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Thank you me, thank you me very much youre all very happy that im here at e United Nations and then wow, just look at all of the room full of diverse cultures and ethnicities seriously, its like the scariest College Brochure ive ever seen. I know youre all thinking its so great to be here with me for the last four to six hours of my presidency [ laughter ] who knew, you make one phone call blackmailing a foreign leader and everyone acts like you made one phone call blackmailing a foreign leader. [ laughter ] i guess its like the old saying, collude once, shame on u. Third time [ laughter ] but now it looks like my whistles been blown and not in a good way. It was a lowdown blowdown. Agd now ill have to face off grandma, nancy pelosi. Thats right nancys gone totally ukraine in the membrane [ laughter ] but luckily she has no evidence against me only calls and transcripts and the fist pump i just gave the ukrainian president on my way out here, whats up, buddy unfairly for me ukraine isnt my only big nono people are mad because i left yesterdays Climate Summit after just 15 minutes. Honestly how do you expect me to believe in Global Warming when they just filmed the second frozen movie [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause i mean, seriously. Let it go. [ laughter ] but anyway, back to the witch hunt season 3. I just want to all my supporters, i want them all to relax, okay . As hard as people try to impeach me, ill always be one step ahead of them trying to impeach me harder. [ laughter ] anyway, in collusion [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause americas the greatest country on earth ukraine owes me a serious fave [ laughter ] and you might call it Climate Change but i call it hot girl summer oh, and one more thing the tonight show is coming to you live from new york city come on steve live from 30 Rockefeller Plaza here in new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. And now, heres your Host Jimmy Fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome, everybody, welcome welcome to the tonight show thank you very much. Please have a seat, everybody. Welcome, everybody, welcome. You guys [ cheers and applause we are live this entire week [ cheers and applause im really excited, which is nice, because if you know me, you know i normally dont get excited about things [ laughter ] its a big night for nbc tonight the season premier of this is us. [ cheers and applause or as its known over at kleenex headquarters, christmas. Thats right a big tv night, tonight the premiere of this is us. Followed by Nancy Pelosis new show this is us impeaching you. Leaf leaf thats right, the big story today, nancy pelosi announced a formal inquiry into impeaching President Trump you can tell trumps desperate to make this go away he was like, who wants to see my tax returns, huh this is really bad news for trump which explains why today he called ukraine, like forget biden, get me dirt on pelosi after years of anticipation democrats finally took a step towards impeachment. Pretty excited for them. [ cheers and applause for them it was like finally making it to the fantasy suite, it really was. [ laughter ] even lizzo tweeted about the news check it out she said, impeachment. Can we see that again . Trump was like, imbuttment the whole thing was moving very fast we found out about the ukraine scandal last week, the impeachment inquiry starting this week, which means trump will be ncinon dawith the stars next week meanwhile tonight msnbc anchor chris hayes was discussing the ukrainian whistleblower scandal, described the situation as a champagne bottle waiting to explode. I think he got a little carried away. I sort of feel like that its like were watching a champagne bottle being shaken and shaken and shaken and shaken. [ laughter ] jimmy looks like someones excited for the impeachment. Its live, are we allowed to show that . Im being told msnbc just impeached chris hayes. He ended the segment, yell in my ear, mom, get out its been a busy day for trump today he spoke at the United Nations. When the staff first told him hed be speaking at the worlds most Important International Organization Trump was like, oh, gee, are we going to ihop . Trump addressed World Leaders at the u. N. General assembly, he spoke very calmly and very slowly some said it was to look president ial melania was like, i put xanax in froot loops. [ laughter ] did you see this commerce secretary wilbur ross was caught on camera sleeping, take a look. I told kim jongun [ laughter ] i truly believe like iran his country is full of tremendous untapped potential. Jimmy it got him worse when wilbur started spooning the guy in front of him. [ laughter ] later ross was like, oh please, i wasnt sleeping, i just briefly died [ laughter ] well theres a lot happening right now. The u. N. General assembly, the ukraine scandal, talks about impeachment. I wonder whats happening in other news a woman in louisiana was in serious danger after a camel sat on her she reportedly did the only thing she could, she bit the animals testicles [ laughter ] jimmy what sorry i asked. Facebook just paid almost 1 billion for a company that makes wrist bands that can read your brain. Which is crazy because i was sure facebook. Knew everything about me a woman in france found out she had a 13th century painting worth over 6 million hanging in her kitchen above a hot plate. Pretty excited about the discovery because now she can upgrade to a George Foreman grill. [ laughter ] finally a woman in the uk fell in hoff with her wedding deejay and now theyre dating even worse, the woman told her exhusband should have sprung for a band we have a great show tonight, give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy weava n show tonight, everybody demi moore is here, yeah [ cheers and applause thats what im talking about. Justin hartley is here [ cheers and applause and weve got great music from mark ronson featuring yebba [ cheers and applause i love this dude so much hes awesome guys, recently i ran into the one and only ringo starr a legend, hes one of the beatles, obviously rehe has a new album coming out next month. Whats my name. Its cool. We were having some fun, hanging out. We got ringo into a room with me and the roots and some classroom instruments. Please enjoy Yellow Submarine. One te town where i was born lived a man who sailed to sea and he told us of his life in the land of submarines so we sailed into the sun til we found the sea of green and we lived beneath the wave in our Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine and our friends are all aboar and the band began to play we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a li of ease every one of us has all we need sky of blue and sea of green in our Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine we all live in a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine a Yellow Submarine [ cheers and applause jimmy thats Ringo Starr Ringo starr right there, ladies e is just well, hes a beatle. He acts like a beae. There we go, jimmy, how are you . He came in, nice to see you. He sat down and i sat down and he stood up and i sat down and like in a movie. I was playing the s go, im sorry if that was awful. He said, best drumming ive heard all morning. So nice. The nicest thing anyone ever said to me then he goes, i was lying. I go, were you telling the truth there . He goes, yes, i was. Three levels of funny. The one and only ringo starr [ cheers and applause well be back with more of the tonight show, everybody [ cheers and applause tv chatter crunch whats the score . No idea. cheers whoo. kohls lowest prices of the season whoo. Prices so low no coupons needed levis 40 to 50 off. Kids tops 60 off. Kitchen electrics 9. 99 plus get 5 kohls cash for every 25 spent . As a family, we always fly emirates. Mum and dad are always saying. I love the breakfasts. Its the lunch for me we both like the snacks and the evening meals granny always says. The crew are so lovely with. Can i get you anything madam . My uncle loves emirates for. The thousands of channels. Plus i never miss a live match and my sister, if she ever spoke to me. Would say. Its the free wifi. Duh you get so much more on ev the baby would say. The juu. They took 12. 8 billion from big tobacco. Juul marketed mango, mint, and menthol flavors, addicting kids to nicotine. Five million kids now using ecigarettes. Now juul is rn san franciscos ecigarette protections. Say no to juul, no to big tobacco, no to prop c. [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back, everybody we have got a great show tonight. Demi moore is here [ cheers and applause dem your moore Justin Hartley is here [ cheers and applause mark ronson are all here actllyy coincidence. Because we have a bit of a history. Now a lot of people dont know this all four of us went to law school together. [ laughter ] we worked at the same law firm back in the late 80s. We even shot some commercials. To keep our line readings fresh our director wouldnt let us see the lines until we were shooting we were reading for the first time live. I found one of our own commercials. Here for the first time in decades is an ad for the law offices of moore, hartley, ronson, and fallon. Do you need legal aid worry no more, your search for a lawyer is over moore, hartley, ronson and fallon will fight for you to get you the help you deserve moore, hartley, ronson and fallon is a team you can trust are we the best lawyers in the world . No are we the worst lawyers the world . Absolutely i went to Harvard Law School and by harvard i mean university by law school i mean a phoenix thats right i got my degree online at the university of phoenix. And so too can you, my little do i doesnt do words good but i dont do lawyer stuff happy. You hire me to do good job for you . Well you thank you daddy. [ cheers and applause one time i got my hand stuff in a pringles can for 20 minutes. I chew pringles for 20 million and i do the same for you guaranteed hey, hey, hey have you ever wondered why they sell doughnut holes if they dont sell bagel holes were going to sue those bagel bastards and get you the cream cheese you deserve did a motorist hit you from behind did a cement block fall on your foot did a snowball hit you in your mamas face . If we cant get you the money you deserve then our name isnt Neil Patrick Harris did you need help call 8005550199. Extension 772772 ask for carol, shell patch you there to our main office wait 45 seconds for the tone, then wait nine minutes for the beep give your Social Security number followed by the pound sign were open 1 p. M. Monday to 1 p. M. Monday. Leave your name and a callback number we text you nudes [ cheers and applause if youre looking for aoue hr justice . Then i mean, are you also hungry for food . I have a 100dollar gift card to chilis. And your girls jonesing for jalapeno poppers pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop [ cheers and applause i dropped out just 15 minutes ago. Ohoh. Roses are red, violets are blue one time i got my penis stuck in a pool toaster the time i didnt show up for three months it was the best time of my life. Call together and we got the experience and expertis p want to ss all bow 10 tiin the law, bitches its the law. Bitches the law offices of moore, hartlefay,onon call now [ cheers and applause jimmy guys [ cheers and applause thank you demi moore, Justin Hartley, and mark ronson stick around, well be talking to demi after the break [ cheers and applause guys, i want you to meet someone. This is jamie. Youre going to be seeing a lot more of him now. Dad. Oh, nno. Look, [sighs] i get it. Some new guy comes in helping your mom bundle and save with progressive, but hey, were all in this together. Right, champ . Im getting more nuggets. How about some carrots . You dont want to ruin your dinner. 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Jimmy oh no, dont say that, please no, i dont know if i could do it, man, you feel like youre having a party backstage, youre so amped up, youre so ready to get out here. Jimmy oh my gosh. Somebody asked if you were sporting a new look. Jimmy yeah, basically yeah, no, just a new toupee. [ laughter ] but live, its exciting. Its juicy. Jimmy right . It is its so great. [ cheers and applause its like such an adrenaline rush. Jimmy it is, right doesnt make you nervous at all . Theater and stuff . Ive done a little bit. This is you feel alive. Its human you can make mistakes. Jimmy exactly. We are human. We are. Jimmy nobodys more human than us. Congrats on the book i want to get to talking about the book look at this cute little kid on the back and then then look at how cute holy moly. [ cheers and applause now here you are on the cover of harpers bazaar. I am, which by the way i want to point out glenda bailey, editorinchief, this was her idea i cant take credit for this cover idea but its pretty incredible that she wanted to put an almost 57yearold woman on the cover [ cheers and applause jimmy oh my goodness its high fashion. You are wearing a hat. At least youre wearing a hat, yeah andra jimmy oh, yes, i forgot about the bracelet, of course. But youre good at doing these things the famous vanity fair cover this is like iconic. [ cheers and applause did you know this was going to be such a big deal when you did this no, in fact annie had done a photo of me the first time i was pregnant this was my second pregnancy we were doing the shoot for vanity fair. That was the one we were doing at the end that was for me and the family and while we were doing it i was like, it would be amazing if they had the courage to put this on the cover and they came back and said, hey, wed like to do that, are you okay with it jimmy it was a big scandal people were upset about it. A naked, pregnant woman, oh my god, how pornographic. Jimmy yeah no, not at all i mean, this was a beautiful thing. I thought that was so i remember the whole thing, i remember, boy no. [ laughter ] not that. I think it was an important moment, and tina brown was the editor at vanity fair then, to really have the courage to change the way we looked at women when they were pregnant. Before that they had us in peter pan collars. [ cheers and applause jimmy youre always switching the boundaries, always i want to cant wait to get into the book here too. But first, youre in a new movie called corporate animals. I am. Jimmy tell me who you play. I play lucy vanderson, the most selfcentered, narcissistic human being ive ever had the pleasure of playing. Jimmy really, you loved it i did, it was very freeing to be that unconscious. [ laughter ] jimmy and realize youre not. I would be mortified to be anything remotely like this woman. She has some you have to just see it its like nothing ive ever had the chance to do including theres a little casual cannibalism [ laughter ] jimmy oops everyone jimmy who doesnt want that, yeah, exactly. Shes known for roles, st. Elm night, a few good men, g. I. Jane, charlies angels, cold throttle, ghost. [ cheers and applause ghost celebrating its 30th anniversary. Next year which is crazy. Jimmy did you know that was going to be a big blockbuster . If you want to read the script, okay, they want to do a love story, a thriller, and a comedy this is either going to be really good and interesting, or an absolute disaster jimmy really. And i i mean and then it wasnt. Jimmy no, it was not at all. One of the biggest movies of alltime you, pat s there was something unbelievable, unbelievably magical about it and the reviews were horrible. Jimmy were they really yes. Jimmy honestly i dont remember that. Thats good thats good. Jimmy i watched the movie i have people who come up to me today saying how much it moved them and changed their the way they were looking at the loss of a husband or a wife or a father, mother, all that jimmy yeah, it does hold up. Lets talk about the memoir inside out. Why now, why did you decide to do this, and i want to know i have so many questions when youre writing one of these things do you go, whoo, im either going to have to go allin, or just like, ill give you just some fun stories about my life . I mean, this isnt to do this and have it be something thats about like a like fluffy, promoting yourself, all the things that are good, then youre missing the opportunity i think a memoir is not receiving, its about giving unless youre really willing to go on a journey of exploration of yourself and share of yourself, there isnt any point in doing it. Jimmy because you talk about all these the success of everything that went in i mean, theres so many fun, good stories. Theres definitely a lot in it writing a memoir is not an easy thing, but its for me there became an essential question that i framed around which is, how did i get here where i came from, what my life was. How have i had the life that ive had, and then, i hit a very hard time in my personal life. And it was like, how the did i get here jimmy thank you for censoring yourself were live tonight, i appreciate that. Reality which is a realization that, you know of, you know of great loss in so many ways of any life and so the journey is really exploring love and loss and about self acceptance and forgiveness, selfforgiveness, and ultimately selflove jimmy does it feel good to get all these stories out . Is it painful . Was it a combo you know, its i think to get to the point of writing it, i really had to first do a lot of healing and exploration through myself and, you know, i had a very unusual and challenging childhood. And it left me like in a life that was running and i say in the book that i felt like i had done a lot, but i hadnt experienced very much and thats because i was always just trying to keep going and prove that it was okay that i was here, that it was that it was, you know worth me being born and theres no way that you can stop and be present and really experience life when youre running in a way thats of fear. Even though my outside didnt necessarily convey it, because i didnt want that to be seen. And so like being able to put that down and stop feeling like i had to protect myself or hide who i really am and be able to let myself be seen. Jimmy im happy that you did that, good for you [ cheers and applause i love that. Dedication of the book is, for my mother, my daughters, and my daughters daughters i think thats such a sweet thing. You also were very cool and very kind enough to give everyone in our audience a copy of inside out. [ cheers and applause demi moore, everybody we love you [ cheers and applause inside out is available now. Justin hartley, mark ronson in the back, stick around [ cheers and applause tells. Time and takes phone calls. 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They really appreciate the military family and it really shows. With all that usaa offers why go with anybody else . We know their rates are good, we know that theyre always going to take care of us. It was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. It was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say oh we cant beat usaa were the webber family. Were the tenneys were the hayles, and were usaa members for life. Get your usaa Auto Insurance quote today. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is one of the stars of this is us which airs tuesdays at 9 00 p. M. On nbc everyone please welcome Justin Hartley [ cheers and applause jimmy welcombeuse live. Jimmy thats right, it i good to see you out of the office. Jimmy that was great, dude were you on acid that was a line that was given to me, i want you to know you werent improvising that was 20 minutes ago. Jimmy i was the only one that dabbed at the end i said were going to dab 10 times wait, i didnt want to dab sorry i left you out there at the end. Youre a pro, though. Jimmy i flubbed it up all over the place that was fun. That was really a rush. That was great i need more of that in my life. Jimmy thats right, all right, well do it [ cheers and applause well come back live you were telling me backstage that you were very stressed out because well, typically not stressed out i was sharing with him my daughter oh god shes wonderful but shes 15 now. 15 going on like 50. And shes well, man, i just want to crawl into a hole and die i know its a natural thing. I know its a healthy thing. Shes wonderful, shes sweet, shes responsible, shes great, bulaughter ] the trust i hate all of it jimmy you really hate it. Really. Jimmy yeah, ive never loathed anything more in my life i loved her first, you know what i mean . Jimmy yeah youre her dad. There hasnt been one guy you go, well, maybe well, no, not even close, man. Not even close i have yet to meet me, right when i meet me, thats the guy. Jimmy thats the guy you remember what you were like . Not like me i dont want her to meet that guy. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Shell be all right shell figure it out ive got some stress releases. Jimmy what do you do to relieve stress my wife and i moved, and so i have a little tiny Basketball Court in my backyard. Jimmy that small look at my finger we have a basketball tournament where a bunch of us old guys play basketball, what could go wrong . We have people with sprainednees i got everybody medals we won the gold medal, next day at brunch im wearing the gold medal, my wife is like, really im like, hey, i paid for this. Jimmy shes like shes like, i cannot believe this is happening. If only my daughter could meet a guy like me. Hand me my crutches. Jimmy this is us premier d ed tonight. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ke jimmy its so hard we were taping episode 7. Its great that it aired selfishly, instead of asking me whats going to happen next, people want to talk about what they saw. Jimmy sometimes youve been on the show, i cant tell you anything, not one thing. I get it but you dont even ow, do you so we do, but yeah in sort of where the shows going. Its great, yall are going to love it. [ cheers and applause jimmy anything that surprised you like when you first sure. Jimmy youre like, wow, i didnt know that. Well, when i i remember when i found out kevin was had a wife that he was used to be married. Jimmy oh, yeah. I didnt find that out until might have been a month before we shot it. Wait a minute, oh, this is so great. As an actor you think, does that change anything about the way i played these scenes . It really didnt. Jimmy it goes to the future and then the past. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy the first episode. Yeah. Jimmy this episode that aired tonight had a good twist. Yes. Jimmy a good zap like what . Thats right, yeah. Jimmy no, im not telling you [ laughter ] dont say anything. Jimmy i know were live but im not rude, yeah [ laughter ] were going to talk about this is us for another 10 years. What is the cutoff . I tell people, oh yeah i tel jimmy oh, yeah. They go, what im like, it was 2004 jimmy ross and rachel are on a break. What on a break . Theyre on a break you ruined it jimmy m. Night shyamalan. He comes on jimmy hes part of the cast. Hes great, hes directing kevin. Jimmy that was in the trailer, i didnt spoil it. Yeah, he has these hes a thought provoking kind of guy. Very smart, very interesting. Jimmy best story ever, he was in my audience. I heard about this. Because he wanted to see your show. Jimmy im going through the audience, slng thanks for coming. M. Night shyamalan he just pops up. Do you have that in an available time i thought he was working all the time. Jimmy thats how he keeps his brain so quickie i want to show a clip, next weeks episode of this is us, hi, thanks for the opportunity, i really appreciate it, that was fun thanks for being a good sport about all the dead people jokes. Yeah, that never gets old you know when you strip away all the artifice, all the tricks you use to make stuff be appealing and charming and handsome you let all that crap go youre absolutely incredible [ cheers and applause jimmy Justin Hartley, everybody. This is us airs tuesday at 9 00 p. M. On nbc well be back with mark ronson featuring yebba [ cheers and applause its here . Kohls lowest prices of the season prices so low no coupons needed levis 40 to 50 off. Kids tops 60 off. Kitchen electrics 9. 99 plus get 5 kohls cash for every 25 spent its the lowest pricf at kohls. Invisible trailer . And its not the trailer right next to us . This guy . You dont believe me . Hop in. Good lookin pickup, i will say that. Oh wow. 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Right now, at tmobile, when your family joins, you can get a free line of unlimited. And you can also get 50 off the hottest new phones for a limited time. Only at tmobile. [ cheers and applause jimmy guys, we are live all week long. We got some great guests coming up michael che and colin jost from saturday night live will be here Billie Eilish will be here tomorrow night weve got robert de niro. Chrs and applause jameela jamil. A performance from bastille. And a musical date with charli xcx. Stick around, be right back with a performance from mark ronson featuring yebba, be right back t. They took 12. 8 billion from big tobacco. Juul marketed mango, mint, and menthol flavors, addicting kids to nicotine. Five million kids now using ecigarettes. The fda said juul ignored the law with Misleading Health claims. Now juul is pushing prop c, to overturn san franciscos ecigarette protections. Say no to juul, no to big tobacco, no to prop c. I dont care where youre from, were all just people. Wwe want to creatace forike they more than just ourselves. Y. We create the things that we want to exist in the world. My doors are always open. How you watch it does too. Tv just keeps getting better. This is xfinity x1. Featuring the Emmy Awardwinning voice remote. Streaming Services Without changing passwords and input. Live sports with realtime stats and scores. Access to the most 4k content. And your movies and shows to go. The best tv experience is the best tv value. Xfinity x1. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Xfinity. The future of awesome. Jimmy oh, i love this guy, get ready performing dont leave me lonely from his album late night feeling with yebba and the roots, give it up for mark ronson [ cheers and applause tell me baby whats on your heart cause ive been wandering around in your dark yeah ive got way too many questions always learning lessons lovin too hard give me just a second to breathe cause youve been turning all the tables on me yeah whenever you would get up in your feelings i would always listen now you turn around and leave oh if we fall apart lets do it in the dark hit me in the heart this time dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i wont forgive you dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i cant forget you i toss and turn alone in my bed when you should be laying here beside me instead oh dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i wont forgive you forgive you tell me if this love is a lie cause the ticking time is passing me by babe im waiting but the second hand is turning burning all the circles in my mind anticipating cause you know im never satisfied and i dont want to hear the reasons why we fight oh if we fall apart lets do it in the dark hit me in the heart this time dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i wont forgive you wont forgive you dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i cant forget you no i toss and turn alone in my bed when you should be laying her beside me instead oh dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i wont forgive you forgive you forgive you this time forgive you forgive you forgive you forgive you forgive you forgive you tonight dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i wont forgive you oh dont you leave me lonely tonight cause i cant forgive you this time oh i toss and turn alone in m bed when you should be laying here beside me instead oh dont you leave me lonely cause i wont forgive you time [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, oh, oh mark ronson get in here mark ronson, the album is out now. Demi moore, Justin Hartley, ringo starr, mark ronson, yebba once again and the roots. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyer thank you for watching have a great night hope to see you tomorrow, byebye, everyone [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight gwen stefani star of nbcs perfect harmony actor bradlewh creator of bless the harts writer emily spivey, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is evebody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that is wonderful to hear. In that case, lets get to the news house speakenounncd this evenin democrats will open a formal impeachment inquiry against President Trump. And ive had my doubts in the

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