Multiple Sexual Assault charges in a 1992 party at maralago. Trump doesnt care about the video because it doesnt prove anything, and epstein doesnt care about it because its 26 years old. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ light laughter ] according to a new poll, republican support for President Trump has increased following his racist remarks about minority congresswomen how is that possible were there actually republicans out there going, i dont know, he seems racist, but [ laughter ] i need more proof. [ laughter ] new York Governor Andrew Cuomo signed legislation yesterday raising the smoking age to 21. But luckily for teenage smokers, they already look 30 [ laughter ] an Australian Fisherman recently discovered a 50yearold message in a bottle that was written by an english boy traveling on a cruise ship. And im guessing the trip wasnt his idea [ laughter ] today was National Tattoo day, and you know what that means probably not what you think. [ laughter ] a florida man recently arrested for allegedly attempting to fight an officer told police that he drank 33 beers that night. Or as they call it in florida, being the designated driver. [ laughter and applause [ light laughter ] no, im done. [ laughter ] disneyland opened 64 years ago today, and if you went that day, youre probably just now getting into space mountain. [ laughter ] a florida restaurant called the bacon bitch is suing [ light laughter ] a california restaurant going by the name Breakfast Bitch for mimicking its name and concept even worse, they both hired the same law firm. [ laughter ] tesla founder elon musk announced that he hopes to begin human trials next year of a brain implant device that connects the mind to a computer. Though i think weve already proven that connecting a mind to a computer is a terrible idea. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, a woman in new jersey accidentally drove her mercedes into a river recently after mistaking the gas pedal for the brake. Even crazier, she still hit traffic. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we got a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause his new movie the art of selfdefense is in select theaters now Jesse Eisenberg, everybody [ cheers and applause you can see her in the drama series Animal Kingdom, currently in its Fourth Season on tnt Emily Deschanel is here. [ cheers and applause and we have a special performance by spoken word artist, kate tempest shes wonderful. Im so happy shes here as well. [ cheers and applause before we get to all that, the president and gop leaders are insisting that trumps latest racist comments are not, in fact, racist, despite the fact that they are definitely super racist [ light laughter ] for more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth trump has spent the week reeling off a series of unhinged tweets and tirades defending his racist attack on four democratic congresswomen of color, in which he told them to go back and help fix the totally broken and crimeinfested places from which they came of course, theyre americans three of them were born here and the fourth is a refugee and naturalized citizen, so if their country is broken and crime infested, thats on you. Trump accidentally [ applause ] trump accidentally burned himself. Its like if someone said, man, your parents must have really screwed you up, and that someone was your mom [ laughter ] so given the fact that theyre american citizens, reporters this afternoon followed up on trumps comments and he once again defended them. If people want to leave our country, they can. If they dont want to love our country, if they dont want to fight for our country, they can. Ill never change on that. They are not espousing the views of our country, the four congresswomen. I think that theyve said horrible things that the press doesnt cover. I think you should try covering it when you look at some of the things they said, theyre unthinkable. If somebody else or me or anybody else said things like that, it would be historic so you ought to look at some of the horrible statements because theres never been statements like that. Seth trumps brain disease wont let him backtrack [ laughter ] no matter how far over the line he goes. If he said im going to eat this apple, and you said, dude, thats an onion, he would stand there and eat the whole thing with tears streaming down his face. [ light laughter ] this is a really this is a really good apple. [ laughter ] is this a golden delicious . [ applause ] also those congresswomen do love our country, as evidenced by the fact that theyve chosen to spend their time and energy serving in Congress Despite having to deal with your bull[ bleep ] every day. I mean, if i [ cheers and applause if i had to do their jobs for one day, id be, like, [ bleep ] it, im moving to maine. [ laughter ] im going to open up one of those trendy Furniture Stores that sells tree stump coffee tables i mean, all i do is make fun of you and im exhausted. This is what i looked like when the Trump Administration started. [ laughter ] i mean, who needs who needs faceapp when you have trump for a president . [ laughter ] also youre accusing them of saying horrible things about our country . You spent the eight years of the Obama Administration and the 2016 campaign constantly lying and trash talking the country. The u. S. Has become a dumping ground for everybody elses problems were like a dumping ground for the world. Were a dumping ground the United States is becoming a dumping ground we used to be at the top now were like a thirdworld country. Were like a thirdworld country. Were becoming a thirdworld country because of our infrastructure, our airports, our roads. Everything the whole world is looking at us and laughing at us the world is laughing at us. Theyre laughing at the stupidity of our president [ laughter ] seth well well, im glad thats over [ cheers and applause so trump called america a dumping ground, a thirdworld country and a laughingstock. Id tell him to go back to where he came from, but im pretty sure he just appeared after a bunch of teens played with a ouija board they found in the woods. Of course, since it summoned trump, the word ouija was probably misspelled. [ laughter ] trump mounted a racist attack on four democratic congresswomen of color and then defended that attack with lies about the congresswomen he was attacking which of course gave republicans a chance to courageously stand up to the president by pulling their favorite move pretending they havent heard about it and desperately waiting for the elevator doors to close. Heres one senator trying out especially unconvincing response you saw the president s tweets this weekend actually, i was out of town [ laughter ] seth oh well, actually actually, twitter has a new feature where you can even read the tweets out of town. [ laughter ] the way it works is the [ bleep ] same [ light laughter ] anyway, go on. Well he said that these progressive congresswomen should go back to their countries im wondering what your reaction is to that im working hard as i can on reducing healthcare costs. Im not giving a daily commentary of the president s tweets but these are, you know, racist tweets. Do you have any concerns about it [ light laughter ] the president said that these minority congresswomen should go back to their countries. Do you have a response i havent read that but ill go check it out. Okay. Seth man, what would republicans in congress do if the capitol didnt have elevators . [ laughter ] theyd have to carry around houseplants just so they could hide behind them what do you think of the president s tweets . Im sorry, i havent seen them. Now, if youll excuse me, i [ laughter and applause is he gone . [ laughter ] also, im sorry, but can we please retire this i havent seen the tweet excuse no one believes you. In fact, this excuse is getting so absurd that trumps acting director of u. S. Citizenship and Immigration ServicesKen Cuccinelli tried it on cnn literally right after an anchor read the tweet on air. The president sent this out yesterday at 8 00 a. M. So interesting to see Progressive Democratic congresswomen who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe, the worst, most corrupt, and inept anywhere in the world, if they even have a functioning government at all, now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful nation on earth, how our government is to be run. Why dont they go back and help fix the totally broken and crimeinfested places from which they came . What did you think of that tweet . Well, i didnt see that tweet, actually. I can hear what youre reading seth yeah, you ca you just heard it [ laughter ] she just read it to you. Republicans are like your friends who havent seen a tv show trying to avoid spoilers while theyre watching the show. [ light laughter ] no, no, no, dont give it away seriously, the only way you can support trump without lying at this point is if you have the part of your brain thats responsible for memory replaced with the brain of a goldfish i hadnt seen the tweet. I just showed you the tweet. What tweet . The president s tweet. Sorry, one sec. I got eat these food flakes. [ laughter and applause by the way, just to give you an idea of how fully and completely republicans have debased themselves in service of trump, that same guy, Ken Cuccinelli, staged a floor fight at the 2016 Republican National convention to change the convention rules, and even made a big show of dramatically throwing his credentials on the floor and after that happened trumps son, donald trump jr. , slammed cuccinelli and called him an idiot. I have the same group of four people running around, they wait for a camera to show up and then they take their credentials and tried to dramatically throw them on the floor they look like idiots. Talking about Ken Cuccinelli. Are you calling him an idiot im saying these people look like idiots when theyre doing that seth imagine imagine how pathetic you have to be to take a job in the Trump Administration after donald trump jr. Called you an idiot. [ light laughter ] donald trump jr. This is a guy who doesnt even know how to stand like a normal human being. [ laughter ] i mean, look, he always looks like hes waiting for someone to pin a medal on his chest [ laughter ] my father said i was getting an award for most oily. [ laughter ] what all this is exposing once again is the rot of intellectual bad faith within the gop for years, they claimed that when they criticized president obama, they were just upholding the constitution and complained they were being unfairly maligned as racists. And to prove that, they would be consistent, they said they would also stand up to a republican president. For example, according to a new book out this week, thenrepublican congressman mick mulvaney, who is now trumps acting chief of staff, said back in 2016, were not going to let trump dismantle the bill of rights for five and a half years, every time we got to the floor and try to push back against an overreaching president , we get accused of being partisan at best and racist at worst when we do it against a republican president , maybe people will see it was a principled objection in the first place. Well, they didnt, because it wasnt republicans are literally hiding in elevators to avoid criticizing trump. [ light laughter ] if you get in an elevator with a republican senator, be careful because they might hit every button [ laughter ] sorry, just need a couple minutes. Hey. Can you show me how to open twitter . No, no, not the regular one. Travel twitter [ ughter ] oh oh, god, man, it has been a day. It has been oh. It has been [ cheers and applause the last few days theyve exposed once again that the eight years republicans spent criticizing obama werent actually about principled objections the same guys who said theyd stand up to trump are now working for him, or hiding in elevators to avoid criticizing the racism and corruption and stupidity of our president. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with Jesse Eisenberg, everyone. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Volunteerism. Fundraising. Giving back. 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Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody, give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause and joining us again tonight, hes a 14yearold upandcoming drummer from new jersey who starred in the tonynominated school of rock on broadway his videos have garnered millions of views so be sure to check him out on instagram Raghav Mehrotra is here. Thank you so much for being here thank you, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth 14. [ light laughter ] yeah. Seth so when i think about where i was at 14, really putting me to shame. [ light laughter ] our first guest tonight is an Academy Awardnominated actor you know from such films as the social network and now you see me. He stars in the art of selfdefense, which is in select theaters and opens nationwide friday. Lets take a look. Why karate . Um this questions multiple choice a, health and fitness. B, career opportunity. C, new years resolution d, selfdefense traumatic experience what if its none of the above . Should i read the choices again . No, thats okay a, health and fitness. Seth please welcome back to the show, our friend Jesse Eisenberg, everybody [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Thank you so much seth this is a very fun film i would say the best way to describe it is a satire about, for lack of a better term, toxic masculinity. Would that be accurate yeah, thats exactly right. Yeah, its like a kind of its like a subverted sports movie. You know, the sports movie genre is about like kind of a weak guy who gains his confidence from athletics. You know, something none of us have probably ever actually done [ light laughter ] and then, but in this movie, my character turns into, like, this brutish crazed, like, cult guy yeah, so its kind of like a very skewed version of a of a sports movie seth i got you as we see there, your entree into changing yourself is going to a karate class . Thats right. Seth did you have to learn a fair amount of karate for the film yes, i learned like, you know, the bare minimum of karate for the film, yeah [ light laughter ] seth all right yeah, i mean, i had like a threeweek very intensive karate training for this movie. Which the only thing it entailed, though, was just having me just shut up and stop talking the whole time because i dont know about you, but when im not like good at something right away, ich is often, like, i just try to mock it to get myself through it, you know what i mean seth yeah. [ light laughter ] like, you know, if i can mock it, then im better at it. [ light laughter ] and then, its meaningless, and then being not good at it is in some kind of, like, its some kind of a reward seth yeah. [ laughter ] so i made so many jokes about it i must be much better than it. [ laughter ] and so, yeah, so i just spent three weeks mocking it and then the instructor, this woman, mindy kelly, whos, like, one of the greatest martial artists in the world, just told me to shut the shut up, and then, occasionally [ laughter ] seth yeah. Occasionally shut and then, she cursed at me Something Like that. Seth did you do was karate something youd ever dipped your toe in when you were younger . Thats the exact amount of my body that i dipped into it, yes. [ laughter ] yeah, i did like a few weeks of, you know, jewish suburban karate in new jersey. [ laughter ] seth thats where they say all the best masters come out of the jewish subrubs, yeah yeah, i was actually in class with jet li and at the time, he just seemed like one of us seth sure. [ laughter ] you know, its amazing. And of course, you know, in retrospect, i guess you know, you almost kick yourself for not getting an autograph. Seth its short for libowitz, right . Jet libowitz [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah. Its actually jeff libowitz. Seth oh, jeff libowitz jeff libowitz but it didnt fit on the poster, so you know, they do that. Seth yeah, right sure, sure that happens but he did pave the way for us him and woody allen. [ laughter ] i feel indebted to all of those people no, and then, you know, i quit immediately like the rest of the class when we realized we were just going to grow up to be accountants, anyway. [ laughter ] and we dont have to come here seth yeah. Yeah. Seth there were another thing your character does in the film is you upgrade in order to become more masculine, you upgrade your dog so you sort of have the dog your character starts with and the dog your character ends up getting. Yes seth what was it like having the different breeds in the film and on set so the first dog i had was a dachshund, which is like, you know, a german dog but a very sweet docile thing with tiny comic legs, and then, conversely, a long body. And then,. When my characters turns into, like, this brutish aggressive guy, he gets a German Shepherd, which is the opposite and not comic version of the dachshund, right [ laughter ] and so, like, on set, we spent a week with this, like, adorable dog that everybody loved that took great direction and was very sweet and didnt scare anybody. And then we had this German Shepherd who literally spoke german, which i dont know if youve [ laughter ] i dont know if youve heard the language, but its seth yeah. Even you could Say Something nice in german, and its still kind of you shiver [ laughter ] and then, you couldnt make eye contact with this dog. Seth was that like, something they told you when they brought it on set yes, they told us that, and then some people unfortunately did no, no, no. [ laughter ] seth yeah. And then, theres a guy who really likes to connect with things seth yeah, yeah, yeah. He didnt make it seth wasnt good for him yeah, yeah. Seth is it true that one of the dog handlers was or at least claimed to be i shouldnt be so skeptical a pet psychic . She claimed to be and, of course, im skeptical of all things like that, you know, because im, you know, normal people you know [ laughter ] seth yeah. And then and then she she pulled through like, she talked to the dog and the dog responded. It was, like, an unbelievable experience its one of these things that, like, if youre a cynical person, one of these things that chips away at your bedrock of jadedness. Seth but see, i just think that, again, what you described is, like, a dog trainer. Like, not necessarily a pet psychic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah yeah, youre right yeah still jaded, yeah. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Cynicism, you won again [ laughter ] the world sucks. Seth you got your character only makes it up to a yellow belt. Yeah. Seth thats the worst the worst of the belts thats the worst one. Yeah seth but i heard that you kept the belt as a souvenir. Not really. I keep all the clothes from the movies ive done so that i dont have to buy clothes. Seth gotcha. [ laughter ] and most of the time, i do movies where im play like, most of this is from a sequel to zombieland. You know [ laughter ] but i just save everything just on the off chance that im going to need it, you know what i mean because i dont like buying things and so, i have the yellow belt belt but i cant imagine any real situation where id pull it out. Seth yeah. That seems weird that its not just a souvenir. The fact that you might one day be like, you know whats going to really pull this outfit together . Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact i look upon everything as practical maybe i could use this as a toothbrush seth yeah. Well, you know, it is a couch. But no, just an aversion to purchasing seth ive heard that one of the things you were drawn to in this film is sort of the dialogue and the way the dialogue is spoken can you speak to that real quick . You can kind of see it in the clip you saw, but that is kind of like a mild version of what this movie is, which is like this incredibly strange tone where all the characters speak in deliberate ways exactly as with saying exactly whats on their mind its just and its really its so funny. I mean, the movie is such a brilliant satire and kind of uses the bluntness to kind of emphasize whats so strange about what the people are saying seth and do you feel like as you sort of become this character who becomes like, you know, again, more aggressive and obviously a little stronger the way he any part of you think, like, man, i should take this journey myself, Jesse Eisenberg . Like this is i think about this every morning when i wake up you know, god, wow, this really sucks but it would be great to be a stronger version of me. [ laughter ] and then, i take my clothes off to go into the shower and i realize its futile. [ laughter ] like, this is about it yeah [ laughter ] seth well, the films fantastic. Its always so great having you here thanks so much thank you so much, seth seth Jesse Eisenberg, everybody. [ cheers and applause the art of selfdefense opens nationwide on friday well be right back with Emily Deschanel. [ cheers and applause this is Something Big. 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Ill give you 10,000 to disappear for good thats your number, huh solve anything with 10 grand you know, julia never knew when you were coming, but it always seemed to happen when she was at her lowest how about 15 . How much did it take the last time, smurf . Huh . Did you up it because i was in jail 20 30 how much did it take to kill her . Seth please welcome back to the show, Emily Deschanel, everyone [ cheers and applause seth how are you im good. Fighting about money seth yeah, i know. So much money seth so much money 10,000, 20,000, 30,000. 30,000. Seth i was watching that clip, going, theyre not going to go to 30,000, are they [ laughter ] 32 seth 32. I dont think you can do that. You cant go 10,000, 20,000, 30,000, 31,000, and then all of a sudden no, it loses power. Seth its less dramatic. Yeah, i know. You got to go at least 5,000. Seth 30 actually thats too much 27 [ laughter ] i want to talk about the show because its very much a change of pace for you, but i also want to talk about this its very exciting, you got to go to the lion king premiere yeah. [ cheers ] seth because your father your father was the director of photography. Your father is a very caleb, there is a famous oscarnominated cinematographer. Yeah. Seth and so you got to go. What was it like, the experience of going its a hot ticket seth it is a hot ticket. The hot ticket. Okay this was the first time that a group of people got to see the movie. Seth yeah. There was so much security. We had to go in. They took our phones and they put them in these little pouches that you cant open them and the movie didnt start for an hour and a half after it was supposed to start. Seth yeah. People were going insane. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] including me. Seth right no, i cant even imagine i cant text my husband saying, i wont have my phone. Im thinking what if theres an emergency . So you dont have your phone youre forced to talk with human beings seth i know, thats awful. [ light laughter ] which is very strange seth it sounds terrible. Its very strange my sister kept having, like, an alarm go off, and shed have to press the button on the side every five minutes seth this sounds like it was a weird, like, trap for wealthy people like [ laughter ] unfortunately, there will not be a film tonight [ laughter ] thats what it felt like. Thats what it felt like but it was amazing you know, beyonce was there. Thats how my dad sold it to us. Like hed have to sell it for us to come to this amazing film but seth so your dad, who worked on the film, had to say to you guys you might see beyonce to get you to go . You might get to meet beyonce. Seth thats great. That sounds like a normal thing to tell daughters that are, like, six and eight. [ light laughter ] right i am a huge beyonce fan. Ive seen her in concert seth okay. I mean, who isnt seth right right okay [ cheers and applause thank you. But, and i you know, i mean, she came there was literally a standing ovation for her just to seth just being there. Just being her seth yeah. Right she came in and i had a clear view of her. The whole movie, which was very i mean, i was watching the movie, of course [ light laughter ] seth right but i was also watching beyonce. At three quarters of the way through, my sister leans and is like, beyonces right there and shes smiling. Im like, im watching her the whole time. [ laughter ] what do you think ive been watching im watching her face. Shes smiling. Shes loving it. Seth thats a good question. Like, what is a movie thats so good that you wont watch beyonce watching [ laughter ] yeah. Seth whats better that movie or watching it just, like, reflect in her eyes. [ laughter ] i can also [ laughter ] i literally had that much of her face seth yeah. It was this much. I dont know how much you can see. Seth yeah. Its like that much, you know it was very satisfying seth you should have gotten together with, like found the other people who had the different angles of her face then talked afterwards yes seth be like, i can tell you what this part did. [ laughter ] they were like, oh, this part loved it. Yeah [ laughter ] totally i was the movie is amazing. Seth great amazing seth thats awesome. So it was i did watch the movie, too seth then when it was over and everybody got their phones out, was it just like madness, the speed at which people were like bleep bloop bleep bloop. It was, but i was very disappointed that i really didnt get many texts ormails. [ laughter ] seth yeah. I think i got a sale or something. Seth yeah. I was expecting some big thing to happen. Seth and you were, like, Something Big did happen pottery barn wants to let you know 20 off this one stool. Yeah Something Like that. But, yeah, it was seth it was great. You dont feel as cool. Yeah, when you dont get as many emails it was hours, because it didnt start for an hour i mean, it was at least three hours, i can do some math seth i bet when beyonce took rs out of the pocket, it had just burned to a [ laughter ] it was just like shrapnel. It was, like, too many texts came through it was, like, too much happened and it blew up in the bag. Yeah i feel like she might not have had to put it in that thing. Seth oh, you think there are different rules for beyonce. Im okay with that im really okay with that. Seth thats true hey, bey, we need you to put your phone in the pouch. Okay oh, thats fine. [ laughter ] would you like to put my phone in a pouch . [ laughter ] so, this is Animal Kingdom, this is a you did bones for 12 seasons thats a long time. Seth congratulations thats an incredible accomplishment [ cheers and applause this is the Fourth Season of it. This is a very gritty show youre playing someone who is on the other side of the law. Yes seth are you enjoying that yeah, its fun. Everyone wants to play a bad guy, right yeah, im not a misunderstood person that just happens to be on the other side of the law maybe, but, yeah so, you know, i came from, like, Goodie Goodie bones. Were solving crimes and then im playing somebody who just got out of prison and its raw and gritty. Seth in your head, did your character on bones maybe put away your character on Animal Kingdom she could have. Seth yeah, she could have. She probably could have its just so different because, like, on bones my character was a martial arts expert at the beginning. And id fight people but its all fake fighting. Youd do that and somebody would move their head. Seth yeah, i know how show business works yeah [ laughter ] and this is all movies . Wait, so there are no fights in movies . [ laughter ] there are stunt coordinators. Seth okay, gotcha. No, ill tell you all about it after the show. Seth youre fighting, but do you have some fighting in this i have fighting in this well, okay, so theres a scene it wasnt written that id be fighting. But the way it was written they didnt really mean to, they didnt realize this but basically it was just men fighting and me watching, the way it was written and as a feminist and as a woman, i, like, took issue with that and i wanted to be part of the fight. [ cheers and applause thank you. Thank you. Also as an actor, you just kind of want something to do seth yeah. Sure at bones we would fight for the clipboard because you want to have something to hold. People also put their lines on the clipboard,too. Seth okay, gotcha. Wait, youre really letting us behind the curtain tonight [ laughter ] secrets hollywood secrets. But, yeah, i just wanted something to do in the scene so i wasnt just awkwardly standing there while men fought so, i was like, can i be part of the scene . Theyre like, yeah, yeah, yeah, be a part of the scene. But the fight scenes on this show are much more raw and real and they want me to actually kick the person. Seth okay. Like, really kick the person. They have, like, retired mma fighters theyre like, no, you can beat me up. Im okay with that. Seth yeah. So i, like we shoot the scene and i really kick the guy but he brought his leg up. So instead of kicking his abdomen, i kick his shin basically, i sprained my ankle i didnt know what id done. [ laughter ] i just was limping away and im like, trying to be really tough. Its all these guys. Im like, yeah, no, im cool. Im cool ill just stomp from now on. And i was like, okay, and then i drove home, my leg got all swollen. And very it became very painful. And i got home and my mom calls and shes nearby and shes like, ill take you to the e. R. Im likeryg to be tough and then, like, my mommys taking me to the e. R [ laughter ] you know, i i lost all my power. Seth youre going to be fine and daddys going to introduce you to beyonce [ laughter ] i get to the e. R. And, im like i try and explain, like, i was doing a scene and it was a fight scene. I kicked somebody. Im telling the nurse that and then the doctor comes in, and theyre like, so next time in acting class, you need to be take it easy in acting class from now on. Im like, i wasnt in an acting class. Im a professional im actually a professional actor. Okay i was fighting an mma guy. You know like, these things happen. Anyways, then im like in an air cast and crutches for a few days seth youve got two kids yes seth you were saying, eight and four backstage almost eight. My sevenyearold would love that seth yeah, yeah. Hes eight now. Seth how do they feel when their mom is limping around the house because she kicked an mma guy . Are they, like, into that . Well, my younger sons birthday was the next day. And so all the kids were talking to me, i was like, i was fighting bad guys and thats how seth oh, wow then i hear, like, you know, from their moms and dads, did you tell my son that you were fighting bad guys . [ laughter ] yeah theyre asking if calvins mom is a superhero now you know [ laughter ] seth thats all right. Basically im a superhero seth it basically worked out. This whole thing worked out pretty well. It all worked out really well seth i think the next time shes in a movie with you, beyonce is going to be watching you. Yeah. [ cheers ] seth hey, thanks so much for being here thank you seth its great to see you again. Emily deschanel, everybody [ cheers and applause Animal Kingdom airs tuesday nights on tnt. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause be right back. With moderate to severe Crohns Disease, i was there, just not always where i needed to be. Is she alright . I hope so. So i talked to my doctor about humira. I learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. And the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief and many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Be there for you, and them. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, remission is possible. Hashtag vacay. Sonoma . I want wine with lunch. Its 11am, cindy. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. That a handle is just a handle. Chair is just a chair. Or. That you cant be both inside and outside. Most people havent driven a lincoln. Its the final days of the lincoln summer invitation event. Right now get 0 apr on all lincoln vehicles plus no payments for up to 90 days. Only at your lincoln dealer. Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. With 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, it tackles tough grease on a variety of surfaces. Try dawn ultra. Ok. Family meeting aww come on im right in the middle of my show busy. Doing homework. I can hear you playing video games. Thats me, honey well, im going to tmobile and for every iphone ten r i buy, theyll give me another one. But if youre all too busy. Wait, what . Youre getting iphone ten rs . Awww yeah. The battery life on those is sick. Oh, can you bring me back one . I cant pause this game. Come to tmobile and for each iphone ten r you get, get a second one on us. And we are well past wethe honeymoon phase. Oooh lufa. Ocupado tom. At t, whats this i hear about you advertising a 100 Fiber Network . Only like a fraction of my customers can get that. Thats it . . You have such a glass halfempty attitude. The glass is more than halfempty you need to relax tom. Oww tom, you need a little tom time. A little tt. Stop living with at t. Xfinity delivers gig speeds to more homes than anyone. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Now, one of the big parts of president ial campaigns are the slogans, which brings us to a new segment we call new campaign slogans. [ cheers ] first up, joe bidens campaign is hoping to inspire people with his new campaign slogan, one more old white guy before we call it. [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] leave em alone leave him alone seth im sorry, whats that . Leave em alone havent we made fun of joe biden enough seth hes running for president , so i do think its fair to make jokes about him leave em alone poor guy hes just trying his best. Last thing he needs after a long day of shaking hands and kissing babies is get home, turn on the tv and see you taking him to task leave em alone [ laughter ] seth im sorry, sir. Are you a joe biden supporter . If im a supporter of anything, its kindness. Compassion not meanspirited jokes. If you have to make fun of somebody, make fun of me seth sir, i dont even know you. Why would i make fun of you . Well, you could make fun of the fact that when i wake up in the morning the first thing i do is pee then i get out of bed and change the sheets [ laughter ] seth i dont want to make fun i usually tell jokes about people who are in the news, people like joe biden. Oh, sure. Make fun of joe biden. Have your fun. Go ahead and say that when he smiles you can see his teeth from space [ laughter ] seth thats not nice i know. So leave him alone seth i would just love to get back to my jokes if you dont mind want something to joke about . How about this you can make fun of the fact that i have such bad credit my credit score is just a picture of a sad hobo. [ light laughter ] seth i dont want to make fun of you, sir. Are you sure you dont wanna . Because you can make fun of the fact i ran into my best friend here on the way to work. Seth why would i make fun of that well, cause i ran into him with my car. [ laughter ] seth could you please sit down so we can continue the show fine. Go ahead and get back to your joe biden jokes. You know what id say to that . Seth im guessing youll say leave him alone. Leave him alone [ laughter ] if you need to make fun of somebody, make fun of me seth oh, my god. You could make fun of the fact that i love speed dating. Not to mention cocaine dating, heroin dating and lsd dating [ laughter and applause seth please. Please stop talking. Ill stop talking if you stop talking. Seth thats not how this works. Im the host of a talk show. Im the host of many different types of bacteria. [ laughter ] so were even. You know what else you can make fun of seth what . You can make fun of the fact that my belly button is both an innie and an outie, and when i move my stomach, it goes back and forth like a punching bag. [ punching bag sound ] seth sir sir, you need to stop offering up this information about yourself are you going to leave him alone . [ laughter ] seth no. Then i have more information to offer instead of making fun of joe biden, you can make fun of the fact that i eat soup with a fork to make it last longer. Or you could make fun of the fact that i dont wear shorts in summer because im worried people will see my tail. Which is what i call my penis. [ laughter ] or you could make fun of the fact that i dont like using a subway because im afraid of sandwiches or you could make fun of the fact that my nipples are very sensitive. All five of them [ laughter ] seth i think we have heard enough please sit down fine. But remember, kids, leave em alone. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause seth well be right back with kate tempest, everyone. [ cheers and applause limu emu doug hour 36 in the stakeout. As soon as the homeowners arrive, well inform them that Liberty Mutual customizes home insurance, so theyll only pay for what they need. Your turn to keep watch, limu. Wake me up if you see anything. [ snoring ] [ loud squawking and siren blaring ] only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Searching for something fresh . Dove go fresh rejuvenate antiperspirant, with pear. And aloe vera scents. A fresh fragrance never experienced before. Keep it fresh. Keep being you. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv with three different medicines to help you get to undetectable. That means the amount of virus is so low it cant be measured in lab tests. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre hivpositive, keep loving who you are, inside and out. Ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Like 4 lines for 100 a month i swand 4 free phones. Bile and t more. Now the whole family can stay connected. Not this connected. Switch and get 4 free lg stylo™ 5 phones, 4 lines for 100 a month with unlimited gigs, all on our super reliable, super fast nationwide network. Kohls is your familys destination for backtoschool denim take an extra 15 off . Plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores kohls. [dog barking] [dog barking] [dog barking] [dog growling] [horn blaring] [cat meows] vo the subaru crosstrek. With starlink remote horn lights. Dog tested. Dog approved. Sleep number 360 smart bed. You can adjust your comfort on both sides your sleep number setting. Can it help us fall asleep faster . Yes, by gently warming your feet. But can it help keep us asleep . Absolutely, it intelligently senses your movements and automatically adjusts to keep you both effortlessly comfortable. So you can really promise better sleep. Not promise. Prove. And now, all beds are on sale save 50 on the sleep number 360 limited Edition Smart bed. Plus 0 interest for 24 months and free home delivery. Ends saturday to the wait did frowe just winners. Prouders everyone uses their phone differently. Thats why Xfinity Mobile lets you design your own data. Now you can share it between lines. Mix with unlimited, and switch it up at anytime so you only pay for what you need. Its a different kind of Wireless Network designed to save you money. Save up to 400 a year on your wireless bill. Plus get 250 back when you preorder a new samsung note. Click, call or visit a store today. [ cheers and applause seth performing firesmoke off her album the book of traps and lessons, please welcome to the show kate tempest. [ cheers and applause my visionar is a visio i watch her dancin by the window and it rips my fles to ribbons and the whole world is just ripple in the middle distance i listen to her hip i push my kisses to her lips we move like we were born to move the night i teeth and piston and there is something in this tenderness that makes me wan to liv its firesmoke her mouth set free this captiv come close to me free me untangle the madnes that knots m you drop to you knee you crawl across me you lick your lip softly its firesmoke so go o give me three days of your body and mine time is a blind eye and i see your min in my minds eye you make me immorta you take me to space you are a planet a place ive not known your body is home to rare gods i kneel at their templ blown to bits gentl ferociou we are open explosives have nothing compared to these sparks so lets fall apart and then lie with m breathing in the den of the dar its firesmoke your mouth sets fre this captive come close to me free me let me untangle the madness that knots you i drop to my knees i crawl across you i tell yo ive got you its firesmoke the fire rises between us it makes us ge on the wrong trains it makes us wal the wrong wa it make strangers smil greetings on lewisham way i bathe in this fir it warms without burning it compels without force and it turns withou turning the world so please keep your purpos your poise and your journe i will be by the fire thinking nothin ive learned can prepare m for everything els that needs learning is this how it feel to feel certai i dont know its just tha for so many year my loves been a burden but now comes this fire to cleanse and restore u to fuel us and calm us and push us both forwards forwards [ cheers and applause seth kate tempest, folks the book of traps and lessons is out now well be right back. [ cheers and applause we are here to discuss jessies online time. And out of respect, we will let you make the first offer. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes . Objection overruled. One hour. Sweeten the deal by doing the dishes and ill consider it. I wouldnt do it. I hate the dishes. One hour with the tablet, you walk the dog and do the dishes. If you insist. Congratulations. Only xfinity xfi lets you take control of your familys online time. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Xfinity xfi gives you the speed, coverage and control you need. Manage your wifi network from anywhere when you download the xfi app today. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to Jesse Eisenberg, Emily Deschanel, kate tempest, everybody. Raghav mehrotra, thanks again. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause