurry in. New axe black vanilla . He like when i get dressed i live life with no stress he said thats my best flex new axe black vanilla. Get closer with the finest fragrances. Hey ump you need your eyes checked yeah, things are getting fuzzy then go to americas best why . For a comprehensive, quality eye exam sounds good it is ill go good call americas best. Because eye care is healthcare and you deserve the best. This looks like an actual farm. It looked cute on the app. meanwhile, at a vrbo. When other Vacation Rentals arent what theyre cracked up to be, try one where youll know what you get. You love pizza just as much as we love pizza so were bringing you our favorite offer yet. For a limited time get a large, one topping pizza for 8. 99, only at papa johns. Better ingredients, better pizza. Ugh. Nothing works on this acne. Hi who. . Im a licensed dermatology provider from curology. Oh. Just get a closer look. Yup, acne and some dark spots. But, if you answer a few questions, ill take a look at your skin and prescribe you a personalized cream. Oh i knew my phone was listening to me. Curology. Skincare with a face. Start today at curology. Com. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a talented actress, comedian, and bestselling author who you know from her work in movies such as marcel the shell with shoes on, Everything Everywhere all at once, and obvious child. Her new special jenny slate seasoned professional is available now on prime video lets take a look. So i took an airplane to amsterdam. He came to the airport with flowers, which obviously made me have an orgasm right away. [ light laughter ] and hes like, ba da da, well do this and that and then well get on the bikes. And i was like im sorry. [ light laughter ] so sorry i feel like i heard like a w like, a weird word [ light laughter ] hes like, well get on the bikes. And i was like oh theres the other [ bleep ] shoe [ laughter ] seth please welcome back to the show our very good friend jenny slate [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, jenny thanks for having me back seth i love this special so much beautiful venue. Oh, gorgeous. Seth you remark on the venue right off the bat. Both of our faces when were even talking about it are like because its ghostly seth it has a spooky vibe. I remarked right away, because i like to tell the truth, which is that it reminded me of what i think the play the phantom of the opera is about seth gotcha. A play that i have not seen [ light laughter ] because, a, they made the title too scary, as i say. B, i also admitted right away, much to the offense of many of the theatergoers, that i dont want to see a play seth you dont like going to plays. [ laughter ] i dont seth what is your turnoff about going to see a play . Im like, okay, like someone gave you that outfit [ laughter ] right . And literally theyre like, father, but you work at the newspaper or whatever it is. Youre like, i see you, like your name is elizabeth, you know, like you went to julliard. Like, i know youre you. Thats how i feel. Seth so you feel lied to at a play yeah. Im like, if were all going to be here, why dont you talk to me [ laughter ] seth like a normal person. Yeah. I just i dont know but yeah, i mean, that said, obviously if like tony kushner is watching this, i would love to be in a play. Seth yeah, i think thats [ light laughter ] like so much, yeah. Seth you mentioned youve never seen phantom of the opera. I also havent seen it what do you think its about okay. Can i al okay okay, and ill take the test let me say i saw the movie seth okay. It was a while ago, aka, i was stoned and drunk in my home. [ laughter ] seth okay. So this is the recent one. Gerry butler. Seth gerry butlers in it, great. And i it theyre on a gondola. Theyre going, and hes like [ imitating singing [ laughter ] and so, a little bit of that, right . What i think its about, he doesnt know where to go he has half a plate on his face. Why is he in there shes Walking Around why is she in there . Why are they both in there and then shes like ah when shes alone. And hes like christine and then shes like into that . And then he comes out and hes like, my plate and then shes he, like, teaches her how to sing. And then hes like, but hes like basically a squatter. [ laughter ] and then she like sings so hard that the chandelier falls on them, and thats why love can be beautiful, but a tragedy seth oh i might have to check it out [ cheers and applause i might have to check it out i never heard a movie recap where theres more whys. [ laughter ] why are they there what are they doing . Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seth im like, im asking you. Right, right. Seth you and i although you did the hard work, we both talked about the birth of our children in our specials yeah. Seth i, of course, did not have to give birth to a child. I just got to like stand there and watch and tell jokes but yours was so good that i got pregnant so that i could do a special about giving birth yeah [ laughter ] seth when you realize like, oh, material. [ laughter ] yeah. Yeah, im gnarly ill just go for it, you know, if theres a joke. Seth and now your beautiful daughter is three. Shes three seth and she wants to do something that she did not inherit from you, the desire to do this. This is a super tough one for me bec okay so recently, from a distance, because im not crazy and doing it up close, we saw a horse, from a distance. Seth got you you didnt bring her to see a horse. There just was a horse nearby. Ah, yeah. I would never bring her to see a horse. Anyone who knows me knows that im like really scared of horses seth okay. And i dont like them seth and what dont you like about horses uh, theyre too big seth uhhuh. [ light laughter ] i dont understand why theyre not a dog. Like [ light laughter ] the feet, their feet are hammers. [ laughter ] um, the face is as long as like half a door. [ laughter ] its like, oh, thats your face . Absolutely no thank you on that. And then, like, i would not explain this to my daughter, but like their [ bleep ] are from hell [ laughter ] seth yeah. Right seth i mean, thats more than three strikes thats a solid five strikes youre out totally, totally. Seth but she wants does she want to ride one thats what she said. Seth oh, no. Yeah. Seth so how are you going to explain it to her . So she says it. My husband, he like, looks at me, hes like, oh, oh. Like, this is jennys nightmare. And i was like, we cant. Were not, we cant. And shes three, so she was like, why . And i was like we dont know any. [ light laughter ] yeah like, i just dont like know who to connect you with. [ laughter ] yeah i dont know we dont know. And she was like, oh, okay. [ laughter ] seth thats great. You werent honest with her, but you explained it in a way that sounded honest yeah. I think thats fair enough seth i think thats a way to deal with kids, yeah seasoned professional is the title. This is a title that was gifted to you by a hypnotist . Thats true i wa thats true. [ light laughter ] i dont know do you sometimes, like, watch your personality happen and youre like, what is it . [ laughter ] like, how old am i like, am i 90 . Am i what is it i dont know i dont know what i am but anyway, yes. I went to a hypnotist, because i suffer from stage fright seth when is this . How far into your is this before your career started or during during. Seth okay. And i was like, oh, i cant have this, because ive got to go on the stage. Its like a major part of why im here, even on a stage right now. And so i went there, mostly my fears blasted through whatever he told me but the phrase youre a seasoned professional stayed in my mind. And like thats why its called the special is called seasoned professional. But looking back, im like, its so crazy that i did that because you know like when youre in high school maybe a hypnotist comes, and theyre like, who wants to come up here and get hypnotized . And its, like, only the popular kids who have never been made fun of seth yeah. [ light laughter ] you know, like i remember a hypnotist coming and theyd make you be like act like a chicken or play an invisible violin and just being like like, i would never embarrass myself more than im already embarrassed by just being here in school. Seth yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seth the last thing i need to add to my ensemble is an invisible violin totally like, just playing a sax or whatever, thats how you nickname becomes, you know, sax or whatever. Yeah, yeah seth but you have also, youve dabbled with some other professionals in the mystic field. I have. I love the cosmos. [ light laughter ] yeah ill get help where it exists, you know for my Bachelorette Party to celebrate my first marriage [ light laughter ] what is my personality like, what is it [ laughter ] wine its like wine mom what is this but anyway okay, so my best friend and i got married within a month of each other we were like, lets have a Bachelorette Party together, aka, lets go somewhere with a pool and smoke weed with like three other people seth yeah. So we went there, we got a psychic to come. She was like 45 minutes late she rolls up with a wheeling suitcase with like a broken wheel. Shes like, goddamn it [ light laughter ] shes so flustered, so harried shes like, oh, god, sorry girls. All right, okay, all right, okay. And then she had a stage name. We booked her under her real name, you know, whatever and like Candice Taylor or something. She comes. Shes like, okay, girls, im the celestial [ burps [ laughter ] countess. And we were like [ laughter ] yo, this lady just burped in between her two names. [ laughter ] first of all she cannot even do this. Her suitcase is dead but like we were all partying in the middle of the day, so of course we were like, tell me my fortune. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah and of course i was wearing like a halloween store brides veil because i was one of the brides. And she like, lasered into me right away and i was like, here we go. And she was like, you havent met the right man yet. When you know, youll know. And i was like [ screams [ light laughter ] seth so she actually maybe knew what she was doing. I mean, when i was signing my divorce papers, i was like [ gasps [ laughter ] remember that lady that burped [ cheers and applause seth she was burping the truth. She burped the truth. Seth before you go, and i really i loved your special so much. Thank you seth and i really do hope everybody watches. You also have another wonderful book of essays jenny slate lifeform. And check that out as well congratulations on everything. Thanks, darling seth im so happy to have you back thank you [ cheers and applause seth jenny slate everyone. Jenny slate seasoned professional. Available now on prime video well be right back with music from two Door Cinema Club. [ cheers and applause luke this will be a gold mine of local intel. Just you wait. marci right. So, tell us about this corn festival . stylist 1 oooh you got your corn pudding. You got your corn chowder. marci so. Is it safe around here . stylist 2 sometimes. luke if a family of eight were to need a cold plunge, where would they find it . stylist 1 . And then they dip it in butter, then bam, it goes right in. stylist 2 . Really cute vampire bar. stylist 1 the reverend does like a blessing on the corn. luke donut shops. How far from here . marci no eyebrows . luke think of how light itll feel in the summer. Weve got to run. Eleven thousand more neighborhoods to go vo ding dong homesdotcom. 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Dare to dish differently. Alice loves the scent of gain so much, she wished there was a way to make it last longer. Say hello to your fairy godmother alice and longlasting gain scent beads. Part of the irresistible scent collection from gain [ cheers and applause seth their u. S. Tour kicked off this month, and tomorrow night, theyll be at terminal 5 here in new york city. Performing their latest single, sure enough, please welcome to the show two Door Cinema Club [ cheers and applause heres another stor cant believe its wrong keep it on the t give em what they want blinded by the sigh we live by candlelight its not enough wont somebody tell m whats going o well it could be heavy is that what you want heres another sire ringing up ahead cccylinders are firing what we gonna get tell us what youre frightened o just give it u heres the flood sure enough sure enoug give me just a little bi of peace instead ive got only so much room inside my hea ive got better ways that i could use my time think of Something Else so i dont lose my min i know youre giving what were asking for but nothing good can come from opening that door everythings enoug to keep us wanting more and more and more and mor and more and more and more wont somebody tell m whats going o well it could be heavy is that what you want a little bi a little bit til there i nothing stopping it its just a little bi a little bit now there nothing stopping it stopping it stopping i stop it stop it [ cheers and applause seth two Door Cinema Club, everyone for dates, head to twodoorcinemaclub. Com. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause [traffic noise] [text message] lets ace this thing i got you coffee. Oh my god, what . You literally read my mind. Got you, girl. Are you taking the right multivitamin . With new chapter, you get excellent quality, organic ingredients, and fermentation. Fermentation . Yes. Feel the difference with 20 plus nutrients your body can absorb. So you can do you. Learn more at newchapter. Com. Moms gonna love this alright kids come on. Its time for bed good morning, mr. Snuggles. Make breakfast special with the cocoa and hazelnutty goodness of nutella. new axe black vanilla . He like when i get dressed i live life with no stress he said thats my best flex new axe black vanilla. Get closer with the finest fragrances. Limu emu doug bell ringing customize and save with libberty bibberty. Liberty bushumal. Libtreally blubatoo. Mark that one. That was nice i think youre supposed to stand over there. Oh am i . Thank you. So, a couple more . Well just. Well rip. Well go quick. Libu smeebo. Libu bribu. Limu bibu. And me. Doug hes an emu only pay for what you need. Jingle liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. What do i see in peter dixon . Only i see my husband. Ed. The father of our girls. I see a public servant. A man who served under secretary clinton in the state department. Where he took on the epidemic of violence against women in the congo. I see a fighter, a tenacious problemsolver. Who will go to congress and protect abortion rights and our democracy. Because he sees a Better Future for all of us. Im peter dixon and i approved this message. Announcer come join the audience at late night live in studio 8g. For tickets, head over to latenightsethtickets. Com follow us latenightseth on all social media platforms subscribe to late night seth on youtube. Find us online at latenightseth. Com. And subscribe to the late Night Podcast, featuring a closer look, guest interviews, and more available wherever you listen to podcasts you cant leave without cuddles. But, you also cant leave covered in hair. With bounce pet, you can cuddle and brush that hair off. Bounce, its the sheet. For your most brilliant smile, crest has you covered. laughing nice smile, brad. Nice thanks . Crest 3d white. 100 more stain removal. Crest. general why are you here . State your purpose 100 more stain removal. brad to find a place to rent i know renters when i see em general who is this guy . brad its the top priority when you move to a new city or galaxy. Apartmentsdotcom. We could help you get into a lovely. Onebedroom . Twobedroom . I dont want to presume anything. alien 1 shpwah ba zing bop. Bleh zee blurgaaa ha. alien 2 maaaa, grrigy grigit. brad i like these guys. Apartmentsdotcom. The place to find a place. Democrats agree. Conservative republican steve garvey is the wrong choice for the senate. Our republican opponent here on this stage has voted for donald trump twice. Mr. Garvey, you voted for him twice. As your own man, what is your decision . Garvey is wrong for california. But garveys surging in the polls. Fox news says garvey would be a boost to republican control of the senate. Stop garvey. Adam schiff for senate. Im adam schiff, and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause seth i want to thank my guests, Austin Butler, jenny slate, two Door Cinema Club, everybody fred armisen and the 8g band thank you for coming we love you. [ cheers and applause